What the hell am I doing?

This is crazy. Fucking torture, yet here I am lined up with my ticket in hand and waiting for the pleasure. Watching porn with Opal. Hot. Really fucking hot. Only I didn’t consider the consequences. Namely, my throbbing dick. I’m stuck now. I can’t very well get up and leave all casual and friendly-like with a massive hard on.

The blowjob video ends on a still of the girl’s mouth wide open and full of her man’s release. Before I have a chance to turn it off, another video auto populates and begins playing on the screen.

“Oh.” Opal’s exclamation comes out breathy and I don’t have the willpower to look at her. Instead I stare at the couple on screen. The girl is riding her man—aggressively, and the entire scene is hot. Really fucking hot considering I imagine Opal riding me the same way. The woman moans and my dick throbs.

“Look at me when I fuck you!”

Opal and I wince in unison as the man slaps his partner’s face three times in a row.

And just like that the video isn’t hot anymore. “That’s not . . .” My words fall away along with the hardness of my dick. I pause the video before things get any worse.

“Do guys like that?” Opal’s eyes are wide as saucers as she lifts her gaze to mine. “Hitting?”

“Uh, that’s the thing I should have warned you about. When it comes to porn there’s a little of everything. Different kinks for different folks.”

“That looked like it hurt.” She worries her bottom lip between her teeth.

I agree, and slapping a woman never got me off. “Yeah.” I blow out a long breath, my erection practically non-existent now. Now would be a good time to leave. I should go. I open my mouth to say good night, but she speaks first.

“Does that . . . turn you on?”

I lift my gaze and I swear the vulnerability in her eyes is enough to slay me. The depths of her golden green eyes chase every coherent thought from my mind. She wants to know what turns me on. She wants me.

“No.” All logic and good sense must have vacated since I stepped inside this hotel room because what I do next is a bad idea. Scrolling through several videos, I find one that’s not so hard core. The girl is on her back, her eyes on her man as he holds the camera. “I’m more into this.” I tilt the phone so Opal can see.

“That good, baby?” The man flips the viewfinder down to where he thrusts himself in and out of her pussy. The sight of it is erotic, and like a good soldier my dick rises to attention.

The woman doesn’t answer and instead groans as his free hand massages her clit. He uses the camera to follow back up her body, his free hand skimming her belly and then cupping her breasts before it settles at her throat.

“Choke me,” she rasps, and fuck, I don’t know how the dude doesn’t blow his load, the need in her gaze is so intense.

He holds her throat steady and by the bounce of the camera simultaneously picks up his pace thrusting into her harder and harder.

Opal gasps, drawing my attention away from the screen and to her heated cheeks. Her lips part and I swear her breath is bated as she watches in utter fascination. She lifts her gaze a second to meet mine before she’s drawn back to the screen. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

By the woman’s chants and groans, she’s having no issues breathing. I shake my head. “No. Not the way they’re doing it.”

“That’s really hot.”

I agree completely but can’t bring myself to answer.

“Do most guys get off on that?”

“Watch her face.” My voice is reduced to a whisper and even I can hear the need in my tone. “That’s the thing with dominance. Sure, he could hurt her, but he doesn’t. She’s the one in control. Look at the amount of trust she gives him.”

“I think I get it.” She nods and her gaze sweeps from the phone to my face. I swear my pulse speeds in that one look. “Her trusting him to take control makes it that much hotter?”

I clear my throat. “Don’t you think? Trust elevates that—” I glance back at my phone because I swear if I look in her eyes any longer I’ll be tempted to capture her lips in a kiss. “To more than just fucking.”

Her giggle is light, flirty, and totally unexpected. “Why Leighton, aren’t you the romantic?”

“You say to the guy who’s feeding you porn.” I bump my shoulder against hers.

“Good porn.”

Very good porn. Porn I’d like to make with you.

I turn my chin, just a fraction of an inch, and it’s enough to catch her gaze trained on my lips. There are a thousand reasons not to kiss her right now. Or ever. But I’m tired of fighting this attraction. Fuck it. I don’t even know if she sees me coming, but when my lips press against hers they open on a gasp. That’s all the invitation I need.

My hand slides up her jaw and I cradle her chin. Tasting, sucking, exploring her mouth and what she likes. She rolls to her back. I push up on my side and deepen our kiss. The sounds of homemade porn serenade our make-out session—completely unromantic—but I can’t find it in me to care. The only thought in my mind is to satisfy the insatiable craving when it comes to this woman. Nothing could make me stop.

That is, until the porn soundtrack cuts off with the ring of my phone.

Opal pulls back, her breath heavy and voice raspy. “Do you need to get that?”

