Dallas

I’ve been pacing the floor in my kitchen for what seems like hours. I fed Maven dinner, and she passed back out an hour ago. Her fever has gone down, which is a relief.

I’ve tried calling Willow countless times. At first, it was going straight to voice mail. It’s ringing now, but she’s not answering, so I get her voice mail again.

When my phone rings fifteen minutes later, I quickly hit the Accept button without even looking at the caller ID. “Hello?” I rush out.

“Dallas!” Lauren screeches. “You need to get to the hospital right now.”

“What?” I stutter out. “What’s going on?”

“Willow is here. They brought her in about ten minutes ago.”

My stomach drops. “How do you know? Did she call you?”

“Oh, gee, I don’t know, maybe because I work here. Get here fast, and I’ll explain everything. I’ve got to get back to my patients.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

I hang up, and my hands are shaking when I dial Hudson. “You busy?”

“Nope, just parked on the couch, watching sports and waiting for Stella to get home. You want me to come hang out with you and my sick niece?” He must’ve not heard the urgency in my voice.

“Can you come watch Maven for me?”

He catches on now. “What’s going on?”

“Lauren said Willow got admitted to the ER.”

“Fuck,” he hisses. “What for?”

“I don’t know. Lauren wouldn’t tell me over the phone.” That means, it’s not fucking good.

“I’ll be there in five, sooner if I can.”

“Thank you.”

I call Willow’s phone again. It rings. Then, voice mail. A million reasons why she’s there flash through me. If it were contractions or something small, Lauren would’ve told me to ease my mind.

Why didn’t Willow call me? Why didn’t she let me know what’s wrong with our babies? It’s just as much my information as it is hers.

Because she’s fucking selfish, and I’m fucking pissed.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, I’m pulling into the hospital parking lot. A bad taste fills my mouth as I run through the sliding glass doors. The last time I was here was when I said good-bye to Lucy.

I nearly collide with the front desk and ignore everyone standing in line, cutting straight to the front. “Willow Andrews,” I blurt out. “I’m looking for Willow Andrews. Redhead. She’s pregnant.”

The middle-aged woman stares up at me in annoyance. “You family?”

“The father of the twins she’s pregnant with. My sister is a nurse here and will vouch for me. Lauren Barnes.” Never thought I’d use that to my advantage of getting in somewhere.

The way her face falls confirms it’s not good news. She picks up the phone. “Will you please tell Nurse Barnes her brother is here?”

The doors open, and Lauren comes sprinting into the waiting room. “Dallas!” she calls out, nearly out of breath, and waves her hand. “Come with me.”

We speed-walk through the crowded hallway, and she knocks on a door before opening it. Willow is lying in the bed, tears and mascara running down her face, while the nurse checks her vitals. Her eyes are puffy from crying. She’s exhausted. Broken. Worn out. Like she’s been through hell. I’m positive I’m about to go there, too.

I rush over to her side, take her shaking hand, and slowly massage it with my thumb when she starts to cry harder.

“I don’t know what happened. I was driving down the road, and all of a sudden—” Her free hand flies to her mouth, stopping any words from exiting.

“All of a sudden what?” I ask, swallowing hard, my voice breaking, my heart breaking.

The nurse hits a few buttons on the monitor and scurries out of the room. Lauren shuts the door and leans back against it.

Willow moves her hand, so I can understand her. “All of a sudden, I got these sharp pains in my stomach.” She plays with her admittance bracelet over my hand and glances at Lauren in torture. “Can you … will you …”

Lauren takes a step forward with a pain-stricken face. “They did an ultrasound. It’s the first thing we did when the EMTs brought her in.”

My eyes pierce hers. “The EMTs. An ambulance brought you in?” I’ve already heard more than I want to, but I know it’s only going to get worse.

“There was only one heartbeat,” Willow whispers.

A knot forms into my stomach, tightening every muscle, and I gag, positive I’m about to vomit. I squeeze her hand before pulling away to sit down.

“One heartbeat? What do you mean, one heartbeat?” I ask, practically begging for the answer I want even though I’m not going to get it. “We have two babies. Twins. I saw them with my own two eyes at our ultrasound!” My lip trembles, and I lock eyes with Lauren. “Tell them to do it again.” My tone is demanding.

