Bastard. Prick. Motherfucker. Right now, those are some of the harsher words I’ve been calling Addison in my head. War hero? No, that’s not one of them. He doesn’t want to be thought of as a hero. He wants to play the victim. He wants to beat me up over this shit.

“Today we’re talking about the American Revolution and those who fought and died for our freedoms. Yesterday you learned about Paul Revere. Today, however, I want to discuss Benedict Arnold. Does anyone know who that is?” I ask the class.

Jonathan Simmons raises his hand in the back of class and I point directly at him. “Yes, Jonathan?”

“Um, isn’t he a traitor?” he asks, slightly unsure if his answer is correct or not.

“Exactly,” I say with a smile. “Benedict Arnold was no hero. He was an American general for the Continental Army, but later left to fight for the British.”

“Why?” he asks.

“Because he’s a liar, he’s a cheat, and he didn’t want to face who he really is,” I say, not thinking.

“What?” he idly asks.

“Sorry, scratch that,” I sigh. “He was being investigated for corruption, first of all. Second of all, he wasn’t happy with how the war effort was going. He felt Congress should have accepted Britain’s proposal of the colonies’ self-governance. He eventually left and fought for the British, only to live out his life as a traitor. He may in fact be the most famous traitor in US history.”

The class is hushed and looking at me like I shouldn’t be here. There are bags under my eyes from staying up too late and I have to admit, the stress of this Addison crap is weighing on me. How can I be with someone who has so much crap that he’s hiding? If he would just let me in, things could work out. Things could be so great. Instead, he’s built a fortress around himself. He’ll never be able to let anyone in at this rate.

When the last class is dismissed, I walk out in the hallway and lean against the wall, breathing heavy. I don’t know what I’m doing here in this small town. I guess I came because I had to get away. Plus, I wanted to teach our young to have values and a good education. Now, however, the reality has begun to set in. These kids don’t really care about me, first off. And I don’t have any reason to stay here.

Judy sees me leaning against the wall with my eyes closed and I guess instinctually knows that I need a friend right about now. I hear her heels clicking against the floor and I open my eyes and give her a nod. “Hey, Judy,” I say.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” she immediately asks. “What’s going on with you? I heard you went completely off-topic in one of your classes today.”

“Oh, god,” I mumble. “You heard about that?”

“Yeah, Kneeves came up to me earlier and asked about you. He wanted to know if you were alright,” she says.

“I’m fine,” I mutter back, closing my eyes again.

“Look, we all go through shit from time to time,” she says. “But you gotta get your act together. You could get fired.”

“Fired?” I laugh. “I doubt that. They need teachers and we get paid a shit wage. They’re not going to fire any of us.”

“There’s a whole group of teachers who would kill to have your job. I wouldn’t act so cocky. You’d be shocked how fast they replace people here,” she says.

“God!” I half-yell. “This is all so pointless.” Kneeves peeks his head out in the hallway and raises an eyebrow.

“Come with me,” she grabs me, pulling me outside of the school. “You’re going to get yourself in trouble. You have to be smarter with how you display your emotions, girl.”

“I know,” I sigh. “It’s just that everything is so hard. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life. Like, why did I move to Canton?”

“Welcome to adulthood,” she says. We continue walking until we’re outside of the school grounds, at the edge of the trees by the side of the road. She reaches into her purse and pulls out something long, skinny, and white. I see that it’s a joint. She lights it up and takes a drag. “Come on. Your turn,” she says.

“No thanks,” I whisper. “I don’t do that.”

“Just shut up and take a drag. It ain’t going to kill you,” she says.

I make an annoyed noise and take a drag, handing it back to her. Within a short amount of time, my body loosens up and I begin to relax. “Sorry,” I mutter.

“You feel better?” she laughs.

“Not really better, but it’s a little easier to deal with, I guess,” I shrug.

“What did he do to you? What happened? You guys were so good with each other,” she says. We both sit down against the curb and talk.

