I’d never believed in love at first sight. I believed it was a fallacy constructed by people that wanted to fuck on the first date. Sure, lust at first sight, but love? I may be Italian, which means I have to subscribe to certain romantic beliefs, but love at first sight surely isn’t one of them.
And then I met Aidan Reed.
I’ve come to the startling realization, as I watch him move around my kitchen making me pancakes, that I am in love with him.
That I have been in love with him.
Perhaps since I first laid eyes on him. Watching him take those few steps towards me, his eyes fixed on me like he knew every inch of my heart.
“You’re staring.”
I’m pulled from my thoughts to find Aidan looking at me with a smug grin on his face. “You’re cooking me breakfast…” I trail off. “Shirtless.” The visual stimulation is almost too much and just when I think my panties can’t get any wetter, he winks at me.
My phone beeps, effectively snapping me out of my swooning and I can already imagine who it is and what she’s demanding.
Peyton: Brunch. My place. Day drinking commences in one hour. Get your ass out of bed and come over. Doctor big dick can miss you for one day!
I snort at her words, and Aidan turns toward me. “What’s so funny?”
“Peyton is summoning me for a day of debauchery.”
His jaw tenses and I wonder if he’s about to shut down on me. I get off my stool and make my way to him. I wrap my arms around his middle and press my face to his chest. “I wish you could come.”
His body is rigid, the hard planes of his chest and torso hard against my face. I pucker my lips and drag them over his heart. I feel his face in my hair. “You’ll be careful?”
“I’ll just be at Peyton’s.”
“And then?” he presses.
“I’m not sure.” I pull back, wondering where he’s going with this. “You know it doesn’t matter though, right? I’m yours. I’m not…” I start to say that I’m not like his bitch of an ex-fiancée that broke his heart and had been unfaithful on more than one occasion. “I would never…” I trail off, struggling to find the words. He sighs and hands me the plate with a short stack of what could possibly be the fluffiest pancakes I’ve ever seen. I set them on the counter and reach my hands up to cup his face. “Aidan, look at me.”
“Sky, this is just my shit. I just hate that other guys—other people can spend time with you more freely than I can.”
I understand his feelings completely. I feel the same way, that I can’t kiss him in broad daylight or even go out on a date with him. I rub my hand harder against his chest, knowing that my hands on him has calmed him the few times he’s been agitated around me. “But the semester is half over and then I won’t be your student anymore.” A part of me wonders if being his student has become part of the allure of our relationship. The forbidden fruit that Aidan tasted and slowly became addicted to. But the look on his face upon hearing my words has me convinced that he is ready for the days that I’m no longer on his student roster.
That day can’t come soon enough.
I struggle to keep my eyes open the following Monday morning as the events of the weekend are still fresh in my mind. After going out with Peyton on Saturday, I stumbled home to find a certain professor in my bed, waiting. I could barely keep my eyes open, the tequila shots and the several beers I’d bonged at Peyton’s postgame hitting me hard. My fatigue was long forgotten the second I’d felt his piercing eyes on me. He had bolted off the bed and pinned me to the wall. I think the sun had just been peeking up over the horizon when he’d let my tired body drift off to sleep in his arms, after hours of the most intense lovemaking I’d ever experienced.
He didn’t tell me he loved me but I could feel it with every thrust, every fleeting look, every kiss that made me feel things through every extremity. Aidan loved me and I loved him.
And I’m ready to tell him. Now.
I spent Sunday in the library, away from Aidan and his sinful mouth, knowing that I needed to study, and I couldn’t afford the distraction of knowing exactly what that mouth could do.
So now, in his class, a smile crosses my face every time his eyes find mine. He’s normally much better about keeping his eyes off me, but today he’s let his gaze linger on me more than a few times. When he announces the end of class I take my time putting my stuff away knowing that I have to wait out his fan club to get a moment with him. I frown when I see him bolt from the room. I grab my phone, wanting to inquire why he’s left so quickly, when there’s a message waiting for me.
Aidan: My office. Don’t make me tell you twice.
My eyes dart around the room, as if people could see the message on my phone. I wonder if they can hear the loud pounding in my chest or can tell that my breathing has accelerated. I get up quickly and slide my MacBook Pro into my bag before letting my hormones lead me to his office, all the while ignoring my pesky subconscious whispering, this is a bad idea, Skyler.
I push through his office door and his eyes must have been trained on it because he’s staring at me. He’s out of his chair in an instant moving around the room and unbuckling his pants. “Fucking hell, Skyler, you bit your lip for a full hour,” he growls. He reaches for me, pulling me into his arms and pressing his face into my neck as he inhales my scent. “Dammi un bacio.” Give me a kiss.
