Mike wasn’t sure why Lane was being so nice. He shouldn’t be forgiven. He should be kicked out. Skyping with the guys scared the shit out of him. But Lane had insisted, and he guessed he needed to just go with it.

Once he agreed, Lane sent a text, saying he needed to talk to everyone, and he thought Skype would be the best option for them. The guys all responded and agreed to Skype at eight that evening.

His stomach twisted, and he fought to hold it together. Every time he looked at Lane, his heart squeezed. He’d caused his lover pain, a lot of pain, though he hadn’t meant to. He needed help or he needed to leave. He knew it would be better for Lane if he took off, but for some reason, he couldn’t walk away from the man.

The time for them to Skype was approaching, and his anxiety was rising. He kept chewing on his fingernails and cuticles or pacing or both. He turned to Lane, flinching when he saw the bruise around his eye growing darker.

“I-I don’t think I can do this. They’re going to hate me because I beat you up. I hit you, and they’ll be pissed.”

“They all love you, and they’ll understand. They were there, they know what you went through.”

Ice churned through his veins. “But I hit you. They’ll take one look and won’t listen to what I say.”

“What if I’m not on camera at first. You can explain, then they’ll understand.”

His heart was pounding so hard, and his palms were sweaty. “I’m scared.”

“I’m here for you. I’m not walking away.”

He nodded then paced to the door then back over. “Okay, if you stay off screen then let them see after I’ve explained. Maybe I could—” He squeezed his forehead, anger pumping hard. He felt Lane’s hand on his shoulder, and he sighed then pulled him into a hug, trying to be gentle.

“I’m so sorry,” Mike said through his tears.

“I know. I also know you didn’t do this on purpose.”

He shook his head. “I’m so angry with myself.”

“I want you to meditate tonight. I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

He nodded, wondering if he was risking too much. If he beat up Lane again, it would end their relationship. Fear filled him, and he wasn’t sure he could be the person Lane needed him to be.

The alarm Lane had set on his phone beeped. Mike’s heart sped up, and his head spun. Sweat formed on his brow and neck. How could he explain this to the guys?

Lane pulled away and moved the table where he’d set his computer. Mike grabbed his computer and set it on the table next to Lane’s. He waited for it to spin up as he stared at the carpet, wondering if he had gone crazy. When he opened Skype, his hands shook. As he made the connection to their group call, his stomach churned.

Then he was connected and so were Thomas and Clay. After a few seconds, Brent and Jake were on. He feared their reaction. What if they rejected him? They could kick him out of their group, and he’d be alone.

“Hey, where’s Lane?” Thomas asked.

“I’m here.” Lane glanced at him and gave him a smile. It didn’t help.

“We can’t see you,” Brent said.

“Why you hiding?” Clay asked.

Lane spoke. “Guys, I need you to calm down and listen to Mike.”

“Okay,” Brent said.

Mike was shaking, unsure if his voice would even work. He cleared his throat and then cleared it again. His friends’ eyes were on him, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Um, I-I have a problem.” Mike stammered over the words, his confidence at an all-time low.

The guys leaned forward, crowding together. Brent put his arm around Jake. The show of love made his heart squeeze. He’d hurt Lane so much he didn’t think he had the right to request anything of the man, especially not a hug.

“What’s up?” Thomas asked.

“I’ve been…um, I’ve been hiding something from all of you.” He looked down at his lap and shook his head. The monster in his head was winning as his thoughts turned dark. “I’m—” The beast roared, and he had to fight to keep it under control. It wasn’t fair what had happened to them, to Benjamin or the thousands of other men who had signed up to stop terrorism or fight the good fight and ended up blown to pieces.

Anger flashed, and he wanted to flip over the table and walk away. Deep inside, he knew it was the wrong reaction. His anger was out of control. The monster inside his head wouldn’t die. For some reason, Lane thought telling their friends would help him, but he feared the monster would swamp them all, ruining whatever thread of hope and friendship existed between them.

“Hey, buddy, you’re our friend. We love you.” Brent’s words brought tears to his eyes.

They were all so understanding, but would it last? “I’ve messed up.” His words were low, and he knew they wouldn’t be able to hear him if he didn’t speak up.

“It’s okay,” Clay said.

“No, it’s not.” He looked at Lane, and pain filled him. Then Lane reached out and took his hand. When he looked back at the screen he saw the guys were looking at him weirdly. They could see Lane’s arm, but they didn’t know it was Lane. He had to tell them everything.

