Lane felt immense relief and fear. He couldn’t keep Mike home if he decided to run off on his own. If he wanted to get away, he was big enough to just go. Luck had shined on them this time, but what would happen next time? They could end up with Mike running so far away he’d never find him.

Thoughts raced through Lane’s mind as he tried to figure out what they could do next. If Mike wouldn’t go into treatment, there were few options. Mike could kill him if he really got the upper hand. He had no doubt that, in Mike’s mind, he was fighting men who deserved to die. It was hard for him to see his lover so torn up, but how could he be mad when his best friend in the whole world was going through so much?

Lane realized things had changed. He’d considered Thomas his best friend up until now. Thomas was close to him, but Mike was the person he loved above all others.

They were near the apartment, so he waited until they were inside to pull Mike into the circle of his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” Mike said for the hundredth time.

He knew they had much to talk about, but how and where to start?

Lane leaned back and tried to catch his gaze but Mike looked away. His body was stiff, and he was still crying.

“I love you. I’m fine, we’re going to figure this out.” Lane wished he could convince Mike everything would be okay.

Mike shook his head. “What I did was wrong. So wrong.”

“I want you to go stay at this place, not for long, just a few weeks. They can help you. Sharron sent the information in an email.”

Mike looked horrified. “God, Lane, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. We’ll get through this. Just promise me you won’t take off again.”

Mike was an open book, unguarded and unfiltered. Lane saw the pain, the regret, and the anger all displayed in his lover’s eyes. Mike was hurting something fierce. This wasn’t going to go away. They couldn’t ignore it.

After a long moment, Mike sighed and leaned his forehead against Lane’s.

“I swear I won’t leave,” Mike whispered.

“Thank you.” Happiness gushed through him, and tears seemed to appear out of nowhere. He was choked up, his mind racing. They had to get Mike into the facility Sharron suggested. Long term, he wasn’t sure what the answer was. Maybe this would help get Mike to the point he could sleep without fear of attacking.

Brent and Jake were moving to Florida, and Lane wished he could be there with them. If they lived closer, maybe Mike wouldn’t have such a hard time.

“We’re going to head to a hotel and get some sleep. Mike, please don’t run. Call us, call anyone, just don’t leave,” Brent said.

Mike nodded, and Lane held onto him tighter. Jake and Brent hugged him.

“I’ll sleep on the couch here,” Clay said.

“Okay.” Lane brushed a kiss over Mike’s forehead. “We’re going to bed. Thank you.”

Lane led Mike to the bathroom where he slowly stripped his lover, kissing his shoulders, his neck, each hand. It was quiet and sweet. Lane placed his hand under Mike’s chin, cupping it.

“You’re my world. Please don’t ever run out. We survived war together, we can survive this if you stay.”

A single tear traced down Mike’s cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know, and I forgive you.”

“How can you?”

He had no answer to the question. How did forgiveness work anyway? He’d been hurt, but he understood why Mike had reacted. On second thought, he didn’t understand it, but he knew there was more to the story than Mike was an asshole and meant to harm him.

He turned on the water in the tub and stepped in. Mike followed after a short hesitation. Their touches were gentle, loving, but not sexual. He wanted his man to heal. Mike seemed so sad, and Lane totally understood.

After they washed, he dried Mike then guided him to bed. Before stretching out, Lane sent a couple of messages, telling his friends on the police force Mike was safe. He sent a note to Sharron, informing her of Mike’s status and that he wanted to be admitted for treatment.

They would make it through this. It would be a long road, but they could do it. Mike rolled to face him, his features visible in the small amount of light creeping around the side of the shade.

“What if I choke you again tonight?”

“Let’s do some meditation. We skipped it earlier.”

Mike nodded and closed his eyes. Lane watched as Mike’s face relaxed while he meditated. At some point, they both drifted off and woke to delicious smells and someone banging around in the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Lane said to Mike as his eyes fluttered open.

Mike’s lips twisted, and he closed his eyes squeezing them tight before opening them again. “Good morning. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“D-do you have to work tonight?”

“No, I’m off.”

“I’m really sorry.”

Mike was getting too twisted up in being sorry. Lane didn’t want him to go too deep into the I’m sorry hole. He had to think of something to pull Mike out of his pit.

“I know you’re sorry. You’re going to have to forgive yourself. I love you, and I know you just want to express your feelings, but you don’t have to say you’re sorry all the time.”

Mike shook his head. “I don’t know what else to do. I hurt you again.”

Lane wove his fingers with Mike’s, hoping something could be done to make Mike feel better.

“We’ll see Sharron, and she’ll be able to help.”

“I hope so.”

“It’ll work. For now, we’ll make sure you meditate. We’ll help you to stay calm. It will be okay. I swear, we’ll make sure you’re calm before sleep. Also, no TV. You were worked up over what happened.”

Mike blew out a breath. “This is no way to live.”

“I know, babe, I know.” He kissed Mike’s hand then sat up. “Let’s get up and go find out what they cooked.”

“Sure.”

Something had to change. He couldn’t live, fearing for his life, and Mike couldn’t live thinking he would kill him in the middle of the night. Lane wanted to spend more time with Mike, and he wanted to do it during the day. Maybe he needed a new job. At Mount Sinai he had put in for day shift, but the list was long, and it would probably take him five years to transfer to days.

Right now, the best thing he could do was just keep going through the motions. They cleaned up a little and dressed before heading out to the den. Clay had cooked a full breakfast, and Jake and Brent were there, setting the table. His phone rang, and he answered.

“Hello.” His voice warbled as he spoke. They’d had a good talk, and he didn’t want the real world intruding. The only thing that would make this morning better was if Thomas were there.

“Lane, it’s Sharron. I have a spot. Mike can come today and be admitted. It will give him a chance to work on some techniques. Two weeks and then we can figure out if he needs more.”

“Sure, I’ll tell him. How long do we have?”

“Four hours. He needs to be here in four hours.”

“I’ll have him ready.” Lane turned to stare at Mike, and his heart sped up. It almost always sped up when he looked at Mike, but now it was racing like a freaking train. He swallowed and moved closer to his man. “That was Sharron. She has a spot for you. Two weeks.”

Mike nodded and closed his eyes, his face twisting in pain. He wrapped his arms around Mike’s shoulders and held on tight through the tears. Behind them, the guys were busying themselves and ignoring them. He appreciated their quiet concern, allowing them to work through this together.

Mike got hold of his emotions and did one last big sniff before stepping away from him. Lane didn’t want to let him go, but he had to allow Mike to be Mike.

“I don’t want to go, but I really don’t want to hurt Lane any more. I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve failed you all. I never meant to put him in danger. He’s the best guy I’ve ever met, and I hurt him.”

Clay moved to stand in front of Mike. “I talked to Thomas this morning, and he doesn’t hold a grudge at all. He only wants you to get better. He loves you and says once he gets a few days off, he’ll come see you.”

Mike nodded, his throat working as if he was trying to gain control of his emotions. They hugged and then Jake and Brent hugged Mike.

After the hugs were passed around, they sat down to the delicious breakfast Clay had cooked. They talked, but the joking was kept to a minimum. Mike made a few calls and sent emails to the people who worked for him. His second in command would have to take control of the event he was supposed to work.

After the calls, Lane helped Mike pack a bag, and they took an Uber to the facility where Sharron had space for him. The check-in process was simple and then Mike was heading deeper into the building before Lane was ready. He felt like a piece of his heart had been ripped out. Two weeks without Mike seemed like a lifetime, but if it helped Mike, he would do two lifetimes without the man.