I tapped out a reply and then handed Trex’s phone back to him. Just as he let it lie in his lap, it chimed again. He laughed and handed it back. “Just keep it.”

“I’d forgotten how fun it was to have a phone,” I said, reading what Zeke had to say. He was still in Colorado Springs. “He met a girl.”

“Good,” Trex said with a smirk. “I don’t have to worry anymore.”

“You never had to worry,” I said, smiling down at his phone as I typed out a reply. One by one, as the hotshots found out about the pregnancy, they used Trex’s phone to check in on me and the baby. Word had spread once Stavros found out. Ander told me too late that his older brother was terrible at keeping secrets. The entire Alpine crew had shared Trex’s number and sent texts every day for weeks.

What’s her name? I typed out, and pressed Send.

I laughed out loud.

Thank you. I typed. I’m glad you’re happy, too.

As soon as I handed Trex his phone, it rang.

“Trex,” he answered.

He got quiet, listening intently and then speaking vaguely about corridors and assignments. He mentioned names like Sloan, Martinez, Harbinger, and Kitsch, and one name I recognized—Naomi.

He hung up and glanced at me, clearly uncomfortable at having to talk about work next to me. “Sorry,” he said, clearing his throat. “So, where were we before Zeke started blowing up my phone?”

“Stuck at H.” Half an hour outside of Colorado Springs, Trex suggested we go through the alphabet, choosing names we liked best starting with each letter. It took us half the trip to get to H.

“Your turn,” Trex said in his deep voice. I decided I liked taking road trips with him. He seemed so serene, and he drove with his wrist at the top of the steering wheel, making his forearms tense when he made any adjustments. His forearms were sexy. Well, all of him was sexy, and now that I’d been with him in that way, that was all I seemed to think about.

“Hannah.”

“I like Hannah.”

“I,” I said.

“Hmmm…that’s a tough one. Uh…Isabelle.”

“Isabella?” I asked.

“Yep.”

“J. Jasmine? Jillian? Justine? Jenny? Juliet?”

“Juliet,” he said, certain.

I nodded in agreement. We continued until we got to Z, only passing on a few letters. Z took us half an hour.

“Zara,” I said with a smile.

“I like Zara.”

“Okay,” I said with a sigh. “That’s it. Do you remember them all?”

“Adeline, Blake, Charlotte, Dillon, Evangeline, Finn, Grier, Harbor, Isabella, Juliet, Kennedy, Lydia, Madeleine, Nina, Olivia, Pacey, Quinn, Remy, Sunday, Tegan, Umber, Violet, Wren, we skipped X and Y, and Zara. Now you just have to pick one.”

I frowned. “I didn’t think this through.”

“Can I offer my favorites?”

“Please do.”

“Maddie, Grier, Quinn, and Wren.”

“Maddie?”

“I figured we could call her that. Short for Madeleine. My best friend…his name was Matt. It was Naomi’s husband. He died a few years ago.”

“We have to do it,” I said. “We have to name her Maddie.”

“Yeah?”

I smiled at him, bouncing as the truck went over a few bumps in the highway. “Yeah.”

“Naomi is going to love that.”

“We should ask her permission. Just in case.”

He nodded once. “Good call.”

“We need middle names, too.”

He blanched and I laughed. “What’s your middle name?”

“Solomon.”

“Scott Solomon Trexler. It sounds nice all put together.”

He reached over, putting his hand on my thigh. “What’s yours?”

I wrinkled my nose. “It’s awful.”

He playfully squeezed. “Tell me.”

“Rose.”

“Darby Rose Cooke. It’s absolutely not awful. My mom used to say she named us if it sounded good when she yelled it out the back door,” he said with a smile.

“In that case, it’s perfect.” I let my last sentence hang in the air while I decided whether or not to correct him, and then it took me a solid minute to get up the nerve. “Trex…speaking of names…remember when I said at the doctor’s office that I should tell you something?”

“I thought we had that conversation.”

“No, it sort of went in a different direction than I’d intended.”

