Chapter Nineteen

After waiting all day on pins and needles, pacing, Vinny finally got the call he’d been waiting for. He headed across town by car and then walked the last few blocks to the exchange point he’d been using for weeks with his contact.

The jogging path was an ideal place to swap information and money. It was well-used, but easy enough to approach without notice. Vinny sauntered casually toward the tree he used for the trade, bent down as if tying his shoe, and brushed a pile of leaves to one side. He easily grabbed the envelope tucked in the dip under the tree and left a matching one.

He didn’t breathe easy until the leaves were once again covering his drop location and he was walking back toward the car. His envelope was filled with cash. The one he picked up had better contain information he desperately needed.

There was no need to worry about a random jogger stumbling upon the money. Vinny was beyond certain someone in the distance was watching his every move, and they would move in as soon as he was gone.

He didn’t open the new envelope until he was back in his car.

Bingo.

Not only did he have the latest location where Nolan Osborn had been taken, but a bonus tip—Nolan had two people helping him for the last few days.

What fucking good luck.

Reid Terrance and an unknown woman.

If those three were so thick that Reid had helped Nolan get away from the hotel room Friday night, there was a chance he could be used as leverage to lure Nolan out.

Perfect.

Vinny had a slower heart rate than he’d had in days as he pulled back onto the road and headed home.

Plotting. Always plotting his next move. Was Reid Terrance a shifter? What about the woman? Mostly likely.

He beat his thumbs against the steering wheel as he drove, his mind wandering to all the possibilities. He needed to act fast. There was no telling how long Osborn would be kept at the new location.

Vinny needed help. He needed manpower to pull off the plan developing in his mind.

It could work.

It had to work.

»»•««

It was dark when Adriana opened her eyes. She wasn’t confused about her location for even a moment though. Reid was still exactly where he’d been when she fell asleep, curled around her, holding her. He wasn’t asleep. Had he ever been? Or had he watched her sleep?

“You okay, baby?” he whispered, his fingers stroking her cheek.

“I’m not sure I ever will be again,” she answered truthfully.

He didn’t negate the statement. He understood.

But he did ease back and then rolled her onto her back. “My arm’s asleep,” he told her as he pulled it free and smiled. He shook out his undoubtedly tingling appendage while he watched her face.

What did he see?

She wasn’t thinking of her tearstained swollen eyes and cheeks. She was wondering what he could see in her eyes, the portals to her soul.

Finally, he leaned on one elbow, tossed a leg over hers, and reached with his free hand to tuck a lock of hair gently behind her ear. “You sleep so peacefully, and then the moment you wake up your mind rushes back to its agitated state. I hate that for you.”

She forced a smile. “Me too.”

Reid continued to stroke her cheek with his thumb after he corralled the stray hairs. He was deep in thought, his brow slightly furrowed. His voice was controlled when he spoke. “What’s going through your head, baby?”

She swallowed. “It’s like a hurricane in there.”

He smiled, meeting her gaze. “I can imagine. Can I help?”

“I don’t think so. I have to figure this out on my own.” It wasn’t as though he couldn’t imagine what was weighing on her, although it was possible he didn’t realize the specifics. The disconnect she felt with him from the moment Nolan folded into the cop car hadn’t abated.

She couldn’t explain it, not even to herself. It wasn’t that she felt less for him. The pull was still strong. She knew he was her mate. She knew it like she knew the sky was blue and the sun would rise. But something was off. Different.

She wanted him. She wanted to be close to him. Have him hold her like he was. Enjoy the intense way he looked at her. She wanted more. Everything.

But there was a hesitation too. What did it mean? Was it Fate’s way of guiding her more toward Nolan than Reid? She wondered if she would feel the same exact level of magnetism toward Nolan if the men were reversed. What if Reid was the one in hiding and Nolan was leaning over her?

She licked her lips and pulled them between her teeth, fighting the renewed need to cry. She had no idea why she was so emotional. Overloaded. Between her classes, her homework, living with a man she wanted to fuck and wasn’t sleeping with, and carrying on a long-distance relationship with a man in hiding… Shit.

“You need someone to talk to. Someone who isn’t me to work out all the storms in your brain. Have you reached out to your mom lately?”

“Not since the other day.” It wasn’t a bad idea. She could share her turmoil with her mom. They’d always been close. The only problem was her mom had no idea what Adriana was going through. No one did. It was causing a sense of isolation.

