BURN
Trey
GREYSON BRINGS OVER another round, setting a beer in front of me. He wags his brows, gesturing to Raven, and I scowl. There’s nothing to be happy about. Regret churns fast in my stomach, and I chug half the bottle in one swallow. As I recall the last few hours, moments blur into a heap of terrible decisions. What the hell happens now?
Raven is perched on the stool next to me, yet she seems miles away. I’m ignoring the enormous elephant in the very crowded room. It’s nearly impossible. My instincts are blaring like a foghorn, telling me to get out before this gets worse. I’ve never been very good at listening though.
“You gonna talk to me?” I ask her.
She shrugs before sipping on her cocktail.
“What’s wrong, Princess?”
Her spine snaps straight as the nickname leaves my mouth. I’m expecting a tidal wave of expletives, but all she says is, “Nothing.”
My intuition with women tends to be narrowly focused on certain aspects, but I can tell when they’re upset. And Raven definitely is.
Giving her a solid onceover, I take inventory before pressing the issue. Tangles knot the ends of her blonde hair, makeup is smudged around her eyes, and her naturally pouty lips are extra plump. Raven looks well fucked, but that isn’t what happened tonight. She’s going to make assumptions and have higher expectations, and I want no part of that. Raven got a big fucking hint when I slammed on the brakes after . . . whatever that was in the treehouse.
I gave away too much, pouring my pent-up grief all over her. Raven accepted the burden with open arms, and without thinking twice, I gave her even more of me. With each piece, the space between us gradually erased until nothing remained. I practically collapsed into her welcoming embrace, and Raven clutched me tighter. I didn’t read the signals or pay attention to her reactions. Once we were naked, I was too far gone to realize the epic disaster looming around us, waiting for the ideal moment to strike.
I rub my temples while I try to figure out how to fix this. I’ve really screwed this shit up and am not sure how to get us back on even ground. Before I can broach the subject, a raspy voice calls out to me.
“Hey, handsome. This is a wonderful coincidence.”
I turn my head toward her, blinking rapidly. “Olive?”
Her face brightens. “Ah, great memory. Wasn’t sure you’d know who I was.” She takes a seat and leans closer, her perfume is a sickly-sweet cloud. I cough while she says, “I’m ready for that raincheck.”
From the corner of my eye, I watch Raven peer around me. Olive doesn’t notice, or if she does, is choosing to ignore her presence. Her nails dig into my shoulder. The aggressive touch feels all wrong. My teeth clench shut, the strain adding tension throughout me. I twist toward her, hoping to block Raven’s prying stare.
“Ah, thanks for the offer, babe.” I pluck her hand off me. “I’ve already got plans.” I gesture to Raven.
Olive shifts to see who I’m referring to, and I wait to see how this will play out. My gaze bounces between them as I contemplate the outcomes. Raven is focusing on the way Olive’s fingers gouge into my skin. The threat in her expression is crystal clear, yet she doesn’t say anything. Raven’s sapphires are sparking with fury, but the hurt behind them pummels me.
Fuck, this shit storm is brewing fast, and Olive isn’t helping.
“It was great seeing you again,” I lie straight through pinched lips.
Olive doesn’t give up easily. “Give me a call when you’re done with her,” she murmurs in my ear. Disgust snakes up my spine as she slides something into my pocket. In the next breath, she’s strutting across the bar and out of sight.
I take a deep breath before facing Raven, preparing for the worst. She attempts to cover her watery eyes with a yawn, but I see her reaction for what it is. Before I can try repairing the damage, a voice like nails on a chalkboard interrupts.
“Well, if it isn’t the happy couple. Everyone in town will be so relieved you two have finally made it official,” Gossip-Queen Marlene chirps like an annoying canary.
Can I catch a fucking break?
My fists tremble under the counter. “Not sure what you’re talking about, ma’am.” I try to remain calm, but my blood pressure is rising through the roof.
Marlene clucks her tongue and looks between us. “You’re being very obvious. Anyone with decent vision can see the love connection.”
I choke on my sip of beer. “Just friends out for a drink, Marlene. Stop creating gossip, yeah?”
Raven sucks in sharply before swiveling on her stool. When I glance at her, she’s packing up her purse, getting ready to flee. “Where the hell you going?”
“Away,” is all she says.
Of course Marlene can’t stay quiet. “Oh, my. Did I cause a squabble?”
