The drive home to my apartment is a blur; my mind barely focuses on the road as buildings and trees pass me. Traffic in DC at this hour has become the bane of my existence and I’m shocked I don’t rear end anyone with my mind completely focused on Skyler, remembering that look in her eyes when I left her in that classroom.
Dick move. You should have at least walked her to her car.
But I couldn’t.
I knew if I stayed in that room a second longer, if I stared into her warm brown eyes for another beat I’d confess every thought I’d had about her over the past month. But most importantly the three words that had been roaring in my head for the past week. The words were almost suffocating, they tried to claw their way out of my chest making it difficult to breathe in the confines of that classroom.
I love you.
I squeeze my eyes shut as I slam the door to my apartment behind me so hard that the picture on my wall rattles under the force. I stare at the abstract painting my sister said I “had to have” because I’m over thirty and my mural of vinyl records is “so late twenties.” I’m not even sure what I’m looking at, but all I see is Skyler. The browns in the painting are almost the exact color of her eyes and I know they would be all I see in my dreams later.
I march to the refrigerator and pull out a beer, downing it in one gulp before realizing that I will definitely need something stronger to get through the night.
I’m sorry, Skyler. Forgive me, please.
A part of me wonders if I’m a coward for not telling her how I feel. For letting Hendricks get in my head. But then I remember the look in his eyes.
He was serious.
“Sit down, Doctor Reed,” he orders as he closes the door to his office. The air is thick and tense and I try my best to keep my cool, but I’m ready to hand this cantankerous old man his ass if he’s ready to spout accusations again.
I almost tell him I would prefer standing but I suppose the less combative I am the better. “What’s this meeting about?”
“Well, it was about whether you could help out with a panel this weekend for homecoming. Now, it’s about something else entirely.” He sits down across from me, a polished, rich mahogany desk between us, and a mountain of papers that looked in desperate need of organization. “What is going on with you and Preston Mitchell’s daughter?”
I hate the way he addresses her. Like she has no identity outside of being her father’s daughter—who I assume to be a large benefactor and prominent alumni. Skyler is so much more than that. She is bright and passionate and has her whole life ahead of her. Her parents don’t control her narrative. She doesn’t have to live in the shadow of her father.
“I’m not sure what you mean. Skyler Mitchell is a student. Nothing more.”
He leans back in his chair and stares at me, steepling his fingers under his chin. “Aidan,” he says. “You know I’ve been doing this a long time. Going on almost thirty years. You can’t pull the wool over my eyes.”
“I’m not doing anything. She’s a student and frankly, these accusations are getting old. And a little out of line. Take me to HR if you’re so concerned.” I go to stand when he stops me.
“Skyler Mitchell is off limits, Doctor Reed. You need to stay away from her.”
“I already said—” I start when he interrupts me.
“I know what you said. But I’ve seen you alone with her on more than one occasion now. Have you been…” He clears his throat. “I’m just going to ask point blank. Are you sleeping with her?”
I know I don’t have but a second to respond, but it’s enough time to hate myself for denying my feelings for Skyler or the fact that what I do with my woman doesn’t concern anyone on this god damn campus. She doesn’t belong to CGU or her father or this department.
She belongs to me.
“No, Doctor Hendricks, and frankly, you’re out of line. You’ve seen me twice with a student ON campus, and suddenly I’m sleeping with her. I’m not going to stand for this kind of harassment just because my students actually enjoy my class.” I shoot him a look implying that students don’t quite feel the same about his class.
“A simple no would have sufficed. No need to get defensive and…offensive.” He pushes his glasses up on the bridge of his nose.
“Is that all? I have things to do that don’t involve being interrogated for building relationships with my students.”
“I’ll email you about the panel,” he says as he turns to his computer.
“I never agreed to—” I start.
He doesn’t look up from his computer before he interrupts me. “I’ll email you about the panel.”
I turn to leave when I hear his voice again, “Doctor Reed.”
I turn around slowly. “Yes, Doctor Hendricks?”
He sighs and rubs a hand over his jaw. “Maybe you haven’t done anything yet, so in case you were thinking that all you have to do is get through this semester…” he trails off. “Teachers are prohibited from being in a relationship with any student at any time during their tenure. That means sophomores, juniors, and seniors are off limits as well. It’s not just your students.” He turns back to his computer, thankfully, because the look on my face can’t be controlled.
What? What kind of bullshit rule is that? I always thought that as long as the person in question wasn’t your actual student it might be frowned upon but wasn’t prohibited.
I realize I haven’t moved. I’m frozen in place, and he looks up at me with a knowing look. “Things get messy and the school just prefers a clean line. Black. White. No gray.”
“But that’s not how life works…the world is full of gray.” I hadn’t expected to argue but it tumbles out of my mouth before I can stop it.
