Brian

After almost a week of no response from Nate, he finally returned one of my texts. I didn’t know what to think. I was so excited to see him when he showed back up in town, and he seemed to want to be around me when we hung out at Collins Park, for a while anyway. But now he was giving me the cold shoulder. I didn’t know whether to be concerned or offended.

Part of me just wanted to let it go. Try not texting him for a while or call and leave messages to see how he was doing. If he wanted to talk to me, he had my number. But every time I thought that, I would picture the way his entire face used to light up when he would smile, and how sad he looked at the beach. I couldn’t just leave him alone. I couldn’t walk away from him, no matter how many texts he ignored.

I kept thinking about the way his eyes used to sparkle whenever I would do something for him. Even if it was something stupid like let him pick his favorite movie—one we’d watched a million times already. That look was one of those things no one could understand unless they’d been there. Unless they’d made the person they loved smile. It was an amazing feeling knowing that you were the reason they were so happy.

And that was the truth. I loved Nate. I think I always had, even before I knew what any of that meant. He was always the last person I wanted to talk to before I fell asleep at night, and the first person I wanted to tell my dreams to when I woke up in the morning.

And there hasn’t been a single day that’s passed since he left town that I haven’t wished he was still here, right by my side. So I know that, no matter how many times he ignores my texts and my phone calls, I’m never gonna give up.

So when I finally saw a response from him I replied immediately.

A few seconds later Nate responded.

At first I almost gave up. I thought he was going to give me an excuse, but something inside me pushed forward. If Nate was avoiding me, there had to be a reason. And if it was something I had done, I wanted to find out.

A couple seconds later my phone lit up again.

I was floored. I totally thought he was going to bail again. I was so excited that I started cleaning up my bedroom like a madman. I wasn’t sure how to let this play out. I didn’t want to come on too strong and scare Nate away again, but I really wanted him to know how I felt. I decided I’d bring him up here and start a movie and just see what happened. I didn’t care what we did, really. I just wanted him here with me.

“Hey,” I said when I opened the front door and saw Nate on my porch. “It’s been a while.”

I stepped to the side and let him come in. I couldn’t help but study his face and body language to see if he was glad to see me, or if he was upset. But when he turned and his eyes met mine, there was that amazing sparkle. He seemed genuinely happy to see me.

“Yeah, I’ve been a little busy at the clinic. They’ve got me seeing a few doctors there. I’ve had an appointment every day this week.”

“Yeah? That’s really good. I’ve met a few people who work there and they all seem really cool. Hey, want to go upstairs and relax on my bed?” I asked, testing the waters a little. I wasn’t gonna pounce on him or anything, but after seeing the way he looked at me I was having a hard time keeping myself from pushing my hand up into his hair and backing him up against the wall.

Nate turned and looked at the stairs, then back at me. “Why don’t we just hang out on the couch? It looks pretty comfortable.”

“Come on, let’s go upstairs,” I said, getting a little closer to Nate and hoping he would take the hint. I suddenly didn’t feel like being subtle, but I also didn’t want him to run off again. Finding a balance with him was frustrating.

Nate looked up the stairs one more time. “Okay, you go first.”

I shrugged and ran up the stairs. I was just happy I was going to be able to get him alone in my room. When I got to the top, I turned around and realized Nate was kind of struggling. “You need some help?” I asked.

“No, I’m fine.” Nate finally made it to the top of the stairs and when he looked at me I could see that his face was kind of red.

“My room’s over here.” I opened my bedroom door, then realized that maybe Nate would want something to drink. “Hey, why don’t you relax. I’ll run back down and get us some sodas. Anything in particular you want?”

“No, whatever you’ve got is fine.”

When I got back up to my room Nate was laying on my bed with his hands behind his head. He looked so sexy and I realized I was pretty much hard simply because he was on my bed. I felt like a sex maniac.

I closed the door and set the sodas down, then crawled onto the bed next to him. I swear, I hadn’t planned on moving things along this fast. Before he got here I told myself I wasn’t going to do anything at all. I was gonna wait and talk to him for a while, but when I saw him lying there I just couldn’t control myself.