Raven smiles at her quickly, but the expression is fake. “Not at all. Friends bicker all the time.” She looks at me. “It’s nothing serious.”
A hollow pang echoes off my chest. I rub at the ache. “Uh, yeah. What she said,” I tell Marlene as Raven wanders off.
“I was just offering my congratulations. What’s going on? Is there anything I can do?” The words are meant to sound genuine, but her jovial tone exposes the truth of her intrusion.
“Bug off, Marlene. You’ve done enough,” I growl and slide off my seat.
“Well, good luck. Looks like you’ll need it,” she calls behind me.
My middle finger itches to lift at her, but I hold back. I’ve got a much bigger problem currently dashing out the door. Raven is hauling ass along the sidewalk when I catch up.
I grip her arm and steer us into the nearby alley. “Where’s the fucking fire? We heading someplace else?”
Her head is shaking so fast, all I see is a blonde whirlwind. “I’m going home,” she says with a tremor in her voice.
My jaw tics. “The fuck? Is this about what Marlene said?”
That makes Raven’s blazing blues snap to mine. “No, moron. I’m upset because of you.” She stabs a finger into my chest.
I scrub down my face and groan. “What’d I do to piss you off?”
“So many things, Trey. I can’t begin to count them,” Raven says and crosses her arms.
“Try me,” I insist.
She rests against the brick wall and stares up at the sky. “Are we together, Trey? Dating? In a relationship? Anything?”
My neck jerks back. I wasn’t expecting that. “I’m not your boyfriend, Raven. This is just casual fun, like we agreed on.”
Her lids slam shut while she mutters, “Nothing has changed?”
“Why would it? We made it clear before anything happened, and I’ve reiterated it several times since. This is convenient fucking,” I explain simply.
Raven gulps audibly. Then, she focuses on me. “How can you say that after everything we’ve done? How can you be so crude and careless?”
My pulse roars as I begin to feel cornered. “What are you expecting from me, Princess?”
“Stop calling me that,” she clips.
“How much did you have to drink? Why are you acting this way?”
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because her entire face morphs into an angry mask. Pretty sure there’s steam billowing from her ears. “Me? You’re the one tossing out the rules and destroying boundaries. It was your choice to take things slow up in the treehouse. You led us, and I thought it meant something,” she mutters.
“Dammit, Raven. I already told you that was a mistake. It was the aftermath of an emotional outpouring that I’m not used to. I’m sorry if that was crossing the line but it was an easy way to tie everything together.”
“Easy?” she sputters. “I guess that fits with your motto, right? Just go with the flow until stupid Raven assumes your actions mean something.”
I hold up my palms. “All right, listen. Shit is getting a bit heated. Maybe we should sleep this off and talk about it in the morning.”
“No,” she says, slashing a hand through the air. “We’re hashing this out now. Who was that woman, Trey? We”—she motions between us—“aren’t anything significant. How many other convenient hookups do you have going on?”
“Not sure what that has to do with anything,” I tell her as a different battle begins. She’s upset and needing comfort, but I refuse to back down.
Raven pushes forward as if I hadn’t said anything. “We’re exclusively screwing, right?”
I scoff. “No rules, remember?”
She places a palm to her forehead. “Oh, wow. I can’t believe this.”
Taking a deep breath, I attempt to dilute the mayhem raging within me. “I’m a lost cause, Raven. I was never offering more than sex. I’ll never be the domestic type, all right?” I point to myself. “Lost fucking cause right here.”
She tilts her chin, studying me closely. “You know what? I don’t believe that’s true at all.”
“Well, you’re wrong. It’s an indisputable fact.” I roll my neck, trying to alleviate the pressure.
“Says who?”
Her questions never fucking stop. A tremor ripples through me, and I spit, “Me. I’m in charge of my destiny, and this is what it is.”
“What are you afraid of, Trey?”
“Fucking shit, Raven. You never stop, huh? If I wanted to play twenty questions, I would have asked.”
Her forehead crumples. “This is important to me,” she whispers.
“Fine,” I say. “You want the ugly truth? I’m not interested in losing anyone else, and this way, there’s no threat. If I never care about people, it won’t matter if they disappear.”
Raven’s eyes widen. “That’s not something you can control. People walk in and out of your life daily. By closing yourself off to possibility, it’s a serious injustice to what might be.”
I shove my hands into my pockets. “That’s a far easier risk to take.”
“Trey,” she murmurs. Her fingers touch my flexed arm. “I want better for you.”