I pull away and present my lips to him which he takes greedily. He bites down on my bottom lip before licking the sting away with his tongue and sliding it into my mouth. He lifts me in his arms and pins me to the door, pressing his cock against me. It’s one of those rare warm November days and I’m grateful for the temperature that persuaded me to wear a skirt this morning which allows me to feel him closely. “Aidan,” I moan as I hear his slacks hit the ground and the only things separating us are thin layers of underwear.
“Slide your panties to the side. Let me in, baby.” I don’t know when exactly we’d stopped using condoms altogether. For a while, Aidan suggested that we use them intermittently just so he wasn’t coming inside of me every time. Especially with the frequency in which we had sex.
I do as he asks and he slips in, burying his cock deep inside of me. The lips of my sex kiss the base of his cock as he stretches me to accommodate his thick member. I’m used to his size but it doesn’t stop me from feeling the delicious pierce whenever he slides in and the ache that follows when he leaves the space between my legs. My legs wrap around his waist as he thrusts inside, each stroke harder than the one before. I can tell he’s already close by the way he’s fucking me, making me wonder if my lip biting had really done a number on him. “Do you need me to come?” I whisper against his neck. I know the answer before he responds.
“More than my next fucking breath.” His lips drag along my neck, and his fingers dig into my hips with every thrust. I know he’s trying to wait for me before he explodes. “You know I need your sexy moans. The way your cunt squeezes me when you orgasm. The way your face twists in pleasure and you whimper out my name. I need your juices slipping out of you and dripping down my dick.”
His words are my undoing and the orgasm hits me out of nowhere. “Oh my God, Aidan!” I scream into his jacket, the fabric muffling my words as he grunts out his climax. I feel his dick pulsing inside me as I imagine jets of cum shooting out of him and into me. For a second, the thought of that cum producing life inside of me sparks and blooms in my chest. I let out a breath as I try and break the sex haze that has me thinking these crazy thoughts.
“Fuck. Skyler, baby.” He rubs his nose against mine and when my eyes flutter open, his are staring into mine. He’s still inside of me, though he’s softened dramatically, and I swallow, wondering if he’s about to say the three words I’ve been dying to say. “You mean so much to me, you know that?” I nod, the force of my orgasm and the intensity of the moment rendering me speechless. “Potrei guardarti tutto il giorno,” he whispers against my lips. I could look at you all day. He pulls out of me slowly and I wince at the loss of contact, and the emptiness I feel has my eyes welling up with tears. I sniffle, drawing his attention back to me after he’s grabbed some tissues from his desk. “What is it, baby? Did I do something?”
“No!” I say quickly. “You’re perfect. This is just…intense. I never thought I would feel like this.” I let out a breath. “I’ve never felt like this.” Aidan’s eyes trace my face and I wonder if he can see what I’m trying to say. He’s privy to my relationship with Gabriel, and he knows that at the time I believed that I was in love. I wonder if he’s pieced it together that I’m in love with him.
“Me neither,” he murmurs and a gasp escapes my lips. He’s been in love once.
For him to say that means he loves me.
My eyes plead with him to speak the words. Say it, Aidan. Let me know this is real.
We stare at each other for I don’t know how long when his phone beeps, breaking us from the moment. My eyes dart to the phone on his desk and I nod at it. He backs up, keeping his eyes on me before he breaks the connection to look at the screen. “Dammit.” He sighs.
“What?”
“Hendricks wants to see me in his office. I swear that old man is a pain in the ass.”
I giggle and smooth my skirt down. “I should be going anyway. I have an English paper due at the end of the week.”
“What’s it on, want my help?”
I shake my head. “As helpful as you may be on Romeo and Juliet, I think I have it under control.” I laugh and he frowns.
“We aren’t a tragedy, Sky.”
“That’s not what I meant, only the part about not being able to be together, that’s all.”
He nods before tucking a hair behind my ear. “I’ll see you later, tonight?”
“You’ll come over?” I ask, the excitement in my voice at seeing him later overtaking me.
“Nothing could keep me away.” He presses his lips to mine so gently and sweetly I almost combust. My knees weaken and he catches me, wrapping his arm around my back to keep me upright.
My eyes flutter open long after his lips leave mine, the skin still tingling. “I’ll see you later.”
We make our way out of his office and begin towards the main entrance when I spot Doctor Hendricks walking towards us. “Fuck,” I hear him grumble.
“Doctor Reed, I was on my way to your office. I wasn’t sure if you saw my email.”
“I saw it. I was in the middle of office hours,” Aidan says without missing a beat.
“Odd. I thought your hours were from four to six?” The accusation isn’t blatant but I can hear it and I try to appear like my heart isn’t racing.
