CHAPTER FIFTEEN

 

MY RETURN TO court caused some flutters of excitement throughout the corridors, particularly amongst the Fledglings who generally didn’t meet anyone outside of those who lived within the fae walls. Though I couldn’t find the same enthusiasm that I had on my previous visits, it didn’t matter to them. Not even the enchantments, which had always left me with a pleasurable feeling of contentment, could improve my mood.

The court was no longer the comfortable refuge it had been during the months Clay and I lived there. Although I had agreed to stay for a few nights until Ethan returned from Alaska, I immediately begged for another room rather than stay in our joined one. I needed somewhere away from all of the reminders of our happier times. I needed time and space to cope with my loss.

After I was shown to the single room I’d asked for, I didn’t even bother to unpack my things. Instead, I just threw my bag onto the end of the bed and then headed in the direction of the classrooms. Even walking down the halls became an assault on my memory. I could recall a happier time when I’d come this way, leading him on a personal tour of the court to show him my favorite places. Then, my smile had been contagious, and I’d been unable to stop myself from telling Clay everything I’d learned. Now, I was so heartbroken I wasn’t sure I’d be able to smile ever again. Wrapping my arms around my belly, I tried to remember the reason why it was imperative that I held myself together.

Our daughter needs me. Ava needs me.

When I neared the rooms, a few small groups rushed out to see me.

“Come watch us dance!” Three young Fledglings tittered as they invited me into their classroom to join them.

Hoping that the infectious joy of the fledglings would provide the comfort it had before, I forced my face into something as close to a smile as I could form and nodded in response to the request.

Watching the Fledglings, it was almost too easy to let my imagination run amuck and picture our daughter dancing among the fae. Would she have a bright, flame-like aura like mine? Or a blue one like Clay’s? Or would hers be somewhere in the middle, like the twisted purple flames our auras became when we’d held each other?

I was so lost in my imaginings that I didn’t even notice when someone sat next to me, at least not until she spoke.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” Louise said with a soft voice filled with every ounce of my heartache. “I didn’t want to intrude on you at your house, but I . . . Well, I wanted to tell you not to give up hope. Clay’s strong and he loves you.”

When I met her gaze, I saw a stark reminder that I wasn’t the only one suffering through the loss of Clay. Her words also made me willing to believe that I wasn’t the only one unwilling to give up on him. Because Fiona and Aiden both acted like they’d lost him forever, I had presumed that everyone at the court felt the same way.

For a moment, she met my eyes before dropping her gaze to stare at her hands. “I know what it’s like to feel that you’ve lost everything—and everyone—but I know Clay. When you were living here, I could see how much he really loves you, and I’m certain he’ll do everything in his power to find his way home to you.”

Her words indicated that she didn’t know he had returned today. Because I didn’t want her thinking that I lied to her if she found out from someone else later, I decided to tell her of his return.

“He did,” I murmured.

“What?” She raised her eyes back to mine with a smile lighting her face before it fell an instant later at something she saw on my face. “But?”

“But he wasn’t himself. He . . .” I took a deep breath to try to steady my voice. “He tried to kill me.”

“I’m sorry, Evie.” She faltered as she said my name, as though it—or maybe it, combined with the apology—was still unfamiliar on her tongue.

I knew how she felt.

Although we’d reached the stage of casual greetings in the hall, it was still odd to be having this conversation with her when a little over a year ago she was the one who’d been hunting me. The one who’d painted horrid words on hotel walls and caused me untold terror. The one who’d threatened hours of torture in the Rain’s treatment rooms.

“Why do you think he did that?” she asked.

I shrugged. “From what he said today, I think someone has told him I’ve hurt him somehow.”

“Who would do that?” she asked, before wringing her hands together nervously. “Do you think it might have been Dad?”

“I think it’s a possibility, but Ethan seems to think it’s more likely one of the factions within the Rain.”

“Did it occur to Ethan that Dad is probably behind those factions?” she questioned.

“He hasn’t said anything if he does.” The truth was that Ethan and I never talked about his father. Clay hadn’t brought him up except on rare occasions. On some level I supposed the boys knew that I wasn’t comfortable with talking about Troy unless I had to.

Unfortunately, I had to now.

