Chapter 5
A Late Night Heart To Heart
Mike
A second pint of frothy beer was set in front of Mike, his old, empty glass swiftly bustled out of the way. Kian slid into the booth across from him and their young server, a pretty brunette wearing a skirt that was far too short and showed way too much of her long, golden legs and just the top of her ass cheeks, flashed Kian a flirtatious smile. It only took her a few seconds to spot the gold wedding band on Kian’s left hand and after that she stuck to business, bringing Kian a pint of his own.
“Thanks for meeting me. I know it’s late and you want to get home, but I couldn’t handle waiting another night.”
Kian just nodded, one of those yah, whatever nods that said he truly would rather be at home with his wife and their adopted daughter. The guy’s dark countenance gave him a naturally broody look. He was completely unapproachable and oddly enough that seemed to draw women to him. They used to flock around him all the time and he’d completely ignore them. Half of his damn clientele came and got tattooed just so they could titter away at him for hours while he inked away, his eyes stopped up, his mind a thousand miles away.
Since he’d been married and he put that gold band on his finger, the female attention had waned. If anything, Kian seemed to be relived.
Mike used to be jealous, of Kian’s natural charm, though the guy sure as hell didn’t want any of it or ask for it. Now, he was pretty much in the same boat. He just wanted to be left alone. Since breaking up with Christine, he’d been on full shutdown mode. He knew it wasn’t fair to be with anyone else, even for a one night deal, when he was a lost cause.
“So, what did you find out?” Mike sipped at his amber ale. It tasted sour, though he knew that had everything to do with the nerves churning their way up from his stomach into his throat and wasn’t the fault of the pub or the brewer at all. His first pint had tasted marginally better, while he waited for Kian to arrive. Now that the guy was there, shit got real.
“I had to pry it out of Jordan. It took me longer than I thought it would. He kept skirting around it. I’d ask him straight out if Savannah had a baby and he’d start talking about the club’s numbers, repairs, the guy who got bounced out of the bar for selling smack last week and on and on.”
“So he was obviously trying to evade the question.”
“All damn night.” Kian picked up his pint and drained a good half of it in one long pull, a sure sign that he was tired of talking already.
“Did he eventually come clean?”
“Yah. A few hours in. I had to basically pull out all the stops. I just kept asking, over and over again, wearing him down and finally he admitted the truth. She did have a baby. The kid is hers, not some friend’s or someone she was babysitting for the day or whatever. It’s hers.”
“He didn’t try and lie to you?”
“The thing about Jordan is he doesn’t lie. The guy is honest as the day is long. Which is odd, considering the club is seedy as hell. He somehow manages to stay on the right side of the law, always has, though I have no idea how. I guess he has a talent for it. People know he’s a straight shooter and so they trust him. It’s one of the reasons I’ve only had to be a silent partner all these years.”
“Okay. Well?” Mike leaned forward, hands on the table top, right near his sweating pint.
“He doesn’t know who the father is. She’s never told them. He admitted to me, and I could tell he didn’t want to, that she was being kind of wild. I pretty much knew that. She’s been a handful since the time she was sixteen. He said his wife put her on the pill when she was fifteen since she already looked like a woman and he couldn’t keep her at home. He didn’t want to tell me that either. You should have seen his face. He was just trying to help me understand. He was trying to tell me she isn’t a bad girl, but I’ve always known that. It’s tough being a teenager. I get it. God, we all get it. We were all there at one point or other.”
Mike nodded. It would have killed him to admit how many mistakes he’d made over a lifetime. His recent breakup with Christine didn’t exactly make him proud of himself. “Tell me about it,” he mumbled. He dragged back his pint and sighed as the cool liquid washed down his dry throat. “So she got pregnant and hasn’t told them whose the kid is?”
“Nope. But if you go back… he’s three months old. I made Jordan tell me.”
“Nine and three is a year. She would have had to be pregnant right at the time she broke up with me.”
“Or it’s not yours.”
“Or it’s not mine.” Mike leaned back. He folded his arms across his chest and blew out a deep breath in an effort to keep his anxiety from cutting off his air supply completely. It didn’t work.
