Dallas

My hopes of taking Willow to the fair, so she’d change her mind about staying here blew up in my face.

All because me and my dick.

All because my lack of being laid.

And the fact that she looked so delicious, so damn sexy, sitting there, that I couldn’t stop myself. I nearly lost it when I felt how wet she was for me. I wanted to prove to her that I wasn’t an asshole whose mind was on my dead wife when I slept with her. I fucked up. I’ll be the one to blame when she packs up and leaves.

We’d started to break ground, begun building something, and then my dumbass took a wrecking ball to it. My night with her had been incredible. Touching her had been incredible. What I had done that morning was fucked up and is one of my biggest regrets.

I called her Lucy.

Humiliation and stupidity crack my core.

I don’t blame her for hating my ass and keeping her distance.

Had the roles been reversed, had a woman called me another man’s name in bed, I would’ve stepped away … and most likely kicked her out of my bed.

I want to change. To be the man who can rise through the flames stronger than ever, but I can’t.

That’s why what happened tonight scares the shit out of me.

My goal at the bar had been to drink away the pain, the memories. I hadn’t been searching for someone to talk to. Nowhere in my mind was the idea of having a one-night stand. It all took a turn when Willow spoke to me. My attention was all hers as soon as we had our first drink together. I wasn’t going to leave that bar unless it was with her.

Tonight has proven it wasn’t only a drunken attraction that brought us to my bed.

That fucking terrifies me.

Maven is passed out in the backseat, exhausted from going on every ride multiple times, and Willow hasn’t said one word since we got in my truck.

Man, I wish my daughter would wake up and start rambling about random shit like she usually does. I gear my truck into park when we arrive at Willow’s apartment and unclip my seat belt to open the door for her, but she’s faster than I am.

“Well, uh … good night,” is all she says before opening the door and jumping out of the truck like it’s on fire. “You don’t need to walk me up.” She slams the door, races up the steps, and goes inside.

I shut my eyes. “Good night, Willow,” I whisper even though she can’t hear me.

I wait to pull away until I see the light come through her windows.

I get Maven changed when we get home, tuck her into bed, and start to pick up around the house. If I slack on the housecleaning, my mom comes over and not only plays maid, but detective as well. She checks the fridge to make sure we’re consuming all the food groups and goes through my mail and underwear drawer.

I grew out of letting my mom make my bed over a decade ago—the reasons different now than before. I’m not stashing porn and condoms underneath my mattress. It’s more her searching for evidence that I’m getting laid or seeing someone. She’s resorted to leaving information about online dating and schedules of all the social functions happening in town.

No fucking thank you.

I finish cleaning up the aftermath of Maven’s sleepover with her stuffed animals last night. It happens when I go into my bedroom. I tried to hide all the pictures once. Picked them up and shut them away in the attic. Ten minutes later, I returned them.

I like to see Lucy when I’m having a bad day, when I need someone to understand me, when I need to tell her about all the crazy stuff our daughter does. I grab the picture from my nightstand and trace my fingers over her wedding dress, her tan face, her blonde hair, and then her pink lips.

“You always were the best at giving advice,” I whisper, setting the frame down to twist my wedding ring. “Tell me what I should do.”

I shut my eyes and remember her last words. Lucy knew what I needed before I knew it myself.

“Find someone to love,” she demanded.

“That’s not … that’s not possible,” I whispered.

“It is. I promise you, the day will come.” I opened my mouth to argue, but she placed her finger against the crack of my lips. “You might not see it now, but it will. Your heart will make the right choice to move on with someone who loves you and Maven. Don’t be scared, my love. Give it a chance. Heal and let her help you do it.”

I kiss my fingers, press them to her picture, and turn off my lamp.

Sleep doesn’t come to me.