I hate that he caught me doing that. It sounds stupid, but as long as I kept that song to myself, it remained mine. The pain stayed with me, within me, and it remained a part of me. But when I found myself humming “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” I found myself feeling hopeful.

A knock sounds on the bathroom door, just as Anna pulls the plug on the tub and wraps herself up in a towel.

“Can you get dressed by yourself?” I ask Anna.

She nods, and I open the door. In my bedroom, my mother, Marta, sits gingerly on the edge of my bed, kind of like a bird about to take flight. “When did you get here?” I ask.

“Just now. Lots of kids here.” She stares at me. “But it looks like your sisters took care of everything.”

I smile. “They’re good like that.”

She draws in a deep breath. “Are you sure you want to do this?” she asks in a rush.

I rock my head back and forth. “Sorta kinda,” I say.

“Why?”

I shrug. “I had the space.”

“Are you going to let the baby use the crib?”

“It’s just a crib. I don’t see why not.” I look everywhere but at her.

“It’s not just a crib. It’s a lot more than that.”

“It’s really not. It has never even been slept in before. Someone should get some use out of it.”

She nods. “Mija,” she says quietly, “I worry about you.”

I worry about me too. “You shouldn’t. I’m fine. They’re not staying long. Just long enough for Patsy, their mother, to get back on her feet.”

“You know that the purpose of foster care is always to reunite the children with the parents.”

“They’re not foster children. They’re Mick’s family and he wants to help them.”

“Can I tell you what I think?” Marta asks. She narrows her eyes at me.

I scoff. “Like I could stop you.”

“I think you’re going to get attached to these kids, and then they’re going to go back to their mom, and you’re going to be heartbroken.”

“I won’t be heartbroken. That’s what I hope will happen.”

“Mm-hmm,” she says with a nod. “Sure it is.”

“What’s the worst that can happen? I get used to having children around, and then the noise and the confusion and the whining will go away.”

“And so will the hugs and the midnight snuggles and the love that only a child can give you. I never knew love until I met the five of you. I’d known the love of a good man, and I’d known the love of a family, but I’d never known a love that I would kill for. I’d never known any kind of true, wholesome, soul-stealing love until the first time you looked at me like I was your mother, rather than just someone who fed and clothed you. My life changed when you started looking at me with love and hope shining in your eyes. It grew and it changed. And I grew and changed too. I went from being a woman with five girls to a mom of five girls. And that was when my life began.”

“I’m not waiting for my life to begin, though, Marta. I’m very happy.”

“Where is Mick going to sleep?” Marta asks suddenly.

The thought hadn’t even occurred to me. “In one of the spare bedrooms, I assume.”

She gives me a sly grin. “Yeah, sure he is.”

“Marta,” I whine, like I used to do when I was a teenager. “Seriously.”

Marta laughs. “Don’t Marta me. A girl has to be prepared.” She stands up and fiddles with the blanket on my bed, smoothing it. “So, how do you feel about him?”

“About who?”

“About Mick. Who else?”

“He’s nice.”

“He was with you that night.”

He was with me the night I lost my baby. He fought almost as hard as I did when I held my legs together tightly, trying to keep it within me. “Yes.”

“Let him be with you now.”

I jerk my thumb toward the door. “He’s right in the living room.”

“No, mija. I mean let him be with you. Let him in.”

“Marta, would you cut it out?”

“No, mija, I will not. I’m your mother. Your happiness is my number one concern.”

“Well, happiness isn’t my number one concern right now.”

“It should be.” She comes over and presses her lips to my forehead. I scrunch up my face and pretend to hate it. “I have to go. I’m taking your sisters with me. We’re going to lunch. I’m not going to let your sisters come back for a few days.”

My heart settles a little. I love my family, but sometimes their help can also be labeled as interference. “Thank you.”

Marta opens the bedroom door and steps into the living room. “Girls, it’s time to go!” she calls, clapping her hands.

Within moments, the house is almost empty, except for four children, Mick, and me. Mick sits at the kitchen table helping fill plates with chicken nuggets and macaroni, as he feeds Roxy in her high chair, and holds the baby in the crook of his arm while the baby drinks a bottle. I stop and stare at them.

“Have you eaten yet?” I ask.

“Not yet. My hands are kind of full.” He grins at me.

“Here,” I say, holding out my arms. “Give me that one. I’ll give him his bottle.”

“Are you sure?”

I take him from Mick, and he’s soft as loose jelly in my arms, almost asleep. He nuzzles his bottle, his mouth open, but not really drinking, so I go to the nursery, open the door, and walk inside. I don’t even hesitate as I lay him down to nap in the crib that has never been used. Then I reach up and start the mobile over the crib. The tune that’s so familiar to me and still so far away begins to play.

I stare down into the sleeping little face and I have to remind myself that he’s not mine. He’s only here temporarily.

I feel Mick’s heat behind me. “I didn’t think you’d put him in here,” he whispers.

“Someone should get some use out of it.” I turn on the baby monitor and take the receiver.

“Thank you,” he says. “For doing all this.”

“I haven’t done anything yet. You get to do diapers and middle of the night feedings, big guy. Just sayin’.”

Mick walks out of the room, and I follow him, stopping only for a moment to look back at the sleeping baby, and the room that finally has some life in it. A little spark of life begins to build within me, too.