What the fuck was I thinking?

I dove into the swimming pool and allowed myself to sink down to the bottom, where I sat for as long as possible. I wouldn't have complained if a sinkhole had opened up and dropped me down into the pits of hell. That was definitely where I belonged.

I knew it was a stupid thing to ask Sylus, and I'd gone and done it anyway. Not that I was any stranger to making stupid decisions, but this one was worse than usual. I wanted to rewind back and erase everything that'd happened, including telling him that I was gay.

Bubbles erupted from my mouth as I exhaled, and I pushed myself back to the surface. I did the backstroke and floated around the pool. All the barriers I'd constructed in my mind were still working their powers of denial. A voice told me it was just a mistake. I wasn't gay! It was just a lapse in judgement.

But how could I justify that when every single cell in my body knew the opposite was true? I liked men, and the fact that I'd denied myself of that simple fact for so long was ripping me to shreds. And the reality was that every time I looked at Sylus, every moment I encountered his scent lingering in the hallways of my house, every time I heard his voice, this insane feeling of desire swelled up inside of me.

This past week had been torture on a level I'd never known before. Just thinking about it was enough to get my cock hard. I could feel it springing to life now; there was no fighting it.

God, it was conflicting to feel guilty about getting turned on and to still have that voice telling me that what I felt was wrong. That it was unnatural. That it made me less of a man.

"Hey."

I quickly righted myself as Sylus's voice drew me out of my thoughts, plunging my hips below the surface. He was sitting on the end of one of the pool recliners, his towel draped around the back of his neck. He was hunched over his thighs, his forearms resting on his legs.

His muscles were all sculpted and pumped up from the lifting, and it drove me fucking wild. I felt like an animal, a starving lion tempted by a meal I couldn't have. All I could do was sit and look and endure the burning hunger. My cock was rock hard now. It was like I was a teenager again, helpless against popping fucking boners in the locker room while changing for PE.

How long had he been there?

I swam up to the edge of the pool. "Look, I completely understand if you want to get out of here. That's a line I shouldn't have crossed. If you want to resign, I'll make sure that you get the full payment for the job."

"I'm not gonna resign," he said. "It's weird, getting apologies from you. Didn't think you were capable of remorse."

"Of course I am."

He stood. "How do you wanna do this thing? We just gonna jump right into it, or what?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your lesson."

My jaw dropped.

"Seriously?"

He glared at me. "Do I look like I'm joking? I get it. You're in a tough situation, and I accept that I'm really the only man in any position to offer assistance." He sniffed and rubbed the stubble on his chin. "So I'll help you out. Get you comfortable being physical with another man. But just so we're clear, this is strictly professional."

"Yeah." My heart thundered in my chest.

"So... Uh... When do we do this?"

"Does tonight work for you?"

"It's not like I've got anywhere I need to be."

"Tonight, then."

"Alright."

"Okay."

We stared at each other awkwardly until Sylus finally turned and left without saying another word. I floated at the edge of the pool, my cock throbbing harder than I'd ever felt it before. Holy shit. This was actually going to happen.

Strictly professional.

Definitely. Yeah, I thought Sylus was hot as fuck, but that was a purely physical attraction. It didn't mean anything. What I wanted was a man I could trust to get me comfortable with this stuff.

"Jesus," I muttered. It was like with each second that went by, the reality of the situation became that much more real.

* * *

"He's going to what?" Audrey's voice blared out of my cell phone. I was lying on the couch in my studio.

It took a good half an hour to get her to believe that I wasn't fucking with her.

"Why are you asking me for advice on how to suck his dick?" she grumbled. "Isn't that what he's going to teach you?"

"Yeah, but... I don't know."

"Is this really such a good idea?" she asked. "You're saying it's professional. There's nothing else there. But weren't you the one who said you were into the guy?"

"Nah," I said. "I'm not into him. Not, like, into him. Just... You know."

"You just want to suck his cock."

"Yeah. Exactly!"

She was quiet for a moment before busting into a fit of laughter. "Oh, Jesus. This is just too crazy. Well, I guess I told you to go for it..."

"Yeah. This is all your fault."

We both laughed.

"I don't really have much advice to give you," she said. "You've got a dick. Just do whatever you think you'd want done to yourself. Don't bite him. Unless he's into that."

I suddenly got an image of Sylus pinning me naked onto the bed, my hands tied as he raked his teeth across my neck. I shivered.

"But seriously, Chris? If you do have feelings for him, this isn't the best way to go about things."

"Hey, hey. I told you, there's nothing. Throw any other hot guy into my house and I would've asked him the same thing. You know me."

"How does he feel about it?"

I switched the phone to my other ear. "Strictly professional, those were his words."

"How would you feel if he did feel something more?"

"Strictly professional, Audrey, alright? We both agreed. There's an understanding."

Did I want something more to happen?

No way. Sylus was my employee. There was no way anything could happen between us.