CHAPTER 11
LIAM
When I leave Katelyn’s house I decide to stop at the store. This time I don’t care who sees me because if some tart in a tight little dress wants to follow me she can. Hell she can bring her friends as long as they bring alcohol. I grab a case of beer, chips and some candy and set it gently on the conveyor belt. There is an older woman working now so I think I’m in the clear. I highly doubt she listens to my music or even knows who I am for that matter.
I hold my breath, hoping she doesn’t ask for my driver’s license. I make very little eye contact with her and offer her a few strategically timed smiles as she swipes my items.
“Does your mama know you’re back in town?”
I study the cashier to see if I can place her. Her name tag says 'Shirley' and I rack my brain. I can’t remember her, but that doesn’t mean I can’t play along.
“No, ma’am,” I reply, trying to be as polite as possible. She eyes the tattoos on my arms, probably looking for the one that says MOM. Sadly, she won’t find one on my body.
“No, I don’t suppose she does. Seems since word broke out that you're in town, the girls around here are in a bit of a frenzy.”
“I don’t mean to rile anyone up. Just came to pay my respects.”
“Such a shame what happened to Mason. Sure hope Katelyn can take care of those babies.”
I nod and start wishing that she’ll hurry up. I don’t really want to chat. I want to drink away my sorrows and pay tribute to my friend.
“Katelyn will be just fine.” I’ll make sure of it.
“Yeah, I suppose with all your fancy music money you can step up and take care of her.”
I take a deep breath and roll my neck. I won’t lose my patience. When she finally tells me my total, I hand her a twenty and tell her to keep the change. Now she has a nice little tip from my fancy music money.
“Tell my mom I say hi when you see her.” I pick up my items and walk away and her mouth hangs open. Stupid town gossip. After today everyone will know I’m here and I can’t leave for another few days. I made a promise to Peyton and I intend to keep it.
The drive is familiar and when I pull into the field I let out a sigh of relief that no one is here. I climb the ladder, my beer and snacks in the plastic bag. I get to the top and hold onto the railing, looking out over the field. I never appreciated the view when I was spending every Friday night here. The view in the parking lot is what kept my attention. Josie and her long legs, always bare because we’d come right from the game. I’d change, but she always kept her cheerleading outfit on. She knew how much I liked it.
I sit in my same spot. My finger traces the heart with mine and Josie’s initials in it. I put that there after homecoming our sophomore year. I knew that night I wanted this girl in my life forever and wasn’t afraid to tell her.
Until I left her when I should’ve packed her bags for her and carried her to my truck.
I wonder if Josie would’ve liked Los Angeles.
I down my first, than second beer. If I had my truck I’d be shooting the empties into the back just so I could hear them shatter. So I can have some type of relief from this building pain.
When a truck pulls in and backs up, I know my time is over. I close my eyes and wait for the laughter to appear. Mason and I were so loud the girls were always telling us to shut up. I don’t see who got out of the truck, but can hear them climbing the ladder.
Lovely.
“What are you doing here?” I look over and see Katelyn walking toward me. I stand and offer her my hand until she sits down in what would’ve been Mason’s spot, on my left.
“I should be asking you the same thing. Why aren’t you home with those beautiful babies?”
“They are with Mason’s dad tonight. He wanted to have them and I can’t say no. He’s lost so much in the past year.”
I look at her questioningly. She smiles sadly. “Mrs. Powell died last year.”
And the knife just keeps twisting.
“I’m sorry,” I say simply because I have nothing else to say. There is no excuse for what I’ve done.
“Where ya been, Liam?”
Well now that’s the million dollar question because if you watch TV or read the magazines while waiting to check out at the local mart, everyone knows where I’ve been.
“You gotta be a little more specific than that,” I reply as I throw my first empty into the bed of the truck. Katelyn reaches into my bag, grabs a beer and pops the top.
“What happened to you? Because when you went off to Texas everything was fine and then you show up one night and everything isn’t?”
I throw my second empty into the truck. My third follows and I open my fourth and chug it down to throw it.
“I got to school and hated it. I hated practice, the team, everything about it. And one night I went to this on campus hang-out and there was an open mic night so I gave it a try and I liked it and I don’t know.”
“Did you tell Josie?”
“Nah, our meeting didn’t go so well the other night. I was pissed and antagonized her a bit.”
We sit in silence, drinking and throwing our bottles into the truck. Katelyn’s throws get harder and harder the more she drinks and I imagine she’s taking out some type of anger.
“For the first time in twelve years I don’t have Mason by my side.”
I know she’s sad and I could hold her and let her cry or I can share in her misery.
“I have a kid.”
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because if looks could kill I’d be dead right now.
“Does Josie know?”
I can’t help but laugh. I shake my head. “I hope so, unless Noah isn’t hers. Then I’m screwed because that boy is definitely mine and definitely hers.”
“You’re such an ass,” she says pushing my shoulder. I fall back so she thinks she’s strong. “No other kids, huh? How many wives and girlfriends do you have?”
I toss my empty down to the truck and smile when it shatters. I’m going to have to go over and clean out her truck tomorrow.
“No other kids, no wives and no girlfriends.”
“Right now?”
I look at her and give her the stink eye. “Ever. Never. Not since Josie.”
“I’ve seen those rags with your picture on them and you have some blond with you all the time.”
I lean against the tower and sip on my next beer. Katelyn is keeping up with me and we’ll be out soon. This sort of pisses me off. I should’ve bought two cases.
“That’s Sam, my manager. She wants to be my girlfriend and tells me that I owe her since she’s been with me since I started. I don’t know. Lately I’ve been thinking about firing her.”
Katelyn doesn’t say anything; she just stares out into the darkness. Every now and again I see her wipe her eyes. I want to help her but don’t know how. I could wrap my arms around her, pull her into a hug, but that might be awkward for her so I opt to rub her back.
“I’ll never forgive myself. I should’ve called or at least come back. I could’ve kept in touch but leaving here and leaving everything behind – I needed a clean break. I had to try and make a name for myself and when I did, people just kept pushing and pulling and the next thing I know I’m in my hotel room and I’m reading the paper. I kept saying to myself there is no fucking way he’s gone because I didn’t get to say good-bye.
“He’s gone and I never got a chance to tell him how fucking sorry I am for being a total dick and leaving. Mason didn’t do jack shit to me and I left him because I’m a fucking coward and couldn’t face the bullshit going on in my life. God, I’m so sorry you lost him.”
Katelyn leans back and buries her face in my chest. She starts to sob so I put my arms around her and let her cry. I wipe away the tears that have let loose and try to be strong for her. The more she cries, the more I do. Maybe crying is therapeutic, maybe your body needs it to expel the pent up energy. Maybe we just need to cry for Mason.
We stay like this, holding each other, until the sun starts to come up. Her face is red and streaked from smeared make-up. Lines are creased on her face from my jacket, but I don’t care. I continue to hold her until she’s ready to say good-bye.