After that afternoon with Leah, and the visit with Mario Gallo, I know something needs to change.

I find a better job and I sell my business back home. That’s the first priority on my list of shit I need to get done. I end up at an office job for a company that sells mufflers, but hey, it’s a fucking job and it pays pretty good. I make a decent amount from the sale, so I’m actually pretty flush when I move on to the second part of my plan.

I buy a house in a nice part of the city not far from where Leah lives. It’s expensive, but it’s worth every penny as I slowly furnish it, including a room for Ryan. I don’t tell Leah about it, not right away at least.

We fall back into our routine again. The fervor and intensity of that afternoon spent fucking on the couch doesn’t repeat itself, although it’s always hanging between us. Leah rushes me out after dinner when I’m over and I can tell she’s obsessing about the Gallos and worrying about what it means that we slept together. I don’t push her, because I don’t want to make shit worse, but I can tell where her head’s at.

Meanwhile, Ryan’s slowly coming out of his shell. He speaks more often now, although he’s still incredibly quiet. I see him as often as I can, and although he doesn’t know who I am yet, we’re starting to develop a pretty good bond.

And I’m happy. The Gallos don’t bother us for a couple months, and I suspect it has something to do with the disgraced police chief caught taking bribes on camera. There’s renewed scrutiny on the mafia and I’d bet anything that Mario and his people are trying to lay low for a while until it all blows over.

Basically, we get lucky, and we get a little respite from that. We get a little taste of what it would be like to have a normal family, and it feels fucking good.

About two weeks after I close on my house and get it pretty well set up, I surprise Leah on a Saturday afternoon and basically force her and Ryan to come take a look at it. Of course, they don’t know where they’re going, but at least I get them out the door and following me.

“Okay, can you tell me one more time why this is so urgent?” Leah asks me.

I grin at her. “Just trust me, okay?”

He sighs, but she’s smiling. “Seriously, I’m a little freaked out, but you seem too happy for this to be a bad thing.’

“It’s not a bad thing,” I say. “I promise.”

“Yeah, well, I hope it doesn’t bother Ryan.”

“It won’t,” I say. “He’s strong.”

Ryan’s hanging on to Leah’s hand on her other side and he pretends like he’s not listening, but I know he is.

“He’s definitely strong,” Leah says, squeezing his hand. “Right, big strong man?”

He grins up at her and she swoops him up, making him laugh. I watch them play with a smile on my face as we head down a few more blocks, turn a corner, and stop in front of my place.

“Where is it?” she asks me.

“Right here.”

“You said you had a surprise.” She grins at me and Ryan fidgets.

“This is the surprise.” I walk up the stoop and stop in front of the big green door.

“This… what?” She cocks her head. “This house?”

“I bought it.” I grin at her. “Closed a couple weeks ago.”

Her eyes go wide. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope.” I unlock the door. “Want to see?”

“Holy crap,” Leah says, following me in. “Connor, this is a really nice neighborhood.”

“And it’s right near where you live.”

She follows me inside and I give them the tour of the downstairs. Nice, open living room and kitchen area, a little back yard with a small garden in the corner and a grill near the rear wall, and an unfinished basement. The kitchen’s been renovated, with all granite counter tops and stainless-steel appliances. It’s a row home so it’s still a pretty small kitchen, but it’s more than enough space for a little four-person table.

“Gorgeous,” Leah says, shaking her head. “Seriously Connor. I can’t believe it.”

“But wait,” I say, grinning. “There’s more.”

She laughs and follows me upstairs. I show her the master bedroom with attached bathroom, the guest room, and Ryan’s room.

Ryan’s eyes go wide when he sees it. Walls painted blue, baseball-themed comforter and posters, and toys stacked on the ground with little bows.

He looks up at me. “Mine?”

I nod. “All yours.”

He looks at Leah questioningly and I catch an odd look on her face. It quickly goes away though as she nods to him. “Go ahead, go check it out.’

He runs into his room and starts grabbing at his toys. We watch him for a second before drifting away to finish the tour. “Another bathroom back here,” I say, “plus two more bedrooms upstairs, although I’m using one as a study and the other one’s storage.”

