Aiden was gone. He’d left our home without as much as a word. And despite the void that greeted me when I opened my eyes, I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed. I went through the motions of readying myself for work, but my heart wasn’t in it. What I really wanted was to fall into a deep sleep until all was right in my world. But even if it had been possible, I wouldn’t have done it. I had Lyric to think of.
Stepping into the kitchen, I found my son giving Dianna a difficult time as she fed him breakfast. I wondered if Lyric was looking for his dad. I was certain he was. Breakfast with Aiden was his routine. And now Lyric was probably confused by the changes. Or maybe I was overthinking it. Could babies become confused?
Saying nothing, I sat at the table and watched the two of them. Although my heart was being ripped apart, I still found myself smiling. Lyric’s hand was at his mouth, smearing food over his lips. The rest of his breakfast was on his bib and the high chair. He was undoubtedly the messiest and most beautiful baby ever. Laughing when he spat out another mouthful of cereal, I decided he was the perfect reason to stay home from work.
*****
It was late afternoon. Aiden called Dianna and asked her to bring Lyric over for a visit.
“I’ll go with you. To help get Lyric settled,” I offered.
Dianna looked up from the bag she was packing. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Mr. Aiden didn’t leave just because he wanted space. He left to avoid you seeing him go through this. Fortunately, he only moved a few hundred feet away. If he feels that isn’t far enough, what do you think he’s likely to do?”
I shook my head and sighed. “He’ll go even further away.”
“Exactly.”
“I miss him, Dianna,” I said, wistful as I considered how many days and nights I could possibly spend without Aiden.
“I know you do.”
I stepped toward the window and looked at the house that was now Aiden’s home. “I feel as if half my days are spent crying and the other half are spent walking on eggshells. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
Dianna’s hand rested on my shoulder. “Don’t give up on him. He’s a wonderful man, Aria. He just needs some fine tuning. And quite frankly, I don’t think anyone can do it but you.”
“I don’t know.” I turned away from the window. “He makes everything so much harder than it has to be. And now that he’s convinced that his way of dealing with his condition is the only way, I’m even more worried.”
“He’s fine. Trust me.”
“But I want to see for myself,” I said. “Am I not allowed to see my own husband?”
Dianna finished packing Lyric’s bag, closing it with a zip. “How about this? Come with me this one time. Get a glimpse of him, but don’t let him see you.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “This is ridiculous, but if it’s the only way …”
I lifted Lyric from his playpen, Dianna grabbed his bag, and we headed to Aiden’s new home. Once we’d arrived at the guest house, I passed the baby to Dianna and she took him into the family room with Aiden. From a distance, I watched father and son light up at the sight of each other.
“There’s my big guy,” Aiden said.
Lyric bounced in Aiden’s lap.
“Looks like someone is happy to see you,” Dianna said.
“Not half as happy as I am to see him. Did you bring the airplane?” Aiden asked, looking up from a buoyant Lyric.
“It arrived this morning,” Dianna said. “It’s in his bag. I’ll be right back.”
Dianna stepped out of the room, nearly bumping into me standing near the door. She placed a finger to her lips, signaling I should keep quiet. As she walked past me, I looked in on Aiden and Lyric again.
“I love you, Lyric,” Aiden said. “Do you know how lucky I am to be your dad?”
He moved his palm over Lyric’s brown curls.
“I know things aren’t what we want right now. But Daddy’s getting stronger every day, and I’ll be home with you soon. Back with you and Mommy.” He kissed Lyric’s hair. “I promise.”
I wanted to go to them. To let him know he could come home now, but that offer would fall on deaf ears. I couldn’t watch anymore. I looked away just as Dianna returned with the toy.
“I’ll see you back at the main house,” I whispered. “I can’t do this.”
As I was about to leave, the doorbell rang, so I stepped out of sight. Seconds later, Anja appeared, opening the door to Kevin and a crew of delivery men. After a short exchange, she directed them to a room they would set up for Aiden’s therapy.
