AWAY
Raven
THE DUFFLE TREMBLES in my grasp as I stuff more clothes in. Tears blur my vision, but none fall. It’s stupid to be so upset over this. I freaking knew this was the most likely outcome with Trey. He made it clear, and I heard his message loudly. That still doesn’t ease the sting.
I stumble into the bathroom to grab my toiletries and makeup. When I catch sight of my appearance, a startled gasp escapes me.
Good God, I’m a mess.
I grab an elastic and tie up the rat’s nest on my head. After wetting a washcloth, I scrub over my blotchy face and remove the smeared makeup. When that tedious process is done, I look marginally better. My eyes betray me, though. Nothing can help my swollen lids at this point, but no one will see me escaping in the dark. I’ll make sure to bring an extra pair of sunglasses, just in case.
Once my bag is packed, I open a new search window on my phone. Minutes drag by as I contemplate where to go. There’s no plan or destination. Pure impulsivity is steering this decision. I suck air between my lips while typing best beach resorts near me. A slew of results filter in and I randomly choose the third name on the list.
Upon closer inspection, Sandbar Shore looks just right for this impromptu vacay I’m taking. The exterior is made up of more windows than siding. There’s several floors, but not so many that it would feel crowded. Several rooms overlooking the water are available. Plus, they’ve included images of the adorable town with cutesy shops and diners. I’m sold.
I store the address in the map app before taking a look around the loft. A sinking feeling hits me, like I’ve swallowed a bag of rocks. Is this the right choice? Should I sleep off this restlessness and wait until morning?
Ugh, no.
If I don’t leave tonight, there’s a chance it won’t happen at all. I’m due for a trip and dammit, this is the perfect reason. Delilah will be madder than a cat getting a bath when she wakes up, but I’ll deal with her then. I don’t want to ruin her night with my boy drama. I’ll text her tomorrow while sitting in the sand with a drink in my hand.
Without further hesitation, I heft the duffle onto my shoulder and head out the door.
The car is chilly when I slide behind the wheel, but the cool air is welcome on my heated skin. Trey instantly barges into the forefront of my mind. Seems I can’t even go a few moments without that jackass interrupting.
My heart sinks as I recall his outrage at the possibility of having something more with me. I was almost certain bringing up my feelings would cause conflict, but we were already waist deep in shit. When that Olive chick was digging her nails into him, she gave me fuel for clarification. So, here I am, sitting on the edge of another breakdown.
Of course, this pain is my own fault. It was only supposed to be physical between us. The end was always coming. It’s just sooner than I wanted.
I wipe at the tears leaking down my cheeks. Then I pull away from the curb. It took Trey longer than he expected, but he’s finally chasing me out of town.
But no, this isn’t his choice. This trip is for me, because I want to. Nobody is forcing me to go anywhere.
The tires bump along the pavement as I drive toward the freeway. The pinch in my sore muscles intensifies with each additional mile, urging me to turn around. I’m not listening to that bologna, though. I’m reading the ache as a note for my head and heart to recalibrate on a consistent beat. These days will be good for me. They’ll be like a reset button.
I blink rapidly while passing the farewell sign, and uncertainty makes another appearance.
You’re always welcome back in Garden Grove.
Am I running away from my problems and searching for a solution in the wrong spot? Am I acting like my mom? An eerie sensation cloaks around me, and I realize similar thoughts plagued me not too long ago. I glance at the clock, and a thought strikes me. What if I went straight to the source?
I grab my cell and dial her number. It rings a few times before the call connects.
“Ravey? Is that you?” my mother asks from the other end. I roll my eyes at the nickname. In her special way, she still treats me like a child.
I clear my throat. “Hey, Mom. I hope you’re not busy . . .”
“What’s wrong?” Her voice sounds worried when she cuts me off.
“Nothing. Well, that’s not really true, but nothing serious. I’m driving and wanted to say hello.”
She sucks in a breath. “It’s the middle of the night over there. Where on Earth are you going?”
I huff, not wanting to delve into this immediately. “A few hours away for a little vacation. I want to explore the area a bit.” A pang radiates through my chest while thinking of Trey showing me around. I shove those memories back and say, “I’m a bit blue. Can you give me a boost?”
“Oh, sweetie. I haven’t heard those words in years. What’s the matter?”
