Chapter 5
Sarah
I’ve been avoiding Jaxson for the last three months and the wedding was closing in. I had a very big problem I was pregnant, and my brother had this look to him like he knew. Emilia was a sweetheart the best thing to happen to him.
He was with the person meant for him and the one meant for me was getting ready to marry another. In just a few weeks she would be Mrs. Carter and he would be taking her to his bed if he hasn’t already.
Green monster like jealousy ate at my insides. I wanted to tear them both apart, I wanted to destroy them like they have me. Emilia knows about the baby she figured it out pretty quick the very fact she was five months along kind of helped with that.
I’ve been wandering in circles at least it feels that way. Jaxson has been here a few times over the past few months. The first two weeks were the worst he was here what felt like daily sulking around.
I waited for him to grow balls big enough to ask my brother where I was. Beau wasn’t a stupid man he knew something was going on and I think he knew with whom. A part of why he was avoiding asking what I know is eating at him is this club.
I know he loved me and he would kill Jaxson not caring about the consequences. I knew my time for secrets were coming to an end. I was told I needed to attend the wedding and I honestly rather rip my veins from my body than watch as he took another as his wife.
I know all those wedding dreams with me in a simple white dress disintegrated in the wake of his soon to be wed to another. My feet connected with the floor silently a chill danced along my skin as the coldness from the floor soaked into my bare feet.
I was like an apparition here, but not. I know people were concerned, even the twins sometimes followed me like they wanted to ask but thought better of it. I wish Jaxson wasn’t Emilia’s brother.
It makes this all the harder knowing I will forever be connected to him. Sometimes I looked to Jason, who accompanied his brother and thought about how similar they are. A whisper of he could pass off as the dad whispered from my subconscious, but the very thought of him touching me of living a life with an imitation of the man I loved…
I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t do that. Reality sucked. It felt like I was stuck in a room with no windows and no doors as the air was slowly removed from the room. Suffocating on the nothingness that he left behind.
As much as the wedding killed me, I had a much larger problem on my hands. I was pregnant with the possible air to the Carter family thrown so to speak and I refused to give over my child.
How was I going to stop him from taking my baby without a war? I could lie and tell him it belonged to another. I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be so simple the baby could look just like him.
That was when the idea of his brother would come in and still it was an alien thought and one I know I would never go through with. My fingers brushed the dark blue walls as I ran them over it.
My brother was getting closer and, yet, he hadn’t moved. I know what I needed to do what I was going to do would end any peace we may have.
“Ready to talk to me Sarah?”
I wish I could be surprised by this, but I wasn’t. Beau was all I had for years and he knew me better than anyone else sometimes including me.
“Not really, but I’ve run out of options.”
I expected anger at what I just said instead I got a nod. I expected him to stay here where everyone could hear. When he stood and walked down the hall leading to his office, I felt a small amount of relief.
“Who’s the father?”
I honestly wasn’t expecting that. Sitting down I stare at my brother as words fail me.
“Don’t look at me like that it’s been obvious for a month or so.”
I thought I did a pretty good job t hiding it personally.
“I’m hoping it’s not who I think it is.”
Letting my head fall forward I fight the tears even as they spill down my cheeks in wet little zig zags. I watch as the drops land on my blue jeans.
“You’ve been avoiding him makes it easier to put one and one together and that makes two.”
I wanted to laugh at the way he said that. I swear sometimes he was childish.
“It just happened I didn’t know about her.”
“He was your first Sarah.”
My head flew back fast, and I felt a slight sting in the back of my neck.
“Don’t fucking look at me like that. I’m your brother and I know you Sarah. You’ve been in love with that bastard since we were kids.”
“He can’t know.”
“Like fuck he can’t!”
“No, this baby is mine and he is getting married.”
“I don’t fucking care what the fuck he’s doing, he got you pregnant. He took your virginity and left you with child...”
“It takes two to have sex Beau.”
“Did you know about Alisa before you climbed into his bed?”
“No.”
Choking on the two-letter response had my throat feeling raw.
“He knew about her before he took you. He never intended to marry you Sarah.”
I was already hurting, and his words only hurt more. I thought the pain I felt was more than I could take but now? Now it hurts like a million fire ants eating away at my flesh. The burning only intensified.
My gut hurt as it clenched and turned itself inside out. A part of me knew this and I wanted to pretend it wasn’t true, I wanted to find a beach full of pretty sand and bury my head as deep as I could.
Slowly the Sarah I knew was being stripped from me and it wasn’t an easy painless process.
“I’m not trying to hurt you.”
I can only nod words have failed me.
“Fuck!”
“Are we done here?”
I couldn’t look at him and I didn’t wait for him to respond instead I walk to the door on shaky legs. My head down I make my way to my room the only place I was safe the only place that was mine.