I decided to hang around a while longer. Aiden had been reticent about discussing his treatment with me. I guessed he didn’t want to get my hopes up, but if what he’d said to Lyric was true, then I had every reason to be hopeful.
A while later, additional equipment was hauled into the room designated for physical therapy. As Kevin’s team readied the area, I walked around the house, looking for any signs that indicated Aiden’s intent to stay here was longer than what would be helpful to either of us. Sometime later, Dianna left, but not without issuing me yet another warning to honor Aiden’s wishes.
*****
Kevin was consulting with Lauren as Aiden rolled to the walking platform, pulled himself up, and stood at the end of the bars.
“Hey, let us help you get started,” Kevin said.
Ignoring his physical therapist, Aiden moved his right leg forward, taking a step without the assistance of the robotic walker. Moments later, he moved his left leg. Looking up from his feet, he made a motion to move his right leg again, but lost his balance and fell to the floor.
“Oh, my God. Aiden, are you okay?” I asked, rushing into the room.
He looked up at me, his face red. Was that shame I saw reflected in his dark eyes?
“Let me help you up,” I said.
Rage washed over his face. “Get her out of here!”
“No, I’m not leaving,” I said.
“The hell you aren’t.” He looked toward Kevin. “Where’s Scott?”
“Aiden, you don’t need to do this,” I pleaded.
“Do I have to move across the country for you to get the point? I don’t need your help. I don’t want your help.”
“Mrs. Raine,” Scott said, having appeared at the door.
“Okay, okay. I’ll go,” I said. I turned back to Aiden. “But I’m coming back. And I’ll keep coming back until you accept that I’m not going anywhere.”
“Are you just going to stand there or help me into that fucking thing?” Aiden asked Kevin.
Reluctantly, I backed away, all the while watching my husband, his fury building as he pounded his fists on the floor. I didn’t know if his tantrum was because he knew I was coming back or because his legs weren’t doing what he wanted them to do.
*****
Later in the day, I was sitting in my home office when a knock pulled my attention to the door.
“Mrs. Raine, is it a good time to speak with you?”
It was Scott, Aiden’s head security officer slash bodyguard slash new best friend. I’d never taken note until now of how daunting he was. He had the muscular build of a man one would think twice about before approaching—obviously one of the reasons Aiden hired him.
“Is Aiden okay?” I asked.
“He’s pretty much the same. Determined,” Scott said.
“You’ll let me know if he needs anything?” I felt like an idiot having to ask a member of our staff to let me know how my husband was doing.
“I’d like to do that, but Mr. Raine would have my head.”
“He doesn’t have to know,” I said. “Please.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you, Scott.”
“You wanted to speak with me,” I said.
He passed an envelope to me. “Yes, ma’am. Mr. Raine asked that I give you this.”
What the hell would Aiden need to give to me that he couldn’t pick up a phone and talk to me about? I scanned the document. What the hell? Was Aiden serious?
Not quite sure how to respond, I looked up at Scott. “When did Aiden do this?” I asked.
“I assume after his therapy session. He was at his desk working on something when he called me in,” Scott said.
“Can you tell Mr. Raine that I said go to hell?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, and turned to leave.
Aiden had drawn up a visitation schedule for Lyric. It included a statement that Dianna was the only person allowed to bring him to the house. This had gone too far. I ripped up the document and tossed it in the trash.
*****
Staring at my phone log of unanswered calls and unreturned texts, I’d come terribly close to losing my patience with Aiden’s ridiculous move. I figured he would’ve shown some signs of normal behavior by now. Normal human beings were known to get upset and respond irrationally. But eventually they returned to their senses. And occasionally they made moves to set things right. But it would appear Aiden wasn’t normal, and he hadn’t made any effort to correct his action. Instead he placed his foot on the gas, and moved further into the mindset that his way was the right way.
I’d called him a half hour ago. No answer. So I sent a text. No reply.
Wait. Maybe I was wrong. The ellipses that indicated an impending reply appeared in the text window. I waited, wondering if he would say something sensible or would it be more along his same line of craziness.
