“I killed her,” I say when Sloane finishes telling me her story.
Sloane nods solemnly.
“I knew I was a monster, but I never thought what I was doing was killing people.”
I look at the tears that are now filling Sloane’s eyes.
“I’m so sorry about Danielle. I never imagined that, that could happen. I’m so sorry she’s gone. I’m so sorry that it was my fault. I’m so sorry I caused you so much pain.”
“Sorry won’t bring her back. That’s the problem. I thought hurting you would make me feel better. Would get justice for what you did to Danielle. But nothing can change the only thing that would make any difference. Danielle is dead, and nothing will bring her back.”
I feel my own tears welling in my eyes, looking at how much pain I’ve caused her. So much pain. And for what? So that I could play a game. So that I could have excitement in my life. It wasn’t worth it.
“If I could take it all back, I would.”
Sloane looks into my eyes, studying me for a moment. “I believe you would, but you can’t. And, every time I look at you, all I feel is pain.”
I swallow a lump in my throat. She doesn’t have to say anything more. I can already tell she means it, even when I thought she was in love with me, all she felt was pain, hurt, and anger. None of it was real. That is what she is trying to say. I’m just not sure I believe her. She has to be one hell of an actress to have slept with me. To have gotten me to fall in love with her and not feel anything in return.
“I thought I came here for closure. So that I could move on with my life and no longer be in pain. So that I might have a real chance at falling in love again,” I say.
She raises an eyebrow when I say love.
“But I realize now, that’s not why I came here. I didn’t come back here so that I could erase the pain you caused me. I came back because I love you, and I want to feel that pain every day.
“Now that I did something so unforgivable, I think it’s only right that I live with that pain every day. And I want you to be that reminder whether you are mine or not. I have to try to repay my debt to Danielle, to you, to the world.
“So, even though I know there is no chance of you ever loving me, I will always love you. There won’t be other women in my life, only you. There won’t be any more stealing, only giving. I can’t ask for forgiveness. All I can do is love you with all of my heart and deal with the consequences from what I caused.”
Sloane hasn’t taken a breath the entire time I’ve been talking. She just looks at me, frozen.
“Breathe,” I say.
She does, and then I continue, “The first time I stole was after my father died. He’d died in an armed robbery. The thieves got a hundred dollars in cash. A hundred dollars in cash. That is what my father died for. Something so incredibly ridiculous. I couldn’t make sense of it. The first time I stole, it was electric. I felt a rush like I’d never felt before. I realized that was why the thieves had stolen. Not because they wanted the money or reward at the end. It was the thrill of doing something you weren’t supposed to do, something that you might get caught doing.
“I know you can’t understand why I would steal when my father died that way. I guess it was my way of dealing and coping. I didn’t ever carry a gun or any weapon when I robbed. I just wanted to feel alive again.”
“You might not believe me, but I understand why. My grandfather died of smoking, which only made me smoke more. Cigars, anything I could get my hands on. It just helps you feel closer to that person in some way. I get it,” she says.
I nod. “But, once I started, I was addicted. I couldn’t stop. I ended up in jail countless times. And then, when I realized I had to stop, I couldn’t.
“But then I accidentally stole a woman who was engaged. I got her to fall for me. I saw the pain I caused her and her fiancé. I became addicted to something new. I became addicted to stealing women. I thought it was better than breaking the law. I thought I was saving these women from what was eventually going to happen later. They were going to get married and then live miserable lives that would eventually lead to divorce. I didn’t think love was real. And, if it was, I wanted them to prove it to me. Prove that love existed by staying away from me. By getting rid of me. None of them did though. Not one. They all gave in eventually.”
“Danielle and Wade would have eventually divorced. And who’s to say that she wouldn’t have gone down the same path at that point? Not that it should make you feel any better,” Sloane says.
“Don’t worry. It doesn’t. I’m done meddling in other people’s lives. I did something so unforgivable that I will be spending the rest of my life trying to make things right.”
“I did something unforgivable, too,” Sloane says in a whisper.
Her words make my heart stop. I suck in a breath.
She cheated on me. She lied to me about loving me. She set me up to hurt me in the same way that I hurt Danielle. She might have had a good reason for doing so, but what she did is still unforgivable. I can never look at Sloane again without seeing his hands on her naked body. I can never hear her moan my name again without thinking about his name escaping her lips.
We each did something unforgivable.
I look at her eyes, and my heart stops again. “You loved me. That part wasn’t a lie, was it?”
She doesn’t answer right away. But she slowly shakes her head. “It wasn’t a lie,” she whispers.
My eyes widen. I have no reason to trust this woman. She has every reason to hurt me again and again and again. And I have every reason to not trust a damn word out of her mouth. But I trust her because, if there is one thing that I know to be true, it is that we loved each other.
“You still love me?” I whisper.