Chapter 33

“Jane Louise Foster, open this door,” her mother demanded, knocking firmly. “Enough is enough.”

“I can’t face you,” Jane called out, curled up in the rocking chair in the corner of Margo’s old room. She was out at her Aunt Vera and Uncle Tony’s house, in the middle of nowhere in Shelby county, about half an hour from Birmingham. So far no one had found her.

“Then why on earth did you come here? You knew your aunt would call me,” her mother said, exasperated. “Open this door and talk to me.”

“I’m trying to hide out here,” Jane said miserably. “But I hear the phone ringing all day. Everyone in town is calling to talk about what a slut I am.”

“Janey Foster, I will break this door down and slap your mouth if I hear you say that one more time,” her mom warned her. “People have sex. You had sex. I have sex, for heaven’s sake.”

“Oh my God,” Jane moaned. “Please don’t try to talk to me about sex.”

“I will carry on a conversation about sex at full volume through this door if you don’t let me in.” She paused. “And I will let your father up here and he can also share his sexual experience with you so you won’t feel so alone. He was quite a hound dog in his day.”

“I’m coming,” Jane called out desperately. “Don’t do anything drastic.”

When she opened the bedroom door her mother marched in, closed it behind her, and immediately began to inspect Jane.

“I’m fine, Mom,” she said. “It’s not like I was in a car accident.”

“Thank God,” her mother said. “I was expecting some sort of physical sign that you’re now the Hester Prynne of Birmingham. I’ve been cutting out felt A’s downstairs. Want me to sew them on all your clothes?”

“Very funny,” Jane said sarcastically. “Ha ha.”

Her mom pulled her into a hug. “I’m just kidding. Honestly, you were always so serious, even as a child.”

“This is serious, Mom.” Jane pulled away from the hug with a sigh and trudged back to the familiar rocking chair.

“You are seriously out of touch with modern ideas about sex and sexuality,” her mother declared. “Kim Kardashian became a star after her sex tape. And Amber Rose says that slut shaming needs to stop, and that women should be proud of their sexuality and honest about their needs.”

“What?” Jane asked, positively stupefied to hear her mother talking about slut shaming. Joyce Foster had a sensible, short haircut, and wore wire-rimmed glasses and elastic-waist pants. She did not embrace her sexuality. “How do you even know who Amber Rose is?”

“I stay current,” her mother said with a disdainful sniff. “We do have Internet, you know.” At Jane’s glare, she looked a little sheepish. “And also I found an interview with her about you and your boys online.”

“They are not my boys,” Jane said yet again. She’d been denying it for days.

“Don’t be an ass,” her mother said.

“Who are you and what have you done with my mild-mannered mother?” Jane demanded.

“I buried my son, who died too young,” her mom said with a tired sigh. “And on that day I swore to myself that I wouldn’t fail you, Jane. Nothing will ever drive me away. Nothing you say or do can ever be as bad as dying.”

“Oh, Mom,” Jane said, jumping up from her chair and rushing over to the bed to embrace her. “David’s death was hard on all of us.”

“Maybe I didn’t realize how hard it was on you,” her mom said. She pulled back and took Jane by the shoulders, looking her sternly in the eye. “Janey, you don’t have to be perfect. I don’t expect it. I don’t want it. I didn’t raise you to be perfect. I raised you to enjoy life, with all its faults and pitfalls and roller-coaster rides. Don’t sit in the slow lane, afraid to go too fast.”

“I don’t think being sensible is a ride in the slow lane,” Jane argued, standing up and pacing around her bed. “It’s safely enjoying the trip.”

“Safe is overrated when it comes to matters of the heart,” her mom said. “Did I ever tell you that when I met your father I was dating another boy?”

“What? No, you didn’t,” Jane said. She sat down on the bed again, curious. “Who? What happened?”

“Oh, Leonard was a perfect gentleman, ideal husband material,” she said, smiling. “He was in medical school, tall and handsome, and from a very good family in Charleston. My parents were ecstatic. You know Aunt Vera had already married your Uncle Tony, so I was the only hope left.”

Jane laughed. Her Uncle Tony had owned and operated several businesses through the years, including a garage, a liquor store, and a gas station. He currently sold prefab barns and sheds from a lot out in Shelby county. He was overweight, loved to argue, and laughed a lot. She loved her uncle. But she knew he’d never gotten along with her grandparents.

