Yasmine

 

It stormed outside. On the inside, a somber silence thickened within Dolphin View.

Yesterday, the ambulance had taken the blonde’s body. Cindy asked if I wanted to know her name. I shook my head. Her dead body had already been a center of all my nightmares last night. I didn’t need to know anything more.

The blonde’s husband cried and bellowed all night on the beach, drinking the hours away. In the middle of the night, I woke up and watched him from the window. He’d slung a bottle down in the sand and walked into the ocean. I never saw him come out.

I asked Cindy about it the next day and she’d said he’d already checked out and was probably heading home to bury his wife. Neither one of us wanted to think of the alternative, that this broken man floated somewhere out in the sea, guilty for the pain he’d caused his new wife.

My phone buzzed.

I checked the screen. Hawk was calling. He was the last person I wanted to talk to. After helping Cindy and Victor deal with the poor woman’s dead body and then calming down the guests, I wanted no parts of the Keys anymore.

If Hawk could leave, I would too. I’d already packed my bags.

I just had to figure out where I was going. LA would be a big ass no. NY would be a hell to the no. Miami was just the Keys, but with more buildings, assholes, and nightclubs. After more contemplation, I’d decided to flee the United States altogether. Maybe I could rush off to India or Italy or Bali. Get my Eat, Pray, Love on.

My phone buzzed again. The screen displayed Hawk’s name.

What does he want?

A knock came from my door.

I jumped. “That better not be him.”

Cindy peeked in. “Hawkins is downstairs wet and looking desperate. He would like to talk to you.”

My heart stopped for a few seconds, shocked that he was still in the area. I thought for sure he’d left.

She stepped inside. Exhaustion covered her face. I could tell she hadn’t slept last night.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

 “Are you going to talk to him?”

I didn’t want to. What would he say, that he wanted to try again, or would he just give me more apologies?

“Could you tell him that I’m not here?” I asked.

“I already told him that you were here. What’s up?”

“Nothing. I’ll be downstairs.”

Cindy let out a long breath and left me to my confusion. Thank God because I didn’t plan on saying anything more.

I’m not going back to him, so he can forget about that. You can’t rush away and make me cry and then think it will all be better again.

Still, pain mingled with anticipation with seeing him again. I paced in my room, trying to gather my thoughts.

Be strong. Think about the blonde. I don’t want to be her, so bruised on the inside that I just leave the world altogether.

I pulled my dreadlocks into a ponytail and put on a different shirt, cursing myself for trying to look more presentable.

You’ve got this. Go downstairs. Hear him out and then tell him to go.

Sighing, I headed to the door. Just as I eased it open again, Hawk rounded the corner with fear pulsing in his eyes. He spotted me in the doorway and stopped dead in his tracks. His hands were fisted and at his sides. The air thickened with tension.

I stepped back.

He kept his voice low. “Can I come inside?”

“Why?”

“We should talk.”

“We already did.”

“I regret everything.”

“You should.”

“I shouldn’t have run away. I should have heard you out. I shouldn’t have made you cry.”

All the words I had to say fell away from my lips. Silence stood between us.

“I didn’t want to fall in love with you, but I did. What’s even more messed up is, I thought I knew what love was, but I had no idea…until you came into my life.”

I edged back, unsure of what to say. This was the last thing I was expecting.

We locked eyes.

 

“I packed my bags,” he whispered. “I bought a ticket to leave this morning. I got in my car and I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t go on the bridge. I did a U-turn, drove around, and stopped at Soul Tribe.”

“You went back?”

“Yes.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I thought Lisa hurt me, but knowing that I would never see you again...that cut deeper than anything she did to me. There was so much pain.”

My heart ached for him.

He walked inside my bedroom, closed the door, and scanned the space with his eyes, probably taking notes of the suitcases and boxes spread out on the floor. “Where are you going?”

“I haven’t figured it out yet.”

“You can’t leave.”

“That was the same thing I said to you yesterday.”

Hawk formed his hands into fists and then let them go, looking like his mind was spinning out of control.

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air.

I broke the quiet. “There was this blonde woman that stayed here.”

He stared at me.

“She was newly married. The husband was here too. You might’ve seen them on the beach or walking around town, but it doesn’t matter now.” I walked over to my bed and sat down. “Some days, they resembled love birds. The other days, they screamed and threw plates at each other. More her than him.”