I set the cruise control and prop my foot up on the seat. “I’m lost and lonely . . . and need some guidance.”
Her gasp echoes across the ocean separating us. “Wow, you never come to me for this stuff. I figured you had others to rely on.”
I smile sadly. “You’ll always be my mother, regardless of the distance between us.”
“You’re such a wonderful spirit, Raven. Always willing to forgive. Not sure I deserve such kindness, but you never quit on me. I’m always here for you, no matter what. I’m all ears. Tell me all about it.”
“That means a lot,” I reply before swallowing thickly. “Do you ever regret anything? Looking back on all the moving and the bad relationships, do you wish it’d been different?”
The line is silent for a moment before she responds. “Why do you ask, honey? Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“You didn’t answer my question, Mom.”
“Because you don’t really want to hear that from me. You’re searching for something else. What is it?”
I blow out a heavy breath. “I’m terrified of doing the wrong thing and making stupid decisions.”
“And turning into me,” she adds.
“Gah, stop reading my mind.”
“Don’t make it so easy for me.”
“I’m scared of screwing up,” I say. “My confidence has been a little shaky lately.”
“And why is that?”
“I don’t know,” mumbles from my mouth.
She laughs softly. “Raven, you’re too young for this type of concern. You’ve got years of messing up left before buckling down and getting serious. You’re allowed to make mistakes. Learning from them is half the fun.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Of course it is. Just go with the flow and do what comes naturally.”
I bang my head against the seat. “You did not just say that.”
“What’s so bad about that?”
“Ugh, never mind. I’m second guessing everything. How do I stop?”
“Oh, Raven. I’ve done a serious disservice on your behalf. You never had the opportunity to blossom and spread those creative wings growing up. There’s so much strength buried within you. Don’t question yourself so much. Live your life however it’s meant to be.”
I rub my forehead. “That sounds like a fortune cookie.”
“Good, that’s my intention.”
“Right, and I’m realizing this conversation is going nowhere fast.”
“Okay, okay,” she relents. “I’m aware that my parenting was lousy and you grew up under unstable conditions. Those were my bad choices, and you had no say in it. But you’re free now. Don’t let my errors hold you back. We aren’t the same, Raven. You don’t need to panic about becoming like me. Pretty sure your good sense will kick in long before the crazy ideas can take over,” my mother explains swiftly. “More proof? I can’t sit still for longer than five minutes. I’ve been pacing this entire time,” she says, and I already pictured her doing that. “You’re grounded and dedicated, meant to grow roots somewhere special. Just follow your beautiful heart.”
“You sound like Delilah,” I tell her.
“Ah, perfect. She’s a good friend. Full of sound advice.”
I snort. “Uh, huh. Sure. You two make quite the pair.”
She hums. “And we balance you out.”
“So, choosing a resort at random and driving there at two o’clock in the morning isn’t going to turn my life upside down?”
“You don’t need me to support or deny anything, sweetie. You’re doing an amazing job.”
A dry chuckle escapes me. “Not sure about that.”
“Lucky for you, I am. And a mother always knows best.” We share a laugh at that.
“Thanks, Mom.” I swallow a lump of emotion. “I needed this.”
“You’re welcome, but I didn’t do anything. The answers are always within you—I’ve always believed that. Your father would be so proud.”
I release a shuddering exhale. “Love you, Mom.”
“Love you more. Don’t wait so long before calling me again. It’s fun catching up. And good luck with whoever the lucky guy is.”
My stomach leaps. “How did you know?”
“Raven, I’m your mother. Even with an ocean separating us, I can see exactly what’s going on. There’s always a boy.”
“That’s creepy.”
“You asked.”
“All right, I’m really hanging up now.”
She chuckles. “Bye, sweetie.”
I press end and toss the phone into my purse. She might not be the greatest role model, but my mother erases the threat of panic faster than anyone. My shoulders feel looser, and I’m ready to see what tomorrow offers.
This experience with Trey won’t break me, even if it’s causing a few cracks. I’ll gather some glue and mend the damage. Hopefully I’ll be stronger with reinforcements holding me together.
I roll down the window, allowing the cool breeze to blast in. Gulping down some fresh air, I’m ready for an adventure. I stare across the darkened freeway while the wind whips in my ears. Soon I’ll be lying on some beach, soaking in the sun, and that sounds just right.