Chapter 19

Danielle

He loves me.

Holden loves me.

What the hell am I supposed to do with that information?

I pace back and forth in the kitchen—being in the living room brings back way too many memories—the gentle hum of the chromed-out refrigerator providing a backdrop to the mental noise pollution.

There’s so much going on in my head I can’t latch on to a solid thought and run with it.

Joey’s genuine intrigue. His hot desire for me. Claiming me.

Holden cold but in love. Commanding me. Making me choose.

I don’t want to have to make this decision, and it’s hardly a conventional one. It’s not like I can call up Dr. Phil and ask him how to choose between twin brothers. He’s probably heard worse, to be honest. Or maybe exactly the same, and that’s what’s truly disconcerting.

Regardless, I need someone to talk to.

“What would you do, Momma?” I lean against the granite countertops in the kitchen. I look up at the ceiling and count the downlights spotted within it. “What would you do if you were in this messed-up situation?”

Of all the people I’d love to talk to about this, she’s the first. My mother wouldn’t judge me.

I pick through my sisters, the ones who’ll be in awe, the ones who’ll gasp in shock and likely gossip about it, and land on the one sister, the only one, who’s likely not to judge because she was a wild child in her youth.

Evaline.

We don’t speak much.

After Momma’s passing, we lost touch. She’s the oldest, there’s the distance between New York and Ontario, and… well, those are excuses. Evaline was always a loner and a bit of a bitch.

But she’s my bitch.

She’s the sister who helped me sneak in drunk, where the others would’ve promptly outed me to Dad. In fact, Evaline is the one who took me to my first club at twenty-one. She gave me advice on when to dump my ex-boyfriend and encouraged me to leave my hometown years ago.

Can I really speak to her about this?

She’s probably asleep right now, but I can’t wait.

It’s talk to her or chase my own tail for the next however many hours until Joey and Holden come back and demand an answer once and for all.

I won’t work this through on my own. It’s too complicated.

“Just do it.”

I fetch my cell from the bedroom, then bring it back to the kitchen where a phone is attached to the wall. There’s a list of emergency numbers beside it and a little booklet of information provided by Mystique.

I rifle through it and nod—calls to cellphones are permitted—then unlock the screen of my cell and swipe through to my contacts and find Eva’s number. I lift the receiver off the wall and dial the number.

The phone’s wireless, thank god. I’ll have the opportunity to stride around the inside of this villa while we talk this through.

I press the phone to my ear and listen to the ringing.

One, two, three rings.

“Come on, pick up. Please, Eva.”

Finally, a click. “Hello?” my sister croaks. “Who the fuck are you, and do you want to die tonight?”

“Eva, it’s me,” I say, butterflies thwacking into the sides of my belly.

“Wait, what?” She draws the last one out. Shuffling ensues on the other end of the line, followed by the click of a lamp. “Is that you, Dani?”

“Yeah,” I say. “Sorry for calling you so late. And, uh, for not calling you for months.”

“OK.” She yawns. “What’s eating your ass?”

“Huh?”

“Well, you haven’t called me in months and now, you’re calling me in the middle of the night to apologize for it? I don’t buy it. What do you need? I’m not smuggling another felon out of the country. Canada deserves better.”

I blink and process that. “A felon? What?”

“Not important,” Eva says, with another ear-splitting yawn.

It sets me off into one of my own. I swallow after and blink tears. “I’m calling because I have a problem.”

“As I thought. Now, what’s the problem? Have you been caught smuggling illegal goods across the border?”

“No, and I’m kinda alarmed that you’re leading with these questions,” I reply.

She snorts a laugh over the phone, and more shuffling ensues, followed by the snap-hiss of a match as she lights a cigarette. She inhales deeply. “Better. I’m sort of awake, now. Sort of. What’s the problem?”

“Man trouble,” I say. Which is the lightest possible way of phrasing this. “Double man trouble.”

“Oh, boy, it’s a doozey. This should be good.” Eva sucks on her cigarette and exhales. “Maybe this is worth being woken up for after all.”

“I—well, it’s complicated. I’m in love with my boss, Holden, and I—oh, god, OK. This is going to be pretty damn difficult to explain.”

“Just start at the beginning,” Eva says. It bodes well that she’s not shocked about me being in love with my boss.

So, I tell her everything. Except for the pornographic bits, since that’d be pushing it. I tell her about Holden and how I followed him here, about Joey and how he tricked me but then showed me his softer genuine side, and about how that subterfuge didn’t even bother me and how weird it is.

“They’ve given me a choice,” I say. “Well, technically, Holden’s given me the choice. It’s either him or nothing, which I’m pretty sure Joey wouldn’t agree with. They had a fight outside my villa. I—just don’t know what the hell to do, Eva. This is too much for me to handle.”

Eva exhales. “Well, shit.” It’s the first thing she’s said since I started talking. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

“Any other wells you’d like to mention?”

“A well of emotion?” Eva suggests. “Or how about a well of scandal.”

“Help me, please,” I say, a hint of plea in my tone. I tread across the tiles in the kitchen and fiddle with the fridge’s chrome door bar.

“I can’t really help you, girl. This is a decision you need to make for yourself. But it looks to me like you’ve got a lot of options. What I’d like to know is how you feel about them. How do you feel about Holden?”

“He’s… special. He’s a good man. He looks after his daughter and puts her first. He cares about people, even if he tries to hide it, and he’s protective. He says he loves me.” I bite my lip. And I love him, too. I’ve been infatuated with him for weeks, living in close quarters.

Once, we even ran into each other in the middle of the night, passing in the hall that leads to the bathroom.

“And Joey? He sounds like the weak link.”

“I don’t know about that,” I reply and open the fridge, peering inside at the newly replaced fruits and vegetables. “He’s so warm. He’s the opposite of Holden. He seems to really care, and he shows it. He’s so commanding and overwhelming. He talks to me about stuff whenever he can. I care about him, too.”

“So, they’re opposites, and you dig them both. Great, that makes this easier.” Eva sniffs. “So, the way I say it is it’s either Holden or Joey, or you leave.”

“Leaving is probably for the best,” I reply, firmly. It makes sense, now. Eva’s brisk tone has shaken the emotion out of me. “I don’t want to come between them.”

“Or the secret, bonus fourth option,” Eva says.

“And what’s that?” I ask.

“You take them both.”

“What? I don’t think that’s even an option. I mean, how would that work?” I shake my head.

“Look, it’s not like you’ll end up marrying either of these guys. Joey’s the fun, free dude and Holden’s got his own issues. He said he won’t be ready for a long time. So, have them both, and live a free happy life. Maybe, one day, you’ll be better equipped to make the decision between the two of them. Maybe the feelings for one will drop off and the other will grow stronger. Why not have some fun with it first?”

“Holden said—”

“I know, girl, but what a man says and what he does are often two entirely different things. If you’re at all interested in that fourth option, you should at least tell them how you feel,” Eva says. “Trust me on this one.”

I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut. “Thanks, Eva. I think I know what I have to do.”

“All right, sis. Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” she replies.

“You mean like hiding fugitives or stripping?”

“Hey! That was one time!” Eva’s laughter rings down the line. “Now, can I go back to sleep?”

“Yes.”

“All right, honey boo, let me know what you decide.”

“I will if you never call me that again,” I reply, then kiss-kiss into the phone’s receiver and hang up.

She’s cleared a lot up for me. I do know what I have to do.

No matter what I feel for Holden or for Joey, the truth is clear. I have to leave.

For good.