“Or it’s not yours.”
“So you don’t know. We still don’t know anything.”
“No. I’m sorry. Jordan can’t tell me what he doesn’t know. It’s not easy for a father to admit he doesn’t know who the father is of his own grandchild.”
“It’s weird. Why wouldn’t she just tell them?”
“Maybe she doesn’t know either.”
Mike’s mouth was instantly flooded with a sour taste. He didn’t want to think of Savannah and another man. Maybe more than one. He didn’t want that baby to be another guy’s. Did he really want it to be his? That was the question he’d tossed over and over in his mind for days. He couldn’t stop thinking. The million possibilities played over and over in his mind. If the kid was his, he just couldn’t understand why Savannah hadn’t told him, even in passing. Just a hey, by the way, I’m pregnant and it’s yours, would have been nice. Did she really think he was that bad that he didn’t deserve to know? The thought ate at him more than anything. The thought that she might possibly hate him. Or not care. Ambivalence was the worst thought of all.
“Well, thanks for trying man.”
Kian leaned forward. The expression on his face was grim, not a look that Mike had seen in a while, since Katelyn and Isabella had come into the guy’s life and made him a hell of a lot happier and even a little bit softer.
“I think you need to ask her.”
“How could I do that? It’s not like I can just show up at her house and demand answers. If she didn’t tell her parents, she’s not going to tell me.”
“Maybe she’s scared. She’s young. Neither of us, as men, have any idea what it would be like to be raised in a pretty strict household, to be twenty years old and have to tell your parents that you’re pregnant and not in any kind of committed relationship.”
Mike shook his head. He imagined Savannah, alone, scared, holding that damn pregnancy test in her hand, staring at two pink lines. The image nearly killed him. If it was his, hell, even if that kid wasn’t his, he would have wanted to be there for her.
That realization knocked him back, or at least it would have if he hadn’t been sitting down. As it was, his head spun. I really do love her. If he’d doubted it at all before, which he hadn’t, there was no way he would have doubted it at present.
“So you think she would be willing to talk to me if I show up?”
Kian considered that. His lips pulled into an even thinner line. “Maybe you could write her a letter. I could give it to her father or you could mail it. It doesn’t seem personal, but at the same time, she’d probably read it and it would give her time to think things over.”
“What the hell would I say? Oh, by the way, is the kid mine?”
“No. What do you truly feel about it, Mike? It’s been a couple days and you’ve been clammed up tighter than I’ve ever seen you. I have no idea what you’re actually thinking or feeling. Do you want to get involved? If not, then don’t write her. If it was yours, I’m sure she would have told you. If you do want to- well- uh- get involved in some way, then maybe offer your support. Jordan seemed to indicate that she’s not having the easiest time with things. If you care and I’m not saying you do, but if you do, then maybe let her know.”
“She was the one who broke up with me,” Mike said raggedly.
“That doesn’t mean she didn’t care. I could tell she did. Do you think it’s possible she might have cared too much? As a young person, hell even now, loving someone can be scary as hell, or at the very least confusing. She might have broken up with you because you were getting a little too close and then found out she was pregnant and she just didn’t know how to tell you. She waited too long and then she couldn’t figure out a way to let you know, after the fact. Maybe she just needs someone to nudge her into taking that first step.”
“And maybe it’s not mine and I should just mind my own damn business.”
Kian gave him a pointed look. “Does that really matter? Isabella isn’t mine or Katelyn’s, well, not her daughter at any rate, but even if she wasn’t her niece she was a child alone who needed love and that’s all that mattered to us. That little girl is every bit my daughter. I love her and I would defend her with my life.”
“I know, man. I know.”
“If Savannah still means something to you, and I’ve seen the way you look, Mike. I’ve seen your damn sketchbook.”
“What the hell, Kian?”
“You leave it open on the break room table all the time. I wasn’t snooping around. Even the damn tattoos of women you do look a little like her, in some way or other. I know she’s been on your mind. I know you never really got over her. Believe me, as a guy who spent a lot of years learning how to get past my own past, or at least, live with it on a daily basis in a way that is almost healthy, I know what it looks like when someone isn’t over it.”