As far as she knew, not one person alive could relate to her strange predicament. Who the hell could give her advice? Or worse, who could listen to her plight without judging her or gasping?

She shuddered. There was no one. But at least her mother wouldn’t make her feel like a freak. She might not be able to understand, but she would listen and give advice without judgment.

“You need to eat something. How about I go cook, and you call your mom and talk to her? It might help.”

She nodded. How did he know exactly what to say?

After lowering his face to gently kiss her lips, he shoved off the bed and padded from the room, shutting the door behind him.

Adriana reached for her cell on the bedside table and dialed her mom.

“Hey, honey. How are you?”

“I’m…” Emotions flooded her. Even though she’d spoken to her mom earlier in the week, Adriana felt a renewed sense of pressure and stress tonight.

She also missed Nolan desperately. From the moment he’d gotten out of the SUV, she’d felt the loss. It had only been a few hours, but she wanted him with her. It wasn’t natural for mates to go on and on like this without binding.

In a way, it seemed as though the looming trial and the need to keep Nolan in witness protection was the culprit, but the reality was Adriana didn’t believe that had any influence or effect on her situation. The bottom line was she felt the pull toward two men. Equally. Criminal bad guys on the loose or not, she still had the same problem.

“Sweetie?” Beth’s voice was gentle. Sad. Filled with worry for her daughter.

Adriana realized she was crying again, not silently. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and rolled onto her side to once again curl into herself. “I don’t know what’s happening to me or what to do, Mom.”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine. Tell me what’s going on.”

Adriana took a deep breath and then let the events of the last few days tumble rapidly from her lips. Facts. Not emotions. She left out all the parts she had no intention of sharing with her mother. Finally, she ended with, “Nolan went back into witness protection this afternoon. Reid and I are back at his condo.” Those words revealed nothing.

“How was the weekend? Did it help being with both of them? Or was it stressful and awkward?”

“I don’t know. It wasn’t awkward, but I can’t say it was helpful. If anything I’m more conflicted than I was before.” She sighed. “No. That’s not true either. I’ve never been conflicted, Mom. That’s just it. I know in my heart I want them both equally. Not to say they’re the same. They’re very different. But I’m attracted to both. I’m surely clinically insane.”

Her mom chuckled softly. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“I can’t choose, Mom. I’m not any closer to choosing than I was a week ago. I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to.”

“I think you need to take a step back and stop trying to force it. Whatever is meant to happen will undoubtedly happen at the right time. Maybe you’re meant to feel exactly as you do for some reason we can’t fathom yet. Maybe your bond to Nolan is keeping him alert somehow, and your bond to Reid is helping him keep you safe.”

“Yeah, but whatever the future holds scares the hell out of me. Someone’s going to get hurt, and the more days that go by, the more pain will be inflicted. And the worst part is I’m the one who will be causing the pain. I can’t stand the idea of hurting either of them. It’s not fair.”

“I know, hon. It certainly does seem like a cruel twist of fate. But I have to believe there’s a plan for you, and you need to have the patience to wait and see what it is. There’s no rush, right? I mean you’re waiting for a trial. It could be a while. In the meantime, focus on other things. Let Nature figure Herself out on Her terms.”

“You’re right.” It made sense. Adriana had spent a lot of time forcing something that clearly wasn’t in the cards yet. She squeezed her eyes closed and pictured both men hovering over her, suckling her nipples, fingering her pussy simultaneously, working in tandem to make her come.

When she tried to shake the image and replace it with a vision of her with just one of the men, nothing came to her. Was it because she hadn’t had many experiences with either of them separately? Why would that stop her from visualizing them individually?

Once again she allowed herself to ponder the wisdom of the two of them refusing to have sex with her. So many times she’d been on edge, needing to be filled and not caring which man did it as long as someone did.

But every time, they denied her. Why? The level of willpower they exhibited made her think they didn’t experience the same magnetic pull toward her as she did to them. She didn’t have that willpower. There had been too many moments to count when she would have begged them to make love to her. She had done so a few times yesterday.

Perhaps this entire thing was all her and neither man truly felt the lure she felt. Maybe she wasn’t meant to be with either of them, and she would find someone else she had an even more powerful connection to someday.

That idea made her physically shudder. If there was a man out there—shifter or otherwise—who could cause even more powerful emotions than the ones she’d been feeling for the past week, she would have to be hospitalized in the psych ward.

