Chapter Sixteen
Jen
By the time I left the pregame I had been transformed. I have never argued my look. It's me. I am skinny jeans, shabby kind of in layers and scarfs and drama. If I dress up I can do the heels thing with cute tight tops, but I haven’t been that girl in a long time. That being said, I felt nerves unlike any time before in my life as I went, dressed to kill, to watch Cal play.
I couldn’t believe they took the time to plan this dress up party for me so that I felt special even though it wasn’t my night.
"You are gonna want to look like a trophy bitch tonight baby. I bet ya that." Raleigh says as he hands me the black skinny jeans with holes split in the knees and a tight t shirt that says 'Rock N Roll stole my soul' on it.
"Well thanks Ral." I say sarcastically and roll my eyes when he snaps me into line and I put the clothes on.
"He's right Jen." Bright says when she enters the vanity room. Legit, Noah let her have a girly room. "You will be kissing his ass later."
"Do you know something I don’t?" I ask, knowing that they have seen more of this show in practice than I have.
"We know everything." Raleigh says with a 'duh bitch obviously' tone.
"I don’t want a spectacle." I groan hoping they aren’t planning on making a scene tonight of all nights.
"Please." Ral says and rolls his eyes. "Like I am classless? Girl I wouldn’t embarrass you, nobody would. Just trust me yeah?"
I look at him dead pan as he says it in a perfect imitation of Noah.
"Are you seriously mimicking him now?" I ask and he winks.
"It worked though, so in this yeah. Besides sugar daddy would never let anyone embarrass you. He loves you almost as much as he loves me."
I laugh at the ego and though I know he loves me, he truly has taken Raleigh in like a long lost wayward kid he needed to adopt to save. It was odd, but it worked.
"Well, then I guess you better make me look the part Ral." I laugh as I say it and the nervous butterflies are flying around in my tummy. It has been a long time since I watched Cal take the stage hoping he would leave with me.
Now, dressed in the tight t and jeans he throws me a bone and lets me wear my red chucks after rolling the cuff of my jeans. He systematically puts each bracelet on my wrists, and rings on my fingers before starting in on a messy knot for my hair.
How he made me look like this was effortless and perfect was beyond me. The boy was gifted for sure. We are met with Carrie and Cassa as the kitchen fills up, and more of the same excitement from them.
"You look perfect for tonight Jen." Carrie says and hands me a shot of tequila as we all cheers.
"Can I suggest...?" Cassa asks and looks to Ral and I for our approval. Cassa is knock out beautiful and her style sense is up there with Ral and Bright, so I begrudgingly allow her to fix whatever she thinks is off.
"Come with me." She says and pulls me by the arm to Bright's closet and looks to Ral who followed us in. "I need scissors." She says and I feel dread.
"What are you cutting?" I ask with trepidation and all trust in my look is fading.
"Trust her." He says and hands her some big ass scissors.
She starts slicing the back of the shirt and the sides until, if possible it looks better. "How did you do that?" I ask and look at the black shirt that was already a tight fit and how now it shows just enough of everything to look sexier and still keep its edge.
"I do this to my TAT shirts usually." She says as she pulls a clunky large black belt around my waist and fastens it on my hip.
I look in the mirror at the quick transformation and love what she did.
"Wow, I love it Cassa. Thank you." I mean it and hope she can feel the sincerity. A year ago, I think she would watch me burn before offering to piss on the fire to save me. It seems though, that we have reached that point where I have proven myself to them as changed.
I both hate it and am thankful for it.
I understand why they hated me, but now I would forever guess the start of these friendships. I knew Cassa a little in high school, she was always with Shamus and we got along though we ran in different circles. I was desperate to be popular and surrounded by friends and Cass just didn’t give a shit, she had Shame and that was all she cared about.
"You’re welcome Jen. And I mean that." She says and places her hands on my shoulders to ensure I am paying attention. "And you are welcome. Here, with us. We are family Jen and you are a part of it and I am sorry for how awful I was to you."
I am shocked by her response and the truth she speaks. They are family, his family and Axe's and it is why I let the shit go. To hear her say this when we had the worst relationship than even Cal and I in the beginning... means a lot.
"Thank you." I say and I know I sound small, I am just overwhelmed by the action.
