Chapter Seventeen
Helene
Eleven Years Ago
By the time we reached my house I was nearly asleep on the bench seat of Kane’s truck. My head was next to his thigh as he drove, and I stared at the old radio in the truck’s dashboard. We were usually laughing when we were in this truck together, talking, goofing around, just being us. I hated this truck at the moment.
Kane held my hand as we walked into my silent and dark house. My parents were out of town visiting Hilde. When we entered the house, I inhaled deeply and almost threw up. I knew the smell of this world, but for some reason, it made me want to vomit at the moment. The rhythmic tick of the mantel clock in the living room sounded ominous, and even the sight of the note my mom had written me and left on the kitchen island made me want to do nothing but cry. The sight of my life was just disturbing at the moment.
Kane followed me silently down the hall to the bathroom, and I sank down to sit on the toilet when we entered. I reached over and started the bath, and Kane’s eyes shifted around as though he were contemplating saying something. There was a part of me that knew I shouldn’t bathe, and I knew he was well aware of that fact too. But then there was a part of me that didn’t want another single living soul to ever know what had happened to us. That part of me really needed Kane to be okay with that, because the thought of not washing the past two hours of my life off my skin was horrifying. I needed this bath like I needed my next breath.
How could I even begin to explain what had happened to us? How could I even put into words what that man had done to us, done to Kane, forced Kane to do to me? I couldn’t.
“Hell, we have to—” he started to say quietly.
But I ignored him as I abruptly stripped my shirt off over my head. My bra that was torn across the front hung loosely from my shoulders, and when I shrugged, it fell from my arms to settle on the toilet seat behind me. Why had I even bothered putting it back on? Kane looked away, but my brain was too dull to worry or care about my nakedness or his resulting shyness.
“Hell…”
I pushed my jeans down my legs, letting them pool at my feet, and then I sank back to sit on the toilet seat. I had no idea where my underwear were. They’d been destroyed anyway.
“Hell…” he tried again.
But then his focus caught on my legs, and he stared. I looked down. My thighs were streaked with red. Kane sank back to sit against the wall behind him, and he let his head fall to his knees as he pulled them up to his body.
I stood and started to step into the bathtub, but he grabbed the back of my calf, looking up at me. We stared at one another for a moment, and the dullness finally lifted, and my eyes filled with tears.
“Please,” I begged as I started to fall apart. I knew it was wrong. I knew he knew it was wrong too, but he closed his eyes and let go of my leg as he nodded.
I sank down to sit in the water, and it burned as it touched me between my legs. I whimpered as the pain bit into me, and I could see Kane’s head dropping to stare at the floor out of my periphery. He was shaking his head as if he didn’t believe what was happening.
“I have to go see my dad,” he choked out, clearing his throat. “He’s gonna be pissed it’s so late. I’ll talk to him—” But that statement dropped off, and he took a deep breath, shaking his head again. I didn’t envy Kane having to go home to his father right now.
“You don’t have to go.” My voice sounded dead. “You can stay here.”
He actually smirked for a second. “That’ll just make it worse when I do go home.” He went silent again.
I pulled my knees up just the way Kane was sitting on the floor next to the bathtub and next to me. I hugged my knees and looked toward the wall, staring at it.
“Do you want me to come back after he’s asleep?”
I turned my head to look at him, resting my cheek to the top of my knees. I nodded. “Yes,” I whispered.
“I’ll come back, and we’ll figure it out. Okay? I’ll come back.”
I nodded again, but my eyes were swimming in tears, and I couldn’t seem to focus on anything.
“Hey,” he said when I looked away from him. “We’re going to be okay. Remember? We’re going to be okay.”
I nodded. I couldn’t seem to muster more of a response than that. I turned to face the wall again, and I listened to him sigh. I heard him rise, and then the bathroom door closed behind him as he left.