March, Six Months Earlier
“Come here, you,” Christian said as he reached for my hand. Night had fallen. Flames licked up, glowed and danced from the fireplace in the corner of the small family room, keeping out the slight chill that had taken hold outside. We’d tucked Lizzie in an hour earlier, and our daughter slept soundly upstairs. Christian was lying across the couch, and he tugged me down to him. I giggled as I crashed against his firm chest. He wrapped me in the security of his arms, and I snuggled into his warmth.
Gently he kissed the top of my head. His smile was uncontained as he nudged me up and kissed my nose. “You’re on your feet too much,” he scolded in the sweetest way. “You amaze me. Do you know that?”
Affection vibrated through my being.
It was he who amazed me.
I’d never felt more adored, more cherished, more loved.
Nonstop, Christian had taken care of me during the last few months. They’d been rough. Just like with Lizzie, sickness had gripped me morning and night. With his support, I’d done my best to get through it. I’d still taken care of my daughter and had continued to work at the bank, although I’d called in sick more times than I’d actually gone in.
But unlike with Lizzie, my sickness had slowly begun to fade once I hit the twelve-week mark.
Settling closer to him, I slipped between his side and the back of the couch. I rested my head in the crook of his shoulder. A contented sigh worked its way from me, and Christian hugged me a little tighter.
“How are you feeling tonight?” he murmured against my forehead.
“Good,” I answered in all honesty. Well maybe not completely honest, because I didn’t think I’d ever felt better than I did then. Maybe it was because I was so happy.
My fingers played along the collar of his white button-up before I brushed them up his neck and through the stubble that coated the sharp angle of his jaw. Touching him sent tingles rippling in the slowest wave, covering every inch of my body. I bit at my lip to hide my affected grin. Christian managed to make me feel things that shouldn’t be possible, the softest brushes of skin igniting me through, setting me afire.
He tipped his head down so he could smile at me. “I’m so glad you’re starting to feel a little better. It was killing me seeing you so miserable day after day.”
I met his gaze. “I’d expected it to be that bad the entire time. And you know I would have happily gone through it, but I can’t tell you how relieved I am that it’s starting to go away. I’d been hoping this whole time I would feel well on our wedding and honeymoon.”
It wasn’t completely gone, not by any means. I still woke up and rushed to the bathroom every morning. But I could eat and I could work and I could easily make it through the day.
“Mmm…” His chest rumbled with the sexy sound, and the arm wound around my waist tightened its hold. “You’d better start saving your energy now.” He raised a teasing, suggestive brow.
I laughed. “Oh, I’d better, huh?”
“Mmmhmm. You won’t be getting any rest during those two weeks.”
Deep, penetrating bliss slipped through my veins, and this time, there was no concealing the smile that lit up my mouth. I could feel the force of it, the joy Christian brought me manifesting as a declaration on my face. Even with my expanding waist, Christian made me feel like I was the most desirable woman in the world. Like I was the center of his.
I no longer had any reservations believing it.
We settled into the comfort of the silence, and for the longest time, we just lay there wrapped up in each other. Christian ran his fingers through the length of my hair as I rested my head on his shoulder. Shadows danced and played across the ceiling, silhouettes twisting into unfathomable images that I only saw in my mind, flickers of imagined innuendo like glimpses into our future. The two of us seemed to get lost in it. Heat radiated from his skin, blanketing me, keeping me warm.
I’d be happy to stay in this spot forever.
Something deep had worked its way into Christian’s consciousness, the severity of his thoughts almost palpable in the quiet of the room. He shifted farther to his side and laid me down on my back. His large hand came to rest on the tiny protuberance jutting out just below my belly button, his expression suddenly brimming with intensity.
My fingers fluttered up to his face, and I took in the serious lines etched deep at the corners of his eyes.
“What is it?” I whispered.
His throat bobbed as he swallowed deeply, and he turned away to look at the wall as he seemed to gather his thoughts. Then he locked his sharp gaze on me as he increased the pressure over the spot where our child rested.
“I just want to be a good father, Elizabeth. Sometimes it scares me that I don’t know how.” The words flowed like an admission, like a hidden worry that had plagued him, something old that had haunted him in the night. He stiffened. “I’m scared of what Lizzie’s going to think once she really understands what I did. What’s going to happen when she realizes her dad was a coward? That he left her mother when she needed him most? And what happens if I don’t know how to show this baby how much love I have for her?”