“Oh.”

“It’s something I haven’t told you yet. Shawn’s brother is a programmer for the government. If Shawn wanted to look for me, Derek could find me the same day he was asked. I’ve had to stay off-grid as much as possible. That’s why living at the hotel makes it so easy. Nothing that required my social security number. Stavros agreed to pay me in cash.”

“Okay…?” he prompted.

“My last name isn’t Cooke. It’s Dixon.” He frowned and began to speak, but I cut him off. “I’m sorry I lied to you,” I blurted out. “It wasn’t to purposefully deceive you. I was just afraid—”

“It’s okay,” he said, his voice raised. When he saw the hurt look on my face, he reached for my hand. “I didn’t mean to yell. I just don’t want you to apologize. I”—he sighed—“I already knew your real name.”

“What? How?”

He winced. “I have a friend at the FBI.”

“You…what? Did a background check on me?”

“No! I was worried about you, Darby. I realize how it looks, but…”

I pulled my hand away. “You don’t know what you’ve done. Derek probably gets notice every time someone looks up my name! Shawn probably knows where I am!”

“The FBI system is secure…”

“Nothing is secure! You can’t be that naïve!” I leaned against the door, pressing the fingertips of my right hand against my forehead. “When? When did you have the FBI look?”

“Remember when I helped Ellie? I put in the request then, but Val had already done a search.”

“Who is Val?” I asked, my tone getting higher with each question.

“She’s a federal agent. She and I…it’s a long story.”

“Oh my God. Oh my God! So not only is my ex looking for me, yours is, too?”

“That’s not what it was. Darby, please calm down.”

My cheeks burned, and the heat spread to my entire body. I fidgeted with the AC and then sat back again, breathing hard. “That’s illegal! When did she do it? And how? You didn’t even know my real last name.”

“I’m not sure exactly when. It’s extremely hard for an untrained person to go off-grid. There is facial recognition used with traffic cameras, business cameras…She knew where you currently lived, so she could have pulled it from anywhere. Darby, I’m so sorry.”

I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Shawn could have known where I’d been for a long time. He could be watching me. I had no idea. “You should have told me, Trex. You don’t understand…” I sighed.

“Darby, the baby. You have to calm down.” He reached for my stomach, but I pushed his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Babe,” he half pleaded, half scolded me.

I crossed my arms, pulling inside of myself to think like I used to do when I lived with Shawn. “Turn around.”

“What?”

“You have to take me back. I have to get my things. I have to move.” My eyes filled with tears.

“Darby, stop. Just…think about this for a second. If you truly believe Derek has the same access as the FBI, he could have looked up the cameras at the bus station. It’s possible they’ve known where you are this whole time. If you move, I can’t protect you. Besides, if he hasn’t come for you by now—”

“There are three scenarios. Either Shawn has stopped looking for me, he knows where I am and doesn’t care, or he’s waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

My face crumbled. “The right time. I humiliated him when I stood him up at the wedding. He’s not going to let that go.” I bent over and grabbed my stomach, a sharp pain running around my side, down my back and my legs. “Ugh,” I grunted.

Trex jerked the wheel to the side of the road and stopped, running around to the passenger side. He unclipped my seat belt and brushed my hair from my face. “Baby? Breathe. Deep breaths.”

I did as he instructed, leaning my head back against the headrest and stretching my legs as far as I could. He was right. I couldn’t get all worked up, even if I was afraid. Everything I felt affected my daughter. I worked to stay calm, to slow my heartbeat.

“Darby, I would never let anything happen to you,” he said. Worry weighted his facial features. Feeling powerless was not something he handled well. “Please don’t…” He swallowed. “Please don’t leave me.”

“What happens if he comes for me when you’re at work?” I asked.

He thought for just a few seconds before he answered. “I’ll put a call in. We’ll keep an eye on him. Make sure he stays in Texas.”

I covered my eyes with my hand, my bottom lip quivering. “You don’t know him. He doesn’t think like a normal person. He’s not…he’s not afraid of anything, Trex. When he’s angry, he’s not human.”

