Chapter Eleven

"What?" Colin rasped.

Kristina hoped she hadn't shocked him by saying she no longer wanted to be an innocent. How could she explain it to him? She would never marry. With her scars and blindness, no man wanted her as his wife. Why should she worry over her virtue? Her future was uncertain, and she made no plans for it. All she had was right now. She merely lived in the moment, day to day. Aye, she was safe here at Bearach, and she was thankful for that, but once Colin left she would have no more romance or excitement. She would only get to live life vicariously through what other people told her.

Colin stroked her hair back from her face. "What did you mean, lass?"

"No man will marry me, so why should I worry about my virtue?"

"You are mad. Of course you will marry."

"Nay, I think not." Besides, if she loved a man, why would she want to burden him and make his life more difficult?

"Surely you've had many suitors."

She gave a brief, bitter laugh. "Nay. No man had ever given me a real kiss… until you." Her voice became a whisper. "And I enjoyed it. Could we do it again?"

He groaned and threaded his fingers into her hair. His hand fisted. She felt a slight tugging at her scalp, but it did not hurt. She liked it.

Focusing on his groan, she asked, "Are you in pain?"

"Not pain, just near unbearable yearning. You make me want you so badly." He moved his hand to her derriere and drew her flush against the hard appendage at his groin. She knew very little about men's bodies, although Anna had told her a bit about lovemaking. She had never imagined a tarse would be so large and hard as steel. Some instinctive part of her loved the feel of it pressing against her belly. She wiggled closer to him, wishing they could be skin to skin.

She kissed his throat, and he let loose a soft moan. He captured her mouth again. Oh heavens, she could simply drown in his kiss. His tongue flicked inside her mouth, teasing and tormenting her, delicious as a sensual comfit.

What on earth was happening to her? She felt like a burning candle… melting… wanting him to touch her everywhere. His mouth upon hers was more drugging than opium tea. She crushed her breasts against his chest, loving the hard feel of him. She wove her fingers through his hair, holding his head just where she wanted it.

"We must stop, lass," he said in a harsh whisper against her mouth.

"Nay, please don't." She pressed her lips against his chin with its scratchy stubble.

When he consumed her mouth again, she was thrilled he had changed his mind. Growing bold, she flicked her tongue between his lips. He growled a curse, then drew away.

"Saints, you tempt me," he ground out. "But I must not touch you. I must not," he declared in a hoarse tone.

She felt like cursing in frustration. How could he stop? She could not bear it. Colin seemed to enjoy touching her, and she certainly loved touching him, so why should she stop? She wished him to turn her from a girl into a woman.

She wound her fist into his shirt and kissed his chin. The short, bristly whiskers pricked and scratched her lips. She flicked her tongue against his chin and, moving upward, found his lips. He was so scrumptious… she could devour him.

He turned his head aside. "Kristina? Do you ken how you torment me?"

"I'll ask naught more of you, beyond this."

"What do you mean?"

"That I want to experience passion now with you, for the first and only time ever in my life, but I ask for no promises regarding the future. I'm safe here with Anna, and so you're free of me. I live in this moment, Colin, for 'tis all I have."

"Nay, 'tis not," he growled. "You have a good future ahead of you."

She placed her finger over his lips. He drew it inside and suckled on it, sending carnal yearnings through her body, then he kissed her palm. "I shall give you something, lass. Not what you seek, but you should experience passion and desire at least once."

"What do you mean?" His words confused her, for she knew so little about passion and what she yearned for.

"I'll show you." He tugged at the hem of her smock, then stroked his warm hand up her bare calf and thigh. His palm was slightly roughened, stimulating her sensitive skin.

At his spellbinding touch, she drew in a surprised breath and held it. He kissed her again, greedily devouring her lips, distracting her and making her crave him all the more.

He moved his hand upward still to where her thighs joined her body and the exceedingly sensitive spot where she ached for him. He brushed his fingers over her, provoking a lightning bolt of pleasure. She could not prevent the gasping cry that escaped her.

"Shh. You must promise to be quiet, else you'll wake people in the rooms nearby."