Mike took a ragged breath and shook his head, clearing the emotions threatening to spill over and turn him into something he didn’t want to be. His stomach had twisted tight, and he wanted to throw up. But he would face this mess, because that’s what he had to do for Lane, for himself, and for his friends. Lane was right, Benjamin would be pissed if he hid from life.

“I’m—I’m having issues with PTSD. I was there when Benjamin died. I saw it, and there is some other stuff. You know, just crap we went through. I have these nightmares or maybe it’s just these hallucinations, and I end up beating up people I sleep with. It’s gotten bad.”

“Hey, we get it,” Jake said. “I had to go talk to someone about my anger and fear.”

“I didn’t know that,” Brent said.

“It’s not something I talk about. I guess I should have. I’m sorry, Mike. I should have told the whole group. I just—you know, you all are all so strong, and I didn’t want to…”

“I hate that—I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve failed all of you,” Thomas said.

“Hey, Thomas, you didn’t fail us,” Brent said.

“Mike, no matter what, you have our support, our friendship, and our love. We all love you,” Thomas said.

Tears filled his eyes, and he glanced over at Lane. He gulped in a breath and shook his head. “I’ve done something terrible.”

Thomas leaned in, his voice low. “Buddy, do we need to get you out of the country? I know a boat I can borrow to go deep-sea fishing and transport you to the Bahamas. Then you can find a place to live overseas until we can clear your name.”

Mike snorted and shook his head. “I didn’t kill anyone, and I’m not going to jail.” He drew in a deep breath and looked down before closing his eyes, trying to push the pain away. “I did do something bad. I…I…”

Lane moved close and kissed his cheek. He heard the gasps from the guys and knew they were going to hate him. Two seconds passed, then another, then another.

“Being with Lane isn’t bad,” Jake said.

He shook his head before speaking. “I caused this.”

“What?” Brent asked.

Lane turned, positioning himself more in the camera view. No one said anything. He knew they were angry. Hell, he’d be fucking pissed if someone hit one of the guys.

“I’m fine,” Lane said.

“What happened?” Clay’s voice was strained.

Mike blew out a breath. He couldn’t hide. The monster couldn’t win. He put his hand on Lane’s knee and squeezed. “When I’m stressed, I have these episodes. I think I’m fighting one of those assholes who killed Benjamin.”

“Are you getting help?” Jake asked.

He nodded. “Yes. And I feel like shit. I hate myself for hurting Lane.”

“Hey, Mike.” It was Brent, and he was leaning in close, his head blocking the view of Jake.

“Yeah?”

“I love you. You’re my buddy. I don’t like that you beat up Lane. He looks like shit, but bud, we’re going to stand by you. You have our support.”

“Mike, we love you,” Thomas said.

The words from Thomas made another sob escape. Thomas was Lane’s best friend. How could the man forgive him?

“Yeah,” Clay added. “I love you, man. You’re one of the best guys I’ve ever known. I love you so much.”

They were all being so nice, and tears were running down his face. Lane held him and kissed the side of his head. He finally leaned in and let Lane hold his weight. That’s what these guys were doing, they were carrying his load right now because he couldn’t do it on his own. Maybe after talking to Sharron and getting treatment, he could, but for now, he would have to depend on these guys and be accountable to them.

They were all silent. When he opened his eyes, he saw the guys hugging each other.

“I feel like crap for hitting him. I was out of it and didn’t know I was beating him up.” He turned to Lane. His heart hurt so much he had to gulp in a breath. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

Lane cupped his cheek. His eyes were bright with moisture. “I love you, it’s okay.”

“So when did this happen?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, you two are together and you didn’t tell us?” Clay said.

Lane chuckled and rested his head on Mike’s shoulder.

“I came up for business, and I was staying at Lane’s. I ended up kissing him.”

“It was more than a kiss,” Lane said.

“It was more than a kiss. I ended up—well, we had some fun. But I’m messed up. That night, I kind of went off. It was bad. He said I had to go see a therapist. I’ve been going to talk to her, and I moved my stuff here. I’m living with Lane now, though after this, he may not want me.”

“Babe, I want you. We’re going to get this taken care of. We’ll make sure you can find ways to get through this.”

He nodded as more tears came. He glanced at the screen, and all the guys were reaching out, touching their screens.

“If you were here, bud, I’d hold you in my arms until you felt the love I have for you,” Clay said.

