________
Benjamin
2 years prior….
Summer break was almost over. Instead of going home, I stayed in Tennessee and wasted it away on Tammy.
I took enjoying my free time to a whole new level. I didn’t have any responsibilities with schoolwork and my job which was at college. I blew a lot of money with Tammy eating out and hanging with other people we went to school with. I moved out of my apartment I shared with Luke and found a place with Tammy.
I liked Tammy. I liked her a lot.
She managed to keep me away from home and that told me something.
It was August, and I only had a couple of weeks left, so I brought Tammy home with me so I could get Mom to shut up, and I could also see Emily—who I talked to less and less.
I missed talking to her. We were growing apart, and while I called her up, she always kept busy. I was the only one trying to fight the inevitability of us becoming distant it felt like. And it sucked.
But my feelings for Emily were never healthy. I kept what I truly felt locked away so that I could be the safety that she wanted. That she needed.
I didn’t think she even needed that from me anymore.
Mom gushed over Tammy when I brought her in. She actually liked any girl as long as it wasn’t Emily. It still annoyed me how she treated her, but I was glad that she liked Tammy, and while they were chatting, I slipped out the door to see if she was home.
Her car was there, but I figured she’d come out when she saw me pull in. I knocked and waited. It was her dad, Nolan, that answered. “Hey, is Emily home?”
“You’re home Benjamin?” Something looked strange about him. He looked rough, well rougher than usual, but surprisingly, he looked clean. He was clean shaven. Only he looked terrible in the eyes with dark circles.
Wait, a minute. Was he really trying to stop drinking? I hadn’t believed Emily when she told me she had convinced her dad to stop. I didn’t think it was possible.
“Yeah, just got in today.” I placed my hands in my pants pockets.
“Emily’s working. I go pick her up when Crash’s close,” he informed me.
I frowned. “Why didn’t she drive?”
He looked uncomfortable. “She didn’t tell you?”
Tell me what? “Is something wrong?’
“No,” he said quickly. “Just been making a lot of changes recently, and she’s been helping me.” He paused a moment as he met my eyes briefly before scratching his head. “I decided to quit drinking.”
I smiled. “Yeah, Emily mentioned that. That’s great,” I told him honestly because it was. It was only going to be a disaster if he stopped trying. I thought briefly of what Emily might go through if he did revert to drinking again now that her mom moved out.
I hated thinking about it. Her troubles drove me mad.
“Hopefully, I’ll think so too when my body’s not fighting me for just one sip.” I didn’t know if his honesty was a good sign or what. My dad was a mess when he decided to quit smoking. He nearly drove us all crazy, but that was Mom’s job.
“I can go get her when she gets off if you want?” I offered.
“Nah, it’s my job but come over and see her when she’s off. I’m sure she’ll be glad to see you.”
With that, we said goodbye, and he closed the door.
_______
With a text from Emily that read: Benjamin, I thought to look outside. I spotted her in a bright pink hoody standing in our yard. She grinned when she saw me. “Benjamin!” she yelled-whispered dramatically while she waved. It was the cutest thing ever.
The air was warm that night, so I didn’t bother putting on a shirt. I did slip on some flip-flops on the porch and stepped off to meet her. “You just get off?” I asked her.
She nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?”
“Surprise?” I grinned sheepishly.
She rolled her eyes. “You’re the worst.”
“Wanna tell me why your dad’s driving you to work and picking you up?”
She smiled, and it was so damn bright and cheery. “For him to have a reason to stay sober!”
“How has he been doing?”
“Good, surprisingly. He’s miserable though and feels bad all the time. I hope his body starts adjusting soon.”
“That’s amazing.”
Her cheerfulness eased my own worries of her dad. If she had that much faith, then I could too.
The front door opened, and I turned around to see Tammy stepping out onto the porch. “Benjamin?” she whispered.
“Is that Tammy?” Emily whispered like Tammy wouldn’t be able to hear her. “She’s so gorgeous. Oh my God, no wonder you didn’t come home this summer until now.”
I laughed. “Tammy, this is Emily.”
Tammy smiled shyly. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“You too!” Emily beamed.
And that was me, permanently in the friend-zone. She didn’t care that I dated. Ever. It would be nice to see her get a little possessive about me.
I glanced at Tammy and met her eyes with a smile then looked back at my best friend who was also smiling.
But, this was okay too. I enjoyed her as a person no matter how she fit into my life.
______
Emily
Movies?
Food?
What’s a guy got to do to get more than your phone #?
I glanced down at the incoming texts I kept getting from Roger, a nurse from the hospital visits over my arm. I was out of my cast weeks ago, but the lingering nurse-man wasn’t giving up.
I smiled a little.
And I thought I might give in.
