Chapter Nineteen
The first few seconds after Banallt realized he was awake, he was aware of remarkably little. He could easily have slipped back into sleep, and nearly did, except, just there in the back of his head, there existed a niggling reason he shouldn’t. What was it? Without opening his eyes, he knew it was damn early in the morning. There was very little good reason to get out of bed before the sun was up. The bedsheets formed a cocoon of warmth around his naked body. Unusual for him these days to be naked in bed, but there it was. He was naked: tired and happy in some deep and indefinable manner.
Ah. This was not his room.
A body stirred beside him, a woman, of course, and he knew she was the reason for his extremely pleasant state of existence. Nudity. Sleepiness. Happiness. He reached, pulled her close, spooning her body against his. He breathed in the scent of her and touched the warm softness of her skin. And knew.
Sophie.
She was his. Now she could not deny she was his. Now she must confront her feelings for him. He knew Sophie well enough to suspect she wouldn’t. This would work between them. He’d make it work.
He tucked his chin over her shoulder and drew her closer. She sighed, a gentle sound, and her backside pressed against him. He really could fall back asleep quite contentedly. So he did. It was a joy to have Sophie in his arms and feel utterly and unashamedly happy as he tipped back into sleep.
He woke a second time to a room not as dark as before. There was still no hope of seeing the time on the clock ticking somewhere in the room. And yet, it was undeniably morning. Sophie turned in his arms and draped a hand over his waist. Her breathing changed. “Good morning,” he whispered. He was a bit tense. How would she react?
She didn’t open her eyes. “ ’Tisn’t,” she murmured, wriggling close to him, with a rather predictable response from him. “Not morning at all. I’m too tired for it to be morning.”
Banallt held his breath, waiting for her to whisper Tommy’s name. But she didn’t. He kissed the top of her head. Downstairs he heard the faint sound of servants in the kitchen. After five in the morning, but not yet six, he thought. Even so, the darkness wouldn’t last much longer. Not that they needed to be up and about just yet. Bringing up the fire in the kitchen took long enough that there’d be nothing hot to eat for hours yet. “If you say so, darling.”
“I do say so.”
He cradled her in his arms. He was happy. Beyond happiness. Sophie was his. He knew quite well he ought to get out of bed and go back to his room while there was still a better than even chance of him getting there before anyone realized where and how he’d spent the night. He had a few moments more before the risk was too great, though, and he spent them holding Sophie, who’d fallen back to sleep.
When he woke the third time, the room was no longer dark. Dawn had certainly come and gone. He turned his head and had no trouble at all seeing the clock on the fireplace mantel. Four minutes after eight. Damned early yet, following such a late night, and yet, he was going to have a devil of a time getting out now without being seen. He sat up and scrubbed his hands through his hair.
Beside him, Sophie opened her eyes and immediately closed them again. Her hair was tangled, since the precaution of braiding her hair before they slept was simply not anything that had penetrated his pleasure-sated mind last night. Nor hers, either.
“Banallt?” Her voice was thick with sleep. “Is that you?”
Who the hell else would it be? “Yes.”
She sighed. “Good.”
“Go back to sleep, Sophie.” He slipped out of bed, holding the sheets low to keep the cold air out and the warm in. Damn, but the chill was going to freeze his balls off.
She squinted at him and, with her weight on an elbow, partially sat up, holding, more’s the pity, the sheets to her bosom. “What time is it?”
“Time for me to go.”
Her attention was not on his face. She was, in fact, giving him a very long and assessing look. “You haven’t any clothes on.”
“Neither have you.” His smallclothes had come off last. Well, yes. Of course they had, but that meant they ought to be closest to the bed. In fact, he was stepping on them now. His trousers were draped over a chair. He didn’t see his coat, shirt, or stockings anywhere.
“Oh,” Sophie said. A charming flush appeared in her cheeks.
“Yes,” he said. “Oh.”
Her eyes were sleepy, her hair mussed. Banallt wanted to get back into bed with her and hold her while they both fell back to sleep. If he did that, they would be caught out, and her brother would insist on shooting him dead and he’d have to let him, after which they would have to be married by special license. He wanted her to have a church wedding, with her brother to give her away and all his relatives in attendance.