“Ethan’s such an optimist.”

Tears pricked my eyes as I thought of the fact that once I’d given a similar title to Clay.

“If there is anything that either Ben or I can do to help get him back for you, we will. I owe you so much.”

I shook my head. “You don’t owe me anything.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, undoubtedly thinking about all the strife she’d caused me over the years. But I now knew most of that wasn’t her fault. The initial jealousy probably was, but I couldn’t hold a grudge over some petty teenage squabbling that happened more than seven years ago. The rest of her actions had been performed under Caelan’s influence. It was his need for vengeance, and not a conscious choice on her part, that had sent her after me time and time again. I was certain that if she’d been free like Ethan, maybe she would have been able to be coaxed into giving up the hunt just like he had.

I actually felt bad that we hadn’t been able to be find peace sooner. If we had, perhaps it would have stopped Clay from being absent for so much of her life.

She’d had to deal with the lingering demons by herself for so many years and had a life filled with a suffering that I could only begin to imagine.

Sitting close to her, closer than I’d been in a long time—perhaps ever—the evidence of the ghosts of her past were clear. Etched into her arms in a series of thin scars. Each one circled and twined along the limbs in intricate patterns that clearly had some meaning to whoever had carved them into the skin.

“You guided me to the truth and gave me the chance to know my mother. I’ll be eternally grateful for that.”

I offered her a doleful smile. “You give me too much credit.”

She shook her head. “No, I never gave you enough. You were there for Clay even when the Rain—when I—made it almost impossible. He’ll come around, you’ll see. And if not, we’ll find a way to get him back, I promise.”

I began to sob in earnest at her hopeful words. When I started crying, she did the unthinkable. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and held me while I let my remaining tears fall.

 

MACKENZIE WAS waiting outside my door when I woke in the morning. Taking advantage of my temporary stay in the court, she insisted on another check-up—especially considering I’d missed my last one because of Clay’s absence.

I invited her into my room and ignored the look of pity in her eyes. It was evident that although she was sorry for what had happened to Clay, she hadn’t experienced the loss as keenly as the rest of us. Her sorrow was an echo caused by watching as her family endured the tragedy rather than feeling it herself. It made me want to hate her, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t her fault.

She loved all of her new siblings enough, but she and Louise had found friendship in each other through their shared pain over the betrayal of their fathers. She hadn’t had the opportunity to develop much of a relationship with either Ethan or Clay because the boys were always off trying to catch the bad guy.

We sat face to face on my bed as she asked me about everything I’d experienced during the month and a bit since I’d last seen her. Even the smallest niggles and complaints I’d had needed to be listed because she used all of them to assess the health of both myself and my unborn child.

It wasn’t traditional midwifery—at least it was nothing like I’d seen on TV or read about in books—but I’d learned better than to argue with the fae when it came to medicine and healing.

After listening to my complaints, including a recent increase in Braxton Hicks contractions, she closed her eyes and pressed her hand against my heart. I closed my eyes and tried to relax as she read my aura.

“That’s very peculiar,” she murmured.

“What is?”

“There seems to be a stronger fae influence than when you were last here.”

“What does that mean?”

“I am certain it is nothing, but we will be able to better determine what it means once your daughter is born. I only wish I was better able to read her heartbeat.” Mackenzie seemed to instantly sense my panic. “Do not worry. She is very healthy; there simply appears to be some disruption in the rhythm between your heartbeats. It is unusual for a fae pregnancy, but you must remember this is not a typical fae pregnancy, and you have been suffering stress lately, which is likely interfering with my readings. I am certain everything is perfectly natural.”

Despite the sliver of uncertainty that still rang in her tone, I sagged with relief that everything at least appeared okay.

“You will need to work to contain your stress though; she is very eager to arrive.”

“How exactly do you suggest I do that with everything that’s going on?” I asked with a sharp and incredulous tone.

Mackenzie placed a hand on my knee and met my eye. I saw sorrow there that was now accompanied by the pity from earlier. “I know it might be hard to find peace under the circumstances, but you will be helping your child if you can. Anything that brings a quiet to your mind will be of assistance, even if it is just the memories of times long past.”

I understood what she was telling me, but how could I find solace in my own memories when Clay was missing his?