“I don’t really understand what happened myself,” I admit. “Everything was going really well. We were having fun. All of a sudden, he just flipped out on me.”

“Like how?” she asks.

“I told him he should come in and talk to the class about what it’s really like being a soldier. I thought it could be fun for the kids. He didn’t seem to think so,” I say. “Then, I grabbed his plaque of medals and he just flipped out. He jumped up and took it from me. It really scared me.”

“I told you. Halloway is all messed up. I swear, that man is broken,” she says.

“But Addison is different,” I say.

“That’s what you think,” she replies. “Who knows? You could be right, but he could also just be really good at burying this stuff. I think his whole platoon, or whatever, saw some real bad shit. I doubt he’s going to want to open up to you about it anytime soon.”

“Look, I get it. War is hell. I’ve heard that phrase over and over again. I’ve seen the pictures in the news. I know what happens. But it’s like, don’t be weird and hide things from me, you know? If you want to be with me, open up to me about it, or just tell me you need some time. I’m a pretty understanding woman,” I say.

“Maybe you just need to be with someone different,” she says. “Maybe Addison isn’t the one for you?”

“I don’t know,” I sigh loudly.

“Look, you had some fun. That’s what happens sometimes. You have fun and then you don’t have fun. You move on and meet other people,” she says. I look down at the ground, feeling utterly hopeless.

“I just wish I didn’t agree to this. This is my new home and now it feels… I don’t know, it feels tainted or something,” I say.

“I know, honey,” she hugs me. “But look on the bright side! You still have me!” she smiles and it makes it a little better.

“Yeah,” I giggle. “I know. I’m grateful.”

She chucks the joint out onto the street and says, “Come on. We’re going to have some fun.”

She takes me to the Rough & Tumble, a local “Country-style” bar, full of ruffians and derelicts. We walk in and it feels like all eyes fall on us.

“I love this place,” she says, smiling wide. In the corner is a bull-riding machine. The whole thing screams “tacky” to me, but what do I know? I’m just a girl from the city. We don’t have these kinds of places back home, and I’m actually getting excited I get to see it in person.

“This is the only place in Illinois that’s like this. There’s probably like two cowboys in this town, max, but people come and dress up. It’s fun,” she says.

“Two whiskeys,” I yell at the bartender.

“Two whiskeys for the pretty lady.” The bartender winks and lowers the front of his hat. “Coming right up!”

Judy looks at me and whispers, “Okay, it’s on. Looks like we’re having a day.”

The man pours the shots and slides them over our way. We both grab them and hold them in the air. “To friendship,” I say.

“To friendship.” She smiles. We both look each other in the eye when we take the shot and I wince as it burns my throat. I stick out my tongue, wincing still, and then I see someone in the corner of my eye. Judy, of course, looks over too.

“Oh shit, girl,” she laughs. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

“I do believe so,” I say in a weird accent.

“Well, he’s all yours,” she says. “I’ve got Halloway to deal with.”

“What?” I react, taken aback. “I thought you didn’t do the whole settled and dating thing. I thought you said that Halloway was crazy.”

“He is,” she says with a smile. “But that’s why I like him. Besides, we’re not dating. I’m just staying with him for a bit. You know, until I get bored.”

“Ugh,” I sigh, glancing at the man in the corner. He’s shorter than Addison and he lacks the muscular build, but he’s got a handsome face and a melancholic gaze, strong enough to bury a lady.

“Go!” She pushes me toward the man, even though I don’t know if I want to talk to him.

He turns and glances at me. He smiles and sets down his pool cue. “Give me five minutes,” he says to the guys playing with him. They angrily sigh, but when they see me, they whistle.

The thing is, I immediately regret mentioning anything. The man can’t keep his eyes off my tits and it’s not in a flattering way at all. Not to mention, every time I look at him, I compare him to Addison. Guess what? He just does not compare.

“Hey, pretty lady.” He kisses at me. “What’re you up to tonight? You all alone?”

“No,” I whisper and then cough to get the words out, “I’m with my friend.”

