Nineteen

Ethan

You can do this, I know it even if you don’t. You’re ready. Katarina would be proud. I love you.

She didn’t have to sign the message for me to know it was from Misha. She was the only woman, hell, the only person who would still give a damn about me after the way I treated her. But there she was, just minutes before I was due to share the stage with Samantha Stevens again, giving me one final push of encouragement that I didn’t deserve. Like Wallace had told me, she’d always give her clients what they needed and what I needed was to get my reputation back.

Not her.

At least as far as she knew.

But she was wrong. My biggest wish wasn’t to get my reputation back. I needed to get my reputation back because my business depended on it. My biggest wish was to have Misha back at my side. In my bed. Under me. In my life, right where she belonged. Only she didn’t know it and how could she with how quickly I sent her away? Out of my life?

Why had I done that? Was it really because she’d gotten too close to me and I got scared? That seemed like too simple of an explanation but Jax and Roc were convinced I’d chickened out and they knew me better than anyone. But they were wrong. They had to be.

“Two minutes,” a PA dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt called out as he rushed by.

Two minutes. That’s how long I had until I needed to turn my charm on full throttle and make Samantha Stevens forget that I outed her husband on national television. Inside that green room with sugary snacks and glucose filled drinks, all I really wanted was Misha. She’d be standing beside me, or sitting across the room with a comforting smile to assure me that everything would be all right. One soothing touch and all would be right in my world.

“We need you on set now, Mr. Mahoney.”

The same black t-shirt clad PA came to get me and escort me to set while a woman wearing too much perfume to cover up her cigarette smoke fixed the microphone to my shirt. A makeup girl brushed powder on my face, “To prevent excess shine,” she assured me with a seductive smile that I had no intention of returning.

I didn’t give a damn. I just wanted to get the fucking interview over so I could go to Misha. Explain and apologize before I got down on my knees and begged her to forgive me. But first I had to eat some crow and kiss a little ass. I had to make this interview count. For me and for Misha who had—somehow—fixed me. At least I hoped so.

Only time would tell.

The lights flickered in the studio as the hostess made her way to the stage, the audience applauded and cheered like crazy. I waved and flashed a smile, hoping to get off on the right foot with the moms of America. My shoulders and stomach settled when the cheers increased in volume and intensity for me. Everything would be fine.

Hopefully.

Samantha walked over to me in the seconds before the countdown began and grinned. “We’re good Ethan, and depending on how this all plays out, I just might owe you a debt of gratitude.”

I had no clue what in the hell she was talking about but she was already standing and doing her intro, smiling and laughing as she told a few current events jokes and even a couple at my expense. “I know you all showed up here because the world wants you to think Ethan and I are about to have a showdown of epic proportions.” The audience clapped loudly and I groaned inwardly because I knew they would be disappointed. Then I saw the gleam in Samantha’s eyes and I started to hope they would be disappointed. “Well just prepare yourselves for the disappointment because, like the man of integrity he is, Ethan Mahoney apologized privately. And over a very delicious and lavish meal. He was sincere and we talked and forgave each other.”

She smiled back at me, that gleam still in her eyes and I flashed a nervous wave that made the audience laugh.

“But what he said about my husband wasn’t true. He isn’t gay, he’s bisexual and after our interview with Ethan Mahoney, I’ll tell you more about it.”

My smile was more genuine this time around as she took her seat on the other big white chair. She flashed a wink and it all became clear. She’d use her husband’s sexuality to boost ratings and make the world forget about this story. “You’re a hell of a woman Sam Stevens.”

“And don’t you forget it, Mahoney.” She winked and thirty seconds later the interview was well under way. We talked business first. Old business. “Now Ethan, I know I have already apologized but I have to tell you, there was no list of off limit questions.”

I sighed, hoping I looked appropriately contrite because I was. “I know because for the most part I do consider myself an open book, but I didn’t know either. Not until that moment.”

“If you’re ready to talk, we’re here.” One hand rested on top of mine and she looked the definition of sympathetic.

