evie

As I lie in his bed listening to them, I can’t help the sudden heaviness in my chest. It’s bad enough knowing I’m keeping such a big secret from Mason, the person I trust most. It doesn’t help hearing Dash bad-mouth me on top of it.

I mean, I get why he’s doing it. I know he’s just trying to keep our cover, but it doesn’t take away the sting his words leave behind.

The front door closes and after longer than I expect, Dash finally pushes his bedroom door open, seeming hesitant to meet my eyes.

“That was close,” he says low with a smirk, pulling a nod from me as I roll over to face him. He sits on the edge of the bed, staring out in front of him as awkward silence fills the room.

I despise awkward silence, but there isn’t anything I can think of to say that won’t make me feel worse, so I say nothing. After a few minutes, he notices.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” I nod, biting the inside of my cheek, swallowing hard past the feeling of dread I can’t seem to shake.

I’d planned to talk to him about everything this morning. I knew if we were going to ever talk about it, I needed to do it now. However, the small bits of the conversation I’d overheard had made it hard to even consider asking him how he felt.

I think he just made it pretty obvious.

I know it was a show for Mason, but he’d been so believable in his distaste, so blatant in his hatred for me, it’s hard to work up my nerve again.

“What’s up?” he asks as I rub my eyes awake, eager to discreetly rub away the tears pricking behind them. “You’re being really weird.”

“I’m not being weird,” I argue, hating the break in my voice as he slides back in bed beside me, his palm resting on my waist. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” he counters, his voice low this time as he reaches for my chin, nudging it to face him. “What’s wrong?”

“Noth…”

“Don’t say nothing,” he cuts me off, my cheeks heating slightly as his eyes find mine.

“I just don’t understand, Dash,” I admit finally, rolling onto my back and shaking my head as I stare up at his bedroom ceiling. “I mean, I get that you’ve got to act a certain way around my brother because of this,” I gesture between us, biting down on my lip. “But I just don’t understand how you can still say such horrible things about me and still want to sleep with me.”

“That’s just how we are, babe,” he sighs, pulling my eyes back to his and pushing the hair away from my face before gently rubbing my arm. “You know I don’t mean it, but it’s not like I can tell Mason the truth.”

“What is the truth, Dash?” I whisper, the break in my voice more prominent this time as I look up at him. “I mean, if it’s just sex, then fine, but with how you’ve been acting, I don’t buy it,” I shake my head, holding his eyes as I swallow hard, knowing I have to leap now or I never will. “I don’t feel like this is what it was when it started and I don’t think you do, either.”

He holds my eyes, saying nothing for a long while before he clears his throat, releasing a low sigh.

“Evie,” he finally says, making my heart freeze. “Babe, I wish you wouldn’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“Why do you want to stir shit up right at the end?” he asks, a slight edge of annoyance in his voice. “I could see if it was different, but it isn’t.”

“What if it’s supposed to be, Dash?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean, do you ever think we were fated for this?” I ask nervously. “That maybe despite the years of general distaste, we were always destined to end up together?”

“Aww, baby,” he whispers as he releases a sigh, gently sweeping the hair from my face as he cradles my cheek. “That’s so dumb,” he chuckles against my neck, the softness of his lips against my skin a contrast to the harsh feeling his words leave behind. “Now, take off your pants.”

“Dash!” I gasp in horror, flicking him as he slides his hands beneath my shorts, gripping my ass.

“Ow!” he chuckles again, raising up to face me. “What?”

“I’m trying to talk to you about something, you jackass.”

“I’m listening to you,” he sighs. “You asked me if I thought we were fated to be together and I told you no. Do you want me to lie?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so,” he shrugs, leaning back against his pillow, still hovering over me slightly. “What? Did I hurt your feelings?”

“You mean when you bluntly said you were using me?” I ask dryly.

“Like you’re using me?” he counters, raising his eyebrow, his expression softening when he sees mine. “Baby, I’m not trying to be a dick.”

“Oh, right,” I roll my eyes. “I forgot it just comes natural for you.”

“I swear I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings, okay?” he tries, rubbing my stomach beneath my shirt as I meet his eyes. “But if you want me to be honest? No, I don’t think this is all part of some master plan that was laid out for us a million years ago.”

I consider his words, words that are honest, but manage to hit my heart in ways I’m not sure I can handle.

“So, you’re telling me you feel nothing?” I ask, raising up on my elbow to face him fully. “Aside from the pleasure you get out of fucking me, you feel exactly the way you did when you picked me up at the airport a month ago? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“No,” he sighs, letting out a long breath as he raises up beside me. “I mean, I hated you then. I obviously don’t feel that way anymore.”

“You don’t hate me. That’s it? That’s the best you’ve got?” I ask low, hating the break in my voice. He stares ahead, seeming to run things over in his mind for a long time before my chest begins to ache. “It’s not a hard question, Dash. You either feel something or you don’t.”

“Evie…” he sighs, running his hand over his face and shaking his head. “I don’t know what you want me to say, babe.”

I swallow my pain as I stare back at him, eventually shaking my head.

“Nothing,” I whisper, pulling away and slipping out of his bed. “I don’t expect anything, Dash.”

“What are you doing?” he asks as I move to the dresser, pulling on my clothing from the night before.

“I’m gonna go.”

“Evie…”

“It’s better this way,” I shake my head, grabbing my phone and dropping it into my purse.

My heart is breaking, my stomach rolling with nausea that I’d been so stupid, so naïve, but I’ll be damned if I ever let Dash Hunter know he’s hurt me.

“I mean, the last thing I need is to get hung up on some loser back home, right?” I chuckle darkly, my voice full of venom I can only pray will reach my eyes.

“Don’t do this, Evie,” he says low, holding my eyes. “We knew what this was.”

“Yep,” I shrug, restraining my emotion as I stare back at him. “One big drunken mistake we can both look back on with regret for the rest of our lives.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Of course, I do,” I snicker, taking in his expression and shaking my head. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I’d hurt him. Unfortunately, I know him well enough to know it’s not possible to hurt Dash Hunter. “You should be relieved, Dash. You’re off the hook. We can do what we always said, go back to hating each other.”

“Evie, you’re being ridiculous. You knew what this was, same as me,” he repeats, his features exhausted. “Do you seriously want to let everything end in a fight?”

“No, but don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. It won’t end in a fight,” I smile sadly as I sling my purse over my shoulder and move toward the door, turning back to face him. “You’re a coward and I’ve never seen you fight for anything, Dash. Why would I ever expect to be any different?”

dash

As my front door slams shut behind her, a sharp stab of pain slams into the center of my chest.

I twist, turning to pull my legs from the bed and rest my head in my hands.

She loves me.

She loved me.

I know what I did is for the best. There’s no way I can feel the way I feel about her and ask her to walk away from everything she’d worked her whole life for.

I can’t give her any of that shit.

Besides, I know if she thought really hard about it, she’d see that what she thought she felt for me wasn’t real.

There’s no way it could be.

I could never be enough for someone like Evie.