He looks over my shoulder at Judy and nods. “Alright, alright.” He smiles. “So, you two looking to have some fun or what?”

“Excuse me?” I’m taken aback. My heart starts beating, telling my body, “Run. Run now!” but I don’t. I’m paralyzed. I just stand there, totally confused and awkward. Maybe it was the joint I smoked. I don’t know. All I know is that this was a really bad idea.

“You and your friend,” he continues. “You girls like fun, right?”

I don’t say anything, so he just goes right on talking. “You know, me and my friends are goin’ back to the pad in a little bit. We’re going to throw a little kickback. You guys should come. It’ll be fun,” he says.

“I don’t know,” I say, practically trembling, and not in a good way. I start to feel totally horrible. My chest begins to feel like it’s enclosing in on my vital organs. I fall into a panic attack and struggle to get out of it.

“Come on.” He touches my arm lightly. “You know you want to. We’ll play nice.”

The door swings open. I back away from him, only to have him walk two steps forward. Fuck. Why did I come here with Judy? This was such a dumb idea. I didn’t need an evening on the town. I needed a friend. I needed a day to myself, to be honest.

The door swings closed. I look over and there’s Addison and Halloway, walking amongst the crowd. Addison looks completely handsome. He also looks bears the look of sadness. He turns to his left and when he sees me, his eyes practically pop out of his skull.

I see him mouth the words “What the fuck…” and his whole face turns a deep shade of purple. That’s when the cluster-fuck begins.

He quickly walks over my way and moves in between me and the guy. “What the hell is going on?” he asks, voice shaking. In fact, his whole body is shaking. This is not good. It’s not good at all.

“I—” I choke, unable to get the words out. Tears form in my eyes, but I somehow have the strength to keep them down for long enough.

“You what?” he laughs, angrily. “You’re just done with me?”

“Hey pal, come on. Leave her alone,” the guy says. Addison, of course, ignores the man.

“I don’t know,” I say. “I didn’t want to come here. Judy just brought me here. I didn’t know!”

“You didn’t know you were talking to a man at the bar? Are you out of your fucking mind?” he asks me, with a loud groan at the end. “Come on!”

“I’m sorry, Addison. I’m really fucking sorry. I wasn’t going to do anything. I swear,” I plead. It’s the truth. I didn’t want anything to do with this man. It was just a dumb mistake. I feel like I was pushed into this. I don’t want to blame Judy because I know she has good intentions, but I would have never come here if it wasn’t for her.

“This is fucked,” he shouts. “No. This is beyond fucked. This is betrayal.”

“Buddy, you need to fucking relax,” the other man says. “Stop messing with her. She can make her own choices.” The man puts his hand against Addison’s wrist and Addison jumps back, swinging his arm.

“No, Addison! Don’t,” I start to cry. I don’t care how that makes me look. I just feel so hopeless in this moment that I have to let it all out. “Please.”

He looks right at me and then turns back to the guy. He socks him right in the face. Of course, this doesn’t sit well with anyone in the bar. At least six men come running up to the commotion, tackling Addison to the ground.

“Get the fuck off of me!” he yells. I’m crying, Judy is freaking out, and Halloway has joined in the fray, slamming a pool cue over a guy’s face. The whole thing is complete chaos.

Addison is getting his face pummeled by multiple men now.

“This isn’t fair!” I scream. But Addison gets another wind of energy. He somehow forces himself out of the headlock that he’s in and pushes back against the crowd. He swings at everyone, knocking someone back. He punches the guy and the guy falls to the ground, knocked out cold.

Addison and Halloway team up, swinging at the rest of them. It’s shocking to watch because they’re trained fighters. One man falls. Another man falls. A third man hits the pool table and breaks his arm.

“We have to get out of here,” Halloway yells to Addison. “Cops will be here any minute, no doubt.”

Addison turns to me after beating every last one of these guys up. “You did this,” he tells me. “You broke my heart. No. You broke me.”

I fall to the floor, tears streaming down my face. You broke me. What the fuck have I done?