“Honey,” her mother’s soothing voice began again, interrupting her random thoughts, “you’re putting too much stress on yourself. I’m worried about you.”

She was not wrong. But how was Adriana supposed to stop the bombardment of concerns plaguing her night and day?

»»•««

When Adriana hung up with her mom, she was at least feeling slightly more human. She forced herself to get off the bed, put on some clothes, and join Reid in the kitchen. The saint had made dinner while she spoke to her mom, and Adriana found herself starving.

After they ate and cleaned up, she went back to her room and buried herself in schoolwork, making a huge dent in what needed to be done for the week. Luckily it was a light week. She didn’t have any presentations or exams looming.

It was midnight when she closed her sketch pad and headed to the bathroom. With her face washed, teeth brushed, and sleepwear on, she turned around and walked straight into the wall of Reid’s chest. The only thing stopping her from stumbling backward was him grabbing her elbows to steady her. How had she not felt his presence so close to her?

“Whoa…” he said as he gripped her arms and hauled her toward him. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

She took several quick short breaths. “I must have been in another world.”

One side of his mouth lifted. “That happens a lot.”

“Only lately. I was never this distracted until the two of you stepped into my life,” she pointed out.

“I believe you.” He slid his palms down her arms until he had their fingers threaded together. “Listen, I want you to sleep in my room.”

She licked her lips. Her heart pounded at the idea. What was he insinuating?

“Don’t panic. We aren’t going to do anything but sleep.”

“I can sleep fine in my own room.” She shook her head. She wouldn’t be able to sleep a single moment in his bed.

“I’ll sleep better with you closer to me.” He gave her hands a tug.

She followed him, but she wasn’t done arguing. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Reid.”

He led her around the corner and into his room. She had been in there a few times earlier in the week but had avoided it more as the week wore on. For one thing, it felt too personal. For another thing, the scent of him was stronger in his bedroom than any other part of the house. Luring her in.

And sure enough, the moment she found herself several feet inside, her knees grew weak and her stomach dipped. “Reid…”

He let go of one hand and tugged the other closer to the bed before pulling back the comforter. He hadn’t bothered turning on the lights. In fact, he clearly intended for them to get into his bed right that second. He wore nothing but low-hanging, navy sleep pants. She was used to seeing him like that. He did it often. His chest had become a distraction she couldn’t avoid. Most of the time she forced herself to keep her gaze on his face or look away when they were alone in the house and he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

Right now, she couldn’t avoid it. He was too close to her, and his muscles were flexing with the effort to tug her closer. “We’re just going to sleep. You slept like a rock with me last night and this afternoon.”

He was correct. She’d slept hard when the two of them had finally stopped touching her last night and her heart rate had returned to normal. Now, her pulse was pounding again.

He sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her other hand again to pull her into the V of his legs. The position put them at eye level, and he searched her face for something she didn’t know how to describe.

He was so calm. Not forcing her to do as he requested but clearly not willing to relent either. His hands slid to her waist, and she set hers on his shoulders.

It might have been a mistake. His warm, smooth skin made her flatten her palms with the urge to explore the rest of his chest and abs. She didn’t.

She realized she needed to say something. Her mind had wandered again. “It’s not the same.”

He would know what she meant without elaborating.

“I know, baby.” He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead before leaning back again and meeting her gaze. “But I slept better last night too. When you’re across the hallway, I toss and turn. I thought it was better. I wanted to heed your wishes all week. I understand your hesitation. Really I do. But it’s torture having you so close and so far at the same time. After last night, I realized my bed was huge and empty without you in it.”

It was tempting. But was it wise? His voice alone was making her melt. And the look in his eyes was more than she could bear. He sometimes radiated an intensity that consumed her. In truth, Nolan did too. It was difficult to tell either of them no.

She didn’t want to. She wanted this man to hold her throughout the night. She wanted his warm, firm body wrapped around her, his leg over hers tucking her close. She wanted his lips on her neck, his breath in her space, his heart beating against her. She wanted to feel every inch of him pressing her into the mattress.

Standing in the circle of his arms, she grew weak.

Reid slid one hand up her side and then cupped her neck. She shivered at his touch. It would help if she were wearing more than a thin white tank top and pink sleep shorts. She didn’t have on enough clothing to protect herself against his advances. Her nipples were hard peaks he would not miss if he glanced down.

