_______
Benjamin
2 years 4 months prior…
“Happy Birthday, Ben!”
I smiled as Tammy thrust a cupcake with a single candle in my face with a bright smile. I’d been going steady with Tammy the last couple of months. I liked her a lot. She was refreshing and sweet—the real kind, not the pretend sweetness.
Only her action with the cupcake reminded me of when Emily had done the same thing to me on my sixteenth birthday. Then a week later, I did the same thing to her on hers. Our birthdays were both in April, mine the 7th, hers the 14th. A week apart.
Thinking of her made me want to call her up. She’d been distracted and distant lately. I had a feeling it was because of her parents and their situation. I loved college but when I was worried about her, I was reminded of what I had to leave behind to get a little freedom from my parents.
She was just a friend—my best one. I shouldn’t feel like being away from her was some sort of betrayal to her. Hell, I probably shouldn’t care as much as I did. I sure didn’t call any of my guy friends just to hear their voice.
But, I do care.
I think I always would.
Because my heart would always keep her as something a little more.
“Hey,” Tammy grabbed my chin and pulled it toward her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I tried to smile.
“Just one more year, and you’ll be drinking age.”
We both laughed because we were drinking now. Then I was frowning again because I was drinking with Tammy when I wouldn’t with Emily. And all I could think about was how honest and real Emily was with me—all the time, and when she told me she wanted to get drunk with me because I was safe, I should have.
But I didn’t. It stung a little and felt too fucking good at the same time. A beautiful torture.
So, I couldn’t drink with Emily. It was me being defiant in the safe zone she kept me in, but I knew I didn’t want to leave it. It felt too good to stay.
“You’re frowning again,” Tammy informed me.
I was the biggest ass, thinking of someone else when I was sort of dating her. I knew how to make myself less of one though.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, standing up. “I’ll stop being distracted once I check on a friend.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Yeah, and she normally talks to me but she’s being stubborn lately.”
The idea of her mom cheating must really bother her.
“Emily?” Tammy asked with a disappointed frown.
I kissed her forehead, telling myself that I could do better toward her if I could just stop fixating on Emily tonight. “I’ll be just a sec.”
I stepped outside to call her. She answered after the third ring, “Hello?” I could tell she was at Crash’s.
“Hey.”
“Can I call you back? I’m working, and we’re swamped.”
“Wait, Emily, are you okay?”
She paused. “What? What do you mean?”
“I mean I’m stressing over you, and I can’t enjoy Tammy’s company because of it,” I blurted unexpectedly.
“Oh my god. I’m fine. I’m a big girl.” I could hear the humor in her voice. “You need to stop coddling me.”
I groaned. She always mistook my affection and worry for her as me being brotherly or worse, motherly.
“Did my gift come in yet?” she asked quickly. “Listen, I got to go. Happy Birthday!”
She hung up, and I walked back in.
I felt better though because she sounded okay today.
So, I could go back to my own life. The one without her in it.