“So what happened?” Jane asked. “How did you end up with Dad instead of Leonard?”

“Your father was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen walking,” her mom declared. “He wore his hair too long, and rode a motorcycle, and he wanted to be a carpenter. His hands were so big, with these rough calluses all over.” Her mom gave an exaggerated shiver.

“Okay,” Jane said, holding her hands up. “Enough on that subject. I get it. So you were more attracted to Dad and you dumped Leonard.”

“Oh, no,” her mom said. “I dated them both. Neither one knew.”

“Oh my God. Mom!”

“I know. I was a shameless hussy. But they were both so cute, and both of them were mad for me.”

“Please do not tell me that you…” Jane paused, not sure how to put it delicately. “You weren’t with them both at the same time? Together?” she finally asked, blushing.

“Good God, no,” her mother said, much to Jane’s relief. “No one was doing that sort of thing back then, at least not that I knew of. If they had been, though, I’d have seriously considered it.”

“You know I’m listening outside the door,” Jane’s dad hollered. “I never would have agreed to see Leonard Greenway naked.”

“Oh my God,” Jane said, falling face-first onto the mattress. “Dad! Go away!”

“All right, Janey Jane,” her Dad called through the door, using her childhood nickname. “I’m leaving. But before I go, just know that your mother found me irresistible, and she was the one who jumped my bones, no matter what she tells you.”

“I will need therapy after this conversation,” Jane mumbled into the bed.

“Oh, he’s absolutely telling the truth,” her mom said. “I did. We did it on a picnic table out at Lake Martin after a party on our first date.”

“Told you,” her dad called out, his voice fading as he walked away.

“What about Leonard?” Jane asked, trying not to picture her parents doing it on a picnic table.

“He had a Buick,” her mom said. “More privacy.”

“Okay, so what you’re telling me is that you were sleeping with two guys at the same time, but not together,” Jane said. “I get it. But that’s way different than my situation.”

“Not really,” her mom said. “You’re just the lucky girl who gets to do it with two guys at the same time. Two gorgeous guys who have been calling you nonstop for almost a week, sending flowers and trying in every way possible to show you that they still care very much and that this isn’t over for them.”

“You’re rationalizing,” Jane said, “in order not to have to deal with the fact that pictures of your daughter having sex with two men are circulating all over the Internet.”

“Well, from what Margo tells me, it was just a heavy make-out session on the dance floor and you got carried away,” her mom said. “Who hasn’t been there?” She waved it away. “Lesson learned. Keep that stuff private. The moral of my story with Leonard was actually that your father caught us in the Buick and gave me an ultimatum, and my days of being a sex nympho were over. Public sex is never a good idea. The end.”

Jane laughed with her mom and hugged her. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Please talk to them,” her mom begged, hugging her back. “You’re so unhappy, and I think it has more to do with this silly notion you have that you can’t see them again than with all that Internet nonsense.” She pulled away and sniffed, then searched in the pocket of her pants for a tissue. “I just want you to be happy, dear,” she said. “I’ve talked to both of the boys and they seem very nice and very contrite.”

“Wait,” Jane said, shocked. “You’ve talked to them?”

“Oh, yes,” her mom said, looking startled. “Did I forget to tell you? They keep calling to apologize to me and your father, since you won’t talk to them. Actually, we’ve spoken to them almost every day this week. I think we’re having dinner at King’s house this Sunday. His mother insists. She wants to see you again.”

“What?” Jane stood up so quickly she got light-headed. “I haven’t agreed to anything. This is a huge step. I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if this is what I want.”

“Well,” her mother said, putting her hands on her knees and heaving herself off the bed with a sigh. “You’d better figure it out quick. The world is watching and waiting. Because of your disappearing act, there’s speculation that you were drugged or worse. Haven’t you been reading the news?”

“No,” Jane said, her mind reeling. “I’ve deliberately been avoiding it. And the Internet out here is sketchy. You know that’s not true, about me being drugged, right? I was with them voluntarily.”

“Of course I do,” her mom said. “But don’t you think it’s time you put on your big-girl panties and tell everyone else that? And while you’re at it, tell them to keep their big, fat noses and cameras out of your business.” She walked toward the bedroom door. “Those boys have been all over the news, defending themselves and declaring how much they love you and want you back. I think it’s past time you became part of that discussion.”