I couldn’t remember how long it had been since I sat at a table and ate a proper family-style dinner. Sure, I visited Mum and Dad’s every once in a while, but that was different. There was no warmth between us. The Cross brothers did Sunday dinner the way it was supposed to be done. People passed bowls of food around, they spoke over each other, they laughed, but more importantly, it was clear that they all genuinely enjoyed one another’s company. Well, aside from the fact that Stu and Liam refused to acknowledge my presence.

Still, it wasn’t a chore like it was when I went to visit my parents. And really, it made me uncomfortable to think how much more functional this family of thieves was compared to the strict, law-abiding household I’d grown up in.

Sitting between Lee and Trevor, I tried to focus on my food rather than the fact that Lee’s thigh was pressed up against mine, the weight of it sending butterflies flittering around in my stomach with wild abandon. As soon as he’d taken the seat beside me, he positioned his legs so we were touching. He was already breaking the promise he’d made in the hallway, but I didn’t care. In fact, I savoured the contact.

For some reason, I couldn’t take my eyes off Sophie where she sat at the end of the table, helping her son with his dinner. More so than ever I felt sort of…empty, knowing I’d never get to experience that maternal bond, or care for a child who belonged to me.

“You okay, Snap?” Lee asked, his eyes wandering from Sophie and then back to me. He’d obviously caught me looking.

I scooped some potatoes up onto my fork and nodded, before shovelling them in my mouth so that I wouldn’t have to speak. Unlike Trevor, who seemed to have decided we were buddies now, Liam and Stu continued to ignore me.

When everyone was finished eating, Lee went over and took a plate covered in tin foil out of the oven.

“Liam, go bring this down to Mrs Spencer, would you?” he said.

Liam nodded and got up, taking the plate from him and heading out. He’d set aside dinner for the old lady? My heart really didn’t know how to deal with that information, because it made him far more appealing than he had any business being.

I tried to help Lee wash up, but he told me to sit and relax. Next, dessert was served, which consisted of a delicious jelly trifle. I was stuffed by the time I was done, and Sophie invited me into the living room to sit with Jonathan and Billie while the boys cleaned up. Standing by the door, I felt unsure of myself, but then looked down and found Billie staring up at me, a doll in her hand.

“Do you want to play with Sally?” she asked, presenting the doll.

“Uh, sure,” I replied, taking it while she led me into the room.

I sat next to Sophie while Billie informed Jonathan they were going to play a game of tea party. I almost laughed when Jonathan screwed up his face in displeasure.

“Trevor said you want to foster her,” I said quietly.

Sophie let out a long sigh. “I suppose you’re going to tell me it’s a bad idea, that I’m too young.”

“Not at all. I think it’s a very honourable thing to do. In fact, I can send you some information if you’d like. It’d help you figure out where to get started.”

She glanced at me in surprise. “Really?”

“Sure.”

Her lip quivered slightly as she shot me a look of thanks and looked back to Billie. “She reminds me so much of myself when I was little, you know. I just hate the idea of her going through what I went through. If I can give her a safe place like Lee gave me a safe place, then I’ll do everything I can to make it happen.”

Lee gave her a safe place, and God, he was only a kid himself. The thought made my heart squeeze yet again. A silence passed between us before Sophie turned to me. “He’s a good person, deep down. We all are.”

Unsure of what to say, I took her hand and gave it a squeeze before finally replying, “I know you are.”

After a while, I excused myself to go use the bathroom. Once there, I splashed some water on my face to freshen up, still feeling kind of crappy after last night’s indulgence. When I returned, I found Lee had come in from the kitchen. He had Billie on his lap as he unravelled the French plait from her hair. I was struck speechless by the sight of him being so affectionate and caring with a child who wasn’t even related to him, and a feeling of warmth spread across my chest.

“There, all done,” he said before Billie turned and gave him a hug.

“Thanks, Lee. Sophie always plaits my hair way too tight,” she told him, rubbing her head.