This was it. The moment that had brought Misha into my life. Everything we’d done—surfing, eating shit food, acting lessons with a legend—was for this moment right here. I couldn’t let Misha down by clamming up and I wouldn’t disrespect her by giving a half ass answer. “Her name was Katarina.” From that moment on, I had them.

“That must have been very painful. I can see why you’d want to keep that private.”

I nodded for a beat too long, but I needed to do some of those deep breathing exercises Misha had drilled into me. “It was a missed opportunity. By keeping silent about it, thousands of boys and girls won’t learn the lesson. They won’t know there’s nothing that works better than the healthy way. Because I loved her, I should honor her memory by helping make sure others don’t follow her path.”

The studio was silent for several beats and then, there it was. The collective sigh. “That is very admirable Ethan.” She glanced sideways at the audience and I braced myself. No matter what she asked I would not lose my shit. “Rumor has it that you have a new love and it’s the real thing.”

The denial froze on my lips. My eyes, wide and nervous, looked around the stage in search of a friendly face. There were none, everyone wanted to know something I thought I knew the answer to. I tried it again. “I, uhm,” I shook my head I couldn’t fucking do it. I couldn’t tell the whole country that I didn’t have a new love and it wasn’t the real thing. Because it wasn’t true. I didn’t just miss her. I loved her. “I guess for once the rumors are true.”

Sam’s smile lit up, wide and sincere, eyes sparkling with the glee of a woman who knew how to put on good TV. “You heard it here, folks. Ethan Mahoney is in love!” The audience was much louder than a room full of middle aged women should be, whistling and clapping, whooping and aww-ing all at once. “After the break he’ll tell us all about his anti-aging smoothies, all-natural powders and organic creams.”

My shoulders relaxed while Samantha gushed to one of the producers, a shit eating grin on her face because the interview had lived up to all of the fucking hype. “Four and a half minutes and it’s all over,” she whispered, keeping her smile bright because she didn’t have to fake it today.

“Perfect.” The rest of the interview was painless and the best part of my job, where I actually got to talk about our products. My enthusiasm had always helped with sales even though Brian said it was my blue eyes. My looks didn’t hurt, I knew that, but I also knew I made people believe. “That’s why we’ve put together some bags of Aegle swag for the audience today, and Samantha has been kind enough to throw in a few things as well.” Free stuff always got people excited and I spent the last two minutes of my comeback interview grinning while the audience dug eagerly into the white and gold luxe bags and Samantha had to rattle off a list of brand name items in the bags. Bliss.

Pure fucking bliss.

“Thanks for this Ethan. Good luck with your girl.” Samantha hugged me tight, like she was comforting me. I closed my eyes and held on tight for a long moment before I stepped back.

“Yeah thanks, Samantha. You really are a class act.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you people.” She grinned and with a wave, she was engulfed in assistants, makeup artists and some anonymous voice in her ear.

I didn’t think about Samantha for another second. The interviews were over. I had my mojo back and I felt good. But, I’d feel better when I got to Venice Beach.

To Misha.

“Social media is going crazy,” Brian said, practically gushing as he slid into the limo behind me. “They love the whole you being in love thing and #IMK is trending, for in memory of Katarina.”

When he took a breath, I glanced at Jax, listening to a call and staring at the tablet in his hands. “Are we interrupting your meeting?”

He looked up and grinned but I knew he fucking saw us. Brian’s breathless excitement could be heard all the way in Silver Lake. “Nah, I’m just listening to a meeting I couldn’t attend. Had my assistant record it.”

“Is that legal,” Brian whispered, looking at Jax with a mixture of fear and awe.

“Of course, it is. They know.”

Brian leaned forward, now intrigued and I laughed as Jax reeled him in. “But then how can you catch them doing anything, which I assume is the purpose of recording them?”

“Because Brian, if they know they are being recorded they will behave as if I am there. Which means no one will try to poach athletes or pull any other shit they might when the boss is away.”

He sat back, impressed. “Okay. I get it.”