Her.
It always brought a grin to me because he was so sure of it.
Even in the times when he wasn’t so sure of himself.
We’d both taken to calling the child her, even though we wouldn’t know for certain for another five weeks.
Everything in his expression was sincere. My eyes narrowed as I looked at him seriously. “Christian, you don’t see what I see.” What I’d seen since I’d finally allowed myself to believe. “Every time you look at our daughter, your devotion is clear. There is no question of it. Lizzie isn’t going to question it, either. You’re her hero. Just continue to love her the way you do. Be there for her when she needs you…show her the right way when she does something wrong, encourage her when she does something right.”
My hand traveled down to cover Christian’s where it was splayed wide across my stomach. “And this baby?” I pressed down in emphasis. “You’ve adored her since the second we found out.”
God, Christian and I had fallen in love with this child. Upside down in love. He spent hours murmuring to her with his mouth pressed to my belly, the two of us cradling her together, much like we were doing now. And dreaming…dreaming of what she would look like, imagining the sound of her voice. Would she be quiet like Lizzie or stir our house into the perfect kind of frenzy?
But I guess we weren’t prepared for how great our love really was on the morning we walked in for my first ultrasound three weeks ago at the twelve-week mark.
Seeing her for the first time…it’d jarred something loose inside of me, a spot for her permanently carved into my spirit. And Christian… He’d been overcome. Undone. I was sure the man would never be the same.
“Do you really think there’s any possibility she won’t know how much you love her? There’s no chance, Christian.”
Blue eyes flashed the deepest emotion as he gripped me, palming the small bump that fit perfectly in his hand. “I love this child so much. Love my little Lizzie so much.” He dipped down and kissed me, just the simplest brush of his lips, but still something that spoke of his passion. “God, I love you.”
I ran my fingers up the planes of his chest and over his shoulders, couldn’t look away from this gorgeous man whose presence filled up that void in me that had ached for so many years.
“Then you can’t go wrong.”
He slipped his hand up and spread his long fingers out over my chest, his fingertips ghosting along my collarbones. I could feel my heartbeat thrum steadily under them, his touch evoking a deep sense of security inside of me.
“What do you want to do, Elizabeth?”
Caught off guard by the abrupt shift in his tone, I frowned. “What do you mean?”
Christian tightened his hold, his grip like a vise as he locked himself to me. Intense. Almost demanding.
“I want to know what you want to do with your life. Do you want to go back to law school and become an attorney? Is that still what you want?” A harsh breath escaped him. “I can’t stop thinking about all the times we talked when we were in college, all the dreams you had. You were going to save the world, Elizabeth, and I wanted to be there to watch you do it.”
A wistful smile flitted the edges of my mouth as I thought of those days, the goals that had defined my life, because at the time, I’d believed them the most important aspect of who I’d become. But in the end, they weren’t. Not even close.
“Those dreams fit into that period of my life, Christian. And when I lost them, a piece inside me was crushed. But when I look back now, I can’t regret the way it turned out. I would never have been able to raise Lizzie the way I wanted to. Even working at the bank was challenging when she was little.” I tilted my chin up to study him, tracing the sharp lines and angles of his face with my eyes. God, this man was beautiful. Breathtaking.
Inside and out.
Blue eyes blinked back at me, acute in their concern. It was so clear there, the vivid desire Christian had to reconcile the past, to make it right.
“Do you want to know what I really want?” I asked.
He cupped my cheek. “Anything, Elizabeth…anything you want, I want to give it to you.”
A tremor of apprehension rolled through me. Not because of indecision. I wanted this. But some days it was still difficult to grasp that I didn’t have to do it by myself anymore. I was no longer alone.
“I want to stay home. I want to be here when Lizzie gets off of school each day, and I don’t want this baby to have to go to daycare. I know I told you before that I wanted to keep working, but now…” I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and slowly shook my head. “I just want to be home to take care of my family, and if there’s a way for me to do that, then that’s truly what I want from my life.”
I stared up at him hovering over me. Something that looked like respect shined down, his eyes shimmering with it.
He took my face in his hands. “Elizabeth, I will support you in whatever you want. If you want to stay home or if you want to go back to school, I will be here for you, and we will work it out. Hell, even if you want to continue working at the bank, then I want you to do that. But I can’t think of anything better than knowing you are home with our kids.”