“It’s how life works at CGU, Doctor Reed.”
I stare at one of the many pictures I have of her on my phone. She’s lying on her side in my bed, wearing my t-shirt. Her eyes are closed and she has a sleepy smile on her face. I snapped the photo and a moment later she was in my arms attacking my face with her lips. I’m just about to toss my phone to the side to avoid staring at her beautiful face a second longer when it comes to life in my hands. Even as I see the name flash across the screen I pray it reads something different. Had it been anyone else, I would have ignored it. With the exception of a short, pretty Italian girl that has taken up residence in my heart, this is the only person whose phone call I would take.
“Hey, Ma.” I try my best to sound like I’m not as depressed as I feel.
“My favorite son!” I can hear the smile in her voice and I know without even seeing her that she’s standing in the kitchen twirling the cord of the phone around her hand because “I have a house phone, why do I need to use my cellphone in the house? And also texting is for when you don’t want to hear someone’s voice. I always want to hear my babies’ voices.”
“I’m your only son,” I laugh. “But I know I’m also your favorite child.” I’m the oldest of three, with two younger sisters that drove my parents, and more importantly my mother, completely nuts. I, on the other hand, am the golden child that never gave them any issues.
“Oh, don’t say that. You know that upsets the girls.”
“Only because they know it’s true. What’s up, Ma?”
“I was just calling to see how you like D.C.? Is everyone nice? Is the traffic as bad as they say? Have you gone to the monuments? Have you seen Obama? I saw on the Twitter that he likes this particular ice cream shop and this restaurant on 14th Street.”
I laugh thinking about my mother’s fascination with the forty-fourth president. “No, unfortunately, I haven’t seen him. I have my eyes open though.”
“Picture and autograph, Aiden. You promised.”
“I know. I know.” I lean my head back against the chair and let out a sigh that I instantly regret remembering who I’m on the phone with.
The silence is deafening. Here it comes. “Talk to me, honey. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m just tired.”
“Try again. I know when something’s bothering you. And I know when it’s anything but fatigue. I saw you through four years of high school sports.” I’m silent and she speaks again. “Is it a girl?”
I’m instantly irritated that she knows me so well, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Chace probably told James who told my sister who told my mother that I had met someone. Or maybe it was mother’s intuition.
“Mom…” I trail off. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Too bad. Speak. That stupid Corinne better not have contacted you.”
“No, Ma. I just…”
“Do you love her?” The word is on the tip of my tongue but I can’t make myself say it.
“I haven’t told her.”
“But you do.” I’m silent and she huffs. “Aidan Michael Reed, I don’t care how old you are or how many degrees you have, or the fancy suffix in front of your name. I will still ground the hell out of you for lying to me.”
“Oh really?” I chuckle as I grab another beer and take a large gulp.
“Does she love you?”
“Yes.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“What do you think the problem is?” My mother was smart and could read situations instantly.
“I don’t know. Intimacy issues?” The beer flies from my mouth and spews all over my coffee table.
“Ma!” I manage to yell between coughs.
“What? I don’t know, Aidan. Tell me.”
“She’s a student,” I sigh.
“Whose student?” she asks, but I can hear the tone in her voice. I think I know what you’re trying to say, but I’ll give you a chance to correct me for my assumption. Correct me, Aidan Michael.
“My student.”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Aidan. Is she even legal?”
“Yes, Mother!”
“Aren’t you teaching first year students?”
“She’s nineteen,” I grit out.
“And you’re how old? You know what, don’t answer that, I don’t need the reminder of how old I am.” I roll my eyes as I think about celebrating my mother’s forty-fifth birthday for the umpteenth time. She and I are going to be the same age here soon. “Sweetheart, I would never judge you. But isn’t that usually…frowned upon?”
“Now you understand the reason for my sigh, don’t you?”
“Watch your tone, Aidan.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, preparing myself to say the words aloud. “I love her.”
“What’s the problem then?”
“The whole her being my student thing?”
“Well, can’t you just hide it until she’s no longer your student?”
“No, Mother, I hadn’t thought of that.” My voice is laced with sarcasm. “Teachers are prohibited from relationships with any students at all. So, I can’t be with her until she graduates four years from now. And the dean of our college is already onto us. I can’t hide our relationship for four years, Ma. I wear my feelings for her all over my face.”
“Oh, honey.”
“She said she’d quit…but I can’t let her do that. She’d regret it and then she would eventually resent me.”
“More than she’d regret not being with someone she loves?”
“She’s young. And she thought she was in love once before. Who knows if she really loves me.”
“Don’t use her age as a reason to push her away. I’ve been in love with your father since I was seventeen.”