She hugs me close and pats my back. "Let’s go see a bad ass show." She says and pulls me by the hand.
Cal
We are about to take the stage and I look on the monitors and from the side stage when the lights go down and am blown away by the sold-out show. The front row is lined with promotors, PR reps and Producers. In the center, the three front rows are reserved for our people. Jen and the wives sit center front row with Ral and Lex's twin brother Langston with his girlfriend Jessica.
The remaining rows are family, friends, the PIT crew and our road crew. I wish Axe could have been here and feel awful leaving him with a sitter tonight knowing how bad he wanted to be here. Lex and I agreed tomorrow we could do a show for just him if he remained good the rest of the night.
"You ready?" I ask Lex who looks nervous but excited.
"Hell yes!" She says and hugs me. "I don’t know what would have been without you Calvin." She says and looks at me when she pulls from the hug. "You are my unexpected blessing."
I feel a swell of pride hearing her say it and feel I should say something. "This is your show. I have a small part in it. You busted your ass for it Lex and you’re about to see hard work pay off."
She nods and blinks a lot to keep from crying and I laugh. "Toughen up cupcake." I say and head to my boys.
"You guys ready to see this shit live?" I ask as they all hi-five me and shoulder pat me in support but first making fun of my fancy threads.
"You proposing after?" Chad asks and laughs when he flicks the collar of my royal blue Armani shirt.
"Hey, I aint a total douche." I say and point to my jeans and chucks I paired.
"Classy and trashy. I dig it." Shame says and I roll my eyes.
"Well... shit I just hope you guys enjoy this." I say, my nerves on display and it is a first for me.
"Hell, yes we will." Noah says and fist bumps me as he makes his way to the side to go to his seat with the others. "You got this brother." Chad says and Shame nods. "You do, you’re fucking brilliant."
I thank them and watch as they disappear to go have a seat and call for Noah who steps back toward me. "What’s up?"
"Make sure she doesn’t get in her head with the Tay shit."
Before I can go into explanations he shoosh's me. "Dude, she will listen. Trust me." He says and leaves me standing there hoping he is right.
We don’t start with chit chat, but with my guitar and one hell of a riff as the venue goes dark and the place explodes in a thunderous applause as they chant our names. We are starting with our version covering Hurricane by Fleurie. The radio's liked the LP and we decided to include it as the only cover we will do.
I let her take the piano lead just as we did in Pinky's that first time as we play the slow methodic melody as the venue goes quiet. Once her beats start you can hear the cheers of the audience as I back her voice up with mine before the pause at the chorus.
By the end of the song, it was obvious we had them hooked and now it was time to get them addicted. "Everyone, please let me announce the one and only Cal Dorian on guitar and anything else he touches."
I stand as Lex introduces me and nod at the crowd, humbled by the loyalty of the front row. I see Tayla sitting there, close, too close to the front row and Jen and I cringe. I knew she would be here, but I don’t want shit misinterpreted considering I haven’t even talked to Jen yet.
I chose, like she did, to let the words I can’t say speak for me. This is my journal and it is for her. I just pray like hell that by the end she won’t question it.
Jen
I come back from the bar knowing they will do one more song and the stage is being set up with two pianos’ instead of one and only one mic stand. I sit next to Bright and Raleigh and look for the remainder of TAT. "Where are the guys?" I ask Bright who is obviously lying her ass off as she tells me she doesn’t know.
"I think they are giving Cal an early congrats before the pandemonium ensues. And it will, he proved his ability tenfold to come out of his skin like he did tonight."
"Ohmigawd yesssss he did." Raleigh says and fans himself. "I had no idea he could be so swoon worthy." He looks to Carrie with a pout. "Sorry baby, but I am a Cal Dorian fan for life now."
She laughs as do I and it is because I agree with him. "What about Noah? He'll be crushed Ral." Carrie says and laughs even harder. No way Ral would ever trade in Noah, not for anyone.
"Oh, please honey. No man is dumb enough to leave their talented, supportive non-judgmental Sugar daddy when he spoils him rotten."
We all shrug, because as much as Raleigh jokes and teases where Noah is concerned, he would die for him and is grateful that he finally has a support system he can count on.