“Fear is just as powerful, Darby. The only thing I’m afraid of is you getting hurt. And I’ve been through some pretty scary stuff. I’ll handle it. I promise.” He gently cupped my jaw and pulled my face to the side to meet his gaze. He lowered his chin. “I swear on my life.”

I backed away from his hold, hating that I didn’t know which scenario would play out: if Shawn was planning to kill me or take me. “I want your promise that you’ll protect the baby. No matter what. If I end up one of those women found dead with my baby cut out of me, you’ll go get her. You’ll make sure she’s safe no matter what.”

His nose wrinkled. “Darby, Jesus Christ.”

“Promise me!” I screamed.

He cupped my cheeks, desperate to keep me calm. “I’ll keep you both safe. I promise.”

“How?”

“The house. If you move in, I can. I’m installing a state-of-the-art security system. I can be there in less than ten minutes. A police station is four minutes away. The neighbor four houses down is a police officer for that station. He patrols the area several times during his shift. It’s the safest place for you.” He released my cheeks and turned me to face him, resting his hands on my knees.

I shook my head and laughed once. He wanted me to move in with him after he’d just told me he’d violated my privacy and kept yet something else from me. I had to decide how many more secrets I was comfortable with him keeping, and if that outweighed his ability to protect Bean and me. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Trex said, mirroring my expression.

“I don’t know, Trex. Maybe when you realize there is an actual baby inside of me who will eventually come out, constantly crying and filling diapers with the worst-smelling filth you can imagine, and our lives and relationship will be forever changed, maybe you’ll decide you don’t want me so badly after all.”

“That’s insulting,” he said. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“No one expects for relationships to end when they start. We have to be realistic, because I don’t get to bail.”

“Neither do I. Is it that you just don’t want to move in?”

“I…” I sighed. “You’re doing background checks on me without my permission, and possibly alerting my psychotic ex of my whereabouts. You violated my privacy when we weren’t living together. I can’t imagine how far you’ll go when we are. The security system isn’t a comfort. I don’t want someone watching me all the time. I moved to Colorado Springs to get away from that.”

He frowned. “It wasn’t a background check, Darby, and that wasn’t my intention. I was looking into Shawn, not you.”

“No one asked you to do that!” My sudden anger surprised us both. I’d sacrificed so much and tried so hard to stay hidden, and Trex was the one person who made me feel safe. I realized just knowing him had made me vulnerable.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have told Val about you. But moving now won’t keep you any safer. It would be the opposite. Have you considered that Shawn has stayed away because of me?”

“There’s too much I don’t know about you. There’s too many secrets.”

He reached for me. “Honey, I can’t help that.”

“Some of it you could help. I don’t really know you, do I? And you want us to move in together?”

That made him angry. “You know me better than anyone else, Darby. I might have a few things about me that are classified, but you know me.”

“I don’t even know your birthday!”

“June fourth.”

I blinked. “Really? That’s the first day I moved to Colorado Springs.”

“Happy birthday to me.”

“Do you know mine?” I asked.

He nodded. “March twenty-second.”

I frowned. “What else do you know about me?”

“That’s it. I didn’t pry.”

“No, because that would be a total violation of my privacy. And you want me to move in with you? With cameras? You’re insane.”

He was angry again. “You’ll know where they all are. It’ll be just like the hotel but with significantly better security. If you’re that against it, sleep in a different bedroom. We’ll be roommates.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“So is me buying a five-bedroom house in the perfect neighborhood and you insisting on living in a shitty apartment.”

“No one asked you to buy a five-bedroom house!”

He craned his neck to look at me for a few seconds before glaring down the road instead. The cars were ripping past us down the highway. The wind was blowing the bushes that crowded Trex’s boots. We were out in the wide open, but the world was closing in on us. “Do you think I would kick you and the baby out? Do you honestly believe I’d do that, Darby? Trust me, there is a better chance of Stavros going bankrupt and you losing your room in the hotel than that.”