As I stared at the phone, the little dots disappeared. Had he changed his mind? Should I call? As I was about to press the green button, the little icons appeared again. He wanted to reply, but he wouldn’t. Why? Why was he doing something he obviously didn’t want to do? Unfortunately I knew the answer. He was trying to spare me from what he figured would cause me pain. He was doing what he thought was best for me. And when Aiden had that kind of cockamamie idea in his head, almost nothing would change it. Even the pain he was already causing.
Another nonproductive day was staring me in the face. I remembered a time when work was my sole purpose for living. It invigorated me like nothing else, and the hours in the day didn’t seem long enough. But now, I was so far removed from work that being at RPH was the last thing I wanted. What I wanted—what I needed—was my husband, and I was fed up with doing things his way. Not bothering to power down my computer, I left my desk and grabbed my purse.
“Andrea, I’m leaving for the day. If anything pressing comes up, please call me,” I said as I breezed past her desk.
“Yes, ma’am,” she replied.
I wasn’t sure how Aiden expected this to play out, but I’d had enough. I left the office with one thing in mind—to bring my husband home. And I wasn’t planning to take no for an answer. Little did I know what Aiden had in store for me.
My car slowed to a crawl on the cobblestone drive that led to the front of the guesthouse, my nerves already fried by the mere thought of a confrontation with Aiden. Stepping out of my car, I took the short walk to the front of the house, surprised by the two security guards positioned near the door—both of them large, one bald and one with a buzz cut.
“Hello, Mrs. Raine,” Buzz Cut said as I approached.
“Hi,” I replied. “Is Aiden okay? What’s going on?”
“Mr. Raine decided to add an extra layer of security to protect his privacy.”
“Did something happen?” I asked, wondering if one of the insistent reporters had found a way through the gates.
“We’re not at liberty to say, Mrs. Raine,” he replied, an uncomfortable look on his face.
“I guess I’ll just have to ask him myself,” I said, and moved toward the front door, only to have the large man step in front of me, blocking my path.
“Ma’am,” he said, glancing at his bald counterpart.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“Everything’s fine, but …”
His words were in contrast to the grimace on his face. “But what?” A trace of worry lined my stomach.
“Mr. Raine isn’t accepting any guests,” Buzz Cut said.
“I would expect as much, but I’m not a guest. I’m his wife.”
“Yes ma’am, but he gave explicit instructions. And I’m sorry to say that you’re included on the list of people we cannot permit to enter.”
My mouth fell slightly agape. I quickly recovered. “Where is he?” I was already fuming, and this recent move was the match he’d flashed over a barrel of gasoline.
“He’s inside.”
“You get him out here. Now!” I demanded.
“I can try, but I’m certain he isn’t planning to come out. He’s made that pretty clear.”
“Aiden!” I screamed. Obviously, he hadn’t clued these two in. There wasn’t a chance in hell he would keep me out of our house. No fucking way. “Aiden!” I screamed again, as I tried to move past them, but they stood in front of me like two mountains, unmoving and impenetrable.
“Either you step away, or you’ll wish you had,” I threatened.
The large man swallowed and looked to his right at his partner. Was he sending a silent request for assistance? When the bald guard spoke up, I instantly noticed the sympathy of his gaze.
“Ma’am, we’re only doing as we’ve been instructed. And please don’t take this as disrespect, but I think you know how Mr. Raine can be when his orders aren’t followed and … well, we need our jobs,” he said.
The other guy, the one with the buzz cut, looked down at his phone. “Mr. Raine would like to speak with you. He’s calling you now.”
My phone rang just as I reached for it. “Yes,” I answered, winded by my upset and almost tussle with the two huge linebackers.
“Aria, don’t do this,” Aiden said.
“How could you do this to me? I’m your wife!”
“Aria, those men are doing as I’ve asked. Don’t make more of a scene than you already have.”
Tears stung my eyes as I stepped away from the prying gazes of the two men. “Why are you doing this? Do you have any idea how humiliating this is?” I asked, whispering into the phone.
“Then don’t make it worse. Stop it and go home.”
“I am home. Wherever you are is my home. Isn’t that what you’ve promised? Didn’t you say my heart would always have a home?”