“What are you doing here instead of at that company of yours?”

“I own the joint,” he grinned and hit the button on his Bluetooth set. “I can do anything as long as I’ve got Wi-Fi and a device.” He was looking at me in that way he and Roc had perfected when we moved in with Uncle Noah, to get me to confess to anything I did wrong. I hated that look. “I just have one question.”

Our gazes clashed and I shifted, digging into the seat and crossing my legs at the ankle. Sometimes all you had was the illusion of calm. “What’s that?”

“Who was the text from?”

“What…oh. How did you know?”

“The camera caught you and dude, you fucking melted! On camera,” he laughed, long and hard, slapping the leather beside him and clutching his belly. “Fucking melted. Priceless.” He laughed and laughed, and eventually Brian joined in because, how could he not? I just glared a hole in my brother’s head.

“It was from Misha. She, unlike some people, seems to at least like me.”

“And look where that got her.”

Damn. “No, Jax, tell me how you really feel. Don’t hold back,” I deadpanned and his glare only intensified.

“One final pep talk?”

“Something like that,” I grinned thinking of those three little words that felt so big, even in a text. She didn’t just love me, she believed in me. No one other than my family has ever done that and it was a heady feeling, knowing someone who didn’t have to feel that way, did anyway. “I need to go see her. Now.”

Jax gave the driver instructions and I sat quietly and looked out the window, trying to gather my thoughts before I saw Misha again. I owed her much more than the cold way I’d dismissed her. Hell, she deserved better. And now that I knew how I felt, at least I was pretty sure I knew, I could show her and give her everything she deserved. “You have a plan or are you hoping your pretty face will do all the work?”

“I have a plan. I’m going to apologize and tell her how I feel.”

“That’s an awful plan. You fired her, Ethan. My guess is you probably froze her out too. You need more than a damn I’m sorry. You need something big. Ever heard of the grand gesture?”

My eyes narrowed at my brother and I swear if I could have, I would’ve shot a laser right at him. Maybe a tranq dart. “Is this it?” I asked, giving him a long look at my middle finger.

“I don’t think that’s the kind of apology Misha is looking for.”

“For argument’s sake,” Brian cut in loudly, “don’t you think maybe we should capitalize on this interview. The web hasn’t stopped talking about you yet!” We both glared at him and he visibly shrank back into his seat. “Fine. Go get the girl or whatever.”

The limo came to a stop outside her apartment and I jumped out, bounding up the steps and tapping the door with the knocker. I waited anxiously but there was no sound or light coming from the other side of the door. I tried to call again but it went straight to voicemail. After a few more minutes I gave up, walking back to the limo feeling angry. Where in the hell was she?

“No luck?”

“No, I came all this way and decided not to fucking go through with it,” I told him, my voice heavy with sarcasm.

“Well, not all men are cut out for women like Misha. It’s big of you to admit it,” Jax said with a straight face, mouth curved in sympathy just to piss me off.

“Fuck you.”

“No thanks. Apparently, you don’t know a good thing when you got it.”

That made me frown. “What the hell would you know about it?”

“Oh please. I saw you, little brother. I know your face and every damn expression since you were a kid. You were happy and relaxed with her. You looked at her like she was everything you ever wanted. It really is too bad you’re too chicken shit to go after what you really want.”

He was goading me. We all knew it, even the driver, but still I let him. “We’re going to Sunshine Daze retirement community.”

“What on earth for?” Brian asked, sounding appalled and terrified.

“Misha likes to spend time there.” The fact that I remembered things like that should have been my first clue that she was different. I never bother myself with the details of women’s lives because honestly, I never gave a damn. But I remember her telling me about giving the women manicures, arranging for local students to come and cut their hair and groom the men.

“But it’s all the way on the other side of town,” Brian whined. He was right but he’d been instrumental in hiring Misha which meant I wouldn’t be in this predicament if not for him. I could have been happy without love if this was it. Ever since I realized it, I’d felt nothing but nauseous. Anxious and pretty much ready to puke. Like a hangover in Spain during the running of the bulls. And longing. I fucking longed to be with her and I’ve never longed for a damn thing.