“What’s got you grinning?” Benjamin asked as he slid into the booth with Tammy. I gazed up at them both and smiled.
“Just something.”
Benjamin’s brows furrowed together. “Now, I’m curious.” He hated when I didn’t tell him anything.
Hahaha. And I loved doing it.
“It’s rude to be nosy.” Tammy nudged him with her elbow.
“It’s fine,” I told her. “I’m used to his nosiness.”
“Nosiness.” He tilted his head up and tapped his knuckles against the table like he was annoyed.
“Sorry,” Katie came up to our table. I waited for the moment Benjamin gave me that look that could kill, and grinned. “Am I late?”
“No, we just got here.” I scooted over, so she could sit beside me.
“I didn’t know you were coming, Katie.” Benjamin was giving me the stink-eye as he said it.
Katie gave me a knowing look, then turned to Tammy. “Hey, I hope it’s okay I came. I’m a friend of….” She glanced between him and me. “Emily’s. We all went to school together.” I chuckled at how she left out his name. I didn’t blame her. He always acted like she was venom… Then again, she was annoying in high school. She was my girl though, and I loved her.
“Oh.” Tammy was completely bamboozled.
“It’s good to see you, Benjamin.” Katie murmured.
Oh, God.
I love it. Him being uncomfortable.
Benjamin straightened in the booth. “Yeah, you too.” Something was heating up my face, but I didn’t have to look up to know it was Benjamin’s icy glare.
My phone dinged.
Roger: How about this Saturday?
Katie leaned over. “Is it the sexy nurse?” she asked me, and I nodded.
“Nurse?” I looked up to see Benjamin wrinkling his nose with his question.
“Yeah, he talked her out of her phone number the day she went to have her cast put on,” Katie mentioned.
“Cast?” Shit. Benjamin was staring intently at me.
“Katie,” I muttered.
“What?” She was completely oblivious. I didn’t tell her that I didn’t mention the wreck to him. I did tell him about Dad trying to become sober. I just excluded the whole ordeal on how we came to his journey of soberness.
“What did you not tell me?” He sounded frustrated.
I looked up and saw his dark penetrating gaze eating me up and daring me not to tell him. “Me and Dad wrecked right after the semester ended. He fractured some ribs, and I broke an arm, no biggie.”
“No biggie.”
“Benjamin,” I met his eyes and conveyed I didn’t want to do this in front of his girlfriend or Katie. He relented.
Tammy grabbed his hand and gave me a warm smile. “I’m glad it was nothing serious. He tends to worry about you a lot.”
“I know he does.” That was one of the reasons why I didn’t tell him.
______
“Benjamin.” I swore. “Stop breathing down my damn neck.”
After a session of Benjamin ruining the mood for everyone as we ate with his typical sulky attitude when he got in one of his moods, we were at the movies. He had offered to take us to the movies when we had planned this, but now I didn’t think he wanted to. The only thing he was worried about now was getting me alone so that he could interrogate me.
“We’re discussing this later,” he muttered, blowing over my hair as we stood in line.
I glanced back with a scowl. “Will you relax?” He tightened his jaw and didn’t reply. Why was he like this with me sometimes? He acted like a brother would when his sister didn’t tell him something.
Tammy looked uncomfortable. I pulled out my phone and sent him a text:
You’re scaring your girlfriend with your attitude. Feel ashamed.
It didn’t take him long for him to pull out his phone and reply:
Fuck, Emily. You make it sound like I really am Freddy Krueger.
Me: You’re not? -_-
Benjamin: Hah. Funny.
“Are you guys texting each other?” Katie whispered in my ear. I tucked my phone back into my jeans.
“Someone has to tell him to stop sulking. He’s making everyone uncomfortable.”
She grinned. “He’s always been like that with you. Cut him some slack. He’s probably going through a hundred different scenarios in his head about the wreck, and why you didn’t tell him.”
“I know.” I peeked back at him and he was giving me space but still staring. Turning back to Katie, I asked, “Is Jared gonna be able to make it?” Jared was Katie’s boyfriend. He was going to try to join us at the movies if he got off in time. I should have felt bad for inviting Katie and him along since it was just supposed to be us three originally, but Benjamin already knew I tended to do things without asking, and no one liked being a third wheel.
“Yeah.” She smiled. “There he is actually!” She pointed toward him coming in the door.
Once he joined us, I smiled at Benjamin and said, “This is Jared.”
Yikes. He scowled in return.
_____
“Don’t just barge in my room,” I told Benjamin as I lay on my bed with the laptop open. We left the movies over an hour ago and all went home. “How did you get in the house?”
“Your dad let me in,” he told me with a frown.
“He’s still up?”
“I think he was laying down when I knocked.”
