I hold out my shot glass. “Another.”
Paige smiles sweetly. “I’ll just leave the bottle here for you guys. Don’t tell anyone.”
Luca takes the bottle and pours me another one. “I hate to say this, but I told you so.”
I glare at Luca as I lift the glass of tequila to my lips and pour the shot down my throat. I’ve lost track of how many shots I’ve done. I don’t care anymore. I need something to numb the pain. And tequila is that something.
“Say it all you want. I need to hear it. I should have listened to you.”
Luca laughs. “You shouldn’t ever listen to me. You know that.”
Luca looks down at the prenup contract. “You also shouldn’t sign anything without talking to a lawyer first. You do understand that you are an idiot for signing this.”
“I don’t care.”
“You are going to care when she takes everything you own. Your house, your money, your trucks—everything is now hers.”
I shrug. “Let her have it. I don’t want it.”
Luca shakes his head. “You aren’t sleeping on my couch when you have nowhere else to go.”
“I’ll make more money. I only get one heart, and it’s gone now.”
He shakes his head at me. “I don’t know what you have turned into, but you are one giant mess, man. She’s really fucked you up. You know that, right?”
I dump more of the tequila into the shot glass and take a drink. I don’t care anymore. I have lost everything I cared about. All I want now is to spend the rest of my life here, at this bar, drinking. I no longer have a home. That’s now hers. I no longer have either trucks. They are now hers. I can’t go back to the beach, to the ocean. Everything I ever owned or loved is now hers.
* * *
“You need to leave this bar, man. It’s been two weeks since the divorce was finalized. You weren’t even married for real. You thought you were in love, but you can’t fall in love with a chick that fast. You have to get over her. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and if you got out of here and started training, you could actually earn some money and buy yourself another shack on the beach instead of sleeping outside a bar every night,” Luca says.
I lay my head down on my folded arms on the table as I stare at the empty shot glass. After I puked about a week ago, Paige implemented a new rule where I can only have one shot every half hour. It doesn’t matter though anyway. The pain is always here now. The alcohol is no longer strong enough to take the pain away.
Luca sighs. “Well, cheer up. I have great news for you.”
My eyes dart up to him and then back to the glass in front of me. There is no way he has great news.
“I’m going to introduce you to my girlfriend. You can play your silly games on her. You can try to steal her and fuck her and do whatever you do to cheer yourself up.”
“Get rid of your girlfriend yourself, Luca. I’m not going to do it for you.”
Luca sighs again. “You really have to get over this girl. This isn’t healthy. Have you even talked to her since she cheated on you?”
I shake my head.
“You need closure. Go talk to her. Yell at her. Whatever you need to do. Then, move on.” Luca grabs my arm and lifts me out of my chair. “You are going to go talk to her. Now.”
He walks me out of the building. “How much have you had to drink?” he asks.
“Not enough,” I say.
Luca studies my eyes and then confirms that I haven’t really been drinking. Not since Paige implemented her new rule. I’ve had maybe two drinks today since I also know, every other shot, she just fills with water, hoping I won’t notice. I noticed though.
He reaches in his pocket and then flips me the keys to his car. “Go get closure. Get revenge. Get even. Apologize. Whatever you fucking need, go get it.”
* * *
I started at her office, but she wasn’t there. I talked to her receptionist, who said she hadn’t been in, in weeks. Probably off fucking her new beau. I should warn him that she’s going to do the same thing she did to me to him. Fuck him, make him fall in love, and then rip out his heart.
I thought I was a monster. But she’s just as bad. No, she’s worse. Because I tell people up front who I am. And, if they let me into their life, that is their problem. She pretends to be an angel for those less fortunate. She protects kids and gives them the help they need. But then she goes and hurts men without a second thought.
I tried her condo, but Archie wouldn’t let me up to see her. He looked sad when he talked to me. I finally got him to tell me that she wasn’t there, and her missing car from the parking lot confirmed it.
When I exited her building, I was swarmed with reporters. I ignored them all. I shouldn’t have. I should have told them the real reason for our divorce. That she cheated. Not the crap that she has been feeding them about a whirlwind romance that ended because we were too different and we realized our love would never last. That we were just together to help each other through a difficult time. I should leak the prenup agreement that she had me sign that caused me to fucking lose everything. Then, we will see whose side the media is on.
I can’t do that to her though, as much as I want revenge. I want her to feel exactly how I feel right now, but I can’t. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t bring myself to hurt her like that. Because, for reasons I will never understand, I still love her.
And, if she did one thing for me, she helped me realize that, even though I don’t believe in lasting love, I shouldn’t destroy it for those who do. Because, just maybe, if a couple has a fighting chance to last forever, then they actually will.
Even if they don’t, I know I will never get the same thrill out of breaking a couple up again. Because every time I tried, I would be brought back to this feeling. This desperate, angry, sad feeling that I will never be able to escape from again because of her. But, for some stupid fucking reason, it makes me want to try again. Find some woman who can actually love me. That I could feel that way blows my mind the most.
I jump back in the car and start driving. First, I need closure. That is what Luca said. And, for once, I believe him. He’s been in enough relationships to know that, that is what I need right now.
I don’t know where else to look for her. I’m guessing that she’s in that asshole’s bed. But I have no idea where he lives, and that isn’t the best place to get closure. All I would end up doing is getting in a fight that could land me back in jail.
So, I just drive. I guess I’ll eventually go back to her place and see if she ever shows up. But, for now, I drive. I drive to our place on the beach and stop Luca’s car. Maybe this is a way to get closure without actually having to speak to her. Maybe, if I tell the world how I’m feeling here, in our place, it will be enough that I can figure out how to move on.
I get out of the car, and a cold draft of wind blows, sending a shiver through my body. It doesn’t really ever get cold here. Not enough to need anything but an occasional rain jacket. But that wind felt different. It felt cold, chilling.
I smile weakly. At least Hawaii still gets me. Still understands me and supports me. I just have to convince myself to get my ass back out into the ocean again.
I walk down the beach before I spot her blonde hair blowing in the wind. She has a light sweater wrapped around her shoulders as she sits on the beach, looking out at the storm that seems to be rolling in over the ocean.
I stop for a second. I could turn around, and she would never know that I was here.
Pussy, I think. Just go talk to her. Get closure.
I’ll go pick up a six-pack of beer on my way back to Luca and drink the night away. But, first, I have to go talk to her.
I walk to where she is sitting and sit down next to her without a word. She doesn’t glance over at me. She just tightens her grip on her sweater, and I know that she knows it is me sitting next to her.
I sit there, just staring out at the ocean with her, trying to figure out what I need from her. What I need to get over her. I don’t have a clue. But the longer I sit next to her, the clearer what I need becomes.
I reach out and softly touch her chin to get her to look at me. She flinches at my touch.
I pull my hand back and wait for her to look at me. “Why?”