“Hey! I heard that!” Sophie exclaimed, feigning annoyance.

Lee chuckled, his eyes finding mine, and he saw how I was hovering. “Come in, Snap.”

Stepping inside, I went to sit on the couch, but Lee grabbed my wrist and swung me around, pulling me down to sit next to him on the love seat. The heat of his body pressed all along the side of mine, and I felt a sudden bout of nervousness. It was doubled when Sophie gave Lee a knowing smile and announced she was taking Billie and Jonathan for a walk.

Lee picked up the remote, flicking through the stations. “You want to watch a movie?” he asked, his attention fixed to the screen. Peering at his profile, I took in the smooth sweep of his nose, the angular curve of his lips.

“Okay,” I replied, my voice unexpectedly soft.

It snagged Lee’s attention, and his gaze flicked to mine, catching me studying him. I looked away quickly, fighting a blush.

Without looking, I knew he was smirking. “You looked hot last night in your blue dress.”

“Thanks.”

“Pity I didn’t get to see it.”

“You saw a picture.”

He let out a slow breath. “Not the same thing.”

My attention returned to the screen as Lee selected a movie to watch. I settled into the seat, and he draped his arm along the back. I could feel his heat on my neck then, and there was something relaxing about it. He smelled of a fresh citrus cologne and fabric softener. I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder, but I wasn’t brave enough. The house seemed quiet, and I wondered if his brothers had gone out somewhere.

As the movie progressed, I found my eyes drifting shut. Somewhere along the way, Lee’s arm dropped down and was now tucked around me, holding me close. I felt warm and safe, so much so that I fell asleep. I only woke up when I felt Lee’s nose nuzzling into my temple. The closing credits were rolling down the screen.

“I should get going,” I said past a yawn.

Lee didn’t respond, but instead his mouth dropped slowly to my neck, where he pressed his lips against my skin. A quiet breath escaped me, and his arm pulled my body close. His lips continued to travel from my neck to my jaw, and then finally to the edge of my mouth. When he kissed me, I trembled. It was slow at first, just a gentle press of his mouth before his tongue sneaked out to taste me. There was something about the slowness of his movements that felt drugging. His hands circled my waist, then lifted me so I was straddling him. The kiss intensified as our bodies moved, seeking friction. We stayed like that for a while, and by the time we came up for air, we were both breathless.

“Stay with me tonight,” Lee murmured, his voice a sexy rumble.

I leaned back down to kiss him again, grinding myself off his erection, and his eyes flickered shut. His tongue dipped into my mouth while his hands roamed my bottom.

“Fuck,” he swore. “Let me take you upstairs — otherwise, I’m gonna embarrass myself.”

I felt a blush coming on again when I got his meaning, and allowed him to pull me up from the seat. Lee laced his fingers with mine and led me up two flights of stairs to the attic. His room must have been the biggest in the house. It had a king-sized bed, a flat-screen TV on the wall, a large wardrobe, and an en-suite bathroom. I let go of his hand and walked around, taking it all in. There were two windows, but instead of looking out, they looked up. The way I could see the stars was sort of romantic.

Lee approached me from behind, his arms sliding around my waist, pulling my arse flush with his cock. His mouth returned to my neck, and I swear my entire body turned to liquid.

“You can see the stars from here,” I whispered.

“I’ll make you see stars, Karla,” he promised before pulling me over to his bed. He was unexpectedly tender when he laid me down. It was at odds with the predatory look he gave me as he climbed onto the mattress, his hands going to the waist of my jeans and unbuttoning the fly.

“What are you doing?” I asked, breathless.

When he glanced up his eyes were dark, and I shuddered, recognizing his intention. Seconds later my jeans were gone, and I was left in my T-shirt and boy shorts.

“Hmm, these are sexy,” Lee said, humming. “But they need to go.”