"Aye, I promise," she breathed. Anything… if he would keep touching her like that.

When he stroked her again, igniting a heated reaction such as she had never felt, she clenched her fingers into his shirt, holding on for dear life. Hesitantly, she inched her legs apart. He trailed a finger along her most intimate spot, magnifying the fiery sensations. Heavens! She had never imagined she would like to have a man touching her in such a shocking place. The feeling overwhelmed her, and her back arched. She wanted to beg him but somehow refrained.

As her legs moved farther apart, he stroked her in a circle, and she could not stop her hips from rising toward him, seeking more. She grasped his hair and his shoulders, pulling him closer. She wanted him on top of her, but he stubbornly remained at her side, tormenting her with his fingers and his kisses. Her thoughts bounced in every direction, for she could not understand the startling, pleasurable sensations engulfing her, nor could she control them. Colin commanded her body like a puppet.

A moment later, she bowed backward, feeling as if she were shooting across the night sky like a blazing star. Colin closed his mouth over hers, muffling her cries. Was she dying and ascending into heaven? Such stunning ecstasy. She could scarce breathe or move.

When the euphoria diminished, she came back to herself, breathing hard, shocked at the intensity of what she'd felt.

"What happened?" she asked. "What did you do to me?"

He gave a low chuckle. "The peak of sensual pleasures."

"Good heavens. I thought I was dying." 'Twas as if she'd been flying and had just gently floated down to earth. Her body felt weak and spent.

When he kissed her forehead, she felt his smile. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Aye, but… I'm certain you must think me worse than a tavern wench."

"Nonsense. You are a passionate, beautiful woman."

"What about you? You must teach me how to bring you pleasure." She stroked her fingers down his stomach.

He grabbed her hand firmly. "Nay. I must go to my own room." Releasing her, he arose from the bed, taking away his delicious warmth. The featherbed felt higher without the muscular weight of him, and too large and empty without his tall frame taking up so much room.

"How can you leave now?" she whispered.

"I refuse to take advantage of you, my sweet." He leaned over her and kissed her forehead.

"But I want you to."

"Regardless, I would not be an honorable man if I did," he said, slipping on his boots.

"Honor is overrated."

He snorted. "At the moment, I agree with you. But I would hate myself on the morrow if I did what I yearn to do."

***

The next evening after supper, Colin and Neacal sat at the high table, while Anna led Kristina between the crowded tables to the other end of the great hall, toward the musicians.

Colin could not stop thinking about the scorching-hot encounter with Kristina last night in her room. It had certainly not been his plan to seduce her or make any sort of sensual foray when he'd gone in there. He'd simply wanted to talk to her and spend time with her. Her eager interest in him took away his good sense. He didn't know how he'd survived leaving her there alone, without taking advantage of what she'd offered, but he'd known he had to leave before he let desire snatch his control. He had to take her well-being into consideration before anything else.

Once Anna and Kristina reached the minstrels, silence enveloped the hall. 'Twas as if everyone held their breath in anticipation.

The violin and lute music began. A moment later, the ladies' voices arose toward the rafters in heavenly melody. Colin closed his eyes, absorbing the beautiful, soul-stirring sounds. Their voices were different and distinct, but together they created a flawless harmony. Anna's voice was higher pitched, while Kristina's was a bit lower and sensual. 'Twas obvious they had practiced for many years together. And though they'd been mostly apart for the past two years, to his ears, they were not out of practice at all.

When the song ended, the crowd boisterously clapped and cheered. Colin opened his eyes and glanced aside at Neacal. "'Twas perfection."

His friend blinked as if coming out of a trance, then nodded. "Wee pieces of heaven. 'Tis how Anna first captured my attention. I knew she was someone special and amazing when I heard her voice." Neacal turned to smile at Anna, such love and devotion in that look. A look that Colin had not seen Neacal give another woman.

When Colin shifted his gaze to Kristina, he realized if he smiled at her, she wouldn't know it. She couldn't see him. They could never exchange an intimate glance. A smile or a playful wink would mean nothing. She had lost so much along with her sight. 'Haps 'twas selfish of him, but he wanted her to look into his eyes. That was not possible and never would be.