“Oh, I wasn’t able to make his hours today, and I asked if he could meet after class,” I speak up. Both men look at me and Doctor Hendricks sizes me up the way a father looks at his daughter right before he tells her to go upstairs and change before she can step foot outside the house. The floral scarf wrapped around my neck hides my cleavage but my legs are on display. I’ll admit my skirt is a little short, as I do dress to kill on the days I have Aidan’s class.
Doctor Hendricks nods at me. “I see. And what’s your name, Miss?”
“Skyler Mitchell, sir. I’m a freshman.”
“Ah. Miss Mitchell. Yes, I’m familiar. Your father, Preston Mitchell?”
“One and the same.”
“Well, we are pleased to have you as a part of the Criminal Justice Department.” He gives me a look before turning to Aidan and then back to me. This is the second time he’s seen us together and the way he’s looking at us, it’s a thought not lost on him. Fuck.
“Thank you.” I nod politely before turning to Aidan. “Thank you again for your help, Doctor Reed.” I turn and walk away, all the while thinking that maybe the love story of Aidan and I will be a tragedy after all.
There’s a crowd around Peyton’s usual table when I approach it and she immediately shoos one of the guys away. “Make room for Skyler.” Her sleek blonde strands are pushed back by a headband that matches a tweed mini dress over a blouse. She looks like a modern day Cher from Clueless, and I swear only she could make it work. I sit next to her as everyone continues to talk. “So, you coming?” I hear from my other side and I turn to see a guy with some Greek letters scattered across his t-shirt and a smile, which is probably a lethal combination for most girls.
“Sorry? Coming where?”
“To our party this weekend. Homecoming weekend is always huge. I hate that it’s so late this year but should still be pretty lit.” He smiles, revealing two deep dimples underneath a smattering of stubble and a perfect grin. “I’m Dave.”
“Skyler.” I give him a small smile because even though I have a boyfriend, and I have enough awareness to know that this guy is definitely trying to flirt with me, I’m polite.
“I know. Peyton’s cute Italian friend.” He winks.
I roll my eyes at my claim to fame. “Is that my tagline?”
“No, but Peyton doesn’t have many girl friends.”
I turn to look at her as she commands the table of men like they’re her loyal subjects. I’m just about to answer when the air shifts around me. My thighs push together on their own accord, a shiver snakes down my spine even though there isn’t a breeze and my throat suddenly becomes dry.
I feel him before I even see him. I crane my neck to look behind me and I see Aidan sitting a table over his eyes trained on me despite the sunglasses over his eyes. I swallow and my eyes dart around the quad looking for anyone that may be paying attention to the potential interaction. “Dave, I actually left something in my last class. Sorry.” I start to stand and he stands with me.
“I could walk with you? I have to hit the library anyway.” And for a moment, I wonder what would have happened if I had never met Aidan. Could I let this cute frat boy court me? Date me? Letter me? Maybe even lavalier me if I made the decision to join a sorority? I realize none of that matters because I did meet Aidan and I do belong to him, even if we can’t go out on dates or tailgates or study together in the library. He’s mine and I’m his, even with all the obstacles in the way.
“Thank you, but…I’m okay…” I start to say I have a boyfriend but frankly, I’m not ready for the questions I’d have to lie to answer: most importantly, who? I’m off the bench before he can respond and rushing towards the nearest building, praying that Aidan will follow me. I don’t make it two steps down a hallway before I’m hauled into an empty classroom and he closes the door behind him.
“Hi,” I whisper, my teeth finding my bottom lip instantly.
He crosses his arms over his chest and I can sense the tension flowing off him in waves. “That guy wants you.”
“Does it matter?”
“Did he ask you out?”
“No,” I tell him. “He just asked if I was coming to a party this weekend.” I hurry to add, “I won’t go if you don’t want me to.” Aidan’s not looking at me, his gaze trained on the floor as he struggles to meet my eyes.
“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbles and my eyebrows draw together.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m never going to be able to have you, Skyler. And I can’t keep asking you to give up college experiences for me. When I was nineteen, I wouldn’t have given them up for anything.”
“Why—why can’t you have me? I’m only your student for another six weeks. Just until winter break.”
“Try until May 2022,” he says and I stare at him confused. “Hendricks informed me, after he made note that I needed to stay away from you, Skyler, that teachers are prohibited to be in a relationship with any student on campus—mine or otherwise.”
“What? That’s absurd.”
“No students, no teachers. Period. Ever. They said it keeps all bases covered.”
“So…”
“So, you’re off limits to me for four years.”