“I already had them do it again. They showed me ten times!” Willow cries out. “I begged them to keep doing them, so I could prove them wrong. There were two heartbeats during our last ultrasound. I swear there was!”

“There was,” I gulp out.

“They did multiple ultrasounds,” Lauren says, wiping her eyes. “Trust me when I tell you, they wouldn’t put an expecting mother through this unless they were positive about it.” She moves across the room to rest her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, but the second baby is gone.”

“The fuck you mean, the second baby is gone?”

There’s a knock on the door that gains our attention, and Lauren tells whomever it is to come in. I’ve been to too many doctor visits and had too many hospital stays with Lucy to know when a doctor is about to deliver bad news, and the doc that walks in is about to deliver some bad news. I prepare myself for the blow.

He shoves his glasses up his slender nose. “Hello, I’m Dr. Jones.” I stand up, and he holds his hand out for me to shake. “I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I’ve talked to Willow, but I wanted to come back when you arrived in case you had any further questions for me.”

“Sure do,” I reply. “Where’s my other baby?”

He doesn’t seem surprised at my aggression. No doubt, he was expecting it. “We performed an ultrasound on Willow. She immediately told us she was pregnant with twins when she was brought in, but we could only find one heartbeat. I double-checked. Another doctor did, too.” He looks over at Lauren. “Your sister did also.”

Lauren’s face falls.

“Willow experienced symptoms of a miscarriage. She lost one of the fetuses from what appears to be vanishing twin syndrome.”

She lost a baby.

One of our babies is gone.

Gone. I’m so sick of that word.

If I could set that word on fire and kill it, I would. Risk doing time. Risk going to hell. Risk anything not to hear that fucking word again.

Everything good in my life gets taken from me.

“What about the other baby? There’s a heartbeat?” I rush out.

“Yes, there is a heartbeat for the surviving fetus.”

“And everything is okay with that one?”

“So far, yes. The prognosis of the surviving twin is hopeful, but it can be more difficult since she’s in her second trimester.”

“So, what do we do now?”

“The ultrasound didn’t show any remains of the lost fetus, so we won’t have to perform any additional procedures. Again, I’m sorry for your family’s loss.” He hands me a card. “If you have any additional questions, please feel free to call anytime. Day or night.”

I grip the side of the bed from my chair and stare down at Willow when the doctor leaves. “How did this happen? Where were you?”

She hesitates before answering me, looking deflated and hugging herself. “Taking a drive.”

Lauren moves to Willow’s side to kiss her on the forehead. “I’m going to give you some privacy. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Taking a drive?” I ask. “I thought you didn’t feel well. Why were you taking a drive when you were sick?”

This stops Lauren from leaving, and she whips around to stare at me. “Dallas, none of this is Willow’s fault, so don’t you dare go there. There was nothing she could’ve done to stop the miscarriage.”

“I’m not blaming her,” I hiss.

I’m blaming myself. I’m fucking blaming everyone and everything.

“Well, you’re not convincing me of that,” Willow fires back. “Sure sounds like it.”

“All I asked was, why you were out driving in who the fuck knows where when you knew you were pregnant, and you told Stella you were sick!” I reply.

Her face lights up with anger, and she jabs a finger in my direction. “Don’t talk to me like that. Don’t you think I’m hurt about this? I lost a baby, too!”

“Okay, now, I’ll give you two some privacy,” Lauren says. She points to me before leaving. “Don’t be a dick.”

When Lauren shuts the door, I stare at it for a few seconds to calm down. Arguing with Willow isn’t going to help either one of us. It’ll only make shit worse.

“What happened?” I ask softly. “Why did you leave my house? I could’ve been there for you.”

She blows out a breath. “I needed to clear my head. Get some air.”

My voice starts to break. “Why?”

“I just did. It was all too much. Too much was happening, and I couldn’t keep up. Stella said she could watch Maven, and I needed to get out of there.”

I can tell she didn’t mean to say that last sentence.

“You needed to get out of there?” I repeat.

She nods.