“What? What do you mean? Do you know something?”

He sighed, clearly frustrated with having to share new information. “There are few things I don’t know about situations I’m in.”

“Is Stavros going bankrupt? Will he lose the hotel?”

“He’s been helping Tilde with her medical bills because she didn’t have insurance. It’s sucking him dry. When the hotel was full every night during the fire, it helped him stay afloat every month, but now…”

I covered my mouth. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He lifted his arms and let them slap to his thighs. “I’d hoped once I told you about our house, you’d want to move on your own.”

“This isn’t about us! I’m going to lose my job. You didn’t think to tell me? It’s just secret and secret after secret with you. I thought whoever was the most blunt wins? You haven’t even been scratching the surface of the truth.”

“Stavros doesn’t want you to know. He doesn’t want anyone to know. He still thinks he can save it.”

“Oh my.” I swallowed, feeling nauseous. “God. Poor Stavros.”

“He’ll be filing just after the first of the year. He might be able to wait until spring if he’s lucky.”

“I don’t have time to save for an apartment even if I wanted to stay,” I said, thinking aloud.

His jaw ticked beneath the skin. “Is this really about trust? Or do you…do you just not want to move in with me?”

“I can’t trust you!” I yelled. Tears welled up in my eyes and poured over my cheeks.

“Fine. Fine! Then let me help you! I’ll get you an apartment. Just…don’t leave,” he said. His tone had turned to begging. “Darby, I worship you. Don’t you see that? There is nowhere else I’d rather be than with you. If you go…don’t make me leave my men.”

“What do you mean?”

“They all moved to the Springs for this job because I asked them to.”

“I’m not asking you to follow me.”

“Darby…” He shifted his weight, working up to whatever he was about to say. “Do you love me? Tell me. Because I’m in love with you.” His voice broke. “And there is nowhere else I’d rather be than where you are.”

My throat felt tight and dry, making me swallow. I wiped my wet cheeks. “I love you.”

His shoulders sagged, he bowed his head, and he exhaled. “Thank Christ,” he said quietly. “I understand you have trust issues, and I’ve only made them worse. It makes me feel like I’m suffocating just to think about it.”

“You’re not paying for my apartment.”

“That makes no sense. You’d rather move to a strange town, alone, knowing Shawn could be following you?”

“I’ve done it before!” I yelled.

He clenched his teeth for half a second before speaking, his face red. “You want me to put the deed in your name? I’ll fucking do it.”

“Don’t swear at me.”

Trex sighed. He was fighting to calm down, but losing. “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand. Why won’t you just let me help you, Darby? If we love each other, and we want to be a family, why can’t we just let it be?”

I pressed my lips together in a hard line. “Because you lied to me. And because the last time—”

“The last time you moved in with someone he was an abusive asshole.”

“Yes.”

He shook his head, angrier than I’d ever seen him, his voice low and controlled when he spoke. “I’m not him, Darby. I don’t know how else to prove it to you.”

As angry as he seemed, and as nervous as I was that in a flash of emotion he might lash out, I reached for him. Deep down, beyond any instincts to protect myself and my unborn child, I knew Trex would never hurt me. Maybe it was all I needed to know. After a second of hesitation, he took my hand. His thumb caressed my skin, but it was different. Even patient men had their limits. We were together, and almost a family. He didn’t understand the holdup, and I couldn’t seem to explain it to him. “I know. But you still lied.”

“I just found out from you today what your real last name is. Give me some grace.”

I looked down the road. The noise had been drowned out seconds before, but now the semitrucks muddled my thoughts.

“Stay,” he said. “When I’m at work, I’ll have a top-of-line security system in place, cameras, an alarm system, panic buttons in every room. I’ll make it a fucking fortress. It will be the safest place for you, I swear. It’s not just your ex knowing where you are that worries me. You could trip on the stairs, pass out, go into early labor, you don’t have a phone…there are a million things that could happen.”

“They could happen to anyone.”

