Fifteen
Julia
“Will you please stop looking at me like that?” I snapped. After enduring Lacey’s judgmental glare for nearly twenty minutes I was ready to be rid of her for the night.
“Like what?” Lacey asked. Fake innocence dripped from her lips.
“Like I just killed your puppy,” I said with a glare of my own.
“I just don’t understand why you’re doing this,” Lacey said with a shake of her head.
“Well, you don’t have to,” I said.
“Julia…” Lacey began. She slowly got off the bed and walked over to me. I stood in front of the vanity mirror, teasing my curls and adding finishing touches to my makeup. Lacey stood behind me and watched me work. She didn’t speak. I pretended like I didn’t see her standing there until it became too much to stand.
“What?” I snapped, finally turning around to face her. My stance must have been a defensive one because Lacey immediately took two steps backward.
“Retract the claws, okay?” Lacey said. She held her hands up in a surrendering gesture. “I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“I’m not getting myself into anything,” I argued. “It’s dinner. With an old friend.”
“He’s not just an old friend,” Lacey said. “And you know that.”
“Of course, I know that,” I told her. For the first time all evening, I let my confidence slip away. My head sagged and I stared at my feet which were crammed into high heels a size too small. I hated how easily it was for me to become emotional. In New York, I was strong. I didn’t allow any weakness to seep through. In Mountain Creek, though? It was like everyone and everything could see straight down to my raw, vulnerable soul. I was exposed and no one knew that better than my sister.
“Talk to me,” Lacey said softly.
“These shoes are too small,” I complained.
“Yeah, well, they’re all I have,” Lacey shrugged. “Maybe you should have brought your own if you intended to date while you’re in town. Seriously, Julia…”
“Don’t,” I told her. My head popped back up and my eyes narrowed warningly. “Lacey, it’s not your life. It’s not your business.”
“The hell it’s not!” Lacey’s face turned red in a flash. “Who took care of you when he bailed? Who was there, in the hospital, the day…”
I shot Lacey a look that was more than a warning. She was treading on extremely dangerous ground and she knew it. Her mouth shut and her face softened slightly. Of all the things I knew about my sister, her protective instinct was the most prominent. When she felt I was heading down the wrong path, she couldn’t help but voice her opinions. Even when they were the last thing I needed or wanted to hear.
“I know you’re worried, okay?” I told her. I tried to keep my voice even and calm, but it was trembling with annoyance. Gently, I reach my hand out and took hers. I squeezed it and said, “I understand. And you know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the years. You, more than anyone, have stood by me and I love you for it. I really do, Lace. I can’t explain to you how I’m feeling right now. Everything with Kellan feels so uncertain and unfinished. Despite everything, I don’t think I ever truly got closure from him. I need to go tonight, okay? And right now, you need to back off. Please.”
Lacey opened her mouth to argue, but she closed it almost as fast. With a sigh, she took a step forward and engulfed me in a bone crushing hug. She held me so tightly I thought I was going to suffocate, but I didn’t pull away. I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around her waist. I let her hold me as she silently told me I was stronger than I had ever been before. As my big sister, Lacey had seen me at my lowest points in life. She, more than anyone, knew the progress I had made over those last five years. Deep down, I knew her worry stemmed from her desire to keep me on my chosen path. She didn’t want anything derailing the life I had created for myself. Especially not Kellan.
“It’s okay to be scared,” she whispered in my ear.
I wouldn’t admit it, but Lacey was right. I was terrified of what my dinner with Kellan might mean. Our talk in town went well. Better than I ever imagined. But, that still didn’t change our history. There was so much between Kellan and me, so much pain and heartache. I knew one dinner could never erase all that, but a part of me hoped it might be a start. At least, a step in the right direction.
“Are you going to tell him?” Lacey asked. Her voice was low, soft. I knew she was trying not to upset me again.
I sighed and pulled away from her. I sunk onto the bed and adjusted the heels on my feet into a more comfortable position. Lacey waited patiently for my answer, but we both knew I didn’t have one.
“Maybe he should know,” Lacey said. “Lillian isn’t a baby anymo…”
“I know,” I said quickly. I didn’t know if I could handle talking about Lillian right then. “And honestly, I don’t know what I will or won’t tell him. I don’t think I’ll know until I’m there.”
“That’s fair,” Lacey nodded. “And it’s ultimately your decision, but be careful. Once you tell him, you can never take it back. He’ll know. Forever.”
I nodded and gave her another quick hug before grabbing my purse. I hurried from the door without a backward glance. Lacey’s words still ringing in my ears.