His words are like a punch in the stomach, leaving me gasping for air. I open my mouth to take in a deep breath and look around the abandoned classroom to try and collect my thoughts. “What did he say about me?” I ask weakly.
“He said that he’s seen me alone with you more than once now and asked point blank if anything was going on. I said no and he advised I keep it that way, especially with you being the chancellor’s niece.”
“Goddaughter,” I correct, though I’m not sure why. Maybe if we aren’t blood-related, Aidan will feel less intimidated.
“Whatever,” he grumbles. I take a step forward and he holds his hand out stopping me in place. “Skyler…”
“This sucks,” I whisper, “but I don’t want to give you up. Give us up.” He’s silent and my heart begins to accelerate wondering what it means. “I can quit after this semester. I can transfer to—”
“No.” His word is strong like there’s no room for explanation or rebuttal.
“But, Aidan…”
“No Skyler, absolutely not.”
“But…” I don’t even try to stop the tears from flowing down my face. “But I love you.” My words cause a knee-jerk reaction. He presses off the door instantly and frames my face with his hands. He doesn’t say anything, he just searches my face with those blue eyes. Reading me. Seeing me. “Don’t…I mean, do you feel the same?” I’m not sure what prompted me to ask, but I have to know.
He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine. “If I tell you I feel the same, that makes this so much harder.” His words aren’t I love you, but I hear the sentiment, and a part of me wishes he would have just said he didn’t love me. To be honest, I think that would hurt less.
I choke back a sob before pulling away. “I’m supposed to stay away from you for four years? And then what? We be together? Let’s say I could hold out ‘till then, would you even wait for me? I can’t expect you to not date other women between now and then. You’re gorgeous. Women throw themselves at you.”
“Tu sei l’unica per me.” You’re the only one for me.
“Cut the shit, Aidan. That’s not what I asked.” I stomp my foot, not letting him use Italian to get out of this.
He looks at me, surprised by my outburst. “I belong to you, Skyler.”
“Then don’t give me up!”
“What other choice do we have? I can’t do this for four years. We’ll get caught. We were seconds from getting caught earlier. Could you imagine if he knocked while I was nailing you against the door? With the scent of our sex in the air and my dick hanging out of my pants. I’m reckless when it comes to you, Skyler. I can’t think, and it’s going to ruin everything. My career, your future.”
I swallow and rub my hand across my tattoo. La vita va avanti.
Life goes on.
Life goes on.
Life goes on.
“I’m so stupid,” I whisper, the tears falling down my face. “I always do this. Get involved too quickly and intensely. I throw myself into things without thinking of the repercussions and then I get hurt because I do things with my whole heart.” My lip trembles and I don’t know if I’m angrier at myself for getting into this mess or Aidan for not stopping things before they got this far.
“Baby, you’re not stupid.” He wraps his arms around me and, despite the fact that I know this is the end, I let him hold me while I begin to mourn Aidan and Skyler. A love that burned fast and bright before exploding into stars that faded into darkness.
A shooting star.
“I don’t want this to end.” I make one final plea, hoping that I can convince him that we are worth the risk. “Please.”
“Il mio cuore batte solo per te.” My heart only beats for you, he whispers into my hair. His voice is quiet, but my sobs have slowed and I hear him clear as day.
“Tell me you love me.” I look up at him and the face he gives me breaks my heart.
“If I say that, I’ll never let you go.”
“But you do…love me.”
He swallows and lets out a breath breaking the connection between us. “I should go.”
“Aidan.” I take a step towards him as he takes a step back.
“I’m trying to do the right thing. Let me.”
“By breaking my heart? How is that the right thing?”
“One day you’ll thank me, I promise, Skyler.”
“No! Don’t you dare make this about teaching me some lesson I’ll understand down the road. Like I’m too naive to understand now. Love knows no age, Aidan. I love you and I know you love me too. We can get through this…together. We will make it work!” I hate myself for sounding so pitiful. My voice so desperate and pleading as I try my best to keep my heart from breaking. Maybe I really am too young.
“I’m sorry, Skyler, I just…can’t.” I hear his words but his body language doesn’t match. His posture is tense and rigid, his breathing labored, and his eyes give him away. Piercing blue eyes that used to heat me with a glance are dull, lifeless and empty. The hurt behind them is so evident. Tortured orbs that crush me because the pain in them is a direct reflection of mine.
He stands at the door, his hand resting on the door handle as he stares at me. He starts to speak before he shakes his head, and then he’s gone making me wish I’d never come to CGU.
That I’d never joined that stupid dating app.
That I hadn’t chosen criminal justice because that’s what my dad wanted.
That I hadn’t put my heart out there again.
My heart thumps in my chest in protest.
I don’t regret one second of my time with Aidan.
But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.