Standing from afar and watching another man live my life was like a pretty big kick in the balls. When Chloe reached over and touched Brogan’s hands, my heart felt like it dropped out of my chest. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of her spinning around in his arms or watching him and Tanner getting along so well. It was juvenile for me to be jealous, yet I still couldn’t stop it.

I kept telling myself that it didn’t matter that she moved on quicker than I expected, which was bullshit that I didn’t even believe myself. I was going to lock up the hurt, throw up my protective walls and march over there like the man I was.

This was about Tanner.

The crowd was thinning out, so I stepped out of my hiding spot and walked over by the concession stand located on the path they would have to walk along.

I waved the minute I saw Tanner jogging across the grass. Chloe’s head snapped up, and her eyes landed on mine.

She shoved Brogan’s hand off her shoulder, and I swear, I felt the oxygen leave my lungs. “Jack.” She seemed nervous but otherwise happy to see me.

I fisted my hands to the side and tried to unclench my jaw. I was burning with jealousy, and the last thing I needed was to cause a scene.

“Hey,” I said, feeling my heart race. I didn’t know how I was going to handle this. It felt like someone had snatched my life away from me and I didn’t know how to get it back. “I didn’t want to miss the first game.”

Tanner clutched his baseball cap in his hands. “You made it!” he cheered, staring up at me with those big brown eyes that melted my insides. I shifted on my feet, not sure what to expect. He surprised me when he ran into my leg, almost knocking me over as he wrapped his little arms around my waist. My heart felt like it was being filled back up.

He may not have been mine, but I loved him as if he were, and the thought of losing him was unbearable. I tried to give him an easy smile when I was feeling anything but.

“You did great, bud. You pitched out that last inning and closed with a grand slam. I’m so proud of you.”

“I did exactly what you told me to do. I pictured the batter in his underwear whenever I got nervous.”

I grinned down at him. “I’m glad it worked out for you, kid.”

“Tanner.” Chloe placed both hands on his shoulders. “Why don’t you run to the car with your…Brogan. I need to talk to Jack for a minute. Okay, sweetie?”

Tanner’s gaze moved back and forth across my face. “When will I see you again?”

I shifted forward and placed my hands on my knees so we were at eye level. “I’m not sure. You’ve got my number so you can call me anytime, okay?” I held my hand out for a fist bump. My eyes darted over his shoulder to see Brogan watching us. I cleared my throat and tried to keep my face even. “I want you to know something,” I explained, looking deep into his eyes. “No matter where I am or what I am doing, I’ll always want to talk to you. So don’t ever think otherwise.” I choked out the next words. “I love you, bud, and I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Jack. I love you too.” I watched him walk off with Brogan and tried to convince myself that this wasn’t the end.

Chloe placed her hand on my arm. “I’m so happy to see you. Thank you for coming.”

I looked down at her hand on my arm. The same hand that was just folded inside Brogan’s arm a minute ago.

My jaw tightened. “Could have fooled me.”

The smile on her face drained. I wanted to punch myself for being such an ass, but I was pissed.

“You think I don’t want you here?”

I could feel the vein in my neck pulse. “I know what I saw from across the field.”

She stepped back and watched Tanner and Brogan hop into a big jacked-up Ford truck. My jealousy burned like a forest fire. I wanted to run over and claim the kid as mine. But he never was, and he never would be.

Chloe looked at me with a flash of guilt in her eyes. “We were just being friendly. It’s not what you think. We are not together.”

I snorted, feeling anger boil in my body “Really? Do you always almost kiss all your friends?” I fired back, with the images of the two of them playing in my head.

“I did not almost kiss anyone. You have to believe me when I say there is nothing going on between Brogan and me.”

“Believe you?” I shouted, placing my hands on my hips. I was vibrating with anger. “That’s just fucking rich coming from you. Don’t you get it?” I inched my face close to hers. “I don’t fucking trust you anymore.”

Her body went stiff. “Why would I lie to you?” She was practically choking on her words. It brought me no pleasure to see her so upset. “If I wanted Brogan, I could have him, but it’s you that I want. Not him.”

I had so much rage flowing through me, I couldn’t contain it even if I wanted to. “Do you know what it felt like watching you with him? It fucking ripped me open from the inside out. I know he’s Tanner’s father. I know in my head he has every right to be here, but he doesn’t have a fucking right to touch you, to put his fucking hands on you.”

“The only person I want touching me is you!” she yelled, getting right up in my face. “I can’t stop him from coming around. He’s trying to build a relationship with his son. And I won’t stop him from doing that.”

I looked up at the sky, begging it for answers. “I don’t know if I can share you guys. It hurts too much.”

“You don’t have to share me.” Her eyes blurred with tears as she spoke. “Do you think this is easy for me? No matter what you think, I’m hurting too.” Her eyes closed. “He’s Tanner’s dad. I have no control over that, but I need you to listen to me. Really listen to me. When it comes to us, it’s only you. I don’t know how else I can make you see that.”

I shook my head, trying to calm the noise that was rattling around in my brain long enough to where I could think. They shared a bond that I couldn’t compete with. I loved her, and I probably always would. But seeing them together made me feel weak. I knew she was hurting, and I didn’t doubt that she loved me, but she didn’t realize how this changed everything. Tanner had a father now, and I was just his mom’s boyfriend. A stepfather at best.

On top of that, I didn’t want to always doubt what she was doing when we weren’t together. Worry about how much time they were spending together. Worry about her someday waking up and realizing that she chose the wrong guy.

I didn’t want Tanner to get caught in the middle either. I’ve seen what this kind of shit could do to a kid. The last thing I wanted was for him to get hurt. I loved her, more than I thought was humanly possible, but I knew I had to let her go.

I took her hand in mind. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

She looked at me as the tears fell. “So that’s it. You’re just giving up on us? After everything we shared, all the promises we’ve made, you’re just going to walk away?” Her voice trembled. “I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t keep letting you push me away. All I want is to be with you. I’ve told you this a thousand times, but I can’t force you to believe me. I can’t keep doing this.” She pulled her hand from mine. “I’m the only one fighting for us.” She looked away, and something shifted; I could feel it, and it made me sick to my stomach. “I’m not going to beg anymore. If you want to go back to your life in New York, then go. But just remember that this was your choice, not mine.”

She folded her arms across her middle and broke down. A few people walked by and started to stare, so I brought her in my arms as she cried against my chest. I was battling against everything inside of me because I didn’t want to let her go.

She pulled away, and I bent to kiss her. How the hell was I supposed to get on that plane and go back to my life in New York? A life without her and Tanner?

I hated myself. I wish things were different, but they weren’t. I never thought it would be this hard to leave a life that I never even knew I wanted until now.

I pressed a kiss to her lips. I wanted to savor the taste, remember everything about her because I knew I never would feel this way about another woman again. “I love you, Chloe. I’m so sorry.”