My name is Sera. I moved to the city two years ago for work and didn’t have any plans. Six months ago, I went to a tattoo shop to get some work done and was made what I thought was the offer of a lifetime. Free work done because it was the test for an apprentice becoming a master. They even showed me some of her work, tattoos she had done for them, and they were gorgeous, so I agreed. I had wanted a catch, a hook that I could use in my dancing and they promised me just that.
So, somehow I received a pair of angel wings. And I just kept dancing like normal. It just somehow happened that Sam Angelica chose our club to have his bachelor party in. Michael saw me and picked me up.
And then when I saw them fighting, I decided to tell them both that I wasn’t making a choice, that I wanted them both. I more of didn’t want to make that choice myself. I thought they’d make it for me. Imagine my surprise when they agreed.
I don’t regret it, not in the least. Two gorgeous men clamouring for my attention? Who could have trouble with that?
When I woke up after the events, I was drenched in sweat. I could feel that I was getting better, but I felt terrible still. My back didn’t hurt like I expected it to, it more of felt like I had slept the wrong way. The ache was all down my spine and between my shoulder blades, even a little into the base of my skull.
Raphael and Michael were there waiting for me. Michael was in a chair beside the bed, asleep, his head bent back and mouth open. Raphael was on the bed, but not touching me, just on the other side of it. He was curled on his side and looked paler than he had been before.
The events that led up to that moment slowly trickled back to me. The witches, their plan to invade Heaven, to take the power of creation for themselves. They had assumed that the power was in the hands of men because the angels were all appearing as men.
And something about raising the opposite of God?
That was worse than a bad acid trip.
I groaned and sat up, my bladder protesting loudly that it had to be emptied. As Michael gave a little snort and stirred, awakened by my groan, I slipped off the bed and headed immediately for the bathroom. I had what must have been the best piss of my life.
It was so fantastic.
“Hey,” Michael popped his head into the bathroom. “Sorry, didn’t realize you were relieving yourself. Uh, since I’m here, why don’t you shower as well? Raphael bought you a dress yesterday while you slept you can put that on. Then come out to the garden, where we were for our picnic? We’ll eat lunch there, then drive you home, okay?”
“Sure,” I said, still sitting on the toilet.
“Good,” he said with a nod before he left.
That was super awkward.
Sitting there, doing nothing, just sitting there, on the toilet, I stared at the wall across from me and realized that it had been more awkward than anything else. I had slept with both of them, that wasn’t awkward. I watched Michael accidentally graze Raphael, and that had somehow been less awkward than Michael popping his head in while I was peeing.
I guess peeing is where I draw the line.
I finished what I was doing, wiped, and headed straight for the shower.
Washing the sick off of me was fabulous. Maybe it wasn’t sick. Maybe it was just sweat because I had been recovering from the healing. Whatever the sweat was from, it was wonderful to wash it away. When I was done, I used the hair dryer to dry my hair, then went to the bedroom and put on the dress Raphael had purchased for me.
My clothing was ruined, so I was thankful for the dress which was a light summer type of thing in a pretty yellow. He had also purchased flats for me, which weren’t bad. They didn’t make me want to fling them across the room, so there was that.
Once I was dressed, I left the guest room and found my way to the backyard. Or, whatever they called it. It was far too large to be referred to as a backyard. I followed the path that Michael had taken me on before and got lost at the first branch of the path.
Thankfully, they had figured I would forget the way. They had marked on the bench at the branch with a piece of chalk, pointing the way for me. I followed the little arrows.
The pair came into view, sitting on a picnic blanket with a basket between them. Raphael spotted me first, he straightened and adjusted as Michael turned to me.
“So,” I said.
“Sit,” Michael said, motioning to the open space on the blanket.
I knelt on the blanket and looked at the two of them. For some reason, Raphael wouldn’t meet my eyes. Michael was looking me over and seemed quite impressed with what he saw.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“With him?” Michael asked. “Raphael is worried because he’s decided to make a change, which automatically removes a dibs he attempted to call while you were sleeping off the healing.”
“What did you decide to change?” I asked Raphael.
He picked at his pants.
“Well, you see,” he glanced up, then back down. “The only place that we have gender is here on Earth. Which I told you before. And I’ve decided that I don’t want to be male anymore.”
“You’re going to transition?” I asked. “To what?”
“What do you mean, to what?” Raphael asked.
“Well, you aren’t bound by genders so are you going to be inter-sexed, or female, or non-sexed?” I asked. “You don’t have to go under the knife for that, right? You can just change your form.”