“Really nice place,” she says. We peek up at the third floor, although it’s not in the best shape. She walks into the one bedroom that I’m using for storage and sits down on an old trunk I have shoved in the corner.

“His own room?” she asks.

Now I understand the look. “For when he stays here, if he stays here.”

She nods a little bit. “So you’re in Philly for good then.” It’s not really a question although her eyebrow arches slightly.

“I have to be close to my son,” I say softly. “And I told you I wasn’t going to steal him away.”

“I guess you did.” She sighs, looking away. “It’s a great place. It really is.”

“Yeah. But you’re not happy.”

Her gaze meets mine again. “Why do you say that?”

I shrug a little and squeeze in next to her. “Go ahead, just tell me what’s up.”

She’s staring down at her feet, not saying anything. I want to put my arm around her and pull her against me but I resist the urge. She needs to come to this on her own and I think we both know it.

“I’m afraid,” she says finally.

“Of what?”

“Of you taking him away from me.”

“I’m not going to do that.”

She looks up at me. “You’re his father. I’m nothing to him.”

“You’re his… aunt? Or second cousin maybe? I’m not sure how that works.”

“Doesn’t matter,” she says, shaking her head. “You’re his father.”

“He doesn’t know that yet,” I say softly. “But he should.”

She tenses up at that, and I realize that I just made a mistake. I didn’t mean to blurt that out and clearly it’s the absolute wrong moment to say it, but I’ve been thinking that for a while now.

“He deserves the truth,” I say, digging my hole even deeper, although I’m trying to explain myself. She stands up and walks across the room.

“I tell you I’m afraid of you taking him from me… and you respond by saying we should tell him that you’re his father.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “What the fuck’s the matter with you?”

I flinch at that. “Nothing’s wrong with me, Leah. I just think he deserves to know.”

“Why? He’s two years old, Connor. We’ve confused him enough.”

I clench my jaw. “He deserves to know,” I say.

“He’s still a baby.” She storms out of the room. “And we should be watching him.”

I hesitate before catching up to her. She goes into Ryan’s room and sits down with him, watching him play, and I linger in the doorway for a second.

I fucked up. I shouldn’t have brought that up right then. I can tell it pissed her off and that was a mistake. I didn’t want to make her angry, not even a little bit. I just want her to understand that I’m living in limbo as well. I’m the boy’s father, but he has no clue, because we refuse to tell him the truth.

She glances up at me and I can see anger in her eyes still. “Okay Ryan,” she says. “Enough playtime. We have to go home.’

He looks up at her. “No,” he says.

She flinches and I can tell she’s going to take that the wrong way.

“Listen to Leah,” I say to him, but he shakes his head.

“No,” he says.

“Ryan,” Leah warns. “I said it’s time to go.”

“No!” he says loudly and falls into a full-on tantrum.

Leah practically recoils. This is pretty normal behavior for a two-year-old, but it’s not normal for Ryan. He’s such a quiet and nice little boy, he never reacts like this, flipping out with overwhelming anger and tears. Leah steps away from him and looks at me, and I know that expression in her eyes.

This is your fault.

I go to say something but she shakes her head. “When he’s done, we’re going.”

That’s all she says. She crossed her arms and stands there, waiting for Ryan to calm down enough to take him back home. I want to argue but I know better than that. I retreat back downstairs, feeling like an asshole.

I fucked up and I know it, but I don’t know how to fix it. I want to go back in time and say something a little more sensitive. Instead, I crack open a beer and drink it on the back patio. By the time I’m finished, Ryan and Leah are gone, and I’m left alone in my empty house.

I know this isn’t the end or anything like that. I’ll make it up to her and try again soon. But that look she gave me upstairs, just after Ryan’s tantrum, speaks volumes.

She’s afraid I’m going to win him over, make him like me better. I can understand that fear. It’s totally baseless, since that little boy worships her, but I can understand it. I’m the real father, and she’s just a second cousin.

Truth is, she’s his mother now, although she may not fully understand it. I need to find a way to make her realize that, or else risk fucking up like that again.