I’m still buzzing with Addie even a few days later. I can taste her, smell her on my sheets, and I wish she were still here. I wish we could put aside the past, ignore it at least for a little while, and just have something good.

Instead, we ran away the next day, as soon as the sun came up. I haven’t seen her since, although we’re still texting. I know she’s busy with Cara and work, and now she’s even thinking about her own place, which is awesome.

I just want her here, at all time, with me. I want her spread, naked, begging, laughing, moaning. I know if she wants that too, but something’s still holding her back.

I’m lounging on my trash picked couch, looking at furniture on my phone and wondering how long my bank account’s going to last without a job, when there’s a knock at my door. I hesitate a second, because I don’t even know if anyone knows I live here, but I decide to answer it anyway.

My dad’s leaning again the wall across the hall, arms crossed over his chest. He smiles and stands up straight when I cock my head at him.

“Hey son,” he says.

I frown a little bit. He never calls me that. “How’d you know I was here?”

He flinches a little bit. “Not gonna ask me in?”

“No, I’m not,” I say. “How’d you know.”

“Guy who owns the building is a friend. He gave me a call when he saw your name on the lease.”

Fucking hell, of course. My dad’s friends with every rich guy in this damn town, since he’s been spending his life selling them useless pills.

I glare at him for a second but he sighs. “Just invite me in, I only want to talk.”

“Fine,” I grunt, stepping aside. “Make it fast, though.”

He walks in and glances around. “Looks good,” he says.

“Liar.” I shut the door and follow him to the kitchen. “What can I do for you?”

He turns to me. “Look, I came to apologize, okay? I lost it the other night. That wasn’t my best.”

I laugh a little bitterly. “You’re apologizing?”

“Trying to,” he snaps. “You’re not making it easy.”

“It’s just funny dad, that’s all. You’ve been doing this shit my whole life without a comment, and now you’re apologizing?”

He glares at me. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You don’t?” I laugh again, shaking my head. “Then I guess I don’t know what to say to you.”

“Look, I came here because I want you to come back to work.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Did Tim approve this?”

He waves his hand. “Tim’s no longer with the company.”

I sigh. “Did you fire him because of me?”

“No, but that didn’t help,” he says. “Turns out, Tim was skimming from the drawer.”

I whistle and shake my head. “Naught boy, that Tim.”

“He’s gone now. Please, Will, just come back. I want you involved with my company.”

For a second, I can see him as the father I’ve always wanted. Kind, supportive, helpful, gentle. The sort of man that could teach me to change a tire and to be strong.

But I know that father doesn’t exist, not for me at least. The only thing’s my dad ever taught me were how to drink bourbon and how to sell pills. He’s a low-life, even if he’s a low-life with money, and if I go back to him that’s all I’ll ever be.

“I can’t,” I say. ‘I’m sorry.”

His face gets cloudy. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” I walk to the door. “You should go.”

“You’re making a mistake.” He clenches his hands into fists. “I’m here apologizing, damn it.”

“Too little too late,” I say softly. “Now please, get out of my apartment, and don’t come back.”

He walks over to the door, fuming, eyes wide like a scared deer. He pauses in the doorway and looks at me. “You’ll never amount to anything,” he says.

“I already did.”

He steps into the hall and is about to say something else, but I slam the door in his face.

It doesn’t feel good. I thought it would. I’ve always wanted to hear my father apologize for something, and I’ve always been disappointed. Now he shows up randomly, asking me to come back to work, and I don’t feel a damn thing. Except for pity, maybe, and disgust.

I peer out my front window and I spot him getting into his car. As I watch him, I get this weird feeling. It’s deep in my gut, and on a whim, I pull out my phone and dial Addie’s home number.

Eleanor picks up. “Hello? Carter residence.”

“Hi Eleanor, it’s Will.”

“Oh hi, Will. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Just calling for Addie.”

Eleanor pauses. “She’s at work.”

I nod to myself. “Oh, really? Oh, that’s a shame.” I knew that already, though. “Do you mind if I stop by anyway?”

Another hesitation. “I wouldn’t mind,” she says finally. “Still want that tea?”