“Yes, I can,” Raphael said. “And I understand if that’s going to change what started between us, but I don’t feel like I can wait anymore.”
“Okay, but you haven’t said what you’d be,” I said.
“A woman,” Raphael said.
“Still named Raphael?” I asked.
“Of course, that’s my name. Only humans think it’s masculine,” he said.
“Then we won’t even have a problem,” I said with a smile. “I like women and know how to please them. He should know how to please a woman too. You’ll be all set.”
“You’d still want to be with me?” Raphael asked.
“Even if you were intersex I would, I think,” I said. “Guess I wouldn’t know unless you made that choice, but we’d have an awkward phase where we figured it all out, you know.”
Raphael gave a little nod as Michael began pulling sandwiches from the basket. He began handing them out, but I saw the twitch of his lips upward.
“And, of course, you’re happy about that,” I said to Michael.
“Two beautiful women to myself?” Michael asked. “Naw, it’s so disgusting, I don’t know if I’ll be able to manage it.”
I unwrapped the edge of the sandwich and took a bite. Roast beef with cheddar, I tried not to moan as I chewed and my stomach began growling. Michael watched me eat several more bites before he bit the corner of his sandwich.
“How does that cancel his dibs?” I asked. “Dibs on sex?”
“No,” Michael said. “As it turns out, my grace being inside you could very well make me age, sort of like you do. And, being as you have my grace inside you, that kind of makes you part angel.”
I made a face at him, not understanding what he meant. Michael glanced at Raphael, then back to me.
“Grace is pregnant, and it’s not a virgin conception, as some humans call it,” Michael said.
“It’s Sam’s,” Raphael said. “You having the grace of an angel inside of you means that we could, technically, have a child together. It was stupid to call dibs when we don’t know your position on the matter, but it was the heat of the moment, and neither of us expects you to do that.”
Michael turned slowly to Raphael. The two shared a look, and I couldn’t help but feel like Michael was trying to murder Raphael with his eyes alone.
“Right,” I said. “That’s all back to you two being made for me, bit.”
“Right,” they said.
I knew it was the other way around, I wasn’t stupid, but I liked how they were both so eager to agree with me on that point. It was something they agreed on without thinking at all.
“I want the whole romance thing too,” I said. “Dates and such.”
“We can do that,” Michael said with a nod.
“I can do that,” Raphael said. “This one hasn’t dated since dating was giving your father a cow.”
“I resent that,” Michael said. “I’ve taken possessed women on plenty of dates before.”
“Wait, what?” I asked.
“Oh,” Michael said. “We didn’t tell you that part, sorry. Our main duty here on Earth is to send demons back to Hell. They can’t physically come here, most of the time, but they can extend their soul into the real world by possessing a human’s mind. To get them out, you have to make them orgasm.”
“The whole Latin chanting doesn’t do it?” I asked.
“It can, but it ends up killing the host,” Raphael said. “We might as well just kill the host in that case. Our method works much better, and most demonic possessions are not like they show in movies. It’s more like just pushing humans toward sinful things to make them take paths that will land them in Hell. Sex, with all that it is, can thrust the demon out which ends up with them falling back into Hell because possession takes a lot of energy.”
“You’re all prostitutes, basically,” I said.
“No,” Michael said with a shake of his head.
“Kind of,” Raphael said. “There are other methods of accomplishing it. We are capable of influencing other humans to sleep with one another. That was a power that Father gave us to help at the beginning of creation to make sure certain animals didn’t die off.”
“Yeah, you can’t have sex with other people,” I said. “There’s the three of us, that’s as far as it can go.”
“We know that,” Raphael said. “Grace said something similar, and we understand why it has to be like that. Since Baal was removed from Hell, the demons have been on Earth a great deal less. They’ve lost their motive or are bickering among themselves about who should be the next ruler.”
I nodded and began eating again.
“Where’s Sam?” I asked finally.
“On a flight to his honeymoon,” Michael said. “He’s got to break the news to Grace and Mary.”
“Who’s Mary?”
Michael and Raphael shared a look, then they both seemed to find the garden around us interesting. Like neither of them wanted to come forward and just say it.
“Guys, who’s Mary?” I asked.
“She’s a long time, uh,” Raphael trailed off.
“She’s family,” Michael said, filling in for Raphael. “That’s all that matters. Mary has been with us a long time, and she’s family. Right, that’s what humans call it now?”
“Non-sexual?” I asked.