What did it matter? He’d seen every inch of her naked. A war was battling, one she would not win because she didn’t even know which side she was on. She both wanted him to let her go back to her room, and she wanted to stay. In her room, at least half her brain could function without being under his spell. In his room, she could relax in the safety of his embrace and sleep more soundly. He was right about that.

It wasn’t logical. In his presence, she often couldn’t relax at all. Even now—especially now—she wanted more.

His thumb brushed against her cheek. “I can see your mind battling, but there’s no need. I’m not going to have sex with you. I just want you with me. It’s that simple. No ulterior motives.”

“That’s half of what worries me, Reid,” she blurted out.

His brow furrowed. She could see it easily in the dim light coming from nothing but the moon. “What do you mean?”

She shook her head. “Never mind.” No way did she want to get into her crazy confusion with him at this hour. It was late. She had class in the morning.

He gripped her jaw tighter. “Adriana, hon, talk to me.”

“It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“I’ll never ignore or forget anything you say. Talk to me,” he repeated…demanded. “What’s going on in that head of yours? It bothers you that I don’t have ulterior motives?”

She swallowed, not committing to the truth.

He must have taken that as confirmation because he stiffened. “I’m trying to understand, baby.”

She sighed. She wasn’t going to get out of this conversation. “Both of you. You’re so…calm. You’re not… Neither of you is…” She couldn’t manage to get the words out.

He looked confused, searching her eyes and obviously coming up blank. “Not what?”

“Reid…” She tried to pull away. How had she gotten into this with him? She didn’t want to discuss her insecurities. The entire thing was embarrassing.

His hand at her waist slid around to the small of her back, his fingers splaying wider and holding her closer. His other palm pressed against her neck. “You’re not going to get out of this, hon. Spit it out. I don’t have enough information to read your mind, and you’re blocking me with walls so thick and high I can’t see over them.”

Jesus. Even now in his room after midnight in the dark with so many problems looming between them…Even now he was both sweet and demanding. He deserved her openness. “I don’t think I belong to either of you.” That wasn’t exactly what she meant to say, but it came out anyway.

He flinched, his body jerking, but he didn’t release her. “What? Why?”

She licked her lips. “Because neither of you is as into me as I’m into you.”

He nearly jumped at her statement. His voice rose. “What the hell, Adriana? Where did you get that idea?”

She stayed surprisingly strong. “From your willpower. Your ability to deny me. The fact that you can so calmly hold me all night without touching me intimately.” This conversation was making her so vulnerable, but she was in it now. “When I’m in your arms or even in your space—the same room or house or building—I’m consumed by your pheromones. I can’t think properly or breathe. My body is not under my control. My sex clenches. My breasts swell. I turn into someone I’ve never met, like I’m some kind of sex addict who will never get enough.”

His jaw dropped. “And you don’t think the feeling is mutual?”

“I can see it isn’t. You wouldn’t be able to keep your jeans on if you felt half of what I feel. It’s confusing, and I’ve been trying to figure it out all weekend. Finally, it dawned on me. Neither of you feels as strongly as I do. I don’t know what that means in the long run, but it has to mean something.”

Silence stretched for several heartbeats while Reid stared at her, not blinking. His mouth was open, but she didn’t think he was breathing.

Finally, he took a long deep breath and drew her closer, if that were possible. His fingers gripped her neck with so much vehemence. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”

She flinched. That was not the response she expected.

“Adriana, after the past few days, I’m confident I can easily speak for both Nolan and myself when I say you’re mistaken. You’ve misread us.”

She didn’t see how that was possible.

“I have never in my life felt this strongly about anyone. Neither has Nolan.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s enough, Reid. I’m not denying you care about me. I’m simply pointing out you aren’t as drawn to me as I am to you.”

His face tensed. “And I’m pointing out you’re wrong. You’re misinterpreting our actions. You’re my world, Adriana. Nolan’s too. My entire world. Neither of us is capable of grasping how we will go on after this is over and you have chosen.”

She flinched again at the reminder that the entire thing came down to her choice. She alone would be to blame for whatever the outcome was. In fact, maybe she was lying to herself and made up the entire belief that they weren’t interested in her with the same force she felt to avoid having to choose. At least if she chose neither of them, they would both be equally hurt and could remain friends. Any other outcome in her mind ended with a rift between them that could never be repaired.