There was something in Nate’s scent. I noticed it the other times I’d seen him, but now, with him so close to me, it reminded me of the happiest moments in my childhood. Freshly cut grass, and playing on the beach, and running around screaming like an idiot, and just … fun. That’s what Nate smelled like to me, like the best moments of my life.

As I hovered over him and he looked up at me, the only thing that existed was his incredible scent, and his beautiful eyes, and his perfect lips. I lowered my head so that it was just inches from his, and I closed my eyes and inhaled, letting the essence of Nate wash over me.

When I opened my eyes again Nate was still looking at me. He didn’t say a word about how close we were, that our lips were almost touching. He just stared at me with those dazzling eyes. But I notice they were starting to get tinged with fear again.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do this?” I said, gently brushing my lips against his. But the minute our mouths touched, I couldn’t control myself any longer. I got on top of Nate, straddling his body, and I kissed him deeply.

I pressed my lips into his, parting my mouth and tasting him for the very first time. It was intoxicating, Nate’s scent and his own special flavor. Shock waves of pleasure shot to my core as my mouth lingered on his.

My tongue snaked around his as I explored a place I had wanted to for years. I could feel that Nate wanted it too as his muscles practically melted underneath me. He pushed his hands up into my hair and pulled me into him so that our kiss became even deeper.

I pressed my cock into his and felt how turned on he was too. Our bodies gyrated slowly together as the intense pleasure of the moment washed over us.

But then something changed. Nate pushed my chest and our lips parted. Then he turned his head away from me. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Why?” I asked, sitting up on the bed. “Did I do something wrong? I don’t understand, Nate. I kinda got the feeling … I mean, before you left … I thought maybe you were into me.”

Nate just stared at the wall for a long time. He looked like he wanted to say something but every time he started, something made him stop.

“Please tell me what’s going on, Nate.”

He finally turned his head back and looked at me, then swallowed hard. “You don’t understand, Brian. I was into you back then … I am into you now … I just …”

“What?” I blurted out. I was trying to be sensitive, but I couldn’t hold back any longer. I didn’t understand what had come between us. “I was your best friend, Nate. We told each other everything. Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“I lost my leg in that accident, Brian.” Nate stared at me for a long time like he was expecting me to react. When I didn’t he continued. “Well, half of it anyway … and I have this prosthetic leg that they gave me in Costa Rica. It doesn’t fit very well and it makes it hard for me to go up and down stairs. It makes it hard to get up off the ground. It makes it hard to walk on the sand or on gravel or rocks or anything that’s not paved. And I couldn’t have gone into the water the other day, even if I wanted to. Not without taking my leg off.” Then he lowered his voice even more. “And I don’t want you to see it.”

“Oh, my God, Nate. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared, I guess.”

“Of what? We used to tell each other everything. Why should that be different now?”

“Because things are different now. I’m different. I was scared you wouldn’t want to be around someone who had a defect, or that you’d just feel sorry for me.”

“Don’t say that. You don’t have a defect, Nate. You’re the same person you were before. And I want to be around you. All the time.”

Nate looked back into my eyes, but he didn’t smile. He looked sad and tired. Like he’d been fighting something inside him for a long time. “I want to be around you too,” he said, his eyes glazing over with tears. “Fuck. I’m pathetic,” Nate said as he threw one of his arms over his eyes so I couldn’t see them.

“No, you’re not. You’re being way too hard on yourself.” I put my hand in Nate’s and pushed his arm off his face.” You’re an amazing person, Nate. I don’t know anyone who’s even a tenth as strong of a person as you are.”

I wanted more than anything in the world to see Nate smile again, and I hoped that kissing him would help. With my fingers interlaced with his, I lowered my lips again and brought them to his gently. I felt Nate’s body give into mine again. One of his legs curled against me and he pressed his chest into mine. I freed one of my hands and moved it down his chest until it was resting right on the button of his jeans.

“Do you want to do this?” I asked.

“Okay,” Nate whispered.

“You don’t sound very convincing. Are you sure?”

“I’ve just never … the only people who’ve seen my leg have been my doctors.”

“Well, I won’t take your jeans off if you don’t want me to. Just lay there. I’ll take care of everything,” I said with a smile. “I want to make you feel good.”