 

WHEN ETHAN’S return flight finally landed, the first thing he did was drive to my house. He’d given Fiona his travel details so I could ensure I returned from the court before he arrived.

From the moment I greeted him at the door, he was full of apologies, but I’d long since realized it wasn’t his fault. Clay had loved certain parts of his job—the lives he’d been able to save and the moments when he’d destroyed a true evil—and it was obvious that being able to do it again after being away from it for so many years had been important to him. He’d found it a relief to be helpful again. I honestly didn’t think it would have mattered who had asked him to go to Alaska, he probably would have gone even if it hadn’t been Ethan. I couldn’t really blame Clay either. He’d had to give up so much for me over the years that it wasn’t really fair of me to have expected him to give up the hunt as well.

After hearing my side of the events of Clay’s return, Ethan seemed to view it with the same cautious optimism I had and not with Aiden’s dismal outlook.

“How do you think he found you?” Ethan asked.

“I’m not sure. He didn’t seem to remember anything about us though. In fact, he seemed to be blaming me for something, but I don’t know what. Unless . . .” Something in his words clicked into place as I was talking it through with Ethan. “Do you think it’s possible that someone made him think I was responsible for his memory loss?”

“It’s possible,” Ethan murmured thoughtfully. “But who? And why?”

I cast him a “who do you think?” glare.

“Do you really think it might have been Dad?”

The way he asked it made me want to say no, but I couldn’t. He was the most likely suspect in my mind. “I don’t know; Louise thinks it could be too. The way Clay looked at me, Eth, it was like he actually hated me. If he’s a blank slate, why would he hate me?” A violent shudder ran along my spine as I recalled the cold stares he’d thrown in my direction. The movement triggered an ache across the surface of my stomach. I leaned forward sharply as the pain intensified. “There’s no doubt in my mind that . . . that he wanted me dead,” I said through clenched teeth as I placed my hand on the sore spot and winced.

“Are you okay?” Ethan asked, ignoring my words and watching me carefully.

I nodded as I breathed through the pain. “It’s just Braxton Hicks, I’ve been having them for a few weeks now.”

“Are you su—”

“Mackenzie said that they’re nothing to worry about.”

He frowned. “Let me know if you need anything.”

I raised my eyebrow at him. We both knew what I needed and that he couldn’t give him to me.

“We’ll get him back, Evie, I promise.” He was thoughtful for a moment. “Bright side, at least you know where he is now.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, in New York trying to kill me apparently.”

“Do you think he really would? I know you said it looked like he did, but if it came down to it, do you really think he’d kill you?”

I shrugged and struggled to ignore another pang that crossed my stomach. “Aiden seems to think so.”

“I don’t care what Aiden thinks. You probably know Clay better than anyone else. What do you think?”

“The Clay I knew definitely wouldn’t.”

Ethan nodded in agreement.

“But I don’t know if he is that man anymore.”

Ethan frowned. “I guess we’ll have to find a way to make him become that man again. Otherwise I’ll just have to kick his ass.”

Ethan’s words filled me with a glimmer of hope. Surely Clay couldn’t have changed that much deep in his heart. Even if he thought I was responsible for what was happening, even if he thought I was evil incarnate, that wasn’t necessarily unchartered territory for the two of us. I’d made him stop and see reality once before. I was certain I could do it again. If only I knew how to get him to stop his attack for long enough to listen. The key was probably in finding out why he thought those things about me.

“There’s something else, something I haven’t told Aiden,” I admitted.

“What’s that?” Ethan asked with surprise, knowing that Aiden held almost as much of my confidence as Clay had.

“You know the person I was telling you about? The one who approached me at the market. He was a púca.”

“How do you know?”

“Aiden quizzed me about it after I got off the phone with you.”

“I thought you said you hadn’t told Aiden?” Ethan leaned forward intently.

“Aiden knows that, but there’s more. He was here. After Clay’s attack. The púca was outside my bedroom window.”

“It knows where you live?”

“I can’t say whether he already knew or if he followed me home.”

“It definitely wasn’t the one who was following you in the truck?” he asked.