He pulled them off with practiced hands. Nerves coiled in the pit of my stomach when I was bared to him, suddenly aware of the fact that he hadn’t even turned the lights off. This was so much different from being with him in the darkness of the nightclub. Here in his bedroom, he was going to be able to see everything. I clammed up, and he seemed to sense it.

“Don’t do that,” he whispered. “You’re beautiful.”

His eyes wandered between my legs, gently parting my thighs so he could see all of me. Letting out a low expletive, he rose long enough to rid himself of his clothes. I stared open-mouthed at his body, at the taut muscles and smooth skin. His cock was unmistakably hard, and when he fisted it, pumping up and down, a fire sparked within me. I was so wet for him I ached.

“You see what you do to me,” he asked, voice gruff.

Biting my lip, I nodded.

“Let your hair down, babe.”

I reached up, pulling out my clip and letting my hair fall around my shoulders. Lee’s eyes blazed, eating up every inch of me. A second later, he was climbing back onto the bed, positioning his face between my thighs. A quiet gasp escaped me when his head dipped forward and his tongue flicked experimentally over my clit. I moaned, and a low growl emanated from deep in his chest. I squirmed a little, but his hands went to my thighs, holding me down. His stubble scraped deliciously along my skin when he pressed his mouth over all of me.

“Lee,” I cried out, my hands fisting his blankets as my body bucked forward.

“Watch me,” he said, his voice low and commanding.

His tongue flicked out and licked a line all the way up to my clit. One finger entered me, and I felt myself spasm around him. He moved it slowly in and out, intense pleasure shattering through me. When his tongue began circling my clit with determination, my eyes fell closed, unable to handle the intensity.

One of Lee’s hands went to the hem of my T-shirt. “Take this off,” he grunted between licks.

When I pulled it up over my head and threw it to the floor, his eyes moved over my breasts as though mapping every inch of them. Aware that there were people downstairs, I tried not to make too much noise, but it was difficult. Lee clearly knew what he was doing and he took his time, dragging it out, trying to make me beg. It didn’t take long for me to give him what he wanted.

“Please,” I mewled.

His hands circled my waist, fingers digging wantonly into the flesh of my hips. He groaned when our eyes met, and I watched his tongue as it moved on me. The sight was unnervingly erotic, and within seconds I came with thundering shudders right on his mouth. He continued licking me, drawing out every ounce of my pleasure. I was still revelling in a post-orgasmic haze when his heat left me, and I was vaguely aware of him opening a drawer.

A moment later he was back, rolling a condom down his impressive length as he knelt at the end of the bed. His head was tilted to one side as he murmured, “Fucking beautiful.”

“I need you,” I whispered, breathless.

Now that I’d come down from the high he’d just given me, I was desperate to have him inside. His eyes traced my body, stopping momentarily on the scar on my stomach. It was old, barely visible, really, but in that moment I was hyperaware of the imperfection. Lee didn’t ask me where I’d gotten it, and instead continued to soak in the sight of my naked body like it was his favourite work of art.

Bracing his hands above my shoulders, he leant his head down to lick at my nipples. I moaned when he sucked one into his mouth and then the other, swirling his tongue around the needy flesh.

“You’re all soft and ready for me,” he said, his voice the sexiest thing I’d ever heard. “I can’t wait to feel you, Karla.”

My breathing began to quicken again when he lifted my thighs around his hips. He held me up, staring at me fiercely, and some sharp emotion cut through my chest. A second later he plunged into me hard, causing electricity to crackle all over my body. Our eyes stayed connected, and I felt like I could see right to the core of him in that moment. There was no wall up, no mask or pretence. All I saw was him, and it was beautiful.

He moved in me slowly, and I closed my eyes so I could savour the lazy drag against my nerve endings.

“Open your eyes,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

I did as he said, struck speechless by the emotions washing through the clear blue depths of his irises. Right then, I knew that this thing between us was real to him, that he felt things for me far stronger than simple lust. It was jarring, but at the same time it gave me clarity on my own feelings, and how I felt more than fleeting attraction for him, too.