No. I don’t want to. The only person calling is the one who will ruin everything good about this moment. “Let it go to voicemail,” I say, and dip my chin to capture her lips again. Sweetness. That’s who she is and how she tastes. Okay, so it might be the champagne. But I can’t get enough of her mouth. I could kiss her all night. I may do just that.

Whoever’s calling, though, has other plans, and the shrill ring of my phone sounds again. Their persistence slows the intensity of my lips.

Opal pulls back again. “Sure you don’t want to get that?” She tilts her head to the side where my phone is.

“I really don’t.” Shaking my head, I caress the length of her neck.

“Might be important?” Her gaze is concerned as it lifts to mine. “’Cause the devil’s calling. Your phone. Caller ID says The Devil.”

Fuck. I swipe my phone, silence the ringer, and send it to voicemail. I sit up and take a deep breath. “Uh, I should . . .” I adjust myself, my cock still straining against my jeans, and glance back, knowing what I have to do.

“Stay?” Her eyes are wide and hopeful.

“Go. Actually. Sorry.” I push off the bed and glance around the room, unable to look her in the eye. I don’t want to leave but I have to. My uncle is relentless. He’ll keep calling until I pick up. “Yeah, I should get some sleep. So should you. Big day tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay.” She pulls one of the pillows into her chest and hugs it like a shield. “Yeah, I mean, you don’t have to, but I understand.”

“This was fun, kid.” I shove my hands into my jeans so I won’t be tempted to reach for her. I really want to.

“Oh, um, sure. Thanks.”

I stop, maddened by my own retreat and the look of hurt on her face. I put that there. And after everything she shared, how she opened up to me about her inexperience with guys? It’s a royal jerk move that even I can’t seem to stomach.

“Opal?” I wait until her gaze lifts and meets my eyes. I want her to feel my sincerity. To know even though I’m leaving, I don’t regret one second of the time we spent together. For this I can be honest. “I had a really good time tonight.”

The blush works its way onto her cheeks—my favorite—but she drops her gaze to the carpet. “I had a good time, too.” A moment passes before she lifts her chin, and in those innocent eyes she’s an open invitation. Pure beauty just begging to be unleashed. She would give me everything.

And there it is. The reason I have to run. To end whatever this dangerous game is I’m playing. I can’t fool around with Opal. She’s not the type. Despite what she says, she deserves more than one night in the sack with some jerk like me. Especially for her first time.

I look away, unable to croak out another noble good-bye, because between her doe-eyed stare and the blood rushing through my veins, my mind dares me to throw caution to the wind. To feed my desires with no regard for what that’d cost both of us.

I’m out the door and down the hall before she can convince me to stay. The door clicks shut at my back, a hollow sound. My chest tightens with an ache I can’t place because it’s a feeling I’ve never had. I want her. God, do I want her. Even as I walk down the corridor and press the call button for the elevator to take me up to my floor, I consider tossing my cell in the trash and going back to her room. But I don’t. Instead I step inside the empty elevator and take out my cell as it begins to buzz again.

“What do you want?” I practically bark.

“Hi, nice to hear your voice, too. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you’ve been avoiding me.”

“Avoiding?” I let loose a bitter laugh. “You’re the one who ditched the show tonight. Family emergency?”

“I’m working on something big.” His tone is hard. “And you’re not the only one who tells little white lies.”

“Fantastic. So is this a wellness check, or did you want something?”

“Cut the shit and dish on the girl.”

“She’s . . .” Fantastic. Amazing. Beautiful. Sings like a fucking angel. Kisses like a sinner, and will forever star in my every fantasy. Fuck. I shake my head as the doors slide open. I step off at my floor and head toward my room. “Innocent.”

My uncle laughs but it’s a bitter sound. “No way. It’s an act. It’s always an act.”

“Normally I’d agree with you, but with her, I don’t think so.”

“This is what I get when my informant’s a hormonal teenager.”

I wave my key card in front of the sensor and push inside my room. “Maybe I’d have more to share if I weren’t interrupted by my scheming uncle.”

“So, you’re digging?” The hope in his voice makes me feel shittier than I already do.

“I’m getting to know her. Like you asked. If that’s all, can I please go?”

“Fine. Oh, and one more thing.” I bang my head back against the door and roll my eyes, waiting for his next request. “The last few Three Ugly Guys’ shows? They’ve been the best I’ve ever seen. I’m not the only one who’s noticed the difference. Congrats, kid. You’re a natural rock star.”

His compliment is so unexpected, I don’t respond before the line goes dead.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He’s not going to let this thing with Opal go. He’s not. Yet can I really protect her if I get too close? This was not in the plan. I’m already in too deep. But I like her. I really, really like her.

I am so fucking screwed, and I can’t even be mad because it’s my own damn fault.

