Felicity
Fall. Two years later . . .
“Uh, thanks.”
“Thanks?” I asked. He said it like I’d just opened the door for him or let him cut in front of me at the bank.
“Yeah, thanks. That was, uh, nice.” Silas was buttoning up his shirt like he couldn’t get out of here fast enough.
Nice? How could he say that? It had been incredible. Phenomenal even. It ranked in my top five best sexual experiences, even beating our hookup after Wes’s funeral two years ago. Top five was not nice. And I knew that he’d enjoyed it. He couldn’t fake that level of satisfaction to save his horse’s life.
I slid out of bed and pulled the sheet around my naked body. Moments ago, I had been enjoying some post-coital relaxation. Now I was getting angry.
The last thing I wanted was for any man, especially this man, to think that I was an easy lay. Is that why he’d come over? Had he been expecting me to put out?
I certainly hadn’t planned on having sex with him tonight, but when I’d opened the door, one thing had led to another and, well, Silas Grant was hard to resist. That chiseled jaw. Those brown eyes the color of warm maple syrup. A body perfectly sculpted from honest work. What had started as an awkward hug had soon turned electric and neither one of us had been able to stop after that first kiss.
“Is that why you came over tonight? For something ‘nice’?”
Please say no.
“No,” he said, buckling his belt. My shoulders sagged for the briefest second until he kept talking. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not sure why I came over but it was a mistake.”
“A mistake?” Every muscle in my face tightened.
“Yeah. A mistake.”
“Then it’s a good thing you’re leaving.”
He shook his head. “There she is.”
“What does that mean?”
He sat on the bed and pulled on his brown cowboy boots. “Just surprised it took over an hour for that attitude of yours to finally show.”
My lip curled. “Get. Out.”
He stood from the bed and pulled on his baseball hat, trapping his dark blond hair beneath. Just minutes ago, I’d been running my fingers through those silky strands. Now I wanted to yank some of them out.
“Welcome home, Felicity,” he clipped before walking out the door and slamming it behind him.
I let the sheet fall from my body as I snagged a pillow from the floor. With all the force I could summon, I threw it at the closed door. My breath was coming in angry pants as I stomped to my suitcase and tugged on a sleep shirt and panties.
“That man!” I pulled my long, honey-blond hair into a ponytail.
Silas could ignite my fiery spirit like no one else. In bed, it was amazing. Elsewhere, things could get dicey. We were either perfectly in sync or at each other’s throats.
I picked up the sheet off the floor and shook it out over the bed. Then I did the same with the white down comforter. The clock on the nightstand read 12:09 a.m. I’d been in town less than twelve hours and had already managed to piss someone off.
I had hoped that by moving home I could repair some of the relationships I had broken when I’d left sixteen years ago. That I could get to know my niece and nephew better and strengthen my relationships with my family. That maybe, just maybe, Silas and I could put the past behind us and start over.
“If you wanted to start over, maybe you shouldn’t have had sex with him. Brilliant move as ever, Felicity. Next time, keep your damn clothes on.”
The empty room didn’t have a response.
Felicity’s Journey Home, as I had deemed this new chapter in my life, wasn’t just about relocating back to my small hometown of Prescott, Montana. It was about making amends. It was about setting aside my mask and revealing the real me. For too long, I had hidden behind layers of false confidence and snide comments. I had disguised my vulnerabilities and insecurities with “attitude.” It was time to do better. Be nicer.
It was time to show people that I had changed.
I wasn’t the immature girl that had left Prescott after high school. Time and age had softened my rough edges. So had the love of my best friend, Sabrina. She had always seen through my sharp exterior, and thanks to her encouragement over the last sixteen years, my forked tongue came out less and less.
This new journey was about finding the courage to let others discover the version of myself that she had always seen. The version of myself that might, for once, be able to have a healthy long-term relationship.
I let out a dry laugh. “So far, you’re off to a great start.”
I walked to the door and picked up my pillow. Pressing it against my face, I let it muffle a frustrated scream.
Why had I snapped at Silas and told him to get out? He hadn’t meant to be a jerk, it wasn’t his style. He was probably just as confused about me as I was about him and hadn’t known what to say. But instead of being honest about my feelings, I’d let my armor snap back in place and released the snark.
I tossed the pillow against the headboard before curling into a ball beneath my covers. With my nose pressed into the sheet, I inhaled a deep breath. Silas’s rich and soothing scent still lingered on the cotton.
