Seventeen

Ethan

“What do you mean ‘you let her go’?” Jax roared at me, his face twisted in a dark, thunderous scowl just inches from my face. “You still have the Stevens interview next week!”

“I’m well aware of when it is.” I damn well knew, but I couldn’t have Misha around anymore. She had that look in her pretty green eyes, the look of a woman in love. Maybe she was in the early stages of falling in love with me but either way, it was a look I knew well and wanted no part of. It was too bad, really. I hated to do it to her. Unlike most women, I liked Misha. I liked spending time with her, laughing with her. And I loved being naked with her, she was passionate and inventive, adventurous and so damn giving. My cock was already at half-mast just thinking about her. I’d miss it all, but it was better for both of us if I broke it off now. Before either of us got too attached. “I aced those interviews so she did her job. It was time for both of us to move on.” Which was another problem I couldn’t settle in my mind. What if this was all part of her script with male clients? With doubts like that, I knew I’d done us both a huge favor.

Roc frowned and I had a feeling I didn’t do as good a job as I thought at hiding my emotions from my oldest brother. Roc saw through bullshit easily and he had a better than average detector for my particular brand of bullshit. “It’s time to move on? Did you make a move on her, Ethan?”

I don’t know. Did she make the first move or was it me who leaned in to make contact? I didn’t know. All I knew was that we had done a lot of moving. “I wouldn’t put it that way, no. Maybe she made the move, did you ever think of that? Maybe this was part of her bag of tricks to “fix me”.” I knew I sounded like an asshole but I struck out just as any cornered animal would.

“Don’t even think it,” Jax yelled, his voice as threatening as his finger inches from my eyes. “Blitz said he tried, hard, and she shut him down every single time. If something happened, that’s between you and Misha, but if you need to feel better about whatever you’ve done, then tell yourself what you need to. I’m out of here.”

I watched Jax make his way across the room, angry at me, his brother , over a woman only one of us had slept with. I think . “It’s done. Been done for two weeks.” It had taken me a week to get over the vacant look on her face as she tried hard not to react to my words. Another moment of regret flashed in my mind when I thought of all the other women who hadn’t bothered to shield their emotions from me, hoping a show of tears or a verbal declaration would change my mind. Misha hadn’t done any of that. Instead, she sent me the form ending the contract early, rather than bringing it to me herself and she hadn’t made any attempt to see me or talk to me. “Paperwork has been signed and everything.” All connections had been severed. Officially.

“You’re a fool,” Jax spat and walked out. Brian followed, his lips pinched in a thin white line, head shaking in disgust.

“It’s not the end of the world if you have feelings for her, Ethan.” Roc used his best ‘I’m older and therefore wiser’ voice, hand on my shoulder with a solemn look in his eyes. “It happens to all of us…eventually.”

I barked out a laugh at his words. “It’s not like I’m scared of love or something, Roc. When I’m ready for it, I’ll take care of it.”

“And what happens when you realize the one you want it with is lost to you forever?”

“I’ll find another one. ”

Roc laughed, shaking his head. “I thought the same thing when Abby disappeared on me. Who cares, I’ll find ten more just like her, right? Well believe me, I tried. A lot. But nothing worked until I got on a plane headed to Puerto Rico with revenge on my mind.” He chuckled at the memory. “I didn’t even realize I was in love with her at the time, but I should have. And I should have told her how I felt so she wouldn’t have ever fucking doubted it. Don’t let macho bullshit fear lead you to make the same mistake I did.” He stood and clapped me on the back. “But you will because you’re stubborn as hell so all I’ll say to you is, good luck.”

I loved my brother, I really did. Ever since Abby and Chelle came into his life he’d been a different man. Not quite so serious all the time, more open with his feelings. He’d be an even better dad to his child than he’d been to me and Jax, but he was dead wrong when it came to love. I didn’t do love, not right now. Maybe not ever.

I’d gotten closer to Misha than I ever meant to, but that was all over now and thinking about it every other minute wasn’t going to change a damn thing.

Running however, might make it hard to think about anything other than breathing properly once my muscles and my lungs began to burn.

***

My second interview with Samantha Stevens was coming up and I was officially freaking out. About everything. I couldn’t figure out what to wear, what to say or what to do about how helpless I felt. This was a new feeling for me. Even when the world had deemed me persona non-grata after the first interview, I’d felt in control. I knew a little bit of damage control and another celebrity or political scandal and I’d be off the front page and ready to move past it.

Now though, I just felt like if tomorrow didn’t go perfectly, the past few months would have been worthless. My company stock would continue to fall along with the public’s perception of me and Aegle. I couldn’t let that happen. I needed to get my shit together and I knew there was only one way to do that.

Misha .

I called her at least a dozen times and she hadn’t picked up, not once. Our contract was over, so of course she wouldn’t answer. “So much for fucking friendship,” I muttered after what had to be the twentieth call, barely holding myself back from tossing it into the fireplace. As angry as I was that she hadn’t called me back, I felt more regret than anything. My arrogance made me believe I didn’t need her, but I realized it was her quiet insistence that I could do it, was probably why I’d done so well in those other interviews. There were still memes and t-shirts declaring themselves Team Mahoney or Team Kincaid, serving as proof that my reputation was back in place.

The night wasn’t going at all how I’d planned it when I started this damn circus. I figured by the time we reached the Stevens interview I’d be completely relaxed, confident. Ready to charm the pants off anyone, including Samantha. But, I was acting like a teenage girl on prom night, twittering about with butterflies in my stomach. The phone began to ring in my hands, startling me. “Yeah?”

“What did you need, Ethan?” Misha. She sounded tired. Sad.

“What do I need? Hell if I know, Misha. I just know that I’m nervous as hell, my heart is racing and I can’t make a goddamn decision to save my life. I am freaking out here, and we all know that if I’m an asshole to her again—on live television—my company won’t make it another two years.” I let out a long much needed breath and waited for her to respond. Maybe she was going to leave me hanging like I deserved, I didn’t know. But my heart pounded as I stood in the middle of my living room, staring out at the black waves crashing to shore.

“You’ll do fine tomorrow, Ethan. Just speak from the heart but don’t act from it. You know what you want to say and what you don’t.”

I appreciated her vote of confidence but I wasn’t so sure I could do it. “Thanks Misha, I just—”

“You’ll do fine Ethan, but I really have to go. Knock ’em dead tomorrow,” she whispered and disconnected the call.

I stared at the blinking light, shocked she’d actually ended the call without trying to lure me back. I deserved it but I wasn’t used to it. Misha’s refusal to beg me for what she clearly wanted gave me greater respect for her. It was refreshing.

It was new.

And really, it just brought home another reason why it was such a good idea to put some distance between us. When she acted like…well, like her, it was hard for me to resist her. I wanted her, more than I could even admit to myself which is why I sent her away, but right now I had something more important to think about.

The rest of my life.

First, I would charm the hell out of Samantha Stevens, then I could figure out if there was anything to be done about Misha.