"It infuriates me that Blackburn stole Kristina's vision from her."

Frowning, Neacal nodded. "Aye, me too. He got what he deserved, but even that cannot bring her vision back."

Colin would have to communicate his feelings for her in other ways. In words, whispered into her ear. By the way he kissed her. By the way he touched her. The luscious memory of last night burst fully into his mind. He'd had to use every ounce of strength he possessed to leave her, especially when she'd wanted him to stay.

They would be a perfect match when it came to the bedchamber. Her passion and arousal had equaled his own. Even now, his body quickened and hardened at the memory or her eager responses to his touch. But he knew she was virginal; therefore he could not despoil her.

"Do you think your father will agree to the match?" Neacal asked.

Surprise jolted Colin. "Match?"

Neacal grinned. "Aye, you and Kristina."

Of course, he'd known what his friend meant, but he was trying not to think about marriage. It made things far too complicated.

His father wanted him to marry. But would he find Kristina suitable, in terms of the clan she was from and her blindness? Or would he care enough about Colin's happiness to overlook it? His father had always taken his duty to the clan seriously. And his father had not married for love, but Colin believed his parents had learned to love one another. From what he could tell, they had always been devoted to each other.

"I know not," Colin mumbled. But if he made a decision that he wanted to marry her, he had a feeling he would come into conflict with his father. And that he didn't look forward to, because he was close to his father.

At the moment, Colin was simply trying to figure out how strong his feelings were for her, and whether hers for him were equally strong. Each day he grew more and more enamored of her, which was unsettling. He had to make sure this wasn't a brief infatuation, but was instead something that would last a lifetime.

The emotions he'd experienced since he'd met Kristina were so intense they sometimes kept him awake at night. The last time he'd felt this way, when he'd been betrothed to Lady Emma MacMillan, he'd had his hopes and dreams smashed when she'd rejected him. Would Kristina do the same thing?

Though he didn't want to admit fear of anything, that rejection was what he feared most.

Kristina had already said she would never marry, because she thought no man would want her. But what if she knew he wanted her forever? What would her reaction be?

As she and Anna sang another song, they near ripped his heart out with the stunning words, meanings and emotions carried on their exquisite voices. The deep devotion they sang about was what permeated his soul. As with most Scottish ballads, this one ended on a tragic note. Would his own life mirror this song? Would he never find happiness or lasting love?

"Take a chance," Neacal said when the song ended. He gave Colin a light slap on the shoulder, arose and left the table.

Well, he would have to take a chance, wouldn't he? If he wished to at least try for a love match. The alternative was to marry a stranger and hope for the best. He already knew plenty of people who existed in empty marriages. Business arrangements, alliances. Of a certainty, every chief needed plenty of allies. As for the marriages themselves, who knew what went on behind closed doors? Likely faithfulness was something that was ignored, especially on the part of the men. For many of the women, too, once they'd borne an heir.

He supposed he was a daft romantic.

Lifting his gaze, he watched Neacal give Anna a kiss on the forehead, just in front of the dais. He was not the only romantic in the room. His gaze darted to Kristina, who was standing near her sister. Every time he glimpsed Kristina, his heart jolted in his chest. She was the most appealing lass he had ever laid eyes upon. The scar on her cheek made her even more lovely and dear to him.

As the trestle tables were dismantled and moved to the side of the great hall so the dancing could begin, Colin arose from his chair, hopped down from the dais and strode toward Kristina, intending to ask her to dance. He took her hand and kissed the back. "I had no idea you were so talented. Your voice astounds me."

She smiled, a blush coloring her cheeks. "Oh, Colin, I thank you."

As the minstrels began a lively piece, Neacal led Anna to the middle of the dance floor. At the same time, Neacal's sister, Maili, strode toward Colin and Kristina, a wide smile upon her pixie-like face, her blue eyes luminous as a clear sky. "Lady Kristina, you have a most beautiful voice!"