“I’ve dated other people.”
“Your heart wasn’t in it though, was it?”
“No,” Mike finally admitted. He picked up his pint and drained the remainder, just for good measure. Kian didn’t move. His eyes remained eerily focused and intent. “Okay, you win. I’ve thought about her since she broke up with me. I wasn’t ready for it. I cared about her and she just up and left one day. Said a whole bunch of shit that didn’t make a lot of sense. I was trying harder with her than I have with anyone else, even though I thought she was just with me to get to you.”
“That wasn’t true the whole time.”
“No. I know it. I just… I knew she was wild and kind of flighty, but I thought she was into it, after a few months. We were good together. She’s the only person I’ve ever felt truly connected to and I guess it’s just a sucker punch not to feel like she felt that way about me too.”
“I think she loved you. I mean, if that’s the right word. It’s a tough one to understand. I could tell by the way she looked at you though, since I’ve known her for a few years, that it meant something. I don’t know why she broke up with you, but if I were to take a guess, I would say what I just told you hits somewhere close to the mark. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but don’t live the rest of your life with a piss pile of regrets. I know how hard it is to walk that path, and let me tell you, taking a chance and a few risks might seem hard at the time, but it’s a hell of a lot easier and more rewarding in the end.”
“Just because it worked out for you doesn’t mean it will be the same for me.”
“It’s working out for me because Katelyn and I try like hell every single day to make it work. It hasn’t been easy. It’s not easy, but we make that decision to keep going and what we share, the way we love each other and are still learning every single day, the way we love Isabella and are getting through losing her mother, grieving together, it’s not easy, but I wouldn’t give it up. I’m glad that Katelyn met me when she did and pulled me together. I was in one hell of a rut and those never end up good. I just hate to see you walking down that same road, towards those same ruts, even if you’re circumstances are different than mine.”
“That’s quite a lot of words for a guy who doesn’t usually say anything at all.”
“Shut up, fucker.”
Mike grinned despite himself. “Alright, go home and be with your wife and kid. I know you want to be there anyway. Thanks for coming. I’ll take what you said into consideration.”
“If you do end up contacting her somehow, just don’t fuck it up. She’s probably pretty tender, if that’s the right word, at the moment. Lost, confused, scared, tired, hormonal. I don’t know. Women are a different breed and they have to be treated with care. Don’t forget that she’s my partner’s daughter. If you hurt her in any way, I’ll forget our friendship and won’t hesitate to fuck you up.”
“That’s why it never could have worked, no matter her crush on you. You were always more like her father.”
“I’m old enough to be.”
“No you’re not. People don’t have kids when they’re like twelve.”
“You get my drift.”
“Yah. I do. I’m not going to hurt her. We’re on the same page with that. If that kid isn’t mine and I end up finding out someone did hurt her, though…”
“Don’t do anything stupid, Mike. I know you’re capable of it. Show some restraint. That’s probably what she’d need at the moment, more than handing out a good ass kicking to some punk.”
Mike’s fists ached to do just that. He watched his friend get up and leave. Mike dug out his wallet a few minutes later and laid out a couple bills on the table, the amount far more than their few beers had cost.
He got up and left without waiting for his bill. Their waitress had gone elsewhere, to a group of guys who were more fertile ground for big tips and possibly more than that.
As Mike started up his car, his sixties baby that he’d so painstakingly spent so many hours working on, pouring love into, pouring everything he had, he thought about Kian’s one question.
Did it matter that the kid wasn’t his or did his feelings for Savannah override genetics? He already knew the answer. It didn’t matter. If she was willing to see him again, hell, even be friends, as hard as that would be, he’d accept whatever she had to give.
A couple years ago he would have thought that was pathetic. Now? Maybe he’d grown up a little. Maybe it was just because he knew what it was like when times got rough and it was hard to be all alone, even if you had other people around you. He knew what it was like to need a friend and not have one there. So yah, he’d write that damn letter, even if he was shit at it. He’d give it his best and hope, like a fool, because it was all he could do.