I leaned against the church door and watched Heath finish up with his flock. The last woman in line was about four feet tall with glasses as wide as she was. She looked as though she had to be at least four hundred years old, but she moved like she was eight. She kissed his hand and practically sprinted away. Heath smiled and waved to her as she left.

He walked over to me, and I just had to chuckle at the sight of him in all black and with that white collar around his neck. I wouldn’t have ever imagined he’d become a priest. Not in a million years. But here he was, doing it, and everyone really seemed to like him.

“Sorry for making you wait. Come on back,” he said taking my hand and leading me behind the church where the priest’s house was.

“Can I go in there? Like is it even allowed?”

“Of course, why couldn’t you?”

“I don’t know. I guess I always thought it was for priests or religious people only.”

Heath laughed, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“A priest huh?”

“Yes. You hadn’t heard? Bet that was a shock, huh?”

“A little. OK, yeah, a lot.”

“It just sort of happened, but I’m very happy,” he said with a small laugh. “Come on in.”

He opened the door for me, and I stepped inside the quaint home. It was neatly decorated, but it had far too many crosses and religious pictures hanging about for my tastes. I couldn’t help but laugh thinking how this was the same person that would listen to heavy metal and talk about girls with my brother.

“What?” he said looking at me with a sexy half-grin.

“Nothing, it’s just weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“Never mind,” I said worrying I might offend him.

“No, it’s OK, tell me. I’m a priest, after all, I’ll forgive you if I don’t like what you have to say.” He laughed at himself.

His robes were off, and his black pants fit him so perfectly. I could see the bulge in his pants, but of course, I tried not to look. His arms were so muscular his shirt might as well have not even been there.

Jesus Christ, he was so sexy.

Shit. It had to be a sin to think about a priest in the way I was thinking about Heath. Then again, they were only harmless thoughts. It wasn’t like he was banging me on the sofa. Dammit!

Even if my thoughts about him weren’t sinful, they sure as hell felt as though they were. Just being so close to him and wanting him to touch me had to be a sin.

“It’s just, well, I never imagined you being a priest.”

He laughed. Oh, God. Even his laugh was sexy. “Neither did I, at least not when I was younger. But now I can’t see myself being anything else. What are you going to school for?”

“Currently, and to my parent's chagrin, I’m undeclared.” I looked at him so I could watch his expression. Surely it would be the same reaction I’d seen a million times when I’d share that I still didn’t know what I wanted to be doing with my life. But he just smiled politely.

“Oh! How rude of me… can I get you something to drink? Coffee?”

“That would be great, thanks.” That way I could be up all night fantasizing about my childhood crush who was now a priest. So much for all the fantasies wherein Heath was the one to take my virginity.

He turned on his coffee maker and quickly brewed two cups. “I just can’t get over that it’s you.”

“Have I really changed that much?” I asked.

“Yes and no. You look like you but older. I don’t mean that in a bad way I just mean you’re not a kid anymore.” He was looking me over from head to toe, but his gaze slowed as he looked from my boots up to meet my eyes again.

I smiled at him even though there was suddenly an awkward silence between us. If only I could have known what he was thinking about at the moment. His expression had suddenly changed from happy and excited to one that was darker and much harder to read.

“Do you need me to leave?” I said breaking the silence.

“No,” he said waving his hand as his smile returned.

“This is going to sound totally crazy, and I shouldn’t even tell you this….” Oh my God, what was I doing? I couldn’t stop my words they just flowed out of me like a floodgate had been lifted. “I had such a huge crush on you when I was younger.”

Apparently, when I hadn’t been able to think about anything else to talk about, I decided a confession was the way to go. What did it matter? It wasn’t like anything could ever come of it. They were just words. In fact, it almost felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I’d kept that inside for so many years, it was actually good to voice it.

“You did?” he said, and I could feel that same shift in the air that I had felt after communion. It was as if all the angels and butterflies left the room to cower away from the things that were dark, dangerous, and naughty.

“I did. God dammit I really shouldn’t have said that, and I definitely shouldn’t say God dammit, right? I don’t really want him to damn anything. I don’t know what I’m talking about right now.” I turned away unable to look at him.

“No, Liv, I’m glad you told me,” he said, and before I knew it, I felt his fingers sliding over the back of my hand. “Back then I didn’t think of you as anything more than Paul’s little sister, but it’s different now. When I saw you in church… I… I felt something I hadn’t ever felt before.”

“In what way?”

“It felt better than praying. It felt like I was up on a cloud looking down at everyone. It was an amazing feeling that jolted through my veins. There is something about you, and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. All I know is it made me feel well, enlightened.”

I knew I should pull my hand away, he was a priest, but something wouldn’t let me. I loved the warm, soft feel of his hand on mine— it felt right. My heart raced thinking about all those times I dreamed about being with him. It was as if I could make those fantasies a reality and something about that was both overwhelming, and like a challenge, I needed to complete. It wasn’t something God could make go away. If this was the work of the devil, his grip on it was far too tight for me to fight off.

“You’re a priest. A man of God,” I said looking at his hand still on top of mine. Was it really there or was I just imagining this? Obviously he wouldn’t break his vows to God, but touching my hand wasn’t wrong, was it? But what I was feeling had to be wrong. Was he feeling it too?

“Yes,” he said pulling away slowly, “but I am still a man. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He stood and started pacing. It was clear he was having some kind of inner struggle.

I stood in front of him to get him to stop pacing. Our eyes locked. I wanted to tell him that he hadn’t made me uncomfortable. In fact, I had never felt more comfortable in all my life. The only problem was I couldn’t act on anything I was feeling.

“I’m not uncomfortable. Tell me, why did you become a priest?”

“Right now, I’m questioning all that myself. I can’t stop thinking about things I shouldn’t be thinking about. I’m going to hell,” he said as he put his finger on my cheek.

“No, you aren’t,” I said looking up at him. “But I should probably get going before you question it too much and I ruin everything you have here. As much as I want to stay here… it wouldn’t be a good idea. I can’t be the reason you doubt your devotion.”

Heath lightly brushed his thumb against my lower lip as he stared at my mouth. My lips parted, and a small sigh escaped.

If only he weren't a priest, he could just lift my skirt and take me against the wall. He’d make my first time a dream come true. If only things were different.

Heath stared at my mouth for a long moment before he spoke, “I understand. It was really good to see you. Come to mass again next time you are in town. Please.”

His hand dropped away from my face as if it hadn’t even happened. My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach.

“Goodbye Heath, I mean Father.”

“Goodbye Livie, I mean Liv,” he said with a sly grin.

I walked to his front door wishing things could be different. My hand slowly twisted the knob, and I pulled the door open feeling the gentle breeze blow lightly against my face. I could tell by the crisp, clean scent that it was going to rain. Another reason I should get home before I was stuck walking in the rain. Perhaps it was a sign from above.

Heath stepped up behind me and placed his hand over mine. He kept his eyes on mine as he slowly closed the door. Heath drew in a deep breath. “Liv, please… wait.”