Emotion thickened in my throat, a well of gratitude for this man who understood me better than anyone. I wet my lips. “This really is what I want.”
He released a breath at my forehead. “Elizabeth, baby, we’re going to do this, and we’re going to do it right.”
He tipped my chin up with the hook of his finger, his gaze washing over my face, his hold soft. Just as soft as the kiss he pressed to my lips. He deepened it, and I opened to him, welcomed the heat of his tongue as he swept it across mine.
Instantly, fire scorched through me.
Without breaking the kiss, Christian shifted and nudged my knees apart with one of his own. Gently he settled himself between my thighs. He urgently clutched the side of my face, his fingers trailing along my jaw, dipping into my hair, and running down my neck as he kissed me. Suspended a mere breath above me, his strong body pitched and lowered and teased, the lightest brushes and whispers that promised me what was to come.
I sighed into his mouth and let my fingers work into the rigid muscles of his back as he drowned me in the upsurge of his passion. He was gentle, so gentle, as if I might break, my fragile body safe in the security of his arms.
He groaned as he pulled back, his mouth at my jaw, nipping at my chin. “God, it’s been too long since I’ve been inside you, Elizabeth.” Rough, ragged words dropped from his mouth, his muscles ticking, twitching, begging for my touch.
I’d been so sick that I didn’t think we’d made love but three or four times in the last few months.
And this…I wanted this. Needed this.
Christian grew hard and thick between us. The heavy weight of him rubbed against my belly. No question, the man needed this, too.
“Christian,” I mumbled, yanking at the shirt tucked into his slacks. My palms found the bare skin of his back, and I flattened them against the sinewy muscle that rippled and twisted, jerking beneath my exploration. My grip demanding, I drew him nearer.
Did he have any idea how desperate I was to have him? How badly I needed him to possess me?
Christian hissed as I raked my nails down the smooth skin of his back to his narrow waist.
It would seem impossible, but just touching him seared me, scorching me in places that only existed with Christian. I trembled in anticipation. He intensified his kiss, forcing my surrender. His tongue played against mine. Desire pierced me when he sank his teeth into my lower lip.
A deep moan echoed through the sanctuary of the room, a sound I almost didn’t recognize as it rolled from my tongue.
My head spun with his assault, and I found myself struggling to make sense of how much I loved this man. He was everything, beauty and light, my rock, the other piece of my soul.
And so incredibly beautiful. Sexy in every way. The fire in his blue eyes and strength of his body were something I would never get enough of. I would never get my fill, and the flame that he lit in the deepest places within me would never go dim.
He was my all.
“Shh…” he murmured, kissing me more as he lowered his onslaught, letting his hand flutter down my neck and glide to my breast.
His flicked his thumb over my nipple. Another shock of desire belted me and I moaned a little more. Christian inched back. Never breaking our kiss, his firm hands roamed down my sides, digging into my ribs before he grasped me by the hips. For one second, he severed our connection and glanced up toward the silence radiating from upstairs, then looked back on me with a cocky grin lifting just one side of his mouth.
“You need to be quiet because I’m going to take you right here, Elizabeth.” His voice came low as he uttered the command close to my lips. He reached between us and jerked the button on my jeans free.
With his words, chills pebbled along my arms, lifted as a flush that rushed up my chest.
“Please,” was all I could manage.
I was shaking as I blindly hurried through the buttons of his shirt. Christian edged back so I could get to the ones mashed between our chests, pressing both hands into the cushions on either side of my head.
He smirked against my mouth. “Are you anxious, Elizabeth?” he murmured, the question dripping from him as the slowest seduction. It vibrated through me.
“Yes,” flooded from me as I pushed his shirt back from his shoulders.
The man had no idea.
He twisted out of his shirt, shaking one sleeve free from his wrist. He threw it to the floor and dove back for me as if I were his Promised Land.
My entire being hummed, relishing in his urgency as he flattened himself on top of me.
Guess he was anxious, too.
He kissed me until I was breathless, until I was panting and my heart was pounding, knocking at my ribs.
“Ugh…Christian,” I begged. I lifted my hips. “Please…need you…need you,” came as tiny pleas in between the desperate bid I made to get him closer, because I could never get him close enough.
I quaked as Christian slowly slid my shirt up and tugged it over my head. He tossed it to the floor on top of his and sat back on his knees and took me in.
Redness swept like wildfire just beneath the surface of my skin, heat and need and this passion I held only for him rising up to tint my flesh.