God, that smell. I drew in a few more breaths, memorizing the new leather smell, because I doubted I’d ever have it on my sheets again.
Okay. New rule. No more sex with Silas.
In the last two years, Silas and I had hooked up each time I’d visited Prescott. First, at Wes’s funeral, then again at my brother’s wedding, and every time after that except for last summer because I’d been dating someone in Seattle.
The casual sex had worked because, after each tryst, I could run back to Washington and hide. But now that I was living here, we couldn’t continue with the hookups. Here, I couldn’t have secret sex with Silas and pretend I didn’t want more.
Decision made. “No more sex with Silas.”
And no more attitude.
The next time I saw him, I would apologize for my behavior and tell him I’d like to build a friendship. We could put tonight, and all the other nights, behind us and move forward.
As friends.
Because this crazy idea that he’d ever love me back was just that.
Crazy.
Two days later, I was riding in the back of the new Suburban my brother, Jess, had bought his wife, Gigi. Mom was riding shotgun, my baby nephew, Ben, and six-year-old niece, Rowen, were safely buckled in the middle seats, and Gigi was with me in the third row.
We were all going downtown for Prescott’s annual trick-or-treating event. Kids paraded along the sidewalks collecting candy from the local shop owners while adults scurried along after them. Everyone in the Suburban was excited.
Everyone except me.
“What’s wrong?” Gigi asked. “The hole in your jeans has grown since we picked you up.”
I tucked my fingers under my legs to stop from picking at the denim frays. “I’m a little nervous,” I admitted. “This is my first public outing. You know the gossip mill is going to be churning and I’m sure I’ll be a hot topic.”
Returning home from Seattle after a decade and a half was juicy news and I could practically hear the whispers.
I heard she got dumped and came running home to lick her wounds.
Do you think she’s still a stuck-up bitch?
I bet she moved back because Wes is dead.
This was not going to be fun.
“I wouldn’t worry,” Gigi said. “You’ve visited a lot these last couple of years. The novelty of you has worn off.”
“I hope you’re right.”
I’d spent fourteen years away from Prescott, never visiting once. But two years ago, when I’d come home for my ex-boyfriend Wes’s funeral, Jess had asked me if I’d consider moving home. It hadn’t been an easy or fast decision to abandon the life I’d built in Seattle, but it had been the right one.
Mom was getting older, my brother’s kids were growing up, and I was missing it. So after a sixteen-year absence, I was back. Once again, I could call myself a bona fide Prescott resident.
“Aunt Lissy?” Rowen called, pulling me from my thoughts. I wasn’t particularly fond of the nickname my dad had given me as a toddler, but in Roe’s singsong voice, it sounded kind of wonderful.
“Yeah?” I leaned forward so I could see her freckled nose.
“Will you watch me tonight?”
I smiled. “Sure.”
I wasn’t exactly sure why she always wanted me to watch her, but whenever I’d come to visit, she’d ask me to watch something. Her new dance moves. How good she was at coloring. Her singing on a karaoke machine. And now I’d watch her trick-or-treat.
Having never spent much time around kids, they were still a bit of a mystery but I was doing my best to get to know my niece and nephew. Jess and I had grown up without an extended family and it had been lonely. I didn’t want that for Rowen and Ben, and since I was their only aunt, I was here to participate.
Besides, Rowen was a doll and watching her was no hardship. Tonight, she was dressed up as a fairy princess, looking more and more like Gigi every day. They had the same long, brown hair and deep-blue eyes. One day she would grow to be a beautiful woman, just like her mother.
“Felicity, stop.” Gigi’s hand landed on mine. Absentmindedly, I had resumed picking at my jeans.
“Damn it,” I blurted, then caught myself as Rowen giggled. “I mean, darn it.”
Gigi smiled. “Jess cusses all the time. She’s heard ‘damn it’ before.”
“He cusses, but you don’t. I’m trying to be less like him and more like you.”
“Aww. I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” she teased.
“Ha, ha.”
Gigi and I hadn’t gotten off to a great start. My fault, not hers. The first time I’d met her had been at Wes’s funeral and I had treated her like a complete bitch. I had been distraught with grief over Wes’s death and consumed with guilt for ignoring my family. Added to that, there was the shock of seeing Silas again after so many years.
None of those were valid excuses. I had lashed out at a complete stranger, hoping that hurting someone else would dull my own pain. My behavior had been awful, but not once since then had Gigi mentioned it or held it against me. Instead, she’d welcomed me with open arms into her family. And during these last two years of visits to Prescott, she’d become more than just my sister-in-law. She was my friend.