“But they don’t have to happen to you.” He sighed, frustrated. “We can be roommates. You can live in the master suite on the main floor and I’ll live upstairs. You pay a little rent and bills, and we’ll sign an agreement. If it ever goes south, I’ll move out until you can find another place.”

“I don’t want to be roommates.”

He put his hands on my knees again, then he touched my belly. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened, and that you don’t feel safe anymore. Give me a chance to make it up to you. Give me a chance to fix it.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, wiping my face.

He breathed out like I’d just punched him in the stomach. “So, you’re leaving. You’re leaving me.”

I shook my head slowly and began to cry. “No, I’m sorry I yelled.”

He hugged me tight, and I could feel his heart beating through his chest. “You’re sorry? Jesus, Darby. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Screwing everything up, I guess.” He held me at arm’s length. “Does this mean you’re staying?”

The desperation in Trex’s eyes was unbearable, so I covered my face. I wasn’t even sure why I was so upset. I’d been through far worse with Shawn and hadn’t shed a tear. Maybe it was the pregnancy, maybe it was because it was our first fight, or maybe it was because I’d just admitted aloud that I couldn’t trust him—or anyone—and that made Bean and me very much alone.

“C’mere,” he said, hugging me.

I felt so silly for sobbing into his shirt, but I couldn’t stop.

“Honey…” he said in a soothing voice, rocking me. “Don’t cry.”

“It’s okay,” I said, leaning back to wipe my face. “It’s just that”—I sniffed—“you don’t deserve to be yelled at like that, and it’s the first time you’ve ever hurt my feelings.”

He interlaced his fingers on top of his head, watching me cry with so much guilt and shame he could barely stand to be in his own skin. “I’m so sorry, Darby.” He hugged me to him, pressing his cheek against my temple. “I feel like the hugest douchebag right now.”

“And I feel like the biggest baby.” I looked up at him, and he kissed the tip of my nose.

“Just…hear me out, and I won’t mention it again. Regardless if this baby is biologically mine or not, if I kicked you and the baby out of our new house, I’d still be a special kind of asshole. I’m not that guy, Darby. You know I’m not. Just…think about it, okay? That’s all I ask.”

He let go of me and walked away, toward the endless field next to the highway, his boots crunching against loose gravel. He stared at the horizon, a gentle breeze blowing the sparse trees in the distance. “Are we still headed east?” He turned and waited for my response.

I nodded.

He walked back, made sure I was settled in the seat, and closed the door, walking around to the other side. The silence felt awkward, eating at both of us like a parasite. We passed the WELCOME TO KANSAS sign, then Kanorado. Trex pointed to an enormous water tower and spoke for the first time in almost an hour. “There it is. Goodland, Kansas. Home of the First Assembly of God and fifteen other churches, population forty-five hundred.”

Trex got off on the second exit and then navigated the roads until he stopped at a small white house with a dark red porch on the end of a dead-end road. It had two front doors, and I stared at it for a moment, confused.

“It used to be a duplex. The church bought it and turned it into one house to make a parsonage.”

He hopped out, opening the back door to pull out the suitcase I’d borrowed from him and his duffel bag.

“Scottie!” A girl with long, blond hair burst from the screen door on the right and jumped the two steps to run and jump on Trex. He grunted when she ran into him, but she didn’t seem to notice, wrapping her arms and legs around him.

He set her on her feet, all smiles. “Hey, squirt,” he said, ruffling her hair.

“You made it!” She looked at me, brushing her hair out of her face. “Hi, Darby!”

“Hi,” I said, leaning forward and waving. I looked down to unclip my seat belt, and Trex jogged over to open my door and take my hand to help me step out. By the time we walked around the back of his truck, his parents were at the bottom of the stairs. Their smiles immediately faded when they noticed my round belly poking out of my blouse.

“Mom, Dad…this is Darby. Darby, this is my mom, Susanne, and my dad, Scott.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said, holding out my hand.

Scott’s brown suspenders held up his matching slacks, his already ruddy complexion redder just by his son’s presence. His jowls moved when he did, his undershirt pressed against his white button-down. He was large, and he was proud. His shirt pressed, his hair gelled into place, he was trying too hard to show his indifference.

