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Benjamin
2 months and two weeks prior…
“I think it’s apparent Gorilla Ben and Rosie need to mate.”
I sat on the couch next to Emily and hovered while she typed on her laptop. I absently thought it was time to buy her a new one. When she turned to glare, her eyes caught mine and mingled. My face was close enough to smell her coconut shampoo and see the gold specks in her green eyes. She leaned in closer and sniffed, placing my mouth right at her ear. “You go to the gym after work?” Then she leaned away once more, and I was reeling from the slight thrill of having her so close.
Yet, so far…
“Maybe,” I said. “Why? You trying to say I need a shower.”
“No. Of course not. This will be good female repellent. I’d rather not share our living space with another woman.”
I cocked my head at her. “What? What happened to living with me when I got married?”
“I don’t think I’d like her.”
“You’ve always liked my girlfriends.”
She huffed. “Has Kelly still been texting?”
“Yeah, we text a bit every day.”
She was quiet and not even typing anymore for a minute before she asked, “Are you thinking about getting back with her?”
“Nooo, why?”
“Your mom loves her…” She frowned. “That’s somehow irritating.”
“Your point? She likes everyone I date.”
Her frown intensified, and I realized she was probably thinking about how much Mom disliked her. “Yeah, it’s just me.”
“It’s my mom. She just doesn’t like that I care so much about you,” I told her.
“But I care about you. How does she not see that?”
My heart beat against my ribcage, probably in the way Gorilla Ben pounded his chest when someone stole his Rosie. My mind wanted to play tricks on me. I knew she cared for me. It just wasn’t as a partner.
“You’re my best friend.” She looked back to the laptop quickly after saying it.
See? Nothing like a good dose of reality to rip your reoccurring wound open.
“You purposely changed the subject,” I told her, ogling the side of her face while I was still so close and because I couldn’t help myself. I eyed the curve of her ear and then her neck that was slightly tinged with red. Her skin reddened easily, I’d imagine she blushed horribly during sex… Shit, I leaned away because now I had wood.
I focused on what was on the TV until it settled down, and then I went right back to where I was. She blew out a heavy breath. “I can’t type when you’re so close and chatting in my ear.”
“I’m helping out. They need to hook up before you piss your fans off.”
She glanced at me from the corner of her eye. “Okay.”
“There ya go.” Then it truly hit me that she agreed. “Wait, really?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “No point denying my readers. Besides, they do have something special. Why can’t it be more?”
Gorilla Ben was beating on my damned chest again.
She was hooking us up! Was I pathetic from being happy about this? Did she not think about us at all when she agreed? This woman was going to be the death of me.
“They’re perfect together,” I agreed enthusiastically.
She touched her face and smiled. “They are.”
We are, she meant. I was positive.
In my fantasy, she had said just that, then we mated and mated some more, then lived happily ever after.
“Good, I can help you with their…” I waggled my eyebrows. “Scenes.”
She laughed. “You’re ridiculous. They have to realize they’re madly in love with each other first and then confess. Then like maybe do a little scene where they go off to make love somewhere...”
“Their emotions will run hot when they figure it out. There won’t be any talking going on. They’ll be too busy discovering how well or snug their bodies go together. Ben is big after all,” I corrected her.
She covered her face with her hands, completely red in the neck and face. “Please stop, you’re killing me.” I was pleased with myself for how much I could make her blush. It was all the time lately. “I can’t believe I’m writing a romance with you as my hero,” she mumbled.
Us, Emily, us. Not just me.
Would you just open your eyes and see me, see us, for what we are, what we could be?
I opened my mouth to say just that, then snapped it shut. Like always. It was a risk I’d never be able to make. Losing her.