I glance away from her wounded stare. “That makes one of us, Princess.” Raven doesn’t yell at me for the nickname this time.
She chews on her lip before quietly asking, “Why can’t you let me in?”
Frustration blazes through me like a wildfire. “I have, Raven. You’re closer to me than anyone else. We have a great arrangement going. Isn’t that good enough?”
“Keeping your bed warm every other night with no plans of commitment or monogamy? Ever?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
She throws her hands up. “It’s leading nowhere. If you at least promise—”
“None of that shit,” I cut in.
“You’re not even listening at this point.”
“Because you’re not hearing me. I’ve given you huge chunks of myself others will never know. You’ve heard about my family directly from me, not through the grapevine. That shit doesn’t happen, Raven. It’s something special I’ve offered to you,” I say. And since I can’t leave well enough alone, I add, “Plus, I’ve taught you how good sex can be.”
She huffs but doesn’t comment on the last part. “But I’ll never have your heart?” Raven questions sadly.
“My heart is overrated.”
“And you’re a fool.”
“Thanks for noticing.”
Her petite figure has been full of energy, but suddenly the subtle vibrations fade. Raven’s lashes flutter, and she inhales slowly. “I’m done fighting about this.”
“What we have is perfect, Raven.” I reach out and play with a strand of her blonde locks. She leans into me, and for a moment, it seems like we’re reaching an understanding. “All those mushy feelings only complicate shit. Go with the flow, right?”
When she looks at me from under lowered lids, I see resolution in her blue eyes. “Not for me, Trey.”
I shake my head, refusing to budge. Raven will accept this from me. She has to because it’s all I have to give.
But she doesn’t.
Raven cups my cheek as tears glitter in her sapphire eyes. “You’re truly an amazing man, and one day, a very lucky girl will steal that stubborn heart.”
“Why are you crying?” I ask stupidly.
“Because this isn’t the ending I wanted.”
“What are you talking about? Nothing has to stop. We’re having a great time.”
Her chin wobbles, and a few drops fall, streaking down her flawless face. “I can’t stick around with no hope for a future. My mom put herself through hell trying to find love and all I could do was watch from the sidelines. I refuse to sell myself short like she did.”
I’m about to interrupt but Raven holds up a hand, cutting me off.
“You don’t want feelings and emotions, but it’s too late for me. I’ve already sunk. It’s my fault. I get that and take blame for my choices. I surrendered knowing full well things could go this way. But I wanted to leave my heart open.” Raven knots her fingers together before delivering a final blow. “I was actually beginning to believe—”
“Don’t say it,” I stop her.
Raven sniffs and wipes her cheeks. “Why?”
“Because only fools fall in love.”
She laughs. The sound is full of pain. “Guess this makes me the biggest one.”
I reach for her, but she dodges my touch.
“Why are you doing this?” I whisper.
“I deserve the entire meal, Trey. Not just scraps.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It’s something Delilah said.”
Outrage rolls off my tongue. “You told her about this?”
“Of course,” she says like that should be obvious. “I had to weigh my options with someone.”
“Why didn't you talk to me?”
Raven gestures frantically around us. “Are you joking? This is precisely why, Trey. I wasn’t ready to face the fallout.”
I’m not ready to admit defeat. Deep down, my instincts switch sides and force me to realize I’m directing anger at the wrong person. But that doesn’t stop me.
“Maybe this bullshit argument could have been avoided if you’d brought it up weeks ago.” Shifting my stance, I prepare for battle.
“I’ve already admitted fault on my part. Care to join me? Maybe for crossing some of those fluffy and mushy lines?”
“You read too far into all that,” I tell her. “I never wavered in what this was.” The lies taste bitter, and I swallow them down.
Raven waves and pushes away from the wall. “On that note, I’m gonna go. This has been . . . enlightening.”
I squint at her. “Huh? We’re going in circles and not resolving anything. Just text me tomorrow after you’ve slept this nonsense off.”
She shakes her head. “It’s so much more than that, Trey. I really hope you’ll realize that eventually. Take care of yourself.”
A bizarre tingling snakes through me as she pulls back, putting more distance between us with each step. This isn’t right, yet I don’t stop her. I silently stare as Raven grabs her purse and walks away.
A war surges within me, two sides battling for ultimate control. My heart and body fight against my brain, begging for a chance to be heard.
I’m starting to believe those sappy parts are right.