He gave her another squeeze to get her attention. “I didn’t mean to put more pressure on you. That didn’t come out right. I’m sorry.” He paused. Took a breath. “What I’m trying to say is that everything you feel is mirrored in me, baby.”

She didn’t move.

His voice dipped and softened. “I’ve spent the entire week with a stiff cock. My heart races in your presence. I sometimes find myself speechless while I watch you move around a room. Mesmerized by the way you tuck your hair behind your ear or cut your food or sip a glass of wine or concentrate on your designs. My chest seizes, and I can’t breathe.

“I’ve taken my cock in my hand every single time I’ve been in the shower since I met you. It’s the only way I can dampen the lust consuming me. And it doesn’t even work. If you think the fact that Nolan and I can keep our pants on in front of you is an indication that we aren’t interested, you’re dead wrong. We don’t have a choice here.”

She drew back the centimeter he permitted.

He gave her neck a little shake. “Baby, we made a commitment not to take your virginity. Maybe it would have been different if you’d had other partners, but you haven’t, and we take that seriously. You deserve to belong completely to one man and one man only. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I took that from you. And neither would Nolan. So we haven’t. And I don’t have the self-control to let you see and touch me and then not slide into your warmth.” His voice cracked.

She’d never seen him this emotional.

“So no. You don’t have a monopoly on how intense you feel. It’s mutual. I speak for both of us when I say I know for a fact Nolan would state these same things if he were in the room. Does it suck? Hell, yes. I’ve been in unimaginable turmoil for a week and fourteen hours. So has Nolan. It makes my heart hurt to know I not only can’t control the outcome but that you’re hurting so badly, agonizing over the decision only you can make. I hate that for you. More than I hate to see what the outcome looks like.”

Her mouth was dry. Her heart pounded. She’d been wrong.

He set his forehead against hers. “I will not make things worse for you. Ever. I can and will control my carnal urge to flip you onto your back and claim your body. I don’t have the right. You would never forgive me. I wouldn’t do that to you or to Nolan or to myself. I would hate myself later if I took what doesn’t belong to me from you. Something so precious it deserves to be cherished.

“Maybe we made a mistake this weekend by showing you how good we could make you feel. I’m not sure it was the right choice. We simply didn’t want you to walk on eggshells around us worrying about treating us equally and keeping us at arm’s length when we were all in the same confined space.

“Was it weird? At first, yes. But we got over it fast. All we cared about was making you feel good and giving you a taste of what’s in store for you for life. No matter who you end up with, I can assure you either of us will do everything in our power to make your body come alive in a way you’ve only seen the fringe of. You’ll be cherished and worshiped and loved until you die, baby. I promise you.”

A tear slid down her cheek. She hadn’t realized her eyes were clouded with moisture.

Reid brushed his thumb up to swipe it away. “Please don’t retreat from us. I don’t want you to feel like you have to bottle up your thoughts and feelings to avoid hurting either of us or keep a confrontation at bay. If you’re hurting, share. Okay?”

“I have been hurting for over seven days, Reid. I can’t possibly share that any more thoroughly.”

He nodded. “I know. And I’m so sorry.” He released her neck finally and wrapped both arms around her to close the few inches between them.

When her chest pressed against his, her nipples tightened further. She wanted his hands on her, cupping her breasts, pinching the tips, making her feel. Taking away the edge of need and pain. But he wouldn’t do it while Nolan wasn’t in the room.

Something had shifted between them. A change. Before the weekend spent in their arms, she’d had fleeting limited contact with both of them on separate occasions. A kiss, some groping. Nothing beyond that. But somehow she knew it wouldn’t happen again. The stakes were too high. Reid was too much of a gentleman to put her in any position that would leave her uncomfortable and force her to keep things from Nolan.

Yep. She’d been wrong. It wasn’t that Nolan and Reid didn’t feel as strongly about her as she did them. Not at all. If anything, they felt even more intensely. They also found a deep strength that allowed them to cherish her in a way most men would never do.

She was falling in love. With two men. It wasn’t getting easier. It was getting worse.

With this knowledge, she let Reid pull her onto his lap and then roll her onto the bed beside him. She allowed him to spoon her against his chest and wrap his arm around her middle. She relaxed as he lifted one leg over both of hers to cocoon her completely.

And she found peace in the way he kissed her neck gently at the very spot where one of them would one day claim her.

She didn’t freak out or fight him. Instead, she fell into a deep sleep.