I nodded. “Where’s Tammy?”
“Asleep.”
I glanced up from the laptop. “You made her so uncomfortable today.”
He sighed. “She’s shy and not used to me when I’m—”
“Freddy Krueger?”
“I’m not that bad.”
No, he wasn’t bad at all. Just petulant and unapproachable when he was aggravated…or worried about me. That was why we dubbed his attitude “Freddy”.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the wreck?” he asked.
“Because you worry worse than a mother hen when it comes to me.”
He gave me a heated glare. “I wish you’d stop placing me as a mom. Do I look like a mother hen?”
I squinted my eyes, messing with him. “Hmm.” I finally eased up. “No, but you sure do act like one.”
“It’s not me being motherly, Emily. It’s me going fucking crazy because you make me worry so damn much.”
“Yeah, I know and it’s not healthy,” I told him.
“W-what?” He looked surprised. “Why?”
“Because I’ve become too dependent on you over the years and no girlfriend wants to see her boyfriend fretting over his friend like you do me. It makes me feel bad for her.”
He sighed and sat down on the bed. “She knows we’re nothing more than friends. And she already knows how I am…” He looked at me. “How I am with you.”
“Hmm.” I grinned. “Then maybe she’s the one for us.”
He groaned and fell back on the bed. “Don’t start with that again.”
“You wouldn’t let me live with you and your wife?” I asked him.
He was looking at the ceiling. “I’d let you live with me anytime you want.” He raised up and ran his hand through his hair before glancing at me again. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
I rolled off my belly and raised up into a sitting position. “No, because you’re already hard enough on my parents as it is.” I gave him the truth in those words.
His eyes darkened. “What the hell?” He practically growled. “Was your dad driving drunk?”
“He’s been sober since then.” I defended him.
“That doesn’t make up for driving with you,” he hissed. He was literally fuming. “He could have killed you!”
“Shh!” I warned him. “He’ll hear you.”
He stood up. “Yeah, good. I need to give him some advice.”
I grabbed his arm and yanked him down. “Stop! He knows he screwed up, but I was the one that jumped in the truck with him trying to stop him. He made a mistake, and he’s trying.” I met his eyes with my pleading ones. “Don’t. Mom’s been hard enough on him and so have I. And he’s been plenty hard on himself, but Benjamin, he stopped drinking.”
The muscles in his arms loosened in my grip. “He’s here alone all day while you work, and you’ll be gone even longer once school starts back. How do you know he’s not drinking?” I hated how Benjamin didn’t want to believe in my dad.
“Because…” I sighed. “He put me in charge of his check. He even switched it to my checking account so that I know he couldn’t touch it. He has no money on him whatsoever. I handle everything, our bills, the food, everything.”
And it was working.
Benjamin still looked upset. “I’m so fucking pissed right now, I don’t know how to shut it off,” he told me darkly.
“Don’t be.” I shook his arm and smiled. “I even make him drive me back and forth to work because it forces him to get out of the house. It forces him to want to be sober and to think it.”
“And it’s working?” Benjamin sounded disbelieving.
“It is.”
His shoulders sagged and the next moment, I was wrapped in his big arms, pressed against his warm chest. I closed my eyes and smiled, reveled in the comfort and smell that was Benjamin. He kissed my forehead and although it was the first time he ever did it, I didn’t mind. I welcomed it because I knew how much he worried about me.
I peeled my nose from his chest and leaned up and kissed his cheek. He stiffened. Our eyes met. I smiled. He frowned through obscure eyes. “Why did you kiss my cheek?” he asked me.
“You kissed my forehead,” I answered, confused. His eyes ate me up. Did I make him uncomfortable? “What?” I whispered softly. “I thought we were showing affection.”
“Friends don’t kiss cheeks for affection.”
“But you kissed my forehead.”
“You weren’t supposed to kiss me back like that… It felt intimate.”
This entire situation brought me back to the time I had kissed him on the lips when we were kids. I had stepped back and saw his face align with horror. My thoughts were completely innocent. I just wanted to kiss someone like I saw them do on TV, but for him to be less disturbed by his bestie kissing him, I lied and said I kissed three other boys before doing it to him. He was so mad after that.
“What?” I blinked at him. “I kiss my dad’s cheek now that it’s clean. And I was also your first kiss.”
“No, you stole my first kiss.”
“What are you, a girl?”
With that, he pushed me away. “So annoying.”
I touched the place on my forehead he had kissed and watched as he left. He kissed my forehead. Why couldn’t I return the affection? Hmm…
Then my eyes widened. Did an innocent kiss give him a boner? Or did I make him uncomfortable because he thought I was making a move?
Oh, God.
I didn’t know which was worse.