“No, I think that was Clay,” I said. “The driver was too skilled at driving inconspicuously to have been an amateur. I only noticed because Clay taught me what to watch for. Besides, the púca approached me just after the Dodge left.”

“It’s too coincidental that a púca arrived here on the same day that Clay turned up.”

“That’s what I thought too. I think he knows something about Clay’s disappearance, and whoever was behind it. I think he might even be the same one that did this to him.” I could hope at least.

“Why didn’t you tell Aiden?”

“If he gets the information from the púca, he’ll hunt Clay. He’ll hurt him.”

Ethan gave me a skeptical glance; if he’d raised his eyebrow any higher it probably would have met his hairline.

“You should have seen him when he wanted to interrogate Clay. I’m worried what might happen if the fae find Clay without someone to watch out for him.”

“Aiden’s just looking out for you and for his family.” Ethan was trying to reassure me, but whether it was for my sake or his, I wasn’t sure.

“I know, but I can’t let him hurt Clay to do it.”

Ethan considered my words for a moment. “I agree. Maybe we should go púca hunting then?”

“You and me?”

“Why not? You got anything better to do?”

I glanced down at my baby belly. “I can think of one, yeah.”

“She’s not coming right now though, is she?” He eyed my belly warily.

“I guess not.”

“You guess not? Really, Evie, you gotta level with me. If there is any movement down there, I need to know. Much as I’d do almost anything for you and Clay, helping deliver babies out of your hoohah is not on the list.”

Despite everything, I actually found myself laughing with him. “There’s definitely no movement.” A relieved expression crossed his face, making me laugh harder as I added, “Yet.”

His laughter stopped dead at the word.

“I’m just kidding,” I said. “She’s not due for a few weeks yet.”

“Good, because seeing that might just turn me off women for life. Or at least for a while. I mean, I can’t deprive them of all this for too long.”

“You’re such a charmer,” I teased. “Are we going to do this then?”

“The little woman is keen to see some action again. That’s kick-ass. No wonder Clay was drawn to you.”

Even though it wasn’t his intention, his words inspired a new round of melancholy in me. I didn’t even have the fire in me to respond to his little woman dig.

“Sorry, that was uncalled for,” he murmured.

“No, it’s okay. We shouldn’t have to tiptoe around the topic of Clay. One day I’ll find a way to get him back, and we’ll laugh about all of this. I’m certain of it. And if a little hunt is what’s needed to set us back onto the right path then I’m definitely ready to see some action. More than ready.”

“Let’s go then.”

Remembering the near-constant presence outside the house, a thought occurred to me. “There might be one problem.”

“What’s that?” Ethan asked.

“The fae. They’ve always let me come and go when I chose, but since the incident,” we both knew I meant since Clay’s attack, but I didn’t want to say it, “they’ve been reluctant to let me go anywhere alone. Even in the court, I had dozens of eyes on me everywhere I went.”

“Pfft,” Ethan scoffed. “Leave them to me. Besides, you won’t be alone.”

Ten minutes later, we were in my Chevy Suburban, reversing out of the drive and heading to the Cats Whiskers Country Market. Our hope was that if the púca had been there once, it could likely go there again. Even if it had just followed me there before, it could do so again.

We were disappointed. There were no red Dodges following us and no black animals of any sort around the shop. We couldn’t exactly ask the clerk for information about the shapeshifter either. Even Laura, the familiar face behind the counter, was gone. Disappointed, we picked up some fresh bread rolls and headed back home.

After staying for lunch, Ethan decided it was time to head back to the Rain Headquarters to find out what sort of mess was waiting for him there. Less than a second after he’d left, there was a knock on the door.

When I opened it, Ethan gave me an apologetic smile. “I forgot my keys.”

We spent a few minutes hunting around the kitchen before he held them up triumphantly. “Got them.”

“I’ll drop by to see you tomorrow,” he said. “Are you going to be all right until then?”

I nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

When there was another knock on the door, less than two minutes after Ethan had left, I figured that he’d forgotten something else and raced to let him back in.

“What did you leave—” My question was cut off when I saw Clay standing in front of me, bow in hand and an arrow already nocked and drawn, ready to fire. The memory of him firing three arrows into a tree in quick succession came back to me, and I knew he would be able to fire at me with deadly accuracy.