Moving home to Prescott hadn’t been as daunting knowing that Gigi Cleary was in my corner.
“We’re here,” she said as Jess parked on Main Street. My knee started to bounce and she clamped her hand down on it again. “Stop worrying about the gossips. It will be fine.”
“We’ll see,” I muttered.
The prospect of being fresh fodder for the town’s gossips wasn’t my only source of anxiety. I was also on edge about running into Silas.
Yesterday, I’d come back to the motel from running an errand and nearly tripped out of my car at the sight of Silas’s truck. I’d figured he’d come to talk about our little romp the other night, but he hadn’t been there for me.
He’d come to visit Maisy Holt.
He had been in the office, comfortably leaning over the reception counter, laughing and smiling with her. My plan to apologize to him had been shoved to the wayside when the green-eyed monster had appeared on my shoulder. My knee-jerk reaction had been to glare at them both, then stomp into my room.
I shouldn’t have gotten jealous. Who cared if he was talking to a pretty young woman? I mean, all I wanted was friendship. Yeah, right. As it was, I now had another item to tack onto my two-page list of apologies for Silas.
I was determined to get through that list, but before I dove headfirst into the apologies, I needed more time to compose myself. I wasn’t ready to see him yet, not until I’d taken a week or two and settled into Prescott life. I might actually stand a chance at keeping my attitude in check if my life wasn’t in such a state of turmoil.
Maybe I’d get lucky and wouldn’t see him tonight.
Wishful thinking. Silas was definitely going to be here. Karma was a bitch and she wasn’t a Felicity fan.
When Jess shut off the SUV, my stomach dipped. Swallowing hard, I took a few soothing breaths while I waited for Gigi to climb out ahead of me.
You can do this. Show the town, show Silas, that you’ve changed. I would be cheerful, the smile on my face permanent. I’d laugh at any and all jokes. I wouldn’t give the town gossips any further ammunition to hold against me. And if—when—we ran into Silas, I would be pleasant.
Affirmations complete, I scooted out of the Suburban and joined my family on the sidewalk. With Roe leading the way, we set off to watch her fill her pillowcase with candy.
“Happy to be home?” Jess asked.
“Yeah. I’ll be glad when my stuff gets here next week and I can move into my rental.”
“You sure you don’t want to stay at the farmhouse?”
“I’m sure, but thanks for the offer. I like the motel and it’s only for a week. I’ve got plenty of space to work from my room. Besides, you guys have enough going on without me crowding in.”
I looked at Ben, who was perched in Jess’s arms, and smiled at his costume. Tonight, he was dressed up as a tiger, whiskers and all. How Gigi had managed to keep him still for the face paint I had no clue. Reaching out, I adjusted an ear on Ben’s costume that had turned sideways. He leaned away and shied further into his dad’s chest. Ben still wasn’t overly comfortable with me, but in time I hoped we’d grow on each other.
While Rowen looked like Gigi, Ben was a mini-Jess. The kid wasn’t quite one year old, but it was obvious that he had inherited my brother’s strong and broad frame. Jess, Ben and I all shared the same ice-blue eyes. Mom’s eyes.
“How’s Mom doing?” Ahead of us, she was helping Rowen open a mini Snickers bar.
“Good. Happy. She had an episode a few months ago but nothing since.”
Our mom, Noelle, was a loving woman but had some mental disabilities. Nothing too serious but enough that when Dad had left it had forced a six- and an eight-year-old kid to grow up really fast. We’d learned to cook and clean, how to shop for groceries and pay bills, what neighbors to call when we needed a ride to the hospital after Mom had an accident.
And for the last sixteen years, Jess had been taking care of her on his own.
“I’m sorry, Jess.” This wasn’t the best place to start making apologies, but I had to begin somewhere and I wanted my brother to be the first.
“Sorry for what?”
“For leaving you to deal with all her troubles all these years. For selfishly staying away for as long as I did. God, I didn’t even do a good job at making regular phone calls. I dumped all that responsibility on you and that wasn’t fair.”
“She’s my mom too.”
“I know, but that doesn’t make it right. I wouldn’t blame you if you resented me for abandoning you guys. I’m a horrible daughter and a rotten sister.”
He chuckled. “Dramatic much? You’re not a horrible daughter and sister, Lissy.”
“Yes, I am. I should have done more to help, but now that I’m back, I promise to make it up to you.”
“Helping others is kind of my thing. Did you forget that I’m a cop?”