I pressed my thighs into the outside of Christian’s legs, squirming, loving when he looked at me this way, knowing my expression reflected exactly what I saw in his.
“Fuck, Elizabeth, do you have any idea what you do to me? Look at you,” he said low as his gaze cut a path of fire over my body. His eyes flitted away from mine, his attention dropping to caress the black lace that covered my breasts and down my body to land on my waist.
Even the pass of his stare left a trail of chills in its wake.
Christian’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, his agile fingers tugging at the waist of my jeans. He slipped off the couch and pulled them off, then made quick work of my panties and bra. Watching me, he unfastened the button of his slacks and slowly lowered his zipper. He pushed them down, stepping from his slacks and boxers, revealing every inch of this man’s perfection. My eyes traveled his length. The lust that curled in my stomach sank, pooled as it throbbed between my legs.
Pulling the soft fleece blanket from the back of the couch, he flung it out and wrapped it around his shoulders. Slowly he slid back over me and completely draped us with it, the light fabric concealing us in its cover, enveloping us, our bodies and spirits caged.
I writhed.
Christian prodded my knees apart as he settled back over me, his face intense, the blue of his eyes all afire in this passion that would never let us go.
“I love you, Elizabeth,” he whispered with his attention locked on mine.
In the same second, he locked his grip on the outside of my thigh. His erection slipped along my center, teasing, taunting, tempting.
“Love you more than you’ll ever know,” he said again as he tormented me, skimming his length along my folds.
Desire pulsed, coiled in my stomach and shook my legs. I whimpered, arching my back as I crushed my chest to his.
“I love you, Christian. Always. There is nothing that could make me stop loving you. Nothing that could make me stop needing you. You are my start and you are my finish, the one who’s going to be there for everything in between.” The words came as a solemn oath, my commitment to him.
Christian was my forever.
A pained smile edged his mouth as he held himself in restraint, his voice hoarse. “I will never let you go…never.”
Heat sweltered between us, a fever of need building to a boil within the confines of the blanket, our bodies seeking, hunting for the other.
Above my head, Christian rigidly held himself up with his hand on the arm of the couch, the other digging deep into the flesh of my hip. He clenched his jaw as just the tip of his erection pressed into me.
“Fuck,” he groaned, gritting his teeth. “It’s been way to long.”
I lifted my hips, taking more of him, but not enough. My fingertips dug into his shoulders, biting into his skin, imploring.
Christian dropped to his forearms, his face an inch from mine. “You,” he whispered as he drew back, retracting what I had taken. Then he rocked into me with one solid trust.
My mouth dropped open with the overload of sensation. It was something I would never get used to, the way Christian felt when he filled me. As if I were complete. Whole. And entirely desperate at the same time, because I would always want more.
“Shit,” he whispered, the word thick, heavy as he held himself in check. Still, a satisfied smile spread across that gorgeous mouth. “That is never going to get old.”
Agreement rumbled as a hoarse groan at the base of my throat.
No, there wasn’t a chance. Christian’s touch would forever be familiar, but never, ever would it be routine.
Christian pulled back and filled me again, decisive and firm, though still conscious of the child, a deliberate caution with each roll of his hips. This man…no…there was no question that he was my all. He spun me up and turned me inside out. Made me feel as if I was walking off a ledge in the same second I felt most protected within the safety of his hold. I wrapped my arms around him, buried my face in his chest as he worked and strained over me, and I completely let go. The blanket covered us, Christian’s body dancing with mine as the soft glow of the fire crawled up the walls, wrapping us tight.
Comfort surged, spun with the knot steadily building in my core.
Even though I could tell he was trying to hold them in, harsh grunts kept rising and escaping his mouth. His heart thundered and matched with the frantic beat of mine. Christian pulled back and stared down at me, his blue eyes shining with eternity.
Then he smiled that smile that was only meant for me.
We were one.
There was no greater joy than this. No greater joy than being in his arms. The life I’d spent so many years longing for had been found in the devotion of this man. A connection that could never be severed, even in all those lonely, isolated years we’d spent apart.
“You are my life,” he murmured, his eyes unwavering as they watched down on me. He grabbed my left arm that was wrapped around his neck, brought it between us as he tenderly kissed the ring that I wore proudly on my finger.
I stared up at the man who possessed my heart, the one who owned my spirit, and whispered, “And I’m going to give you mine.”