“You’re a brother to us. You’re family. When family is hurting, we come together. I love you,” Jake said.

“Thank you,” he choked out.

Thomas started laughing, and Mike looked up, his brows bunched.

“What’s so funny?” Lane asked.

Thomas shook his head and wiped his mouth, trying to stop laughing. “They used to call us a bunch of cocksuckers. I guess they were right.”

The rest of the guys laughed, and he cracked a smile and shrugged. “I guess so. Though we haven’t done much.”

“Oh my, tell us what you have done,” Brent said.

“He’s not telling you what we’ve done,” Lane said.

“Um, I will have some questions eventually,” Mike said.

“And I will answer your questions if you tell me what Lane is like in bed,” Clay said in a low voice.

“God, Clay, don’t ask them stuff like that.” Thomas slapped Clay’s arm. “I’m sure he’s fucking hot.”

“Really? You’ve thought of Lane in bed?” Clay laughed..

“I’ve thought of everyone in bed,” Thomas said.

“I have too,” Brent said.

“We’re just a bunch of horn-dogs. So, Lane, are you happy with Mike?” Thomas asked.

“Fuck yeah. He’s the best.” Lane leaned in and kissed him again.

Humbled, he ducked his head then turned to look at Lane. “I can’t believe you want me. Really, I’m nothing special.”

The love shining in Lane’s eyes made his head spin. “You are to me.”

“Mike, how are you going to keep from doing this again?” Jake asked.

“I’m supposed to meditate.” He shook his head. “I feel terrible hurting Lane.”

“Did our story make you upset?” Clay asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I was angry someone attacked you. It’s not right. I hate that you were almost killed,” Mike said.

“I’m sorry,” Clay said.

“Don’t be. I have to be able to talk to you all. I mean you can’t feel like you have to hide stuff from us.”

“But—”

“No buts. I don’t want you all thinking you have to keep your lives a secret from us. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I love you guys. You kept me sane when we were in the Marines. I can’t tell you to hold back. I’m going to see a couple of doctors. It’s not just the meditation, but it’s part of it.”

Clay leaned in, his voice steady. “Mike, we care so much for you. Really, we love you. We don’t want you having any issues because of us.”

“But what if—I don’t like that Lane was hurt,” Thomas said.

No matter what the other guys said, he knew Thomas held the most sway over Lane. If Thomas didn’t approve of him, then it was over.

“Neither do I. I’m mad at myself for what happened. His nose is broken and he had to have stitches.”

“Lane, what do you say?” Thomas asked.

“We have a plan. Mike is going to be doing some meditation before he goes to sleep. Then he’s seeing this really good therapist every day for the next week. We have an appointment in the morning, then he starts back up on Monday. I have hope everything will be okay.”

“Okay, I just want to make sure you two are good.” Thomas looked worried.

Mike understood his worry; he was Lane’s best friend. Had he hurt someone else, his guys would have jumped up and defended him, but he’d injured Lane, their buddy, their pal. It had to make things difficult for them.

Guilt fueled his insecurities. “Guys, I feel like shit. I understand if you never want to see me again.”

“No way.” The guys said in unison. Even Thomas wanted to see him, to be his friend.

“Mike, you’re our friend too. Please don’t step away from us. We support you,” Clay said.

“Yeah, please don’t walk away from us.” Jake’s brows were pinched tight. “I wish you would have told us you were having a problem when we were in Florida.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t want to bring everyone down.”

“But Mike, we’re friends.” Jake shook his head. “We’re supposed to help each other. We can’t help if we don’t talk.”

Mike nodded and blew out a breath. “Before, when I was dating this girl, I almost got arrested. I didn’t break her nose, but I hit her. She freaked out. I felt bad and stopped sleeping over. Lane was the first person I’ve slept in the same bed with since then. I felt terrible.”

Jake nodded. “I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Call us if you need a word of support or anything,” Clay said.

“Yeah, we’re here for you,” Brent said. I’m going to be sending you text messages every day to check in. You need to talk about anything, call one of us. We’re here for you.

Thomas cleared his throat. “I get that you’ve been hesitant to talk to anyone about it, but Mike, we’re all friends. We support you. Please don’t hesitate to tell us what’s going on. You’re important to all of us.”

“I feel terrible about what I did to Lane.”

“I get that,” Clay said.

“We’ve all had issues,” Brent said.