I got on top of Nate and pushed his T-shirt up, exposing his narrow but muscular chest. He had a slight build, but was wiry, and I found myself getting harder just looking at him.

I brought my lips to his chest and kissed my way down the center until I came to his jeans. I could already see his hard cock through the fabric and couldn’t wait to set it free. I glanced up and saw that Nate had covered his eyes again. I wished he would open them. I wanted to see Nate looking down at me, but I figured this must be hard for him. Harder than I could even imagine. So I continued about my business of giving the omega of my dreams pleasure.

I unbuttoned Nate’s jeans and unzipped them, then eased them down a little bit so that the base of his cock was visible. Then I pulled down on the elastic of his boxer briefs and watched Nate’s hard cock spring up in the air.

“Damn,” I said. “This thing really wanted out.”

I looked up at Nate’s face and I could see he was smiling, and that made me incredibly happy. I still didn’t quite know what I was doing, but as long as Nate had a smile on his face, I knew I was headed in the right direction.

I took ahold of Nate’s cock and planted my tongue at the base. Then I licked the entire length. When my lips surrounded his head, Nate let out an incredibly sexy moan. I watched his lips move ever so slightly as I slid my lips up and down the length of his shaft and decided it was just as sexy to watch his mouth. When I swallowed his entire length down my throat, Nate’s body went rigid.

“Oh, fuck,” Nate gasped. “I’m gonna come.”

I wanted Nate to come in my mouth. Just the small amount of pre-come that had squirted out of him tasted so incredible it just about drove me out of my mind. So I slid my lips up and down his cock a couple more times until I felt it start to pulsate and quiver.

Nate groaned deeply as his stream shot down my throat. I continued to move my mouth up and down his shaft as I swallowed. I used my hands on his balls and shaft, working them as Nate’s hips bucked into the air. I wanted to make sure I didn’t stop before he was completely spent, and when his entire body went limp, I looked up at his face again.

His eyes were still covered, but his mouth was open and his chest was moving as he tried to catch his breath. I crawled back up next to Nate and moved his arm off his eyes, then kissed him. “You taste amazing,” I said, looking into Nate’s eyes. “I hope you’re ready for more because I could do that all day.”

“But what about you? I want you to have fun too.”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“But …” Nate didn’t say anything for a long moment, and he didn’t look very happy.

“But what?”

“I feel like a charity case. I can’t even have sex right.”

“What are you talking about? I’m having an amazing time. Aren’t you?”

“I didn’t want our first time together to be lame. I wanted it to be …”

“What? Just tell me what you want. I’ll do anything. I want you to be comfortable and happy.”

“But, that means you’re treating me differently. You’re treating me like someone with special needs.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling confused. “I’m not trying to treat you differently, Nate. I just wasn’t sure—”

“If you’re not doing what you would normally do, then you’re treating me different. I’m not a freak that you have to be careful with.”

“I don’t know what I would normally do,” I said, not sure what we were even talking about. “Before you said you were different now, but now you’re saying you don’t want to be treated differently. Which is it? I don’t know what you want, Nate.”

Nate pulled his jeans up and buttoned them up, then sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed so that his back was to me. “You just don’t understand. There’s no way you or anyone else could ever understand. I just want things to be like they were. I want to feel like myself. But I don’t even know what that is anymore.”

Nate got up and walked to the door. “I don’t want you to watch me go down the stairs,” Nate said, his voice cracking. Then he opened the door and shut it behind him.

I laid there for a long time. I had no idea what I’d done wrong, but something had upset Nate, and that just about killed me. I would’ve given anything for him to stay here in my arms. I wouldn’t have cared if he spent the rest of the day crying or talking. I would’ve been thrilled to just touch his skin and feel his body against mine.

But he didn’t want that. He said he wanted me, but he didn’t like what had just happened. So I didn’t know what I could do. But I was pretty sure there wasn’t anything I could do to help him unless he let me. I had told him how I felt, but he didn’t even seem to believe me. And if he didn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth, I didn’t know what else there was for me to do but wait.

So, that’s what I would have to do. I would wait forever for Nate if that’s what it took.