Chapter Sixteen
Tenn
Have you completed your syllabi revisions for approval yet?
I stared at the phone. My mother—goodness forbid she send me a pretend courtesy first. What would it hurt for her to start her inquisition into my failures in all things with a Hello. How are you? But no. She goes right for it, making sure I was in no way ignorant of the fact that no matter how well I complete the tasks at hand, neither my work nor I would ever be good enough, soon enough, valuable enough to reach her standards.
I already regretted taking the position, and I wasn’t halfway through my stint as substitute professor or, as my mother liked to remind me, instructor.
I am on track to complete it in the allotted time, I typed back, my finger hovering over the send button. I could almost hear her response in my head if I sent it as is. “You need to show your value, Tennyson. If you do the minimum, people will see you as average. Is that what you aspire to?”
Was it? No. But her idea of what it meant to be average and the rest of the world’s view were completely different.
I erased my words and replaced them with, Working on it as I type.
She wouldn’t like that answer, either, but it would get her off my back for a little while. I had been working on it all day with the exception of my little break to sext Greer.
It had been far too long since I took in his scent, touched his skin, kissed his lips. I was officially smitten with the sexy, hardworking, dog-loving, intelligent man who had captured my heart. I could only hope to be worthy of him wanting to keep it.
Which was the only reason I had accepted the job that was breaking me apart from the inside out. It wasn’t the teaching that was the issue. I loved getting up there and sharing my passions with eager young minds or those who needed the credits anyway. No, it was the pressure I felt coming down on me from not only those who had already assured me I wasn’t good enough by denying my tenure, but also from my mother. Her desire to turn me into a mini her had her all but forgetting that first and foremost I was her son, and some random compassion wouldn’t be a bad thing.
See to it that it is done. We don’t want a repeat of last time.
I screamed in frustration. I wasn’t on a tenure track this time. I was a sub and being expected to complete the work of a full professor minus the committee work. And at the end of the day, I regretted my decisions back then not at all. I only wished I had understood the catalyst for my firing at the time. Feeling not good enough when it was simply lack of integrity on the university’s part was not the best of results.
Me, neither. Getting back to work, Mom. Nice talking to you.
I was such a liar. There was nothing nice about it.
Looking up at the computer, I decided that I had accomplished enough for the day. Per contract, this wasn’t my job, and the number of hours I had been putting into the disaster that was the course load I walked into began to equal a second job. And it wasn’t as if the new syllabi could be used this semester. By school code, you needed to use the one distributed on day one of the course. I was doing someone else’s work.
I shut down my computer and decided to shower and get dressed. From my guestimate, Greer should be done with work in the near future, and I wanted to be ready for him.
Lightning flashed and thunder boomed as I showered, the lights flickering briefly. It had looked like rain all day, but the sound of the downpour echoing through my apartment sounded more horror story than typical weather.
I tidied things up that didn’t need tidying and just gave into the desire to call Greer. Truth be told, the storm had me worried about him. It was starting to let up but it still was awful.
“Hello, sexy,” I spoke before he got a chance to speak. There was no denying my longing for him. Why bother to try.
“Hey. I was going to call you after I took Shrimp out. I just got home.”
He was safe. My shoulders fell in relief.
“I’m glad you’re safe. I was calling for reasons.” True, the reasons included wanting to hear his voice and to get him to my place and under my naked body, but I also needed to see what our plans were going to entail.
“Reasons?” he questioned me with a tinge of sass and whole lot of emphasis. Sexy as hell.
“Yes. I was thinking about what food we should eat this evening and wasn’t sure if you wanted me to order so it would be here when you got here or if you had another idea.”
I could hear the jangling of his keys before his voice echoed in my ear. “Fuck.”
I found myself instinctively grabbing my keys and running out the door.
“It is raining inside the house.”
“Where are you? Your bedroom?” I asked, hoping he was since there was no bathroom above his front room where I feared he still was.
“No. I just walked in and haven’t made it that far.”
That was not good. “And you have a two-story home.”
I ran down the stairs and to the car as he remained on the line but not speaking, little Shrimp barking randomly here and there.
The need to help and protect Greer overwhelmed me. He needed me. Or maybe I needed to see he was okay—visions of his roof collapsing on his head weren’t helping.
“The wind must’ve torn off shingles or something because this is not a small leak.” He finally broke his silence. “I gotta go. Call you when this is fixed, okay?”
He hung up before I could respond and that was fine. I needed all my concentration to navigate the still-draining streets.
I bound up his steps after parking in his drive and knocked on his door. He took far longer than I would’ve liked, but when I heard Shrimp bark and then he shushed, I relaxed. He was safe.
He swung open the door and flung himself into my arms where I held him tightly for a long while.
“Hey, let’s go see what we can do about your indoor-raining situation.” I kissed the side of his head and led him inside.
Having our date night turn into calling insurance people, restoration people, and moving furniture was far from what I had in mind, but when I tucked him into my bed that night, I knew with certainty that there was no place I would rather have been. Greer was mine. If only I could become worthy of him.