He never sped up his movements, but instead continued to rock back and forth in an even pace. He was learning me, feeling me, making love to me. The sound of our breathing and the quiet slap of our bodies as they connected filled the room. I moaned when he reached down and pressed a finger to the bundle of nerves between my legs.

His forehead shone with a thin layer of sweat, the muscles of his abdomen tensing with every thrust of this hips. I loved the definition in his arms as he held his body above mine.

His movements became a little more frenzied when he leaned down and pressed his forehead to mine. “Come on my dick,” he urged, his voice strained.

I clenched my thighs around him tight, feeling the sensation build in my core. He grunted when he began fucking me in hard, measured thrusts, and pleasure shattered though my body. Rubbing faster at my clit, he captured my lips in his and plunged his tongue against mine. I felt completely possessed, like he was everywhere all at once; his taste in my mouth, his noises in my ears, his cock doing wonderful things to my insides. Everything in me coiled tight, the onslaught that was Lee reaching his pinnacle, and I came for the second time that night. Only now it was so much more, because I felt him coming, too, filling me as his breathing grew choppy and his movements began to slow.

“Jesus,” he said, his forehead resting on mine again.

Our hearts seemed to beat in time, our breaths matching as he held me to him so tight I didn’t think he was ever going to let go.

“You make me feel so fucking alive,” Lee said fervently, his words muffled by my skin. “Made for me.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him close, a strange fear clutching at my heart. A silence fell between us until Lee flipped us over, wrapping his arms around me and spooning me from behind.

“You’re being awfully quiet,” he whispered in my ear, and there was a touch of uncertainty in his words, like he was worried I was going to run on him.

I lifted his hand and intertwined our fingers. “I’m just frightened, Lee. The way I feel about you, it’s intense. It scares me.”

His arm tightened around me, pulling my body closer to his. “I feel it, too, the intensity. It shouldn’t scare you.”

For some reason, my eyes grew watery, and I couldn’t understand why I was being so emotional. Maybe it was the way he spoke. Here, alone with me in his bed, his voice was different. There was no cocky bravado or teasing. He was just open, real, and it made it difficult to keep a handle on my feelings.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I was glad I wasn’t facing him right then. He’d probably think I was a complete head case, crying after sex. It was just that being with him made everything else in my life a lie, and yet, the idea of being without him made everything seem empty and grey. So I was trapped in the lie. In fact, I’d walked right into it willingly with both eyes open.

I pressed my cheek into the pillow to dry away the tears and turned in his arms. Needing the comfort, I buried my face in his neck and felt a breath whoosh out of him.

“Karla?” said Lee, his tone questioning.

I spoke into his skin. “I just really, really like you. I like the things you do to me, and I don’t want to lose them.”

Feeling his jaw move, I thought he might be smiling. “If it’s any consolation, I really like the things I do to you, too. Actually, I fucking love them. And you won’t lose me, so long as you make the choice to be with me.”

I lifted my head to meet his eyes. “But it’s impossible. We can never have a normal relationship. Other than Alexis and Reya, there isn’t a single person in my life I could tell about you, no one who wouldn’t condemn me for it.”

“It’s simple, then — don’t tell them.”

“So what do we do, sneak around?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

My lips turned downward. “How would that even work?”

“We’d figure it out. I’m very inventive,” he replied, waggling his eyebrows.

I laughed softly, and he caught my lips in his for a quick kiss. “For tonight, let’s not worry about it. Tomorrow’s a new day.”

Lee pulled me back down into the pillows and I closed my eyes, snuggling into his chest this time. His hand stroked soothingly up and down my spine, and before I knew it, I was out cold.

I woke some time in the middle of the night, hearing voices. The room was dark, but a thin sliver of light trickled in from outside. Blinking my eyes open, I saw Lee standing with the door slightly ajar, wearing only his boxer briefs. Stu was outside, and he didn’t look happy. I immediately closed my eyes, feigning sleep.