“Are you going to tell me why?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

I rub my eyes to fight back the tears. “It was because of Lucy’s stuff, wasn’t it?”

“That was one of the reasons, yes.” She’s not shocked I knew what it was. She knew I’d know.

This is my fault. If I had picked up Maven myself or taken down Lucy’s stuff or told Willow to take Maven to her place, this might’ve never happened.

“Fuck. I’m sorry. It didn’t even cross my mind before I asked you.”

She shrugs. “It’s fine. She’s a part of your life. She was your wife. I get that now.”

“What do you mean, you get that now?”

“I understand the loss of someone you love. I now understand, sometimes, you can’t get over it.” She rubs her stomach as the tears fall. “I know I’ll never get over this, just like you’ll never get over Lucy. I don’t blame you for it. I’m not mad.”

“What are you saying?” I ask, simmering with fear.

Her eyes are vacant. Dull. She’s here physically, but she’s not here.

“I’m saying, we should spend some time apart.”

I feel my pulse in my throat. “Are you … are you saying you’re done with me?”

She shakes her head and rubs her forehead, like I’m stressing her out. Like it’s the last conversation she wants to have.

Me, too.

“I can’t be done with you. We’re having a baby together, but we should take a step back from everything else.”

I can’t be hearing her right. I lost Lucy. I lost one of my babies. Now, I’m losing her.

“Take a step back from the relationship we’ve been building? Take a step back from feeling happiness? Take a few steps back from making love?”

She cringes. “Don’t call it that.”

“Don’t call it what?”

Her jaw clenches in anger. “Making love. We don’t make love, Dallas, because we don’t love each other. We fuck. That’s it. You and I both know it.”

“You know that’s not true!” I grind out, fighting the urge to raise my voice. “If I were only interested in fucking someone, do you think I’d do it with the most complicated woman in the world?” I shake my head and lean in. “I do it because I’m falling in love with you. Not for a quick fuck!”

“Oh, shit!”

I stumble back at the sound of Stella’s voice and look at the doorway to find her standing there with my parents.

“Bad timing?” Stella asks regrettably, tears lining her eyes. “Sorry, I suck at knocking.”

Tears are falling down my mom’s cheeks. My dad has his fist against his mouth to fight his own hurt.

They know before even asking questions.

I stride across the room to hug my mother, rubbing her back as she lets out her hurt, and then move to my dad next. He’s not much of a hugger, but he keeps a tight hold on me, understanding my pain.

I lean back on my heels. “Will you give us a moment?”

They nod, and I’m back at Willow’s side when they’re gone. I scrub my other hand over my face and try to control my breathing. “You honestly can’t believe I’m not in love with you. I’ve been trying to show you how damn good we are together.”

Her chin trembles as she prepares herself to break my fucking heart. “I might be younger than you, but I’m not stupid, Dallas. We have fun together. We like each other. We’re attracted to each other. But your heart isn’t ready for anyone else. And my heart isn’t whole enough to give someone a piece I’m not sure I’ll get back. We were caught in the moment, moving too fast, even though we told each other in the beginning that a relationship was off the table.”

“That was before I brought you into my life, before you showed me how wonderful you were with my daughter, before you showed me what it was like to be happy again.”

She stares down at her stomach without saying another word. She said what she needed, and now, she’s done.

“So, this is it, huh? Where you want us to go? I’ve lost two people in my life that fucking meant something. No, make that three if you walk away from me.”

She keeps her head bowed and grimaces.

“Please, look at me. Goddamn it, look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want me.”

She appears almost frail while slumping down on the bed. “I understand you’re upset about our baby, but please don’t try to act like you’re hurt because I’m asking for space. We would’ve never worked because you’re not ready to open your heart to me.”

“Glad I know where I stand with us.” I push off the railing on the bed. “I need some air.”

I speed out of the hospital without stopping to talk to anyone else, get in my truck, and slam my fist against the steering wheel, taking all of my anger out on it. The pain hits me like a brick. I let the tears fall freely, and I’m certain my heart is dying in my chest.

My tears were finally starting to dry from losing Lucy.

I’m back at square one.

My life keeps falling apart.