I ease myself into Mary Jane and press my cell to my ear, settling in to speak to Derrick. I’ve been trying to reach him and the others for days, but didn’t get a call back. Until now.

“Derrick, man, how are you doing? Where in the world are you?”

Derrick is twenty-four and a real daredevil at heart. He leads a reckless lifestyle, a thrill junkie whose idea of a good time is jumping out of planes, cliff diving, and racing stock cars for fun. It’s a lifestyle Lance doesn’t approve of and that’s why the two don’t get along. It’s hard to find Derrick in one place for long. I guess we’re alike in that sense. But when he misses home, he can be found in New York where his fitness studio businesses are based.

“Sydney, baby, soaking up the sun. How’s everything on that end?” His tone is relaxed. I imagine him to be sitting on the beach, drinking beer with a surfboard on one side and a skinny model on the other. Derrick loves women, but he’d ditch them in an instant for the adventure of a lifetime. Last time we talked, several weeks ago, he’d been sandboarding on the Namibian coast. When Derrick travels, he does it right. He has a way of leaving his troubles behind, entering each new place with a clean slate, hungry for an adventure. He lives his life to the max instead of wasting time worrying.

“How about you?” he asks. “How’s life on that end?”

“Nothing new here. Just me doing my usual thing.”

“You live a boring life, bro. You should travel with me sometime. I’ll show you what life is all about.”

“That’s not going to happen. I value my life too much. I wouldn’t want to end up dead or in a wheelchair—” The moment the words leave my mouth, I cringe.

“Like Lance,” Derrick continues in a low voice. “When will you stop beating yourself up about that? What happened, happened. If you can’t turn back the clock, you move forward.”

I draw in a deep breath, my eyes fixed on the ocean in front of me. There’s a small boat on the water being swayed from side to side by the wind. But just as it looks as if it’s about to tip, it straightens itself at the last minute. I look up when I hear the sound of a helicopter overhead, reminding me of Derrick.

“So what else is new? And why haven’t you responded to my emails?” I ask.

“It was a little hard to do that in the middle of the desert, but I read them and I agree with you and Neal about being there for Lance before the surgery. We have to help him stay positive.”

“We need to make a plan to all get together sometime soon.”

“That’s why I’m calling.” Derrick coughs. “Sorry, the beer went in the wrong direction. Anyway, I spoke to Neal last night, and he suggested we all meet in Cabo for a party. It’s been awhile since we had one of those. I return to the US in two days.”

“That’s a fantastic idea. Tell you what, the cruise has a two-day stopover in Cabo in about a week’s time. I was thinking of going to see Lance anyway. Should we arrange it for around that time?”

“Already done.” Derrick pauses and I hear him whisper to somebody. “Neal looked up your cruise schedule online. We’ll all be there on Friday. We can have the party on Saturday, the day you arrive. Everything is already booked, the catering, the music, the ladies.”

“Sounds good to me.” Derrick has always been one to leave things until the last minute, the kind of person who decides he wants to go to Beijing the day before he boards the plane. I’m surprised he has already arranged everything in advance. Looks like my little brother is all grown up.

Seeing my brothers all in one place is always bittersweet. I look at them all and always remember how it used to be when Lance was healthy. It leaves my heart in pieces every time.

“It should be fun, as long as Lance doesn’t get on my nerves again. The preaching is getting old.”

“You have to understand him.” I rest my elbow on the armrest of the chair.

“He worries too much,” Derrick huffs. “So do you, by the way. But I’m not getting into that right now.” He pauses. “Got to go. Watch your mailbox for the details. See you in Cabo, baby.”

We hang up, and I lean my head back, eyes closed. Grace’s face flashes behind my lids, and something inside me unfurls.

At this moment we’re at a stopover in Acapulco and I intend to take Grace hiking to my favorite landmarks. I might even show her some secret ancient ruins, the perfect setting for a little alfresco sex.

* * *

“What was your favorite attraction so far?” I ask Grace as we step into my favorite ruins.

The charm of the surrounding mountain terrain and secret markings on the stones baking in the hot sun, have nothing on the view of Grace’s ass in her camel capris.

“La Quebrada for sure, but it was too packed with tourists.” She makes a half turn. “How did you find this place? I love the silence here. It’s so peaceful. I can hear myself think.”

I take a gulp of warm water from the bottle and hand it to her. “It was by chance, a couple of months ago. I’m glad you like it. I like to come here when life gets a little crazy.”

“I can see why. May I ask how many ladies you already brought here?” She gives me a cheeky grin. Her expression is teasing, but it makes my stomach ache. I love that she doesn’t try to hide the fact I’ve had many lovers, that she feel safe enough to talk to me about uncomfortable topics, but for the first time, I’m a little uneasy.

I suck in the warm dusty air. “You might not believe this, but you’re actually the first woman I’ve brought here . . . to these ruins.”

“Well, I’m honored.” She comes closer to me and her lips find mine. Where’s the girl that had been so shy and unsure of herself? The Grace I know these days is not afraid to make the first move, to take control. And it’s all because I showed her how worthy she is, with a little compliment here and there. “You’re my first in many ways,” she says.