My heart constricts hearing her words. I know that’s part of the reason why I may have unrealistic expectations about love. My parents have been in love since they were teenagers and even now, thirty-five years later, they are still wild about each other.
“You’re the exception, not the rule.”
“You are exceptional, Aidan.”
I smile, hearing her words. Maryanne Reed always knew just what to say when I felt like shit. Skyler would love her. “Thanks, Ma.”
“Now tell me about her, Son.”
I should have stopped after the third whiskey.
Definitely after the fourth.
I curse myself for the fifth when I’m in front of Skyler’s door pounding on it at two in the morning. “Baby, open the door, please.” I’m leaning against the door, knocking every few seconds when it opens and I almost fall through. I manage to catch my balance and she closes the door behind me.
“What are you doing here?” she asks and I take a second to look at her. She’s wearing CGU sweatpants and one of my Harvard faculty t-shirts that I had from my time there. Her face is pale and her eyes are red, like she’s been bawling for the past few hours. Her hair is up in a ponytail with several strands falling from the holder, and I notice her lip trembling slightly.
“I needed you to know something.” I hiccup and she sighs, letting her eyes close.
“You’re drunk.”
“No.” I hiccup again. Fuck. Get it together, Aidan. “Don’t make me leave.”
I can tell she’s at war with herself about whether she should do just that when she walks by me and into her kitchen. I follow closely behind her and almost bump into her when she hands me a bottle of water. “Why are you here?”
“Because I love you. And…I hate that you hate me. That I fucked everything up.”
“You didn’t fuck anything up. And I certainly don’t hate you.” She swallows. “But let’s circle back to the first thing…you love me?”
“Very much.”
Tears swim in her eyes and threaten to move down her cheeks, but she brushes them away. “But it doesn’t change anything, does it?”
“I couldn’t have you…going on with your life thinking that things weren’t real for me too. That I didn’t feel…what you felt.”
Her breath hitches and then the tears are moving down her face rapidly and I hate myself for putting them there. “Please,” she whimpers, “don’t.”
I wrap my arms around her and press her face to my chest. “Princess, please don’t cry.”
“I don’t want to say goodbye to you. I can’t.” Her pleas make my heart beat faster and I wish I could do something to take away her pain.
“If I would have known that the last time I touched you was the last time, I never would have let go,” I whisper in her ear. “I wouldn’t have fucked you against the door. I would have laid you down and worshipped every inch of your body. I would have made love to you until our bodies couldn’t go on another second. I would have memorized you.”
She looks up at me, her gaze watery and pained. “You can do that now…” she whispers and my cock springs to life, screaming at my body to sober up.
“Skyler…” I trail off.
She nods her head once and backs up out of my arms. “I get that we can’t be together, but maybe…one more time?” She puts one finger up, bites down on her bottom lip, and I lose it. I crush my lips to hers, groaning into her perfect mouth before lifting her into my arms. I’m kissing her like it’s the last time and I pour everything into it. She’s kissing me back with equal fervor and I melt into her lips, carrying her to her couch and sitting her in my lap.
“My bedroom…” She points to the room that I’ve spent just as much time in as she has since she moved in, and I nod.
“I know. We’ll get there. I’m not in a rush. Unless…you want to go back to bed?”
“I wasn’t sleeping,” she mumbles. “I couldn’t sleep. And I would give up all of my sleep for one last night with you.”
“You know why I’m doing this, right? I hate that I’m hurting you.”
“I understand.” She looks down at where she’s sitting on top of me and I can’t wait until I can feel her skin to skin. “I don’t like it though.”
“Bella…” I trail kisses down her neck and she raises her arms allowing me to pull my t-shirt over her head.
“Can I keep that?” Her eyes find the shirt on the ground.
“I’m keeping all the underwear I’ve stolen,” I tell her, jokingly, though I’m one hundred percent serious.
She furrows her brow and looks at me. “Please don’t joke.”
“I’m sorry, princess.” I look at her naked chest, and run my fingers over her nipples, tweaking them between my fingers. “So perfect.”
“Hai cambiato la mia vita, Aidan,” she whispers. You changed my life. “It’ll go on, but it’ll be different.” She plays with the buttons on my shirt, undoing them slowly one by one and kissing every inch of skin that’s exposed beneath it. “I love you,” she whispers before she nuzzles my neck. She stands up out of my arms and slides her sweatpants and underwear down her legs before tossing them to the side, leaving her completely naked in front of me. My mouth waters and I palm my cock, willing the ache away so I don’t explode before I’m inside of her. I unbutton my slacks and pull them off along with my briefs and begin to stroke my cock at the sight of her. She moves back to my lap and smacks my hand away before she slides down on me with nothing between us. “Fuck,” she whispers.
“Ti amo,” I whisper in her ear as she slides down. I love you. She cries out in response, more than likely due to me filling her completely, but I think my words helped.