“But—”
“Hey,” he interrupted, shifting Ben and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “You don’t need to feel guilty. Okay? I didn’t mind.”
I sighed. “Okay.” The guilt was still there but I wouldn’t win an argument. I’d just show him I was dedicated to helping out.
“Though, if you’re hell-bent on balancing the scales, you can start taking over my assignments on Georgia’s chore wheel.”
I elbowed his side. “Jess, I’m being serious.”
“So am I. I fucking hate Toilet Tuesday.”
“You’re making this apology too easy.” Making amends was supposed to be hard.
“There’s no apology to make, Lissy. Just glad you’re home.” He squeezed my shoulder again and then tugged on my hair, something he had done all throughout my childhood.
In return, I poked a knuckle into his ribs. He jerked and scooted away. “Does Gigi know how incredibly ticklish you are?” I asked. “Maybe I should let her know, just in case. Let’s see, if I recall, you never liked it when I pinched the back of your neck.”
At my threat, his eyes narrowed. “Don’t even think about it.”
“I’m immune to that glare, Sheriff Cleary. You might be able to intimidate everyone else in this county, but not me. Put the scowl away.”
“Might have to take back my earlier statement. I’m not so sure I like having you back,” he joked. “Especially if you’re going to team up against me with Georgia. Got enough trouble keeping up with her and Maisy. You’d think I wouldn’t be surprised by now, but fuck, some of the shit they come up with . . .” he trailed off, shaking his head.
At the mention of Maisy, my smile fell. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Maisy. I didn’t know her well enough to judge. She had been quite a bit younger than me in school, and from everything that Jess and Gigi had told me, she seemed nice.
My frown stemmed from jealousy.
She made Silas smile and laugh. I made him curse and slam doors.
“What? What’s that look about?” Jess asked.
“Oh, uh, just a mild headache. I’ll be fine.” I assumed my happy face.
He frowned, well aware that I had just lied, but dropped his interrogation when a harried father chasing Captain America and Thor came running between us.
“Look how cute they are,” Mom said, stepping to my side. Her eyes were bright and shining as she watched her grandchildren.
I looped my arm through hers. “They sure are. How are you doing, Mom?”
My mother had always been a small woman but now she felt frail and much too thin. I was going to make it a point to prepare her meals four or five times a week. Between my efforts and Gigi’s frequent dinner invites, maybe she wouldn’t need to cook for herself anymore.
“I’m so glad you’re home,” she said. “It’s been a long time.” Her voice was never loud, and long ago, I’d trained my ears to block out all other sound so I could hear her whisper.
I nodded. “Too long.”
“Oh, look! Jack and Annie!”
My anxiety skyrocketed and my feet did a stutter-step on the sidewalk. Jack and Annie Drummond. Wes’s parents. I hadn’t seen or talked to them since Wes’s funeral. At one point, they’d been like parents to me—in-laws, really—but my relationship with them had ended when I’d disappeared to Seattle.
I had no idea what Wes had told them about me over the years. They had been affectionate at Wes’s funeral but their hearts had been cloaked in grief. Now that things had settled, would they hate me for how I had treated their son? Did they know that I’d betrayed him? Did they know I was to blame for his drug habit?
I jumped when Rowen’s hand slipped into mine. Before I could object, her little body was dragging me down the sidewalk, away from Mom and straight toward the Drummonds. “Come meet my best friend, Mason,” she ordered. Standing between Jack and Annie was a cute, brown-haired boy dressed as a farmer. “Mason, this is my Aunt Lissy.”
“Um, hi, Mason.” I gave him an awkward wave then lifted my eyes. “Hi, Annie. Jack.” I tensed, hoping to get a hello but expecting the cold shoulder.
In a flash, Jack’s long arms wrapped around my back and he squished me against his chest. One second later, Annie’s short frame was pressed to my side and her smaller arms slung around my waist.
“Heard you came home,” Jack said. “We were giving you until this weekend to get settled and then we were invading.”
I smiled and relaxed against his soft fleece jacket. “Invade away.”
We stood motionless on the sidewalk for a few moments while I soaked up their affection like a sponge. With one last squeeze, Jack and Annie let me go.
“You’re coming to dinner,” Annie declared. “I’ll make your favorite.”
“I’d really like that.”
“Can I go with Rowen?” Mason asked. At Jack’s nod, Mason took off after my niece to collect more candy.
“Are you both well?” I asked.