“But none of you have beat up your boyfriend.” He turned to Lane, his heart aching as he looked at the damage he’d caused.

“No, we haven’t, but we’ve all been jerks, and we’ve all had some fights. We’re here to help you.” Brent’s words about fights made him curious.

He nodded, wishing he could take it all back. Except he would still want to be with Lane. “I love you so much, Lane. I’m just sorry I did this.”

Lane rested his forehead against Mike’s. “I get it. It’s okay. We’re going to work together to make sure this doesn’t happen again. I’m staying with you, though, no question about that.”

After a moment, he turned to look at the camera. “I swear I’ll do better. Now you know my darkest secret.”

“What? You like cock?” Brent asked.

Mike chuckled. “Okay, you know my two darkest secrets.”

“You can tell me anything. Even if you kill someone, I’ll help you dispose of the body without any questions. I know a way to get you out of the country and keep you safe,” Thomas said.

“I swear I’m not going to kill anyone,” Mike said.

“Okay, but if you do, we’re here,” Brent added.

The guys laughed, and he felt a little better. His friends were the best. They really did make his life better. He should have told them earlier. Already he felt lighter. And even though he knew they were angry about him hurting Lane, they didn’t hate him.

They ended the call, and he promised to send updates. He blew out a breath and closed his eyes, waiting for Lane to say something. The monster was still there, but quieter. He guessed he would eventually either combust or get it right. He prayed he ended up with Lane in the end.

Nothing was said as Lane closed his computer then led him to the bedroom where they both stripped as they kissed and touched. He sighed as Lane cupped his balls, tugging them just a little. Sex was good, but life wasn’t just sex, it was all the other messy bits that got to him.

Lane pushed him to the center of the bed and stretched out beside him. Lane was gentle with his kisses, and touches, bringing his desire to life. Lane had a way of making him feel special even when he knew he had no right.

Lane rose and straddled him. The bruises were visible, and he hated them. Guilt was his unwelcome friend who came like a harsh winter storm, stealing everything bright. Self hate twisted through him because he’d cause his buddy pain.

“I know you didn’t mean it,” Lane said.

“I shouldn’t have hit you.”

“No, but you’re getting help.”

“Will you really ever forgive me?”

Lane gave him a lopsided smile. “I already have. I’m going to be fine. You’re going to do the meditation and whatever else Sharron says you need to do. You’ll be better.”

He nodded as his gaze roved over Lane’s chest. “I hope so.”

“You will. Now then, how about you and I see what trouble we can get into.”

His dick jumped at the thought of being with Lane. “What were you thinking?”

“I want to ride your cock and see what it feels like.”

Mike shuddered as his cock grew harder. “You know how to make me feel good.”

Lane leaned over and kissed his way down Mike’s body to his dick. It felt so amazing to have Lane’s mouth on him, sucking him, teasing him. He was about to blow when Lane sat up and grabbed a condom for him. Lane helped him lube up and straddled him again, sinking down on his cock. It felt better than a warm summer day or the perfect cream pie cooked just the way he liked. This was better than anything he’d ever experienced before. He pushed up, filling Lane even more.

Lane’s eyes fluttered closed, and his mouth hung open. He watched, amazed Lane still wanted him after what he’d done. Sadness filled him, and he grasped Lane’s arms and tugged him close. Emotions rose like wildfire, eating through him.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Babe, it’s okay,” Lane whispered.

“I feel terrible. I shouldn’t have hurt you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Lane said.

“God, I feel so awful.”

Lane sat up and pressed down on Mike’s chest. He lifted a little then lowered. Mike sighed and pushed up. It felt good being connected to his man. He’d messed up, but Lane had forgiven him. He vowed to never do that again. He could control it—he would control it. No way would he ever allow himself to harm Lane again.

He was getting close, and Lane seemed about ready to come too. They’d set up a rhythm that kept him on edge but didn’t push him over. Then Lane moved just a little, and it was heaven. He held onto Lane’s waist and pressed him down, filling his hole. He grunted, then moved his hand, stroking Lane’s cock. They were both panting, both about to blow. Lane’s brow bunched, and he grunted.

“That’s it, babe, come for me,” Mike encouraged.

He came first then Lane came, his body jerking with his orgasm. The expression on Lane’s face made him think that maybe Lane really did love him. He floated back to earth as Lane lifted off and moved to lie down next to him. No matter what happened in his life, he vowed to never hurt Lane. His friend deserved a good man, and he hoped he could deliver.