He was silent.
Maybe my words had touched the part of him that had any sense left. “Aria, you’re my heart. You’ll always be my heart. Surely you know that will never change. I’m asking for some time … that’s all. Can you—”
I lowered the phone from my ear and ended the call before I could hear any more of his stupidity. Turning back toward the men, I said, “I’m sorry he’s placed you in this position.” Neither of them responded, but then again, I hadn’t expected them to. Angry and embarrassed, I headed back to my car and drove away from the house.
Sitting in the parking garage, I wondered if I should force my way or just give up. Eventually the part of me that wanted to confront my tormentor won out. I stepped out of the garage and trudged my way across the property to the back of the guest house. How insane was it that I had to sneak onto my own fucking property? I didn’t think it was possible for me to be even more upset than I already was, but I’d forgotten who I was dealing with—the one person who knew how to hit my buttons like no one else.
I crept around to the back of the house. The closer I got, the more I tensed, my anger fading as the apprehension of facing Aiden resurfaced. Sliding my key into the eyehole, I gave it a turn, only to find it was still locked. The key fit, so why was it not working? I pulled the piece of metal from the aperture and after confirming I was using the correct key, I slid it in again and gave it another turn. It still didn’t work. He’d had the locks changed. Obviously he’d taken my threat of coming back seriously. And obviously that threat was also the reason for the two men inserted in the front of the house—to keep me out. I threw the key across the walkway and knocked on the door, yelling Aiden’s name as tears jetted from my eyes. Unanswered, I grew angrier and began pounding on the door until the ache in my fists became unbearable. Breathing heavily, I glared at the unyielding piece of wood, still closed and still secure in its frame.
Regardless of how loud I screamed or how hard I slammed into the door, it didn’t matter. Aiden wasn’t coming for me. As I tried to catch my breath, I looked at the large wooden barrier, glaring at it as though it was the enemy, but it wasn’t the door that had caused me to sink to this level—it was Aiden. He was the reason for all of this—for the unsettled feeling in my stomach, for the fear of what was happening to us. Once my breathing leveled out—and although I was doubtful Aiden would come to the door—I sat on the stoop and waited. He had to have known I hadn’t given up—that I was still here. And a small part of me was hoping the guilt for the shame he’d caused would draw him out, but with each passing minute, I realized I was wrong. Aiden really wasn’t going to come for me. Though I probably should have, I still couldn’t leave. I waited and waited. And as the seconds ticked by, a stronger sense of foreboding grasped ahold of me. But I didn’t want to give up on my husband. Fighting the strong autumn wind, I curled into a ball next to the door and closed my eyes—hoping for something that wasn’t going to happen and praying that Aiden would stop distancing himself from the one person he vowed would always have his heart.
I’d started to get cold, so I prepared to give up and head home just as the door opened behind me. It was Aiden … and he was with Scott.
“Aria, please. This is not the time to demonstrate your stubbornness. You shouldn’t be out here in this cold.”
“Aiden, we need to talk,” I said, looking at him. “Alone,” I added, as I glanced toward his new best friend.
“Scott will see you home,” Aiden said.
“Are you serious?” I asked.
Aiden was in his wheelchair and started to roll away.
“Fuck you, Aiden!”
I started my way home, Scott trailing me. “I don’t need an escort.”
“Mr. Raine made it clear that I was to see that you got home out of the cold.”
“Whatever,” I said as I continued, my eyes wet with tears as I made my way back to the large, empty house. No one had the capacity to love me as much as Aiden … but on the other side of the coin, no one had the ability to break me into as many pieces as Aiden.
Regardless of what I did or said, he wasn’t coming back. He wanted to be alone in this, and that’s exactly where he’d left me … alone. The sense of abandonment was a familiar and dreaded reminder of my past. It had been a black mist that infiltrated my mind and drove me down a path I now regretted. I couldn’t leave Aiden with that. I wouldn’t let him give into the ridiculous notion that he was somehow less than—that he had to go through this in isolation.