What the hell did I get myself into?

The next morning, I make it a point to wait in my hotel room and board the bus right before we’re scheduled to leave. I don’t have the balls to face Opal. Not yet. Avoidance isn’t the answer to any of my problems, but for now it’s gonna have to do. Because after last night in Opal’s room it’s become abundantly clear that I’m in over my head.

I want her. I’ve thought of nothing else since. I’m full on jonesing for her.

So yeah, maybe the thing between us began as a means to keep my place in the band. Only Opal isn’t just some girl. She’s gorgeous and innocent, and funny and smart, too. I only meant to keep things between us casual. To find out what my uncle wanted and move on.

That is, until last night.

Last night was different.

I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be with her a lot more than is a good idea. Fuck, I should be awarded sainthood for how I sat there and kept my hands to myself while watching her get turned on by porn. Porn that I supplied. But then we kissed.

Okay, so the sainthood is a stretch.

“There he is. I told you he’d show.” Austin pushes off the bus and stubs his cigarette out on the ground with his heel.

Sean levels his glare as I approach. The door to the bus is open and the engine running. Shit. I hope I had the load in time right.

“What, you think I’d miss all the fun?” I slug Austin’s arm with a light punch, and race up the steps. Careful not to meet Opal’s gaze across the space because, yeah, I’m a fucking coward, I toss my bag into my bunk. “Things are just getting interesting.”

“Dude, it’s too bad you’re such a baby. We had a good time last night.” Austin’s lips pull wide into a grin, and he saunters over to one of the recliners. “Without you.”

Sean shakes his head and claps me on the back as he passes by to take the empty seat next to Austin. “He’s not lying. The bar we went to played some sick blues. I’d love to jam out like that.”

“Yeah, it sucks not being twenty-one.” I shove my hands into the front pockets of my jeans before meeting their stares. I shrug and fight the grin that threatens to take over my face. “But when your balls are covered in gray hairs, I’ll still be in my prime.”

“You calling me old?” Austin laughs out loud.

“Yeah, Gray Bush, I am.” I give in to the smile.

“Gray Bush!” Trent cackles with laughter. He’s standing in the kitchen, and from my peripheral view I can tell Opal’s there, too. “I hope that nickname sticks.”

Austin glares at Trent.

Sean tips his chin in my direction. “So, what’d you do since you couldn’t go play with the big kids? You bounced pretty fast once we got to the hotel.”

“Oh, I—” My gaze flicks to Opal even though it shouldn’t. The hurt in her eyes when I left her alone last night has only amplified. Fuck. I drop my gaze to study my shoes.

“Whoa, why do you look so guilty?” Sean says.

Austin leans back and laughs. “He was probably watching porn, alone in his room.”

“Busted. My night wasn’t anything spectacular.” As hard as I try, I can’t not look at her. To gauge her reaction to my comment is foolish, but in some sick way, penance for the harm I know it causes.

There’s no light. No smile. Her eyes shine with unshed tears. Fuck, I’m an idiot. Without a word she slides from her seat in the booth and heads toward the restroom.

“Okay, guys! We’re rolling out!” Jay calls from the front of the bus, and with a rev of the engine we’re back on the road. The guys discuss the show from last night. They talk about the set. Shoot the shit. But I wander into the kitchen and pretend to look busy. Really, I’m waiting for Opal.

I wait. And wait, and wait, but she doesn’t come back. Fuck. I wait until I can’t stand it anymore and then I stroll down the hall and give a light knock on the bathroom door.

“One second.” The minute she opens the door I know I’ve fucked up.

“You’ve been crying.” I stand in the doorway so she can’t pass. I’m scared she’ll run and shut me out. That I might lose my nerve and let her.

“No, I—” She shakes her head, but then drops her gaze to the floor. “Yeah. Yeah, I have.”

“Second time I’ve put tears in those eyes,” I mutter under my breath. “I’m sorry, Opal.”

She runs her index fingers underneath her eyes, wiping away what remains of the wetness. The sight guts me and yet she’s as beautiful in this moment as she was last night. The oversized Three Ugly Guys T-shirt falls low on one shoulder, showing off her pale skin dotted with freckles I’d like to trace with my lips.

“It’s fine. I get it.” She shrugs. I wish she would lift her gaze and meet my eyes. Surely she’d understand how horrible I feel.

“I don’t think you do.” I glance down the hallway. The guys are still chatting and no one seems to notice or care the two of us aren’t there. I have to make this right between us. “Last night . . . I left, and I shouldn’t have.”

“Why?” Her brow furrows and her gaze snaps to mine. “Because you made me feel bad? I don’t need your pity.”

“That’s what you think?” I reach a hand up to the back of my neck, the muscles tense under my touch. “That’s not why I left. God, you have no idea.”