“I’m sorry, bruv, but you’re losing it. All that cop pussy’s blurring your vision.”

“Oi, eyes on me. You try looking in my room again, and I swear I’ll deck you,” Lee warned him.

Crap. I suddenly realised that my legs and a good deal of my left breast were exposed. I must have kicked the blankets off in my sleep. My skin prickled with the need to cover up, but if I moved, they’d know I was listening.

“How do you know she’s not snitching on us to her bosses?” Stu asked, his voice gruff.

“Because she doesn’t know anything. Besides, other than what happened with Liam, we haven’t caught an inch of heat lately. What’s between me and Karla is between us. It’s got nothing to do with her job or this family.”

“It has everything to do with them. Christ, Lee, how can it not?”

Abruptly, I didn’t want to hear any more, because if he said something incriminating right then, it’d put me in a bad position. I’d have to decide whether or not to report it, and I didn’t want to report anything. I just wanted to forget about my job for a while and enjoy being with Lee for however long it might last. Letting out what I hoped sounded like a sleepy sigh, I shifted in place. Both brothers went silent before Stu said, “I’m going. Just think about it, Lee. You’re supposed to be the smart one.”

With that the door clicked shut, and I felt the bed dip as Lee climbed back in beside me. He didn’t ask if I was awake, just draped an arm around me and pressed a kiss to the back of my head. Before long I heard his breathing even out, and I knew he’d fallen back asleep. I struggled with the decision on whether or not to leave, but his warmth felt too good, and in spite of the fact that Stu had spoken a lot of sense, I was far too comfortable in Lee’s bed to go anywhere.

***

The next time I woke up, the bed was empty again. Somehow though, I sensed that I wasn’t alone. Rolling onto my side, I rubbed at my eyes and blinked a few times. Lee was sitting in an armchair in the corner of the room. He was topless, his hair wet and a towel tucked about his waist. He must have taken a shower. His chin rested on his fist as he studied me, his expression pensive, and I wondered what he was thinking about.

“How long have you been sitting there?” I asked, holding the duvet to my chest as I sat up.

Lee cocked an eyebrow at my attempt to cover myself, obviously because he’d seen everything there was to see last night. “Not too long.”

Our eyes locked, and I felt goose bumps rise on my skin. His gaze was possessive, knowing, and memories of what we’d done the night before flittered through my mind. I could still smell him on me, and it made my thighs quiver in want. Several quiet moments passed.

“Where’d you get the scar, Snap?” Lee asked, his curiosity evident on his face.

My heart gave a sharp thud of both pain and surprise. Surprise that he cared enough to ask, and pain because of what it represented. I hugged the duvet tighter around myself.

“When I was a kid, I was in a car accident with my parents. The impact came from the side and there were glass fragments embedded in my abdomen. I had some internal injuries, so I had to stay in hospital for a couple of weeks. God, it was boring,” I said, trying to offset my discomfort.

Lee sucked in a sharp breath, his expression sympathetic. “Karla.”

I waved him off. “It was a long time ago.”

“Well, I always say that a scar’s better than being dead.”

“Uh-huh.”

Lee frowned. “Is there something else you’re not telling me?”

The tenderness in his voice made my throat tighten. I hadn’t planned on telling him anything, but the truth just came spilling out of me anyway as I blurted, “My internal injuries were bad. I can’t have children.”

In the quiet of the room, the sentence sounded shockingly stark. Lee didn’t speak for a second, and I stared at my hands. Before I knew it, the bed dipped and warm, muscular arms wrapped around me from behind. Lee pulled me into his embrace, and there was something about the gesture that made me feel worse and better at the same time.

“Did you always want kids?” he asked in a whisper, his mouth resting at my temple.

“Not always. But once something is taken away from you, you tend to want it more. I know I can live a full life without children, but it’s like my heart gets all horrible and heavy when I think about the fact that I…that I can’t.”