“I ought to get up, too.”
That brought him up short. “What on earth for?” He knew the moment the words came out that he’d spoken too quickly. He didn’t want to sound like a tyrant. Controlling and officious. Tommy on his worst hungover morning.
“I’m usually up before eight,” she said in a very bland voice. A dangerously bland voice.
Good God, but he would live the rest of his life learning how to avoid that tone of voice. He suspected he would be a better man for the lessons. “You only just closed your eyes,” he said gently. From the corner of his eye, he saw his shirt hanging off the edge of a chair. He forced himself to take a breath. She sat the rest of the way up, holding the sheets to her chest, but exposing a goodly portion of her exquisite back. “Your brother and Vedaelin won’t be up for hours, I’m sure. There won’t be anything for breakfast yet, either.”
“Oh. Oh goodness.” With one hand, she pulled her hair out of her face. “This is a tangle for us, isn’t it?”
Banallt stood there, and his heart felt too big for his chest. She was naked, for pity’s sake. They’d spent the night making love. He wanted to again. He wanted to be certain they were all right. So far so good, but he never knew with Sophie. This was new territory for them both. He retrieved her gown from the floor where he’d let it fall. His shirt was nearby, in good condition. “I’ve only to make it to my room unseen, Sophie.” He found her corset, too, and set that on the chair with her gown. He smoothed a few of the wrinkles from the satin. “Unless you wish to find yourself embroiled in scandal, perhaps you could help me locate my cravat. It’s gone missing and it won’t do to have a servant find it here.”
“Banallt,” she said in a low, drawn-out whisper. “I’ve nothing on.” Her cheeks turned pinker.
“Yes,” he said. He leered at her, hugely diverted by the thought. “I know.”
She pointed with a bare arm. “There. By that chest of drawers.”
His cravat was ruined. There was no way to resurrect it. He held up the crumpled linen. “My valet will have my hide when he sees this.”
“What a scandal that would be,” she said. Then she fell silent, and her gaze turned inward; he knew she was thinking about the kind of scandal that ruined reputations. Primarily the reputations of women.
He returned to the bed and sat on the edge of the mattress, still naked. “Sophie. Darling—”
“You’re nothing but goose bumps.” She lifted the sheets. “Get in before you freeze to death.”
He slid in and shivered violently until his body warmed up. After a bit, she said, “Are we lovers now, Banallt?”
“Lovers?” He didn’t want Sophie to be a lover of his. What he wanted was a permanent, legal relationship duly sanctified by the Church of England. But he knew better than to raise that subject directly. He turned onto his side and took a lock of her hair between his fingers. “If that’s all I’m to have from you, Sophie, yes. We’re lovers. Are you sorry?” he asked. “What a ridiculous question that is. Would you even tell me if you were?”
“I’m not sorry,” she said. She wriggled under him and got a hand on his chest. “And yes, I would tell you if I were.”
And then there they were, looking at one another. He leaned over her and kissed her, and damned if she didn’t move toward him herself. He pulled the sheets up to his neck and drew his body over hers, using his forearms to pin the sheets around them.
“This is an extremely poor idea,” he said as he bent his head to kiss her. The entire time he wondered how he was going to make this permanent between them, but then she softened against him and she kissed him back with a thoroughly distracting enthusiasm. He drew back after a while and watched her face. Her eyes slowly opened.
“You were right,” she said.
“About?”
“That when I came to your bed, it would be because I wanted to be there.”
He wasn’t sure whether to be insulted or pleased by that. He gripped her. “I’m glad to know you wanted me, too, Sophie, have no doubt of that.” He struggled to find the words that would explain everything so she’d understand. Really understand. “But what I said back then has nothing to do with now. Nothing whatever.”
She stroked a hand over his head. “Your hair is so soft. I love the feeling of it against my skin.”
“Stop changing the subject.”
“You’re very big.” She had her hand on his cock at the time, so the remark was rather more complimentary than it might have been if she’d been commenting more generally.
“Witch,” he said. She wasn’t just holding him. Her fingers were just now being very clever indeed. He pressed his hips forward. “Go on.”
“And hard, my lord.” Her lashes hid her eyes. She stroked the head of his cock. “I’ve never in my life felt anything so wonderful as this.”