He walked over and sat down on the bed next to me.

“Cindy said that they were always arguing about the man cheating. I don’t know. That doesn’t matter either.” I swallowed my sadness. “I found her hanging from the chandelier yesterday.”

“No.” Hawk pulled me into his arms and held me tight. “No, baby. Are you okay?”

I didn’t want to, but I felt safe in his arms. Like nothing could ever hurt me. Too bad he’d already hurt me. “I don’t want to be her.”

“You won’t. That will never happen.” Hawk kissed my forehead and rubbed my back. “Never.”

“You said you would never make me cry.”

“That was dumb. I think in life, we’ll make each other cry sometimes. At the very least, life will cause us to cry. But it’s what we do afterwards.”

I climbed out of his arms. “What’s the point of loving someone if it’s going to tear you apart?”

“Love doesn’t tear you apart. That wasn’t love with that couple. That was pain and disrespect.”

Tears fell from my eyes. “I don’t want to be her. I don’t want to love someone so much that I wrap a rope around my neck and—”

“No, Yaz. That’s not you. That’s not me.” He gestured to the suitcases. “Is this why you think you’re leaving?”

“Think?”

“You can’t think that I would let you go.”

“You already did.”

“I tried because I was an asshole that was too scared to deal with reality, but I won’t do that again. I love you. I fucking love you. I haven’t said that in years. And I swear to God, I believe this is the first time I’ve ever really meant it with anyone. I love you.”

I focused on my breaths, taking it all in, trying to see past the darkness that was surrounding me.

“Your energy is probably clogged after seeing that,” he said. “Too much darkness. Don’t let it get inside of you. We should go to Soul Tribe tomorrow.”

Out of nowhere, laughter fled my lips. “What?”

“You should do Reiki with me.”

“Excuse me?” I leaned away from him. “Who are you? Where’s Hawk?”

“I talked to Willow again. It was probably unavoidable, since I sat outside the place in my car for several hours, trying to figure out what to do. She came over and talked to me.”

“And?” I searched his eyes.

“I...I think you were right. I should try. I should always try to feel better, to heal. I should never just sit in my darkness, build a wall around me, and then live in an emotionless cave. I should try to get out. To escape. I should try one thing and if it doesn’t work, try something else. What I can’t do is give up. What I won’t do is run away. Never again.”

I got back into his arms and leaned against his chest. My head remained foggy with the woman’s suicide and him leaving me so fast and then rushing back. I just needed a several silent minutes to think everything through.

Of course, I loved him. Of course, I wanted him back in my life, in my arms, in my bed. But, I had to make sure it was the right choice for me.

How many times had I given Greg a chance? Too many. How many times had I stuck it out with shitty men? So many I couldn’t count them on one hand.

Sighing, he let me go and kissed my forehead. “Come on. Let’s go on a ride. You need to think. I read on this site that trees clear your energy.”

“You read that on a site?”

“Yes. I was googling how to get someone to come back to you.”

“And what did it say?”

“Be truthful, don’t hide your feelings, and then go out in nature so the trees can clear away all of the negative energy.”

“So, you’re telling me right now that my dark-minded lover now wants to go hug trees in the moonlight?”

“I’ll fucking skinny-dip and do soul retrievals with any shaman you can find, if it means that you’re back in my life.”

“I should think about this more.”

“No. You should let the trees clear all of this darkness away. You’re where I was years ago, traumatized from a horrific picture of death. Brokenhearted because I was a fool and hurt you. You’re dealing with so much. Don’t do what I did. Don’t turn away.”

He rose from the bed and took out his keys. “Come on. Let’s go on a drive. We won’t have to talk.”

“A drive?”

“Just you and me zooming past the ocean with the wind dancing in our hair.”

“The wind dancing in our hair? Have you been reading my book?”

“Yes. I was trying to figure out what the hero did to get the heroine back.”

I couldn’t help but laugh again. “What the hell happened between the hours that I saw you last? You’re a different person altogether.”

“You did this. I just finally stopped fighting it.”

I ended up leaving with him, going downstairs, and getting into his car.

We tore away from Dolphin View and headed for the bridges. Jazz softly played in the background. It had finally stopped raining, so there was a clean scent in the moonlit air.