“We’re great,” Jack said, pulling Annie into his side. “We adopted Mason last year. He’s keeping us on our toes.”
That was unexpected. My eyes widened and Annie smiled. “We’ll give you all the details at dinner.”
I nodded. “Sounds like we’ll have a lot to talk about.”
“Oh, boy do we ever,” she said. “Give me a call when you’re ready.”
“Okay.” I waved good-bye as they went to collect Mason, glad that reunion had gone so smoothly. Eventually, we’d have to have a conversation about Wes, but for now, I was relieved we’d just kept things light.
Rejoining my family, I followed Jess and Gigi as they attempted to keep up with Rowen. After an hour of meandering down the sidewalk, my niece was overloaded with candy and we were making our way back toward the SUV.
I made it. I had survived the evening and there had been no sign of Silas. Maybe Karma was warming up to me after all. “This was actually really fun,” I told Gigi honestly.
“I love Halloween.” She smiled. “And I told you not to worry.”
I smiled back. “I’m glad you were right.” Everyone tonight had been welcoming and friendly. I hadn’t heard any hushed whispers or caught any strange stares. Maybe I had been too hard on Prescott’s residents and hadn’t given them enough credit.
Then again, maybe not.
I hadn’t run into anyone that I’d gone to school with. Who knew what would happen when I saw those familiar faces? I was holding out hope that most of my classmates had forgotten my juvenile transgressions—that, or moved away.
“Oh, there’s Maisy.” Gigi waved to her friend.
My feet came to an abrupt halt as I scanned the surrounding faces. Maisy was weaving through the crowd, her bobbed hair looking almost white underneath her black beanie.
“Hi!” she said to Gigi with a hug. Her blue doe eyes landed on me for a split second before darting away to find anyone else. “Roe! I love your costume,” she said, bending at the waist to talk to my niece.
Rowen smiled and twirled around, her fairy wings swatting Maisy in the face.
“You’ve got weapons, Roe.” I smiled at Maisy as she stood. “Hi, Maisy.” I did my best to soften my face as I swallowed my jealousy.
She gave me a suspicious glance and muttered, “Hi, Felicity.”
Okay. She’s not a fan either. Great.
“Where’s Coby?” Gigi asked her.
Maisy looked over her shoulder and I followed her gaze. When my eyes landed on Silas carrying a brunette toddler with dark-brown eyes, the smile vanished from my lips. When Silas slid an arm around Maisy’s shoulders and pulled her into his side for a quick hug, I bit my lower lip to keep my mouth from falling open.
Were Silas and Maisy a couple?
They had to be. Why else would he have been visiting her at the motel? And it explained why he was with her tonight, carrying around her child. Why he’d said our night together had been a mistake.
Holy hell. My heart plummeted into my stomach.
After handing Coby over to Gigi, Silas shook Jess’s hand. “How are you guys tonight?” His eyes came to me briefly before he looked back at Jess and they started talking.
I tuned them out and focused all my energy on calming my racing heart. How could he do this to me? To her? He’d had sex with me two days ago.
“Felicity?” Mom asked, touching my elbow.
“What?” I snapped. Shock flashed across her face before she frowned.
I dropped my scowl. “Sorry.”
When I was upset, my first instinct was always to lash out. My default defense mechanism had always been to put up a wall of evil glares and sharp comments, but I didn’t want that to be me anymore. I was better than the habits of my past and the last thing I wanted was to be rude to my mom or my brother’s family and do something that I’d regret.
It was time to walk away.
I couldn’t stand here and pretend that everything was wonderful. I needed some space to come to terms with the fact that Silas Grant was not the man I’d thought he was. And this was not the place for me to deliver the verbal beating that he had coming for cheating on Maisy.
“I need to go,” I told Mom. “Can you just tell them I had a headache and decided to walk back to the motel?”
She studied my face for a moment, then nodded. My heeled boots spun around, carrying me away swiftly as they clipped against the sidewalk. My eyes barely registered my surroundings.
Silas was a cheater? I couldn’t believe it. He always touted his traditional values. He wore them like a badge. He wouldn’t play two women at the same time. Would he?
I had to be reading this situation wrong. Silas had always been the epitome of honorable. Had he changed that much?
Just the idea of him not being my Silas, the good and true man of my dreams, had my stomach churning. By the time I made it back to the motel, I was nauseous and had the headache I’d lied about. Resting on the bed with a cool washcloth pressed to my forehead, I knew one thing for certain.
Felicity’s Journey Home meant going down a long, hard road.