I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing my pajamas.

I never planned on sleeping immediately. I wanted to be alone, to do some thinking. I meant what I said to Bryant. As much as I’m addicted to the way he makes me feel, I think we’ve reached the point where we have to get used to the idea of not being in each other’s lives or beds.

The events of the evening were the push I needed to make the difficult decision of letting him go. It would hurt more if he told me to leave than if I broke things off with him first. Or would it?

I’m pacing the room, an hour after Bryant and I parted, when my phone rings. I glare at my mother’s name flashing on the small screen.

As usual, she has called several times already today. My temper is a ball inside my chest as I press the green button to answer.

“Mom, if you want to talk about Dustin, now is a bad time.”

“What happened to you?” She reprimands. “I don’t like what being on that cruise has turned you into. Talking to your mother like she’s some kind of pest.”

“Can you please not get into what a disobedient daughter I am? The reason I said what I said is because I know why you’re calling. And before you force me to help Dustin, I haven’t changed my mind.” I sit back on the bed and close my eyes, exhaustion clouding my brain. “If you think he’s innocent, maybe you should help him.”

“Grace, why are you being so unkind?”

“Mother, I’m just being honest. And while we’re on the topic of honesty, I want you to know that you hurt me when you called me a whore.” She should be grateful that I even answered her call after our last conversation.

“I don’t know another word for women who go around sleeping with random men.” He breathing deepens. “But darling, it’s not too late. Once you get back home, you can ask God for forgiveness. You can repent after that wild adventure you’re on.”

“Repent?” I can’t stop the laughter spilling from my lips. “Why? I don’t feel bad about what I’m doing.”

“Things might seem different from where you are right now. But you have to come back to reality eventually. Your life is here. You can pick up where you left off, sort things out with your husband—”

I jump from the bed, the palm of my hand on my forehead. That’s the last straw. “If you still believe Dustin and I are going to get back together, you’re wrong. You want to know the truth of why we got a divorce? Well, Dustin only married me because I was a virgin. He thought sleeping with a virgin would be something earth-shattering.” I swallow the ball of hurt inside my throat. “Turns out, it wasn’t as he’d imagined it. He thought I’d be the kind of girl he saw in porn movies. We ended our marriage because Dustin thought I was a failure in bed. I deserve better than to be married to that kind of man.” By the time I’m done setting things straight, my cheeks are flushed with the humiliation I’d felt the night of my wedding.

“Goodness. . . I—surely you misunderstood him.” It’s the first time I’ve ever heard my mother lost for words.

“I wish I did, but no, we had a full conversation about it. Everything he said was crystal clear.” I draw in a breath. “He didn’t want me, Mom. And I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors. As soon as our marriage ended, he started sleeping his way through town. I don’t know whether he did something to that girl, but who knows?”

“You’ll still come back home, won’t you?” My mother is not strong on apologies, but I can hear the tears in her voice. I’ve obliterated her hopes for my future. “I’m sure you’ll find another good man here.”

“I already have. His name is Bryant and he’s a wonderful man. He’s kind and loving, and he rebuilt my confidence after Dustin broke it. Bryant is the kind of man I want to be with.” Tears block my throat as the truth of my words hits me.

Bryant is not interested in a long-term relationship, but that does not change how I feel about him.

“But I don’t know him,” my mother says in her disapproving voice. “Does he even believe in God? It’s not right for you to be with someone I haven’t even met.”

I blow my nose and flop onto the pillows. “I can be with any man I choose. It’s time you get used to the fact that I’m an adult now. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions.” I crumple the tissue I used to blow my nose. “If Bryant happens to be a mistake, he’ll be my mistake.” I catch my breath. “Let go, Mom. Let me live my life.” I stop talking but don’t hang up on her this time. I give her a chance to digest what I said.

“Dustin lied to me?” Her voice breaks all the way down the line. “He said you were the one who hurt him. Did you voluntarily walk away from your marriage?”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you. I was disappointed too. I only intended to get married once. Unfortunately, things don’t always turn out the way we want them to. If you don’t believe what I told you, ask him. Maybe he’ll tell you the truth this time.”

“You think he did it? You think he did something to the girl?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “But I won’t be the person to dig him out of the hole he dug himself.”

“Okay,” my mother murmurs. “I understand. And I’m sorry—” She draws in a breath. “I’m sorry for suggesting you should help him. I had no idea. I never thought he was that type of man.”

“Mom, did you just say you’re sorry?” I sit up in surprise. “You’ve never apologized to me before.”

“Maybe I’m growing up.” She laughs but traces of disappointment still linger in her voice.

“In that case, you’re forgiven. I should’ve told you the truth in the first place.”

“And I shouldn’t have called you a . . . a . . .” She sighs. “I was angry and disappointed.”

“A whore?” I let out a bittersweet laugh. “I didn’t even know you had such words in your vocabulary. But it’s okay, we sometimes say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment.”

“I just want my little girl to be happy, you know? That’s why I made so many decisions for you. I thought I could prevent you from getting hurt the way I was.” She pauses. “But you’re right, it’s your life. If my interference makes you unhappy, maybe it’s time I stop. I never wanted to be the reason for your unhappiness, baby.”

“I know. Thanks, Mom.” They say everything happens for a reason. Maybe the reason for my disastrous marriage was so I could get closer to my mom. “And don’t worry,” I add, “I will introduce you to my future husband before I get married again. I won’t elope or something like that.”

“Thank you, darling. I’ll be ready to meet him.” She blows her nose.

A piece of my heart goes out to her. It’s a big step for her to let go of the control over my life. Habits are a hard thing to break.

“Come home soon, Gracie. I miss you too much.”

“I will. I’ll call you again tomorrow.”

After we hang up, I sit rigid on the bed, stunned by what had happened. There’s no way I could’ve predicted our conversation would end the way it did, that my mother and I would make amends, that she would give me her blessing to live my life as I please.

Now that I’m free to be my own person, my thoughts return to Bryant. There’s no denying how much I feel for him, how much I want to be a part of his life for longer than a few weeks.

But I don’t have the heart or courage to break our agreement, to possibly open myself up to major heartbreak. But if I walk away without a word, I might regret it for the rest of my life.

With Bryant still on my mind, I slide under the sheets. As I fall asleep, I imagine his hands touching me, his lips on mine, the warmth of his breath on my skin.

My heart and body tell me Bryant could be the man I’ve been waiting for all my life. Whether I choose to do something about it or not, would not change that fact.