Chapter 23

EVAN walked out of the lecture hall feeling utterly defeated. It was his last midterm and he was sure he had failed. In fact, he hadn’t recognized any of the material on the exam. Knowing he had failed didn’t make him feel any worse, though. Hitting rock bottom will do that to you.

He mounted the stairs to the bus in a daze, swiping his metro card on autopilot and slumping down in a seat near the back. Everyone else was blocked out as he thought about what he was going to do next. He could get a job and live with Colt until he got sick of Evan too.

He closed his eyes, trying to make everything disappear. The bus ride was only a few minutes. Truthfully, he could have walked the distance home, but felt too weary to summon the energy required.

He got off the bus at his stop, making his way toward the house he and Colt shared. He didn’t know what he would have done without Colt for the past few months. He was his lifeline.

He rounded the corner, surprised to see a strange car in their driveway. Colt hadn’t mentioned having anyone over, had he? Maybe he had and Evan had just forgotten. He did that a lot. Forgot things that Colt had told him. Like to eat lunch. Or study.

He pushed the door open and stepped into the house, expecting to be mauled by Snickers, Colt’s new puppy.

“Colt, whose car—”

He stopped short when he saw who was sitting on his couch.

“Evan….”

The oh-so-familiar voice called his name, wrapping around him like a blanket, soothing and welcoming, until the realization of who that voice belonged to ripped him open, left him raw.

Evan backed up until he hit the wall, realizing he was trapped, that there was nowhere to go. He glared at Colt with a look of hatred and betrayal.

Colt rose from the chair and walked toward Evan. He pulled him into a hug and whispered against his ear. “Just hear him out, Evan. I would never have let him in the house if I thought he was going to hurt you again. I would never do that.

“I, uh, I have to go out for a bit. Promised I would meet up with Liam for dinner. I’ll see you guys later.” Colt turned to Bran as he opened the front door. “Remember what I said.” And with that, he was gone, leaving Evan and Bran alone in the living room.

Evan’s eyes narrowed to slits, wary and calculating. “What did he say?”

“He said that if I hurt you again, he would cut off my balls with rusty pruning shears and feed them to me.”

“You’re willing to risk that?”

“Yes.” Bran nodded doubtlessly.

“Why?”

“Because I love you.”

“What?”

“I said, I love you. I love you, Ev.”

Evan didn’t know how many times he had fantasized about this very scenario, that Bran would show up out of the blue and declare his undying love for him. Now that it was actually happening, the only thing Evan felt was fury.

“Fuck you,” he spat out with as much venom as he could muster.

“I suppose I deserve that,” Bran acceded.

“You don’t deserve anything from me. Ever. Fuck you. You think you can just waltz in here, ply me with pretty words and everything will be okay? You show up here after almost five months without a word and expect me to what, come rushing into your arms? Drop to my knees to suck your dick? I don’t think so. So let me say it again. Fuck. You.”

Bran stood, unflinching as Evan unloaded everything on him: all the anger, hatred, and ferocity that had been building for the last five months.

“I know that, Evan. I don’t expect anything from you. I admit that I am here for selfish reasons. I couldn’t live knowing you thought I didn’t love you. I’ve loved you from the start; you’re everything to me and I fucked it up. My letting you go had nothing to do with who you are or my feelings for you. I’m bad for you, Ev. Your life would be different with me. Harder. I didn’t want that for you. You are so young, so full of promise and possibilities, and I thought that you being with me would squash that. I couldn’t let you end up like I did. I just needed you to know that you’re perfect, amazing, the best person I know, and that I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone. That’s why I let you go. Because I love you too much and I didn’t want to be the reason that light leaves your eyes.”

“Don’t you think that I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions about my life?” Evan spat, heavy emphasis falling on his words.

“Of course you are. I’m here because I can’t be away from you any longer. So I leave the choice to you.”

Bran walked over to the side table, picking up the glass globe that Evan thought he’d never see again and handing it to Evan.

“I brought this back for you,” Bran said. “It reminds me of you. So fragile and perfect, but withstanding everything life has thrown at you to come out the other side just as perfect. You deserve happiness, and although I may not be the one to give that to you, I honestly hope you find the person who can.”

Evan couldn’t take any more, couldn’t listen to another word. He launched himself across the room and slapped Bran as hard as he could across his already swollen face. The floodgates opened and he began to cry, hot salty tears that carried away all the pain and loathing that had built inside him since that night. He hit Bran again, beating with his fists against his chest, over and over until the fire had gone out of him. He collapsed against Bran, snuffling like a child against his chest.

Bran wrapped his arms around him, cradling him close, whispering, and shushing him as he cried. He cried until there was nothing left, and he was empty. Through it all, Bran still held on.

They slunk to the floor together, Evan enveloped by Bran and resting soundly in his lap. Bran rocked him and held him tightly.

“I don’t want to love you,” Evan protested feebly.

“I know, Sweets.”

“I want to hate you.”

“I know.”

“What took you so long?”

“I was broken too. Totally lost without you, Ev. I was sinking and needed someone to pull me out. Les did that for me, but I couldn’t show up here broken and ask you to be mine. I needed to take care of some things before I came.”

“And now?”

“And now I’m here. I quit Sonic Street and I have a new job, a job that I am proud to be a part of. A huge part of my choice to take that job was you. I wanted to do something that would make you proud of me, and Les helped me find that. With the job comes the freedom to live anywhere in the country. I didn’t want to close the door on the possibility of being with you. And whatever that means for us, I promise I will learn to live with it. If you want me too, I’m here, and I won’t leave you. If you never want to see me again, I will respect what it is you want.”

Evan was completely overwhelmed. His head was foggy with everything that had just happened. The tears had made everything fuzzy around the edges, and being this close to Bran had the world tilting on its axis. His heart and his head were telling him the same thing, but he was hesitant of getting hurt again.

He had let his guard down with this man before, let himself be totally exposed. If Evan let himself feel for Bran again and the rug was ripped from beneath him, he wouldn’t survive it, and he couldn’t ask Colt to put him back together again. Even their friendship had its limits.

“You know, we could have avoided all of this if you’d just been honest with me in the first place,” Evan said.

Bran’s head dropped, his posture looking defeated. “I know. I’ll regret every day that I spent away from you. All I can do now is promise that I won’t keep the way I feel from you ever again.”

In the end, the choice was an easy one. If he let himself fall, and he landed on his face, it would kill him. But dying could be a better solution than living the way he was now. If he were honest with himself, he was already living like a dead man. He was a ghost of who he used to be, and if there was a chance, even a sliver of a chance that he could be happy again, and happy with Bran, he should take it. Love, without trust, was nothing. In the end, it was just that simple. He loved Bran. He did. So he would have to trust that Bran was telling the truth and he wouldn’t get hurt again.

“Okay” was all he said.

“Okay?”

Bran pulled back so he could see Evan’s eyes. They were swollen and watery from crying, but Evan knew what Bran would see there. Without the hurt and bitterness and betrayal, all that was left was love.

Evan nodded. “I love you too.”

Bran kissed him then, a scorching assault that lasted until they were both out of breath.

“I’m never letting you go. I’m keeping you, Sweets. You’re mine. For always.”

Evan nodded once more, not trusting himself to say anything without bursting into tears for a second time.

“I can’t leave you again, Ev. I want to give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I want to make a home with you, build a life with you, be a family with you.”

Evan’s head was reeling. It had been the most eventful afternoon of his life. His whole world had been tilted upside down in a matter of minutes. It was going to take some time to process.

For now, all he needed to understand was that there, locked in Bran’s arms, was exactly where he needed to be; he was already home.