One of her arms was around his waist as her eyes fluttered open. He found himself lost in limpid blue green. She wasn’t his. Not legally. He could as yet lay no claim to her heart. He wanted the ceremony that would make her indisputably his. He wanted Sophie to be the mother of his children. He wanted Sophie. He wouldn’t ever be whole without her. If he rushed her, he stood to lose everything.
She brought up a hand and touched his cheek. Her finger traced the line of his cheekbone, down the side of his face to his mouth and along his lower lip. “Did last night really happen?”
Banallt kissed the tip of her finger and tried not to think about her fingers around him, stroking. “I’ve been wondering the same myself. But, yes. It did.”
“You’re sure we didn’t imagine it?”
His body was all too willing to prove she hadn’t. All he had to do was shift his hips and he could be inside her again. So he did just that, and she let him go. She lifted her chin, pressing the back of her head into the pillow, and he surged forward.
This was different. Last night had been several of his fantasies about her combined into one. The cold logic of day had been hours away. Last night, they’d lived for a time, just the two of them, in a world no one else shared. This morning, she couldn’t deny what it meant to make love with him. “This isn’t an affair, Sophie,” he said while he still had the wits to speak. He was rapidly approaching a point of mindlessness. “Maybe it is for you, but for me it’s not.”
“Banallt.” His name ended on a gasp. Her hands slid down his back and she arched against him. He thought he would expire right then, before she’d come to any sort of pleasure.
“You’re the only woman for me, Sophie. The only one. No one else will ever do.” Underneath the covers, he planted his hands by her rib cage and concentrated on his strokes and the way her body surrounded him, and the rush of approaching orgasm took his breath and his senses and his heart. He damn near didn’t withdraw in time.
Afterward, she kept her arms around his. “I’ll help you dress, Banallt.”
“And then go back to sleep, I hope?”
“I might just,” she said. She took the duvet with her when she slid out of bed. While she helped him dress he did his best to get her to drop it. She proved too agile for that. When he was dressed, more or less, she leaned back to study the effect. “I think I could do something with your cravat,” she said.
“I shudder to think of that limp strip of fabric coming anywhere near my neck. Another time, when I’ve fresh linens.” He smiled when she smoothed his waistcoat. “I’ll allow, however, that you make an excellent valet.”
“Thank you.” She dropped him a curtsey.
“Odd, but I’ve never wanted to kiss my valet before now.”
“Kiss your valet?” She pretended to be horrified. “That’s very wicked of you, my lord.”
“I’m a wicked man, darling. And I wish to kiss my valet. For some reason, I’ve only just noticed her mouth is full and soft.” He passed his thumb over her lips.
“Do you think she’ll accept such a wicked advance from her employer?” she asked.
“Will she?” He pulled her into his arms. She had to go up on tiptoe to properly kiss him, and when he felt her body against his and her hands snaking into his hair, he groaned. He lifted his head from hers and glanced at the clock. Quarter to nine. He stepped back and stuffed his cravat into his pocket. “Sophie, I must go.”
She laughed. “Very well, my lord.”
“I don’t like the subterfuge,” he said. “I’d rather we walked downstairs together and damn what anyone says. I want to stay here, in bed with you.” For years he’d had nothing but trysts. He’d planned and hoped for one with her since he first laid eyes on her, and now he wanted everything in the open. He wanted to court her openly. “I want us to be married.”
Her expression clouded. “Banallt.”
“Do you imagine I’d leave you at the altar?” He saw the answer in her eyes. “No,” he said slowly. “Of course not. You think if we marry, I’ll be unfaithful before we’ve had our wedding trip.”
“My heart’s already half broken.” Her eyes glittered. “I couldn’t bear it, Banallt. I couldn’t. Not again. Not with you. I’ll be your lover, happily. But not your wife.”
He headed for the door but stopped halfway. “I love you, Sophie. I love you with my soul.”
Her bare arms held up the duvet. “Don’t ruin this, Banallt, please.”
“I’m not a villain from one of your novels, Sophie.” She stared at him, wide-eyed. “Unlike them, I can change. I have changed.”
Unfortunately, she didn’t believe him.