The lights dim and Cassa starts screaming over everyone and we all look to the stage when Lexington comes over the PA system telling us about writing this song and the devotion to which Cal put in to it.
"Cal is a composer and a brilliant one, but this song was written and composed by him. This is so personal to him and the process in writing this was not easy on him. I hope that when you see this performance and the many talents of Cal, that you will understand the depth he went to create this. We have a surprise guest as well for back up on this and no denying you'll feel their presence too and the never-ending support they provided in the creation of this song. Without further ado, Cal Dorian on Piano, Guitar and Vocals in My Journal."
We all, the audience included stand and applaud as he takes the stage. I am desperate to focus on every word he sings here, wondering if this is the one he said I inspired. So many songs so far seem to be his way of coming out of the disaster she left him in but based on the enthusiasm of the girls and the fact TAT's remaining members are missing... I think it is and I am all nerves.
He comes out looking like himself. He is no longer wearing the blue button up Armani and jeans. Now he is dressed more like himself in a hoodie and jeans with his old black chucks. He has his Les Paul slung over his back and a headset mic and makes for his seat at the piano, looking directly at me and winks before he seats and places his focus on the final song.
The pianos are set back to back directing the audience and I wait to see Lexington take a seat at the other, but instead she stands and leans against the two where they connect.
Then all thought fades away when the lights go out completely.
Everyone in the bar explodes in cheers. Lighters and cell phone screens providing the light for all of fifteen seconds.
The minute the piano starts, the light comes down on Lex and Cal and her beautiful voices captivates all of us.
The song is slow and haunting as she sings in beautiful agony about her broken heart and how she wants so bad to feel something new and let the painful past go.
But, then... I hear Cal's voice as he sings about the awful pain of losing this woman; how the loneliness is draining him and he is desperate for relief from that pain. He keeps that same haunting melody as he sings and I am blown away at the pain in his voice and the beauty of this talent he hides.
Suddenly there is more of that beat that Lex hones and drums though you can’t see them, but they are there. They sing the chorus together, desperate for the longing they feel to be recognized and it hits me. I know that is why she announced this song. This is the song and it is for me.
This entire show was never about Tayla, but me and how he came to love me.
He fucking loves me.
I smile seeing Tayla dab tears in her eyes knowing she is wrong, so very wrong. He is mine and this is him proving it once and for all.
By the end of the chorus that electronic beat is like a heartbeat as he continues to play, and starts the next verse and sings alone. There’s no hiding the emotion he gives in this or its effect on me.
Ral, Carrie, Cassa and Bright all come around me as I feel every word and wish I could see his face. I need to see his face so I know I am right.
I need to be right.
He sings about being lost and demanding he is heard, then everything they have built changes, explodes and becomes an all-encompassing power when he rises from the piano and lays into his guitar with everything in him and all his talent at once. Everyone is screaming and clapping when the stage lights up at seeing TAT on the stage.
Noah is playing the piano, taking over for Cal as he stood to play the guitar and starting belting out the chorus side by side with Lexington. Shame is on the drums, making it all too real as he beats the hell out of the orchestral drums, honing in the power he has and still keeps it soft. Chad beside him on a double bass.
The entire performance and the song itself was mastered to be powerful from beginning to end.
And then he truly blew me away and brought me to my knees when he started to rap. It wasn’t hip hop rap, but it wasn’t the Beastie boys either. It was as if his words were coming faster than he could ponder to sing and he needed them out there and heard. It was unique and his eyes were on me.
Every single word meant for me. I was captivated when he walked toward me telling me he was nothing without me, couldn’t keep being without me and the loneliness suffocating him.
Lex's voice breaking through in her soulful way as he stood before me, silence from him as she finished singing the chorus with nothing but that haunting piano played perfectly by Noah.
Then he sets his guitar down gently on the stand beside his piano and comes to me as he raps the final verse before pulling me to him and kissing me in front of everyone.
In front of Tayla.
Then and there in front of industry reps, fans and family he made it clear I am his and would always be.
The lights went out as the crowd went ape shit, and I fell into him and held him and tried to fix everything we had broken.
No fight left in me. Whatever I was fighting against changed the minute I knew that he put everything in the work with Lex.