“Correct,” Raphael said. “Some have compared her to a mother for us. We care for her. You would have met her, except we shipped her and Grace off almost immediately, just to be safe.”
“Are there going to be any other problems coming up?” I asked.
Again, they shared a look. They raised their hands and played rock-paper-scissors.
Like normal people.
Michael lost, which made him mutter a curse before he turned to me.
“Yes, there’s something else that’s likely to happen,” he said. “The gates of Hell are still wedged open, and we’re all going to help try to close them. I mean, us angels, not you and Grace. And some bad stuff is probably going to happen to Gabe, but if it gets close to you or Grace, we’ll ship you out like we did with her.”
“Does Gabe know this is happening?” I asked.
“No,” Raphael said with a shake of his head. “And he can’t know it’s happening. If he does, Heaven will come down and rain hellfire onto Earth and all that. They’re pretty smiteful about it all.”
“Smiteful, or spiteful?” I asked.
“Both,” the two of them said at the same time.
“And the wings?” I asked. “Don’t want to explode.”
“We’re working on it,” Raphael said. “The ink used to bind them to you has the same grace as the grace inside you which is, apparently, how they ended up stuck in the grace.”
“Why not just remove the ink?” I asked. “Then there’s just grace and wings. Wings don’t just go to grace that isn’t theirs, right?”
“That’s correct,” Raphael said. “But to remove the ink, we’d have to remove the tattoos.”
“Okay,” I said. “Don’t want to explode, I’ll contact the laser removal doctor when I get home. I’ve had a tramp stamp removed by them. Stupid decision that one was. But I want one of you to take a picture because once it’s removed, I’d like to have it redone with regular ink.”
Raphael glanced at Michael.
“Do you think that could work?” Michael asked Raphael.
“She has a point,” Raphael said. “But I think that the magic isn’t just in ink, it’s wound into the grace. Let’s contact the witches. Some of their spells end up inked on their soul, I think I heard Gabe say once. There must be a way to remove that.”
“Yes,” Michael said. “See, we don’t need that imp.”
“What imp?” I asked.
“Toby,” Raphael said. “The man who joined us the night of the wedding. He’s part of the Heavenly Host. He was put with Grace to watch over her, they’re now friends, but away from Grace he’s kind of a dink.”
“Not just kind of,” Michael growled.
“Oh,” I said, drawing out the word. “Right, that makes total sense.”
“I suppose for a human it takes some getting used to,” Michael said.
“Grace doesn’t know Toby is part of the Heavenly Host, she just thinks he’s a human,” Raphael added. “But if you tell her by accident we can start throat punching him every time he says something stupid.”
“I’m not doing that,” I said.
“Worth a shot,” Raphael said with a little shrug.
“Am I missing anything?” I asked.
“We’d rather you no longer stripped,” Michael said.
“He’d rather you no longer strip for anyone but us,” Raphael said. “He’s a jealous one. We can help you find jobs. Modelling, you could be a model.”
That didn’t seem fair. I enjoyed what I did, it made me feel great about myself, and no one was allowed to touch me at the club without permission. I could probably fight them on that bit, but right then wasn’t the time.
“Not willing to starve myself,” I said. “But, I will start looking for another job. I’m still going to strip, I make fantastic money, and you guys are not going to start paying my bills just because of all of this. So, deal with it.”
“I think I finally understand why Sam offered Grace a job as a janitor at such an extravagant pay rate,” Michael said in a distant tone.
“Don’t do it,” Raphael said. “We can’t afford another obscenely high wage. Mary will take a rolled-up newspaper to us for playing favourites and not splitting the profits among all of our workers. I’ll start looking up jobs after I drop her off at home. We’ll go one day at a time. When’s your next shift?”
“Tonight,” I said. “I work almost every night.”
“Okay, we could go for an early breakfast when you finish,” Raphael said. “Go from there. Right?”
“Sure,” I said. “Anyone else nervous about this?”
“Little bit,” Raphael said. “But the whole ageing and children thing is at least not being tried out on us first. Sam’s the one who has to figure it out. Him and Grace.”
“Poor bastards,” Michael said. “Hopefully the child isn’t born with wings.”
“Could be fun,” I said.
“Angels learn to fly before they learn to walk,” Raphael said. “Which means you could be projectile vomited or urinated on from above.”
“Oh,” I said with a grimace. “That doesn’t sound fun.”
“Which is why we’re thankful Sam and Grace are the guinea pigs for that, and not us,” Michael said.
“Small miracles,” I said.
Which for some reason got a laugh out of them.