“You could adopt,” Lee suggested, his hand lowering to my thigh and stroking.

I let out a joyless laugh. “It’s not the same.”

He heaved a breath. “No, I suppose not.”

A long quiet elapsed, Lee’s chin resting on my shoulder, his breath warming the side of my neck. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d been held like this, skin to skin, feeling cut open and exposed, yet sewn up and healed all at once.

Lee’s voice was low and solemn when he said, “We’re stronger in the places that we’ve been broken.”

His words hit me square in the gut, the sentiment causing my eyes to grow a little wet, and I wondered who he was quoting from.

“Who said that?” I whispered.

“Hemingway.”

A soft, surprised laugh escaped me, even though my eyes were still watery. “You read Hemingway?”

I felt him move his head in a shake. “There used to be this tunnel near where an old friend of mine lived. Lots of graffiti on the walls. I remember walking home one night and seeing this mural in crazy vibrant colours with that quote as the centrepiece. You ever read words and they just make sense to you? I had one of those moments.”

“Yeah, the truth of them just kind of…resonates,” I said.

Lee caught my chin between his fingers, turning my face so he could look me straight in the eye. I’d never seen his expressin so sincere. “The strongest part of you is the broken one, and having kids isn’t the only way you can become a parent, Karla. The way you protect people makes you a mother to the world.”

His statement struck the centre of my heart and I clung to it, feeling a renewed sense of meaning about myself. I’d never thought of it that way before. Seriously, I had to change the subject, because otherwise I was seriously going to start bawling. The warmth of his hand felt soothing, and I was suddenly curious about him. “You’ll probably have a dozen kids running around one day. I can definitely see that for you. You practically raised your own brothers, after all.”

He was silent for longer than I expected, and he seemed thoughtful. Maybe it was the insinuation that his future would be with someone else, filled with someone else’s children. The idea pained me more than it should have. His breath warmed my cheeks as he mustered a reply. “Nah, maybe raising my brothers was enough for one lifetime. And let’s remember, I didn’t exactly do a bang-up job.”

“You did your best. You were only a kid yourself.”

“I was ruthless, but that’s only because I had to be.”

I snuggled further into his arms and placed a hand on his cheek. “You know, I might end up regretting telling you this someday, but if I’d been in your position, I’d probably have made the exact same choices.”

Lee’s nostrils flared, and his gaze intensified at my words. They were the truth. I could sit on my high horse, spouting moral virtues, but I knew that if I’d been born into Lee’s situation, I would have done whatever it took to survive. Perhaps we were more similar than I cared to admit.

Dipping his head, he caught my lips in a kiss and pulled me on top of him. Both his hands stroked my thighs as he stared up at me, his eyes hooded.

“I like you,” he murmured.

“I like you, too.”

“You shouldn’t be so cynical about what we could be, you know.”

I crinkled my brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I know what you were playing at just now, talking about me having kids, like the idea of you being in my future is such an impossibility.”

“Lee,” I said, air whooshing out of me when his thumbs dug into my muscles, massaging out the kinks. “My dad would disown me if he knew I was with you.”

“So what? You don’t even like the man.”

“I know that, but he’s my father. Besides, he’s a product of his environment. My parents grew up at a time when you couldn’t walk down the street without worrying if a bomb was going to go off. That kind of thing hardens people.”

“Hmm.” Lee grinned.

“Don’t ‘hmm’ me, you cheeky little shit. And what’s the grin for?”

“It’s for the fact that you’re gonna forget all this serious talk in a minute when I fuck you.”

“Oh, really?”

“Really. So hard it’ll rewire that brain of yours, so afterward, when you think about the future, all you can see is me in it.”

Reaching up, he palmed both my breasts, then bent forward and captured one of my nipples in his mouth. The action rendered me incapable of doing anything but surrendering. And when he flipped me over and pulled me onto all fours, he made good on his promise, because it might have been morning, but I really did see stars.