I don’t tell her she is my first in many ways too. She can never know about the conflicts raging within my heart. We’ll have to have that heart-to-heart talk at some point, one that will for sure end in tears, her tears. Whichever way I look at it, someone is going to get hurt. At this moment, I don’t want to see tears on her cheeks. I want us to have fun.

“Do me a favor, will you?” I nibble her bottom lip. “Remove your clothes.”

“You’re kidding, right?” She looks up at me with wide eyes, her pupils so dark they look almost black, the same look she gives me when she comes. She wants me as much as I want her right now.

“Not kidding.” I look past her shoulder and return my gaze to hers. “There’s nobody here to see what we’re up to. Let’s not waste this opportunity. What do you think?”

“I think,” she moistens her lips and unravels the cord of her pants, “I think it’s time these clothes came off. Yours too.”

I don’t need to be told twice. “Anything you say, ma’am.” I unzip my pants and let them slide to the dusty ground. I reach for Grace, who also doesn’t have any pants on, press her against the nearest boulder. I reach for her hand and push it between us. I want her to feel how much she turns me on. She does it every time. We’ve had sex so many times, in many exciting positions and I can’t get enough of her.

I remove the condom from my wallet and she takes it from me. Her eyes don’t leave my face as she opens it and rolls it carefully down my shaft. Cute moaning sounds come from her as her fingers curl around my sheathed dick, and mine push her panties aside, sliding a finger into the slick, hot spot between her legs. She’s so incredibly sexy I can’t wait to be inside her. I wrap my hands around her upper thighs and lift her off the ground.

With a deep-throated groan, I thrust into her pussy and she gasps out a profanity. The only time she says such words is when she’s completely lost to lust.

“Fuck me, Bryant. Give it to me. All of it.” Her face is buried in the place between my neck and shoulder, her teeth grazing my skin. If she bites me right now, I wouldn’t even mind.

It doesn’t take long for me to reach the peak of desire but I don’t want to end it. I want to be inside her for a little longer. I want her to come before me. So, I withdraw completely, and tease her entrance with the tip of my cock.

She tries to pull me back inside, but I resist, enjoying the tease way too much. She glances down my shaft, and I know what she’s thinking. She wants to wrap her warm lips around it. I’m desperate for that too, especially since she’s gotten so good at it, but not here. As secluded as this place is, it isn’t completely private. Anyone can show up at any time. The fear of getting caught while having sex in public is thrilling, but actually getting caught not so much. I wouldn’t want to put Grace in that position, to turn her off public sex.

I push back into her, eliciting small moans from her lips, which encourage me to drive deeper and slam hard into her. Her nails are digging into the skin of my back, her head rolling to one side as though she’s high on something. I use one hand to hold her lower body against me, and the other to be the barrier between her and the rough boulder.

“It feels so good, Bryant. You feel me up so good. Oh God, you—you—” She screams out as her orgasm captures her. I follow right behind her, crumbling with her. My heart crashes against my ribs.

After it’s over, I don’t let her go. I hold her for a while longer as we catch our breaths together. She’s the one who eventually straightens up, lowering her feet to the ground.

What the hell is wrong with me? Since when do I feel the need to cuddle? I can’t do this. I can’t fall. If I do, the guilt will eat me up alive, when I see Lance in a few days.

“Should we get back to the ship?” Grace picks up her pants from the ground and gets dressed. “Or can I tempt you to lunch first? Nothing fancy, just some junk food. A few slices of pizza maybe and a Coke?” She laughs. “Don’t worry about the money. It’s my treat.”

“In that case,” I laugh. “Sure, I’d love some pizza and sugary Coke.” With Grace, I’d eat and drink anything. She’s incredibly refreshing, so unlike many women I’ve been with before. I’m learning from her as much as she’s learning from me. I’m teaching her to fly and she’s teaching me to live.

I get dressed and pick up her backpack, hand it to her. “Let’s get out of here.” As we walk away, I know this place, these ruins will never be the same to me again. As I leave them behind, I know I’ll never come back. This place no longer belongs to me alone, it belongs to me and Grace and it’s only a matter of time before she’s out of my life.

As we walk side-by-side, I flinch when she reaches for my hand, but I don’t pull away. I want to, but I’m completely numb. What’s the harm in a little handholding anyway? It will all be over soon, the struggle of wanting to distance myself from her. Once she is gone, everything will be the same again. There are many other women to help me forget her.

“I can’t wait for the next stop over,” Grace says, tightening her grip around my hand. “I can’t wait to see what other things you can show me.”

“Cabo, I think.” My chest tightens with the need to tell her more about me, about my family, the tragedies of the past. But I’m afraid she’ll never look at me the same way again. Why spoil a good moment? And besides, why should I tell her? She’s not in my life to stay.

“I can’t wait to see all the places you’ve been to,” she continues. “You’re an awesome tour guide.”

The only answer I give her is a squeeze of the hand. I can’t tell her yet that I won’t be around to experience Cabo with her.