Susanne took my hand first, a pained smile on her face. Trex favored his mother. Her reddish-brown curls were loose, just brushing her chin. She reminded me of some of the old photos of my mom, but looking into her eyes was like looking into Trex’s. “Likewise. Well, let’s get you kids inside.”

Scott and Susanne walked in front of us, talking quickly in hushed voices, and Trex followed me, carrying our bags as he walked next to his little sister. Hailey wasn’t as quiet as her parents, whispering the million-dollar question to Trex. “Is Darby pregnant?”

“Yep,” he said.

“You’re going to be a dad?”

“Yep,” he said.

“I’m going to be an aunt?”

“Yes, you are,” he said, his tone sweeter and warmer than it had been all afternoon.

My shoes echoed against the wood floor when I stepped inside. Trex’s childhood home was not the bright, cheerful home I’d imagined. Instead, the curtains were drawn, and the walls were decorated with crosses and religious paintings instead of framed family photos. Plaques and community awards and acknowledgments for Scott were given prime spots so they were seen by visitors as soon as they walked in. I was beginning to understand Trex’s aversion to coming home. To the right was the kitchen and dining room, and to the left was a large living room, a piano in the back corner.

Susanne stopped at the mouth of the back hallway. “We, uh, we had you set up in separate bedrooms,” Susanne began.

“Doesn’t look like that’ll be necessary,” Scott said.

I smiled. “Separate bedrooms are fine. We’re happy to—”

“We’ll just take my old room, thanks, Dad,” Trex said.

Susanne gestured to the hall. “You know where it is.”

Trex nodded for me to follow. He walked to the end of the hall and turned right. “This is it,” he said, setting down the suitcases. “We share a hall bathroom with Hailey, which is always fun.”

The wood paneling stopped halfway up the wall; frames of Jesus holding a lamb, crosses, and pictures of children being saved by angels hung from the Sheetrock. A few trophies and books were peppered around the room, but it looked mostly like a generic guest room that was never used.

“This is so awkward. They hate me,” I said quietly.

He smiled. “They hate me, too. We’re meant to be.” His smile faded. “About earlier…”

“I’m still sorry.”

“Me, too.” He hugged me, kissing my cheek. “It’ll be fine. They’re just shocked right now. Mom especially will get excited before the night is over.”

“Until we admit Bean’s not yours.”

He shook his head. “Don’t tell them, Darby. They don’t need to know.”

I stepped away from him, sitting on the bed. It squeaked loudly. “I can’t lie about something like that.”

“You don’t have to lie. They’ll assume.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You do that a lot.”

His shoulders sagged. “I don’t want to fight. It’ll be fine, you’ll see.”

I covered my face. “What are we doing? We’re going to make your family think this is your baby?”

“She is our baby.”

I looked up at him. “It’s wrong to lie.”

His brows pulled together. He looked at me with desperate eyes. “I don’t want them to know. I don’t want anyone to know.”

“It doesn’t feel right.”

He sighed and then nodded. “Okay. I understand. Do whatever you’re comfortable with.” He left me alone in his room, and I could hear him talking with his sister in the next room. She did most of the talking, her high-pitched, sweet voice muted through the shared wall.

She was so happy he was home. He was a good big brother, and he cared about her enough to come back to this place, to be around his father and take all the cruelty Pastor Scott would inevitably dish, all to make Hailey happy. He would be a good father. He would be a good husband one day. We had both lied to each other, me to protect myself and him to protect me. It was a tough situation we were both trying to navigate the best we could. What was I so afraid of?

I stood in his old room alone. Do I love him? Yes. Is he good to me? Yes. Can I trust him? Debatable. Do I believe he loves the little girl growing inside me? Absolutely. If the worst happened, and Trex and I decided it was over, I knew he’d give me the house before he’d kick us out. My fears were completely irrational. I had to stop punishing him for Shawn’s crimes.