Hawk’s expression was unreadable as he gripped the steering wheel. The car flew us away. Suddenly, the tension in my shoulders relaxed. I hadn’t left Dolphin View when I’d returned from Hawk. I needed this moment away, from where the memories of the blonde woman now haunted the walls.

Hawk didn’t say anything as he drove us onto the first bridge. He just reached his hand out to mine and tenderly held it.

He said he loved me. He said he was sorry, that he would never do it again.

  Although I’d gone to church, when I was young and read up on mysticism and new age religions as an adult, I’d never been one for true faith. But there was something about the determination in his eyes and the warmth of his hand that made me believe in him.

It took us no time to get to the seven-mile bridge. Even during the day, it was intimidating. At night, I barely ever drove over it. It was too freaky for me to be zooming over all that ocean. It was the longest bridge in the Florida Keys, wide enough to give a person room to pull over and change a flat tire, and long enough to have newcomers worried that the bridge would never end. The original bridge stood nearby appearing rusty and less friendly, all narrow and harrowing. Now, only the pelicans and great blue herons used it as a perch.

Nevertheless, a soothing calm washed over me as I looked out at the rippling dark water and studied the moon’s reflection on the ocean’s surface.

I’m glad he took me out here.

After a while, we left the bridge and headed to Marathon Key, close to where he’d taken me so many nights ago. I directed my attention forward and realized we were going to that same private beach.

When he parked in the spot where we’d made love, he shut off the car and tightened his grip on my hand. Silence filled the air. Moonlight hit his gorgeous face.

“I’m sorry, Yaz,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“I do.”

I looked out the window and breathed in the fresh air. “You were right. The drive and being out here is making me feel better.”

“You had to get out of the darkness.”

I smiled and shook my head. “Should I call you Guru Hawk now?”

“As long as you promise to call.” He rubbed his thumb back and forth on the palm of my hand. “You know that I won’t let you leave?”

“You mentioned that.”

“It’s true. Fucked up, but true. I just want to be honest with you. I want to start this off right.”

I grinned. “By saying that you’ll keep me in the Keys against my will?”

“By confessing that I would follow you to the ends of this earth. That I won’t ever let go. That if you run, I’ll beg and chase and plead with you, until you’re exhausted.”

“That’s dedication.”

“That’s love.”

I let go of his hand, opened the car, and stepped outside.

He didn’t question it as he followed and walked over to my side. “How do you feel now?”

“Like I’ve just been through an emotional tornado.”

“You have.” He embraced me, wrapping those huge arms around me. “You’re also beautiful and all mine.”

“All yours?”

“Every inch. And I’m yours, until my dying breath.” He pulled my body to his, molding me into him.

A low groan escaped my lips. I hadn’t meant to let it out. I was still trying to think through my decision. But then, his lips touched mine and all rational thought left me.

“I love you,” he whispered against my mouth and before I could respond, he stole my words with an intense kiss that sent throbbing down to the center of my thighs.

“I love you,” he whispered again. “I love you, Yaz, and I’ll never stop.”

The ache in my chest filled with his love. I felt lighter and freer.

Leaning back, I rested my arms on his shoulders. “I love you too.”

He tried to lean in and kiss me again, but I edged away.

“You can’t run,” I said. “No matter how scared you get, talk to me. I’ll give you space, if you need it, but talk to me. We help each other. We’re in all of this together.”

“Bonnie and Clyde.”

I laughed. “Well...fuck it. Bonnie and Clyde.”

“Us against the world.”

“Yes.”

“Retrieving souls one person at a time.”

“Okay. I think you’ve got it.”

“We have to get you out of the attic. You should stay with me for now.”

“I think that’s a big leap. We’ve just decided to date again.”

“Dating?” He snorted. “We’re well past that.”

“Then, what are we?”

“Girlfriend and boyfriend. Life partners. Soul mates. Whichever name you like.”

“Umm—”

He devoured my lips again, not letting me come up for air. For the first time that night, I was certain I’d made the right decision. His arms were love. Those kisses were love. Every damn inch of him was love. And finally, he’d realized it too.

Under the moonlight, we molded together, folding into each other beneath the stars. I forgot all the things that had depressed me—the blonde woman’s tragedy, the argument we’d had, the pain I’d felt. I let it all fall away, and I rode the breeze.