“We’re not stopping.” And we didn’t for forty minutes as the driver, Carl, wove through thick traffic to get to Sunshine Daze. The place looked different than I expected, more like a movie set for a small town than the hospital-like environment I was expecting. Brian chose to stay in the car but Jax “wouldn’t miss it for the world,” and strode in with me.

“You boys lost?” The woman couldn’t be a day younger than eighty but the gleam in her eye made me feel dirty.

“I’m looking for my friend, Misha. She likes to visit here.”

Light green eyes went wide. “Hey Martha and Suzy, Misha’s guy is here and wait until you get a load of him. Talk about hot stuff!”

Soon two more old ladies had made their way over, ogling me and Jax openly. One of them even circled us like livestock. “You’re what she’s running from? You must have done somethin’ bad honey because if I were forty years younger I’d run head first into you.” She laughed, clenching her large bosom to make sure we both saw the red bra she wore.

“She told you about me?” Why I sounded like a hopeful little boy, I didn’t know. But she always spoke of these women with such fondness.

“She didn’t have to. A woman doesn’t glow like that unless she’s in love and getting well loved, if you know what I mean.”

I laughed and held out my hand. “Ethan Mahoney. You have to be Edith.”

She blushed and held a hand to her chest. “I am and it’s nice to meet you. At least I hope it is. Why is our Misha running from you?”

Running? From me? Impossible. “Where has she run to?”

“Why is she running?” the other two asked in unison.

I sighed and glared at each of the old women, none of whom were affected at all, damnit. “We got too close and I freaked out. Got distant and cold, then I fired her.” I sounded like a real asshole when it was all said out loud like that.

“Men,” Edith scoffed. “You’d be scared of your own shadows if we let you. So big and strong yet so scared. I suppose you have a plan that includes groveling?”

“Yes ma’am.” Why was I answering to these women? There was something about them that just screamed, don’t mess with us.

“Maybe some flowers,” another asked.

“She prefers to let flowers stay in the ground, but I suppose a rose bush would count.” They all looked so pleased, sending beaming smiles at my answer.

“Misha needed to regroup, like she always does after a contract is up. Usually she only goes away for a couple weeks but she stopped in yesterday to tell us she’d be gone at least a month. Runnin’,” Edith said again to emphasize her point.

“Where?” I needed a location so I could pack, or maybe I would just buy clothes there. There wouldn’t be time to pack and alert the pilot to book flight plans. No. I’d get my passport, grab something comfortable for the plane and—

“New Zealand,” Edith broke into my thoughts. “Said she’d start up north and work her way down, maybe spend a week or so at the Galapagos Islands. Surfing, camping, exploring.”

My grin spread slow but it felt like it stretched from one ear to the other. I was one step closer to making everything right again. “Thank you, Edith. Thank you, ladies. I can see why Misha loves you girls.” They all blushed and tittered in only the way a woman of a certain age could.

An older guy with a thick head of silver hair and dark brown eyes stepped in front of me. “If you’re playing games with our Misha, boy, go play ’em somewhere else. We got plenty of vets in here who could make a body disappear if we wanted. Don’t make us want.”

“Damn, I want to be you when I grow up,” Jax whispered.

The old man winked. “Damn right you do, boy. What do you have to say for yourself,” he asked as he turned back to me.

“I’m not playing games sir. I’m playing for keeps.” And this time I wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Then go on and get our girl. Just remember what I said boy.” The old guy leaned in a little too close, finger pressed hard against my chest as he waited for me to repeat his warning.

“Don’t make you want to make me disappear,” I parroted back with a hint of annoyance.

He grinned. “Damn straight. Good luck, kid.”

“Thanks.” With a shake of my head I shook hands with the man who’d finally identified himself as Clifton and headed for the door. Before we left, I arranged a treat for the people who meant so much to the woman I now realized meant the world to me.