“Oh God!” she screams as she slams down on me again. She’s bouncing on me faster and I attach my lips to her right nipple before her left, savoring the taste of her sweet skin. I am going to miss the taste of her nipples, vanilla from her body butter and her natural essences. I tug one between my teeth and bite down gently before I let her go with a pop.
“Promise me you’ll enjoy your college years, baby. That you’ll stay safe but you’ll enjoy your life.”
“I’ll t-try,” she stammers and I’m not sure if it’s because she’s turned on or upset or maybe a combination of both.
“Promise me.” I grab her jaw and make our eyes lock. “My Bella,” I whisper as I hold up her arm and rub my lips across her tattoo. “La vita va avanti, right?”
I’m still inside her but she’s stopped moving. “Yes.” She nods before she begins to move up and down again. Her eyes are wide and unblinking, staring into mine as we move towards our release. “Tell me this isn’t the end. That we’ll find our way back to each other when this is all over. Please, Aidan.”
“Baby…” I want nothing more than to promise her that. That I will wait until she graduates. That I will watch from the sidelines as she grows into the woman she’s supposed to be. But I can’t. I can’t let her potential future with me control her destiny. She would always have me in the back of her mind and it may influence her decisions. She could turn down opportunities that would take her elsewhere because she’d be trying to preserve our future together. I may be ready to get married and start a family but I know she isn’t. So, I have to let her go.
She has her whole life ahead of her and it’s just beginning. I can’t tie her down just when she’s about to spread her wings and take flight.
One day she’d look back and wish she hadn’t traded everything for a hidden romance with me.
I stare into her eyes and even as I think the words I don’t know if I believe them.
She’d want to take these adventures with you.
“I never say never,” I say before I press my lips to hers hoping that would suffice.
I trail kisses down her cheek and neck and she sighs after being effectively fucked to sleep. She snuggles closer to me, her hands gripping me even in slumber. Her lips are parted and I trail my index finger over her bottom lip. I grip her jaw and place a kiss on her lips. We had been at it for hours before she fell asleep in my arms, the tears leaking from her eyes. The sun is rising and slowly peeking through her blinds, illuminating the room, and while I want to call in sick for my classes today, I know I can’t.
I have to move on, or try to move on. I press my lips to hers and move on top of her, hovering above her to sink into her one final time. I burrow my nose in her hair, trying to ingrain her scent into my memory. Her pussy is still slick with arousal after I had just been inside her no more than an hour ago.
“Wake up, sweetheart.” Her eyes fly open, like she wasn’t deep asleep yet, and her legs wrap around my waist. “I have to go.” I drop my head into the crook of her neck and lick the skin.
“I know.” Her voice breaks and I try to make her feel better by thrusting harder.
“But come for me first. You better fucking come all over my cock. Remember how good it feels. Me inside of you. Remember how hard you come, how alive you feel when I’m inside of you. Never forget this, baby.”
“Never,” she whimpers. “Don’t you forget me.” Her pussy is quivering around me and I know she’s close. I almost pull out of her so that we can start the climb towards her climax all over. I never want this moment to end.
“Come for me, Sky. I need to feel you.” I pluck her nipples, feeling the pebbled skin under my hand.
“Aidan!”
Her cry makes my balls jump up, preparing to release my seed inside of her. And then she screams. She screams so loud I can feel it in every bone in my body. A scream so visceral I can’t tell if she’s in pleasure or pain.
Probably a little of both.
I wring her petite body of the last of her orgasm and she sighs, feeling content, and what I assume to be thoroughly fucked. I begin to thrust faster and mine comes like a bolt of electricity, sending a shock through my system. I pull out just as I begin to orgasm and she wraps her legs tighter around me. “No stay,” she begs.
“I want to see my cum on you,” I growl just before I break free of her hold and come all over her flat stomach and the top of her pussy. “I need this memory. You laying out on your bed, thoroughly fucked underneath a layer of…me.”
I drag my hand through the orgasm sitting on her stomach and begin to rub it into her skin. “Don’t hate me for being so selfish,” I tell her and she looks at me oddly. “For needing you one last time.”
“Never,” she whispers as she clings to me. We don’t say anything after that as our breathing returns to normal. We lay side by side, our fingers interlaced when she speaks into the dimly lit room.
“I don’t think I can come to class. I won’t be able to keep it together.”
“I’ll give you an A regardless, Skyler. You deserve it. Just come in for the final and turn in your last two papers.”
She nods and I turn my face toward her. I watch helplessly as the tears leak from her eyes. “I can’t watch you leave.” She turns on her side, away from me, and I watch as her shoulders shake up and down. I wrap my arms around her and press my lips to her neck.
“Ciao, Bella.” Goodbye, beautiful.