Her jaw hardens and she crosses her arms over her chest. “No need to patronize me by pointing out how clueless I am. I already understand I’m way out of my element here.”

That’s it. I can’t stand it anymore.

With one hand on her hip I push her backward inside the bathroom and let the door shut behind us.

“What are you—?”

My lips crash down on hers and this time I don’t go slow or hold back. I pour everything into this kiss. All the attraction I feel toward her. The pent up sexual frustration. Even the anger I have toward my uncle. I kiss her with all of it, and I don’t stop until my fingers tangle in her hair, our bodies pressed together, and I’m utterly breathless.

“That’s what I should have done last night.” I cup her cheeks, her skin flushed and pink. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, or doubt yourself. I was an asshole. I am an asshole. I didn’t leave because I didn’t want you. Fuck. I ran because I was scared.”

Her eyes, green with flecks of gold I never noticed before are wide, her voice a whisper. “Scared?”

“Yes, terrified actually. You scare the shit out of me, Opal.” I force my hands to my sides. The need to touch her is powerful, but more, I need to explain. “What I feel when I’m around you goes beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. And when you told me you were a virgin it made me stop and question what the hell I was doing. I’d never take something so special from you.” I don’t mention the blackmail. Mine or my uncle’s. The omission wedges a sliver of guilt into my mind, but I shove it away for now.

Opal watches me with those wide eyes and I think for a moment she might throw me out of the bathroom. I wouldn’t blame her if she did. But instead she takes a step forward, her hands finding mine as our bodies align. “It’s not taking if I give it to you. It’s a gift.”

Fuck me. I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a groan. “A gift I don’t deserve.”

“You don’t get to decide that.”

My eyelids fly open with surprise. “What?”

“That’s my right. I determine if you’re worth it to me. Not you or anyone else. Unless . . .” She worries her lip between her teeth.

“What?”

She shrugs, steps backward, and I immediately miss the warmth. “If you’d rather be with someone else. Someone with more experience. I’d understand. I’ve seen the way the fans scream for you. You wouldn’t have a problem finding someone who knows what they’re doing.”

I shake my head. I don’t want anyone else. “They don’t hold a candle. Opal, you shine so much brighter than anyone else in a room.” My lips pull up with a grin and I reach for her, my hands on her hips to pull her close. “Or a sold-out stadium. I want you.”

“So, now what?” she says softly and glances up from beneath her lashes. With open palms she skirts her hands up my chest to rest there. Her lips part on an exhale and while I have no idea how to navigate this situation, there’s one thing I do know. I won’t be able to stay away from her. Not now. Not after laying out how I feel.

“Kissing.” The roughness in my tone is filled with need.

She lifts her chin and whispers it back. “Kissing?”

“I would very much love to kiss you right now.” I drop my chin and ever so slowly close the space between our lips.

“Only kissing?” She breathes when we’re a few centimeters apart.

“Opal?”

“Yeah?”

“No more talking.” I claim her mouth. Tasting. Seeking. My tongue dances with hers and it’s the most glorious experience. My entire body thrums with delight and joy. We’re doing this. She’s in my arms and for this one moment everything is perfect. Exactly where we’re meant to be. Whatever comes next we’ll figure out, but for right now we’re making out in the bathroom like two horny teenagers who can’t wait for a better space. Fitting, since technically we both are.

Laughter, boisterous and loud, comes from the front of the bus and only then do we finally pull apart. Opal’s lips are full and pink, her hair a bit of a mess, and she breathes as though she’s just run a mile. I have no doubt I look the same.

“We should . . .” she trails off and glances at the door, out to where reality awaits us.

I don’t want to go out there. As senseless as it is, I wish we could stay here in this bathroom for the rest of forever. Instead I nod and pull her flush against my body. “I’ll go first. Wait a few minutes and follow.”

She nods and her lips purse together.

“But this isn’t over. Us? We’re just beginning.”

I relish the way her lips pull into a brilliant smile. “I would really like that.”

“And fair warning.” I step back and grip the door handle. “I’m going to kiss you as much as I can. As often as possible. Preferably not always in this bathroom.

She giggles, and slaps her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound.

My face pulls with a smile that probably looks as stupid as it feels, but I don’t care. I pull open the door and slip outside, thankful no one is waiting or watching. While it’s not anyone’s business but mine and Opal’s, I get the distinct feeling what we’re doing would not be welcome. The guys treat her like family, and since I’m playing in the band, this all could get messy. Probably will, but we’ll figure it out. I can’t stay away from her anymore. I don’t want to. It might not be the most noble sentiment, but I’m going after what I want. As long as she’ll have me, I don’t see the problem.