Declan:

Goat’s a quirky little town, one fully devoted to its town slogan. Everyone here really does embrace their weird. There’s Elvira’s friend Constance, who owns two pet goats and takes them for an evening walk every day. There’s Marla, who’s in a state of good-natured but intense rivalry with Betty Beaumont, the owner of Goat Morning, the local diner. For the last ten years, the two women have entered their banana bread in the local county fair. Last year, Marla won. The year before, Betty did. At the grocery store, they’re taking bets on who’s going to win this summer. So far, the money’s on Betty. “I think the judges alternate winners every year,” Mr. Norris tells me, his face creased into a grin. “They’re too scared to do anything else.”

I’ve been coming here for Christmas for a decade, choosing to spend the holiday season with Elvira and Blake instead of in New York with my family. Why wouldn’t I? I have nothing in common with my brother, Grant.

My only sibling lost his dental license ten years ago when one of his patients had accused him of groping her under anesthesia. Instead of working, he’s living off the trust fund my parents left him when they died. There’s enough money there that he’ll never have to work another day for the rest of his life.

I loathe his idleness, his casual disregard for the rules, his malleable ethics, his defiant insistence that what he did was ‘no big deal.’ I haven’t spoken to him since the revelations became public.

I’ve never visited Goat in summer, but I find I really like it. The town gets crowded with tourists on the weekends, but during the week, it’s quiet and peaceful.

It’s a nice place to live.

As much as I accuse Blake of refusing to settle down, I’m guilty of the same sin. Ten years ago, I’d been on the verge of accepting a job at a major New York hospital. Then the news about my brother had broken, and they’d rescinded the offer. Mortified and furious, I’d thrown myself even deeper into my work abroad. Every single time Doctors Without Borders had asked for volunteers, I’d accepted.

The UN job I’m waiting to hear from is a desk job, but a vital one. Too many bureaucrats have no idea about the obstacles faced by doctors and nurses on the ground. I’ll be able to do valuable work to assist my colleagues in the field.

I should feel thrilled about the opportunity, but I’m not. If I accept it, I won’t get the chance to practice medicine anymore. The role is based in Geneva, a city in which I have no friends. Hanging out with Blake for the last few days has shown me how much I miss simple acts of friendship.

That’s quite enough, I tell myself sternly. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

I have one month. I’ll be working with Blake at the local clinic, and I’ll hopefully be seeing plenty of Lana. I’m determined to make the most of it while I can.

On Thursday, Blake and I get to the clinic. That’s when we get our first shock.

“Clinic of Love,” I read the small sign, frowning. “What kind of a name is that?”

“A really dumb one.” Blake shakes his head. “Swanson and Rhodes didn’t strike me as the hippie, free-love types.” He squares his shoulders. “Let’s go inside and find out what we’ve gotten ourselves into, shall we?”

I grin at my friend. “This better not be like the time you thought you found a guy to sell us Knicks tickets.”

He laughs. “God, that was a fucking disaster, wasn’t it? We ended up in that dive of a bar, a fight broke out, and we barely got out of there without getting arrested.”

“Like I said, this better not be anything like that.”

The clinic doesn’t open until six, but the doctors had assured us that their assistant Rhonda would be there at five. It’s ten after, so we knock on the front door.

“Coming,” a voice yells out, and a curly-haired redhead opens the door and surveys us skeptically. “You must be the replacement doctors,” she says. “I’m Rhonda. Come on in.”

We walk in and look around. The place isn’t large. There’s a small waiting area with half-dozen plastic chairs and a stack of out-of-date magazines on a side table. “There are two examination rooms through that door,” Rhonda explains.

“Just two?” That’s odd. Even in single-doctor practices, there are usually three examination rooms.

“Well,” she replies evasively, “it’s a small town. People like their privacy.”

I exchange a look with Blake. The doctors had been nervous and twitchy on Sunday, too eager to get out of town to hand over their practice properly. Now, Rhonda’s refusing to meet our eyes. Something’s definitely up.

“You’re not from Goat, are you?” Blake asks the assistant. “I’ve never seen you around before.”

She shakes her head. “I moved for the job. I’ve been with Dr. Swanson and Dr. Rhodes for almost eight years.”

“How do you like Goat?”

“It’s okay.”

Blake’s trying to get her talking, but he’s not having much luck. I shrug inwardly. I’m sure we’ll find out what’s going on in due time. “Since we have some time now, why don’t we look around before we get busy?”

“Umm,” the red-haired assistant interjects. “You’re not really busy. There are just three patients scheduled tonight.”

Blake lifts his head and gives her an incredulous look. “The whole evening?” he asks, astonished. “Why on Earth did Dr. Swanson and Dr. Rhodes want both of us? Either Declan or I could have handled this on our own.”

“I’m just the assistant,” she replies.

Not really. If she’s been with the doctors for eight years, she more or less runs the place. I’m prepared to bet that she knows exactly why Swanson and Rhodes were in such a hurry to go on vacation, and she knows why the clinic has almost no appointments scheduled.

She’s hiding things from us. Sooner or later, I intend to get at the truth.

Two hours later, I’m going out of my mind with boredom when the door swings open, and a blonde woman walks in.

She looks like she’s in her early forties. Her makeup is carefully applied, and she’s wearing a pair of skin-tight leopard-print pants and a black tank-top.

Rhonda goes pale when she sees the woman. “Ms. Herman,” she says nervously. “What are you doing here? You don’t have an appointment.”

“Where are they?” she demands. “I paid for ten sessions in advance, and now I hear they’re not around.” She looks up and meets my eyes and her expression changes from annoyance to interest. “Are you the substitute doctor?”

Blake’s lips twitch. “He is,” he replies, cheerfully throwing me under the bus. “If you’d wait in the examination room, he’ll be glad to help you out.”

She gives my college roommate a speculative look. “Perhaps both of you should help me,” she purrs.

I bite back a grin at Blake’s chagrined expression. “Please wait for us in the examination room, Ma’am,” I say smoothly. Something tells me I’m about to find out exactly what’s going on at the strange clinic that we’ve found ourselves in. “We’ll be in shortly.”

She nods and enters the room, shutting the door behind her. “What’s going on, Rhonda?” I ask the assistant, my voice grim.

“Nothing,” she stammers. “Lettie Herman didn’t have an appointment, that’s all.”

“She said she paid for sessions in advance. What was she talking about?”

“Who can tell?” she replies evasively. “Lettie drinks a lot. It makes her ramble.”

“Really?” Blake gives her a skeptical look. “She seems perfectly sober to me.”

This is pointless. Rhonda seems determined to stonewall, and I’m getting tired of it. Something’s clearly afoot, and I loathe being given the run-around. “We’re going to meet our patient now,” I say evenly, biting back the anger in my tone. “We’ll continue this conversation as soon as we’re done.”

I swear that Rhonda crosses her fingers as we knock on the examination room. “Come in, Doctors,” Lettie calls out.

Blake pushes open the door. I’m at his heels, and I almost run into his back as he freezes in the doorway. “What the hell…” His voice trails off.

I step around him and see what’s stopped him cold. My mouth falls open in shock.

Our patient is stark naked. She’s lying on the examination table, her legs locked into the supports, thighs spread wide. Her freshly-waxed vagina is front and center, and does she have glitter on it?

Fuck me blind. This woman has glittered her vagina.

“I’m ready for the two of you, Doctors,” she purrs seductively. “Make me feel good.”

What the hell is going on here?