Kristina beamed. "You're too kind."

Maili leaned in close and said in a low voice, "I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"A surprise for Anna and Neacal's wedding feast tomorrow. We could sing a ballad together."

Kristina's face brightened. "'Twould be great fun, but I'll need a lot of practice."

"Could you come to my chamber so we can start right away?"

"Of course. I'll have a servant tell Anna I want to retire early."

Though Colin was disappointed Kristina would not have time to dance this eve, he escorted her to Maili's chamber. Outside the door, he kissed her forehead. "I'll see you in the morn, m'lady."

"I regret that this came up," she whispered, looking solemn. "I'd wanted to talk to you more."

Her sentiments warmed his heart. "I'll look forward to talking to you tomorrow." He kissed both her hands. "Enjoy your practice."

After she entered Maili's chamber, he climbed the spiral stone staircase and exited onto the ramparts. He had wanted to spend some extra time with Kristina, but that was not to be this evening. He was glad she'd found a new friend in Neacal's sister. Truth be told, he actually needed some time to think anyway, to clear his head and figure out what he wanted.

The west wind from the sea blew hard over Loch Moidart. And 'twas much colder today than it had been only a few days earlier. Winter was certainly on the way.

He would have to return to Rhodie Castle soon, before the weather turned severe. But he didn't want to leave. Everything was completely unresolved for him. With each new moment he spent with Kristina, he was more and more drawn to her beautiful soul. But could they build a life together? Even though he knew she had a passionate spirit… was she physically too fragile to cope with a regular life as someone's wife… as his wife?

He knew not what to do. His life had become both incredibly joyful and turbulent since he'd met her. He wished he could see into the future to know how everything would turn out.

***

Holme and his two comrades watched Rhodie Castle from the cover of the wood, as they had been doing for days. He hated hiding out like an outlaw, stealing food from the nearby village to survive. He had to do what he'd set out to do soon or go mad with the anticipation. The need for revenge slithered through his veins like so many vipers. He kept seeing Colin Cameron's face, the way he'd looked when he'd first snatched Kristina from him—the look of a fierce and determined warrior.

Holme could be equally fierce and determined when he wanted something.

The distant clang of the Rhodie Castle portcullis being raised riveted his attention. "Nock your arrow," Holme whispered to Dobson. "Scroggie, hold the horses at the ready."

He followed Dobson a few yards farther along to a position with a better line of sight. Whoever had left the castle would have to pass this spot.

As he watched the four riders drawing closer, he realized that the middle-aged man with the graying beard who rode in the center of the three younger guards was indeed Maitland Cameron, the chief. He remembered him from years ago.

"This is our chance," Holme whispered, his heart pounding with eagerness. "Shoot the bastard in the middle—the one with the gray beard and red sash."

Aiming, Dobson drew the bow back and let fly the arrow. It struck a tree limb with a snap and went askew.

"Damnation," Holme hissed, grabbing the bow from Dobson's hand. "Give me an arrow."

Luckily for him, the horses' hooves pounding the dirt road covered the sound of the arrow hitting the limb.

After he quietly sprinted to a better position, he nocked the arrow and aimed, making sure no tree limbs blocked the line of sight. He released the arrow at precisely the right moment. It flew straight, striking the Cameron chief in the lower abdomen.

Holme couldn't believe it. He was stunned for a moment, unable to move.

Pandemonium broke out below. The chief shouted, and his horse danced about. The guards went berserk, yelling. Two of them leapt off their mounts and dragged the bleeding chief from his horse, the arrow still embedded in his lower abdomen.

Holding a targe before him, the other guard rode closer. "Assassins in the wood! Get him back inside the walls!"

"Let's go." Filled with dark satisfaction, Holme ducked low and ran toward Scroggie and the horses. Finally, he had avenged his father.

As Holme mounted, the distant shouts still echoed. No doubt all the Cameron guards would be riding through this spot in a matter of moments. Assassination of a chief was not taken lightly.

"Ride as fast as you can," Holme warned. "If they catch us, they will not let us live."