*****
Oddly enough, I had a night of uninterrupted sleep. A night that gifted me with sweet dreams and a quiet baby. Lyric must have known Mommy needed her rest, because he’d slept through the night. He was lying on his stomach, fast asleep. I found myself smiling when I thought I heard his little baby snores. Stroking my fingers through his dark curls, I said, “My perfect little guy.”
Lyric started to shuffle, and eventually he awakened. I lifted him from the crib and snuggled him in my arms.
“Your father is such an idiot.” I let out a sigh and touched my forehead to Lyric’s. “Even though he can’t seem to keep the promise he made to me, what matters most is that he’s keeping the one he made to you.”
I noticed a shift in my mood. I wasn’t sad anymore. I was … well, I was resolved to let Aiden have his way. If he wanted to have my support from afar, then he’d have it. I was done trying to push any sense into his thick head.
With a renewed sense of purpose, I exhaled the pent-up anxiety and made plans for my day. Meeting with Tristan, I asked that he reschedule all of my appointments for the next couple of days. Today was all about me. Aiden could sulk all he wanted, I was done waiting in line for another ride on the emotional rollercoaster.
“Can you also call the Mandarin Oriental and get me a couple hours at the spa today?”
“I’m on it,” Tristan said. “Anything else?”
“Yes. The salon. Tell Diego it’s an emergency.”
“Yes ma’am.”
*****
After some time with probably the best masseuse in Boston, I was sitting in Diego’s chair.
“You know,” I said, running my fingers through my dark tresses. “I think I want to do something different with my hair.
Diego’s eyes widened. “Huh?”
“Why are you looking that way?” I asked.
“I’ve been styling your hair for five years and it’s always the same. Wash and clip. Or deep conditioning, wash and clip.”
“I know. But I think it’s time for a change.”
“Cut?” he asked.
“Nah. Not ready for anything that drastic. Baby steps.”
“A color, then? You can’t really go lighter, but how about a lift and some highlights?”
“Hmm. I don’t know.”
“You could always go back darker if you don’t like it.”
I should do it. I wanted to look in the mirror and see someone new … not the sad, stressed woman I’d been for the past few weeks.
“Let’s do it.” I needed a change. I couldn’t let Aiden’s behavior define my days anymore.
*****
Arriving home hours later, I glanced at Aiden’s new residence as I passed. And the anger I’d worked hard to suppress started to surface. I could be as unreasonable as he. I could very easily interpret his departure as an indication he was done with this marriage. So why not take Lyric and leave? Was he so arrogant to think I’d wait around for his scraps? That I’d be here waiting indefinitely?
Who was I kidding? It was Aiden Raine, so of course he thought exactly that! But what if I turned the tables? What if I let him see what it was like to have the rug pulled from underneath him? To have someone else dictate the path his life would take. As pissed as I was, I knew I wouldn’t do that. How could I when I knew this foolishness was his misguided attempt to distance me from the possibility of more pain? And even more so, how could I do that to him when Nadia had already done just that?
*****
Leaning my forehead against the kitchen window, I gazed at the house on the far end of the property. It was so close, but it may as well have been hundreds of miles away, because that’s how far Aiden was from my reach. Was he in therapy? Was he eating? Was he missing his wife and son? I didn’t know. And I wouldn’t know because he didn’t want me to know.
Each morning, upon waking, I grabbed a cup of tea and sat at the same window, the same questions running through my head. And then I looked toward the future, envisioning the day when Aiden was back with me. It was silly, but it was my way of starting the day with him.
One day, things would be right between us again. They had to be. In the meantime, I’d picked up the pieces of my life, placing one stilettoed foot in front of the other and making my way without Aiden. On his behalf, I’d spoken at the dedication ceremony for the new Raine Therapeutic Recovery wing at the hospital. I was thriving at work and I was enjoying time with Lyric. I’d resumed my piano lessons as well. Just because Aiden wasn’t around to teach me didn’t mean I had to put it off.
Although I was doing pretty well, I didn’t like this new normal. And regardless of Aiden’s reluctance to come back to me, I knew he didn’t either.