“For real though,” I say, breathing quickly. “That was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.”

“Shut up,” she laughs and kisses my shoulder. “You’re lying.”

“What, do you not think so?” I ask her. “Have you ever had a cock as good as mine?”

“Don’t be so sure of yourself.” She smiles. But after a second, she reaffirms my thoughts. “Okay, no I haven’t. But It’s not just your cock.”

“Tell me then. What is it?” I ask her. “Stroke my ego. Please.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “You’re the worst,” she says. But I’m still staring, waiting for an answer. “It’s the way you eat my pussy. It’s the way you thrust your hips. It’s the way you eat me without caring about the mess. You’re sloppy. It’s unbelievably hot to me.”

I just smile and stare up at my ceiling. We’re in my bed now, holding each other and I feel 100 percent on my game. “Damn, I sound awesome,” I say, laughing.

“What do you like about me?” she asks. This is normally a question I fucking dread, but with Helena, it’s incredibly easy to answer.

“Oh, man. Where do I start?” I laugh. “Your freckles. They’re so cute. No, they’re fucking sexy. And those hazel eyes. I can’t get enough of those. Your thick, dark red lips kill me every time I see you. You’re just a natural beauty. It’s sort of unreal. I have to wonder if this is all a dream.”

“Wake up,” she says while she tickles me. “Wake up!” She jumps on top of me.

“It’s not a dream, is it?” I laugh, twirling with her until she’s on her back. I kiss her face and then kiss her bellybutton. She writhes below me.

“I hope not,” she says.

“Oh God,” I sigh. “What if you’re still in New York? What if it really is a dream.”

“Don’t,” she says, turning serious. “I never want to go back there again.”

“Really?” I ask her. “I was kinda hoping you could take me there some day. You know, a small road trip. You could show me around. I’ve never been.”

“You’ve never been to New York City?” she asks, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, is that so weird?” I ask her.

“I don’t know. I kind of expected everyone to have at least visited once in their life,” she says. “It’s cool the first couple of times.”

“Well, I’m not that cool,” I tell her. “I’m just a handyman.”

“Come on,” she laughs. “You’re an ex-Navy SEAL. That’s pretty cool.”

“I guess.” I smile. “I wish I could see it like that. I know other people do.”

“How bad was it, really?” she asks. For the first time with her, I don’t know what to say. I’m speechless.

“Well,” I sigh. “Do you really want to know?”

“Yeah, duh,” she says, nonchalantly. It’s not as normal as she thinks. It’s nothing like the movies. Sure, people know that in their hearts, but they still have no clue how fucked up war actually is.

“I don’t know,” I sigh, thinking about it. I’m not ready to tell her anything. I’m not ready for her to know just how fucked up I really am. “Maybe another time.”

“Okay,” she hesitates, but eventually lets it go. She jumps out of bed and walks into the kitchen. I hear her grab two beers from the fridge. The bottles clink together and for a second, I imagine what my life could be like with this woman. I don’t know. It’s kind of crazy, I guess. But she makes me feel fucking good. It just feels so right with her by my side.

She runs at me, holding both beers, and jumps into bed again, kissing my chest all over. All over the scars, kissing above my heart. I crack open both bottles with my teeth and she’s amazed. “How the hell did you just do that?” she asks.

“Old trick. People used to love it overseas,” I laugh. “It’s all about getting your teeth in the right grooves.”

That’s all I got. Parlor tricks. In the end, I’m just here to fix people’s shit and play a role. I’m trying to change all that. I’m trying to be something different. I don’t want to be the town hero who lost it all anymore. I want to be a normal guy that people feel good around.

We lay in bed together, kissing and talking. It feels so damn good that we forget the time. Eventually, hours pass and it’s nearly midnight. “You have class tomorrow?” I ask her.

“Shit,” she sighs. “I do. I guess I should be going.”

“Just stay another hour,” I smile.

She groans, putting her whole face against my abs, and kissing lightly. “I don’t know. I’ll fall asleep in class.”

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” I joke.

“No, but all my students seem to think so,” she says.

“Well, there you go,” I say. “If you fall asleep in class, you’ll be their hero for the day.”

“Hey, speaking of heroes,” she begins. “You should totally come in and speak to my class!”

Ah, shit. There she goes. She just ruined the night for me. “Speak in front of a class of kids? What for?” I laugh.

“Come on.” She frowns. “Are you seriously not down to do that? They’d love it.”

“I don’t know,” I sigh. “What the hell would I tell them?”

“I don’t know. Your stories. Your experiences. Shed some light on what it’s really like over there. Most people have no idea, right?” she asks.

“Right,” I say back.

“So you can enlighten them,” she smiles, looking so fucking cute that it’s hard to say no to her.

“They’re too young. They wouldn’t understand,” I argue.

“Make them understand,” she says, about to give up. “Look, you can’t just go around hiding from your own experiences forever. I mean, am I wrong?”

“I’m not hiding,” I mutter, starting to get really annoyed.

On my bedside table are my medals. I’m not sure why I keep them there. I guess there’s some amount of pride in me still. Mainly, all my brothers that died over there deserve some kind of memorial. They make statues and shit, sure. But they live on through us and the people that loved them.

Helena grabs the framed plaque of medals and holds it up. “Come on. This was a part of you at one point,” she says.

“Don’t touch that,” I say, grabbing it quickly out of her hand. It’s an instinctual reaction and right when I do it, I know I’ve fucked up. She backs away from me and looks pissed. No, she looks scared of me. Fuck. What have I done? It’s the kind of feeling you get right before you lock your keys in your car, even though you’re aware of yourself doing it at the time.

“Wow. Sorry,” she mutters, placing the plaque of medals back. “I’ll show myself out.”

“No,” I plead. “You don’t have to go.”

She spins around and her eyes are wide and filled with hurt. “I don’t have to go?” she laughs. “I want to go. You’re being… crazy.”

She turns toward my door and I jump out of bed, trying my best to follow her, to plead for her not to leave. “Look, I’m sorry,” I say.

“Forget it,” she mutters, opening the door. The cold air shoots inside and I’m speechless.

“Please,” I say.

“Fuck you, Addison,” she says, walking out to the busy road. She grabs her phone and calls someone. My guess is that it’s Judy.

“You didn’t drive here! At least let me drive you home,” I say.

“Yeah, can you pick me up?” she says, cupping the phone against her ear. “Yeah, I don’t know. Just come to Addison’s. Here’s the address. I’ll be out front. Thanks, you’re a lifesaver.”

I walk out to my porch, but that’s as far as I go. I don’t want to seem like even more of a psycho than I already do. She doesn’t even face me now. She can’t. To me, it was this small thing that blew out of proportion. But to her, it was me showing my true colors. The hero who came back to his small town is now the fucked up, crazy man who can’t let go of his horrid past.

I can’t say I don’t blame her. In fact, she’s fucking right. I’m a lowlife. I can’t let go. Halloway and I are just two peas in a pod now. Helena is drifting away from me. Soon, it’ll be like we never even met.