“Still do,” I say.

“Okay then. See you soon.”

I hang up the phone, go get changed, and head out to my truck.

The tea’s hot and delicious, just like I remembered. Eleanor sits across from me with a smile, but I can tell it’s strained.

“I hear you got your own place,” she says. “Congratulations. That’s a big step.”

“Thanks,” I say. “Next step is a job.”

She laughs. “Didn’t you do this a little backward?”

“A little,” I concede. “But here we are.”

“Here we are,” she agrees. “Maybe now Addie will move out also.”

“Sick of her?” I ask.

“Oh no, never. It’s more for her sake than for mine.”

“I bet it’s hard having Cara around all day, though,” I say cautiously.

Eleanor shrugs. “I love having my granddaughter living here, even if I can’t keep up with her anymore.”

“Speaking of her, where is she right now?”

Eleanor doesn’t answer right away. I can tell she’s studying me. I watch her passively, but I think she understands what I’m doing, and I think she knows that what she says next is very, very important.

“Do you want to see her?” she asks finally, and my heart leaps in my chest.

“I’d like that,” I say softly.

She nods. “Okay then. Come on. She’s out back with Julissa.”

We get up and I follow Eleanor outside. “Julissa! Cara!” Eleanor’s voice rings out loud and clear. “We have a visitor!”

Cara comes charging around the side of the house followed by a round woman, maybe in her forties, with short, tight, dark hair and coffee colored skin. She smiles as Cara runs up to me.

“Will!” Cara says, and I’m surprised she remembers my name. “Play!”

I laugh and look up at Eleanor. She just nods, a little smile on her face, and I follow Cara out into the grass.

“Honey, don’t get dirty,” Julissa calls.

“I’ll watch her,’ I say.

Cara makes a face at Julissa and teeters over to a grassy spot before falling down. She produces a few dolls from pockets in her outfit and she tosses them onto the ground.

I sit down and we play together. It’s mostly just her moving the dolls around, smashing them together, and laughing. Sometimes I throw one in the air and she tries to catch it. I can feel Eleanor and Julissa watching, but I try to ignore them.

This is the real reason I’m here. I wanted to see Cara again, without Addie around. I wanted to see if I’d feel anything, if maybe it’s really true.

And honestly… I do feel something. I didn’t really expect to. I assumed I’d just play with her and that would be that, but sitting here with her in the grass, I keep having one thought running through my mind.

If she’s my daughter…

“Watch,” Cara says, throwing one of her dolls high in the air. She tries to catch it, toppling over.

I laugh. “Good try, do it again.”

If she’s my daughter…

She repeats this again, trying to catch it as it falls, and missing horribly again. I can tell she’s getting frustrated already.

“You can do it,” I say. “You’re so close. Try it again.”

If she’s my daughter…

She throws the doll up, not quite so high this time, and manages to catch it as it comes back into her arms. She laughs with delight and I pick her up, spinning her around.

I’m going to be a better father than my father ever was.

It hits me like lightning, spinning this girl around. I want to be a father. I actually want to be there for her, no matter what. If she’s my daughter, I’m not going to run away from my responsibilities. If anything, I welcome them. I want to be with Addie, and I want to get to know Cara like a daughter.

We play for another half hour before Julissa comes over. “Nap time,” she says to Cara.

“Bye, bye,” Cara says, following Julissa without argument. I smile and wave.

“Bye, bye,” I say.

I stand with Eleanor on the back porch for a moment. Their back yard is huge and gorgeous, lots of thick, lush green grass dotted by hedges, flower beds, and outbuildings.

“You two get along,” Eleanor says finally.

“Yeah, we do,” I agree.

She nods slowly. “Not afraid of that?”

I know what she’s asking. I turn to her, meet her eye, and shake my head.

“I’m not afraid at all.”

“Good.” She nods again, turning back to the yard. “That’s good.”

We stand in silence for a few more minutes before we head back inside. She walks me to the door and I leave, full of more questions, but certain of one thing:

If Cara is my daughter, I’m going to be the father I’ve always wanted for myself.